Cat and Mouse
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: James is in love with Lily. Someone else wants James. Sarah's in love with Remus. Remus and Peter are in love with Amy. Sirius is in love with a new girl every week. And Amy, poor Amy McAuley, had the misfortune to be madly in love with Sirius Black. Games and manoevering could leave to love and happiness or heartache and disaster. Who wins? Who loses? SB/OC, LE/JP, RL/OC
1. Cat and Mouse

**A/N: All right, my faithful readers are going to say, "Really, Charlotte? You've started another one when you've got dozens unfinished?" Don't worry, guys, I'll finish them. If you've noticed, I've been quiet this summer. School was a big wake-up call this year, and I'm working on my focusing powers. I've been putting the vast majority of energy into my novella (on its third draft!) and novels, but my work w/ **_**xyellowconverse**_** has been moving forward at its typical pace and your reviews/alerts/messages/etc. are still the best way to give me a kick in the butt on a story you're wanting me to update! If there's no interest, I don't feel as urgent about it. I had this story in a dream the other night and I've spent all day outlining all 31 chapters, so if all goes well it'll be quick and over by the end of the summer! Wish me luck! I've even got plans for a sequel. First chapter is in Amy's POV.**

** -C**

** A/N UPDATE: Faithful readers, a lot has happened from when I started this chapter a year ago, including the conclusion of my story with **_**xyellowconverse**_**, which we are working on turning into a novel. My novella has been published, called **_**Those We Trust**_**, and can be found in paperback on Amazon and online anywhere ebooks are sold online. If you have questions, you can PM me. I've also outlined not only the sequel, but the third part as well. Enjoy!**

** -C**

Sirius was glad it was over. It wasn't that Susan hadn't been a nice girl, but there were plenty of nice girls. There wasn't anything special about her. He needed someone special, someone spectacular. He needed…

"Hey, McKinnon!" he called to Marlene McKinnon, Lily Evans's best friend, who was by the window, studying. "Is Amy upstairs?"

"I guess so," she said with a shrug.

He grinned.

"Can you do me a favor and fetch her for me, then?"

Marlene glared at him, but she got up, went up the girls' staircase, and came back down several minutes later with her roommate, Sirius's friend, Amy McAuley.

/-/

I sighed when Sirius grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me upstairs. The jealous glares of many of the girls in the common room were ironic. They didn't really want to be me, but they certainly thought they did. I don't know what they thought I was doing in the Marauder's dormitory, but reality was certainly far less glamorous than whatever they had in mind.

I settled next to Remus on his bed because it was closest to the door and said, "How did you break it to Susan?"

Sirius shrugged and said, "The truth. I told her she's a great girl, but there wasn't any chemistry. She took it pretty well, I guess. It could have gone a lot worse."

Oh, I remembered. I always got dragged into Sirius's sordid love affairs. Usually, he didn't date girls who were half as nice as Susan Snow, and there was some ugly, public fight when it was all said and done and I had to defend him for weeks on end afterward for breaking another heart. Technically, I didn't have to, it wasn't my job, but as his friend I felt obligated to.

How I'd gotten stuck with the Marauders was anyone's guess. I'd made friends with Sirius and James quite early on, but I'd gotten closer to Remus than I was to James over the years, and in our seventh year even though James had cleaned up his act considerably and been appointed the supposed honor of Head Boy, I still went to Remus if I needed actual advice, knowing Sirius and James weren't hardly good for any.

Being friends with the Marauders had defined my life, as such situations often did, but they weren't the full extent of my life. In fact, my best friend and roommate, Sarah Kelly, really had little to do with the Marauders, for as explicable reasons as my own for being friends with them. It was just one of those things. They liked her fine, she liked them fine. It just never clicked as obviously.

There were things that kept the clicking from occurring, like her debilitating crush on Remus, but I didn't think it was the full story, adorable of a story though it was.

Certainly, being friends with Sirius and James had made life difficult in my dormitory. Lily Evans refused to speak to me very early on, and then it just became this ugly division between Lily and her best friend Marlene McKinnon, and Sarah, our friend Vanessa Brown, and me. There was an imaginary line in the midst of our dormitory that we didn't cross or Lily went a bit crazy.

Sarah, like me, had a very large family. Unlike my family, she had some brothers, and they were all equally capable of being their parent's pride and joy. She was pretty enough, although in a plain sort of way, and she was truly one of the sweetest, most tolerant people I'd met, judging by how she'd stood by me so long against Lily Evans, the queen bee of Hogwarts, in spite of her general lack of affection for James and Sirius, or perhaps because of her incredible affinity for Remus. Whatever the reason, I was grateful.

Vanessa was a stunning, pureblooded beauty from a reasonably old family that didn't have the good fortune of being particularly wealthy… anymore. A lot of the old families had lost a lot of gold as the generations went on. She would have been snobby, and honestly she had a bit of a thing for rich heirs to the wealthier family fortunes, but I'd never really thought of her as stuck-up. I did know, however, that one didn't want to be on her bad side, especially when it had to do with a boy. She'd dated Fabian Prewett in third year, when he'd been the best she'd been able to scrounge because he was an older pureblood, even if he was poor, and it would get her noticed, and the drama that surrounded that breakup the likes of Hogwarts had never seen prior or hence.

But the fact of the matter had nothing to do with Sarah, Vanessa, or Lily Evans. What was going on had to do with Sirius Black and his very obvious desire to find a replacement for the less-than ideal Susan Snow. Somehow, it was always my job to help. I hated it, but I did it with a smile.

"I need somebody else," Sirius said. "If I don't find somebody the vultures will get me."

That was a fairly true statement. The girls who obsessed over Sirius since he'd run away from home had decreased in number, but not ferocity. After all, he was still the most attractive bloke in England. Or at least, the most attractive bloke at Hogwarts, since that was all that could be reasonably proven.

"Hope Shapiro," Remus suggested. Sirius gave me a questioning look.

"Hufflepuff," I supplied. "Seventh year. Prefect–"

"Out."

"What about Melissa Benson?" Peter squeaked.

"Gryffindor," I sighed. "Fifth year. Blonde. Captain of the Gobstones team–"

"No thank you," Sirius said, wrinkling up his nose.

"Megan Miller's all right," James suggested.

"Captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team?" Sirius hissed. "Yeah, only if I want a Bludger to my head if I ever get in a fight with her. She runs that team like the Italian mafia!"

"Rose Sheppard," I suggested. "Hufflepuff, sixth year, redhead. She's pretty enough, I suppose. Very nice girl."

"She's also got a gap in her teeth," James pointed out.

"And she's failing Charms," Remus offered. "She's always in for tutoring."

"That's because she's got a crush on Gregory Bones," Peter squeaked. "I heard her discussing it with her friend Emma."

"Not her, then," Sirius sighed. He looked through the pictures of our shenanigans in the Gryffindor common room. "What about her?" he asked, circling a pretty young blonde in red and tossing me the photograph. She was certainly his type.

"Mallory McGrath," I sighed. "She's a fourth year."

"Nope, out of range, then," Sirius moaned.

"Lauren Wong," Remus said half-heartedly.

"No!" Sirius groaned. "She's a nerd."

"She's very pretty," I reminded him.

"And her parents will be expecting me to marry her if I date her and I'm not making that sort of a commitment, thank you," Sirius hissed. We laughed.

"Lucy Griffiths."

"I said no Ravenclaw Quidditch players, James!"

"What, they're shapely birds!"

"No!"

"Ashley Carroll is Lucy's friend, she's a lot nicer."

"She's a Prefect, Pete," I sighed. "She's no dice."

"Hannah Galvin," Remus suggested.

I laughed.

"What is it with you and Hufflepuffs, Remus?"

He flushed pink and said something about them being very nice girls and I sighed, "Anyway, she's a sixth year, has a thing for guys who play Quidditch. I reckon she'd date the Ravenclaw team if she ran out of blokes who'd take her. She's a bit fixated on Amos Diggory, if I remember correctly. I mean, they broke up, but…"

"Anyone who's willing to date Amos isn't getting anywhere near me," Sirius groaned. "Next."

"Emma Tibbetts," James said with a grin, sitting up.

"Gryffindor, sixth year," I recited. "You didn't want her last time because she's a gossip."

"You're right," he sighed. "I remember that now. She's out."

"Kara Madison," Peter said.

"Hair's too frizzy," Sirius snapped.

"Elisabeth Johnson," Remus suggested.

"No way," I snapped. "He dated her three years ago, remember?"

We all shuddered at the memory, Sirius breaking up with Elisabeth in the middle of the Great Hall and getting pudding in his hair for his troubles. Not to mention the fact that she was completely in denial about the whole point of the spectacle and literally went around for weeks trying to get him to see that they were perfect for each other and all that.

"Yeah, we're not going down that road again," James sighed. "She was a loony."

There was a collective moan of agreement.

I flopped back on Remus's bed and didn't bother to wrack my brain. The boys would come up with some solution, it was just my job to appear helpful and keep Sirius from making the really worst of mistakes. Remus rolled over and played with the ends of my long, brown hair. I'd been growing it out since fourth year, just for something to do. Remus liked to play with it, especially when the full moon was coming up, said it calmed him to have something to do with his hands, and he liked the way my hair felt in his fingers. It was nice to have someone play with my hair, actually. My older sister, Ashley Elizabeth, hadn't played with my hair since she left for Hogwarts when I was seven.

"I wish he'd stop this," I muttered to Remus, who just shrugged. Trying to change Sirius was like blowing against the wind and expecting it to change directions.

"I can't have dated every eligible girl in Hogwarts," Sirius growled. "There have to be other options."

"Trust me," I said with a sigh, "you haven't."

Either he didn't hear me or he didn't care, because he didn't respond in any way. Remus just chuckled softly.

"Yeah, that sucks," he muttered. Then he raised his voice. "You know, Sirius, you're going to run out of girls at this rate. Maybe you should slow down or something. Anyway, do we have to come up with a name right now? I'm tired and I've got to finish off your Transfiguration essay for tomorrow."

"No, we can finish this now," Sirius said urgently. "We've only got this one year left, Moony, and if I'm going to find somebody to spend at least some of it with or bust!"

"Some of it," I snorted. "You know, Sirius, call me nostalgic, but I remember a time when just hanging out with us was enough. What do those girls have that we don't?"

It was a trick question, of course, because he couldn't say anything about them as females without saying something I could claim was insulting, but it was fun to watch him flounder around a bit before deciding he was better off not giving an answer and moving on to something else. He just looked at me for a moment, trying to decide what to say, and finally he said, "Please don't tease me like that, Amy. Just help me, please?"

As annoying as the whole routine was, he did seem so pathetic that I didn't have much other choice.

"I've got it," James said with a grin. "Vanessa."

"Vanessa?" I asked, sitting up. "What Vanessa are you thinking?"

He frowned over at me.

"We know more than one Vanessa? You know, your buddy, Vanessa Brown."

I groaned.

"No. No way. Absolutely not."

Sirius frowned thoughtfully and said, "Why not? Is she a vampire or something? I thought Vanessa was a perfectly nice girl."

"Oh, she is," I said sweetly. "But I'm not going to appreciate you breaking the heart of and publically humiliating one of my only friends, not to mention a girl I have to live in the same room with for the rest of the year!"

"He doesn't always humiliate them publically," Remus said with a smirk. "The Susan thing was actually well on the considerate side. He might be learning, or it might have been a fluke."

Remus dodged the pillow that Sirius chucked at his head and the boys all laughed, but I didn't find it funny. Apart from other reasons, I thought I had made a perfectly good case for Sirius staying the hell away from Vanessa. It was like he had no idea, the damage he caused. It was maddening.

"Sirius," I sighed. "You know, it's not very fair of you to do this to me. It's not like I've dated any of your best friends."

"Easy," Sirius said with a grin. "James wouldn't have asked in a million years and Peter and Remus sort of let the girls come to them, which you're not going to do. You've not been on a date in your life!"

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me," I hissed, grabbing Remus's pillow and putting it over my face, ignoring Remus as he continued to play with my hair.

It wasn't that I hadn't been asked. Every time a guy asked me out, Sirius and the others (but mostly Sirius) would scare them away, and then they'd go into some big speech about why he wasn't good enough for me. If I didn't get some way to get Sirius to stay out of my love life, I was going to die alone.

"It's for your own protection, Amy," Sirius said confidently, though his voice was muffled through the pillow. "Trust me, I know what those guys want, and they're not taking advantage of my little Amy."

I scrunched my fingers into the pillow, fighting the urge to curse him or punch him in the face. I knew he didn't mean to be overprotective or condescending, the first was in his nature and the second had been beaten into him by his parents since birth. He had been the great Sirius Black, heir to the Black fortune. Condescending was just a part of his birthright.

Remus's fingers made their way up my hair as he played, getting closer to my scalp, which had an odd calming effect.

"I feel like working on James's love life would be a more productive use of our time," I said through the pillow, trying to change the subject.

It was harsh, I knew, but I just didn't like the idea of Vanessa with Sirius, and I was more willing to work on James's hopeless crush on Lily Evans than I was to face the fact that Sirius had decided to go after one of my best friends.

I had known it might happen eventually. After all, Sarah had had a crush on Remus for as long as I could remember. Having one of my closest friends dating a Marauder was something I had more or less come to terms with as an acceptable outcome, but with the Marauder as Sirius, it was a whole different kettle of fish.

"Amy, don't change the subject," Sirius said firmly. "Besides, we all know that's a lost cause."

"I'm not giving up, I told you!" James insisted. "I'm just changing my strategy!"

"You'd be better to give it up, mate," Sirius sighed. "But that's not the point. We're not talking about Prongs and Evans and whatever you want to label that fiasco; we're talking about me deciding that I like Vanessa and you being selfishly not okay with it!"

I sat bolt upright, snarling at him as I dropped the pillow to my lap. Sometimes Sirius had such nerve.

"Sirius, you just decided you would pursue her less than a minute ago after going through a dozen other girls!" I shrieked. "You can hardly call that liking someone! Forgive me, but you ruining my friendships and causing me more unnecessary drama in my life is also not what I would classify as selfish! I'm sick of you making me feel like the unreasonable one so that I let you get your way! I'm putting my foot down, Sirius. This isn't going to happen. I'm not your wingman on this disaster. You can use Peter or Remus or whomever the hell you please, but I want no part in this!"

Sirius just smirked and I wanted to claw those smirking lips off his face, but he didn't even have to say a word. He knew I was going to help him just like I knew I was going to help him and we were only having the fight because it made me feel a little bit better about always giving in to throw a bit of a hissy fit every so often, no matter how justified I was in being upset. The other boys just watched the tense staring match between the two of us and waited for me to say, like they all knew I would, that I would, in fact, be Sirius's wingman once more, in spite of my objections and even in spite of the fact that it would put me in a very awkward position when, not if, it all fell apart.

I was a sucker and we all knew it, but I was the only person in that room who knew why.

I was in love with Sirius Black.


	2. The Girls' Dormitory

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is dedicated to story follower, **_**Apocolips**_** (who has a great username, btw). Hope you enjoy!**

**-C**

Amy came back to our study group acting very strange, and I thought I knew why. Ever since we were twelve years old, she'd had a massive crush on Sirius Black. She'd only told me, not even Vanessa knew about it, but knowing made it seem almost obvious.

Of course, she said the same thing about my crush on Remus Lupin, once I told her about it, but the fact was that neither of us had figured it out about the other, in spite of how much we knew about each other.

At any rate, it explained why she let Sirius walk all over her, rule her life, control which boys were allowed to talk to her…. Everything. In reality, not very many boys were allowed to talk to her. The Marauders were effectively the extent of it, with the exception of first years asking for directions. Sirius couldn't really get by with yelling at eleven-year-olds, powerful as he was.

Amy had befriended me very quickly, being a bubbly, friendly sort of girl. I was a half-blood, she was a pureblood. Vanessa was pureblood too. Lily Evans was a Muggleborn, and Marlene McKinnon was actually an interesting case where both of her parents were Muggleborns, so I was never sure how to refer to her. It didn't matter much, though, because we didn't talk if we could help it.

Surprisingly, it had nothing to do with blood purity, our lack of talking, and had everything to do with the fact that Lily hated the Marauders because of how they treated her friend, Severus Snape. Even after she stopped being friends with him in fifth year, she still refused to talk with us or associate with the Marauders, purely on principle. She was lucky she was such a popular girl, because apart from Marlene, she'd effectively alienated the whole of her class in Gryffindor.

Well, she did talk to Remus, and that made me absolutely livid. I mean, he wasn't mine, or anything. I had no real claim to him, but Lily Evans was absolutely perfect. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever met, and she had charm and something I couldn't put my finger on, not to mention she had no trouble talking to Remus. I had trouble stringing two words together when he was around. I had often speculated that her lack of interest in James had to do with a secret interest in Remus, and Remus's lack of enthusiasm for James's interest in Lily might have something to do with him having a secret crush on her. Of course, that was my seeing the downside to everything that Amy always warned me about, but since she'd yet to snag Sirius, I didn't trust her methods over mine.

At first, when she got back to the dormitory, I thought she wanted to say something, but she took a while to mention what had been so urgent that she'd spent about fifteen minutes with the boys.

Finally, she said, "Sirius and Susan broke up."

"So he's looking for someone new?" Vanessa said, more pretending to be interested than anything else as she worked on her essay about the adaptations made to Amortentia in the last century. I was glad I wasn't taking potions. The only potions I had interest in were the lotions I bought, admittedly obsessively.

"Ah, yeah, the search is on," Amy said in a forced nonchalant way, and I frowned.

"What about Gabrielle Cole?" Vanessa said casually.

"Bucked teeth," I said automatically.

"Sadie MacDonald?"

"She left school when Mary was killed," I said softly, recalling the previous June when Mary MacDonald, a girl the year below us, had been found hanging from the rafters in the Astronomy Tower. It had been a horrible reality pointing to the fact that Death Eaters were starting even younger, among us as even students were joining the ranks of You-Know-Who.

"Oh, yeah. Well, Kylee Hunter."

"That girl is a walking disease," I snorted. "Even Sirius isn't sex-crazed enough to touch her with a ten-foot wand."

"Giselle Rice."

"Okay, she might look mature," Amy snorted, "but she's thirteen. I'm not running an underage prostitution service."

"Fair point," Vanessa said with a nod. "Valentina Payne."

"Too short," Amy sighed.

"Jillian Kelly."

"No," I snapped. "No, she might not be the best of cousins, but that's just not going to happen."

"Ryleigh McCoy."

"Wait, Ryleigh's a girl?" Amy and I said together.

"Fair point," Vanessa said with a smile and another nod. "And yes, she is. Melody Reid."

"Graduated last year," I sighed. Vanessa and I could both see that Amy was getting more uncomfortable, not wanting to tell us who he'd chosen, so we stepped up the speed.

"Haylee Byrd."

"With a name like that?" I snorted. "Not a prayer."

"Veronica Chambers."

"He's not dating the head of his crazy fan club."

"Fair point. Luna Bush."

"She looks eighty."

"She's not? Anyway… Kyra Steele."

"No, she's way too pale."

"Joselyn McGee."

"She's crazy."

"Only partly. What about Erika Walton?"

"Slytherin."

"Right. Tenley Hammond."

"Oh, now you two are just making up names!" Amy snapped.

"Well, you're not providing us with what you know we're after," I said as casually as I could muster over my Charms text.

Amy frowned, picking at a stray string on her duvet biting her lip. I just smiled to myself behind the book as Vanessa rolled her eyes. Finally, Amy looked up and said, "Vanessa."

"What?" Vanessa asked, thinking she was being addressed, but the pained look on Amy's face suddenly made sense and I dropped my book.

"Oh, Merlin," I sighed sadly, giving Amy a sympathetic look.

"No, Vanessa, he picked you," Amy said sadly. "He wants me to get you to date him. And like the idiot doormat I am, I said I would."

Vanessa dropped her quill, blinked at her parchment before looking up and saying, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Sirius Black wants to date you," I said dully. "What part of that was in a foreign language?"

She sat up, sticking her tongue out at me and flipping her curly, blonde hair over her shoulder. I had always been jealous of Vanessa's hair, just like I was jealous of her ability to get what she wanted and hardly work at all for it.

Vanessa had had a crush on Sirius three years earlier, but it died when word got around that he'd been disowned after running away from home, or so we'd thought. The look in her eyes, that thinking look she got when she was about to enact a plan to get something she wanted, left me wondering if maybe she wasn't considering him after all.

"Sirius Black," she muttered, picking her quill up again and twirling it between her fingers. "Wants to date me? Why?"

"Why do you think?" Amy snorted. "You're attractive, nobody could find anything wrong with you except the fact that, you know, you're a friend of mine and I'm the one who's going to have a tough go of things when you break up. No big deal or anything."

Vanessa took a deep breath, squinting thoughtfully at the quill as she stopped twirling it. "That's if we break up. The Potters treat him like a son."

I raised an eyebrow.

"If you're thinking that means he's going to inherit anything," I said softly, "that's a ridiculous thought. The only way that would happen is if something happened to James, and it would still be a massive ordeal."

Vanessa didn't seem to hear me, frowning at her quill still before pursing her lips together, then smiling, then looking up at us.

"If I were to date Sirius," she said jovially, as if this wasn't an out-of-the-blue disaster waiting to happen, "what would change?"

"You would hang out with the boys more," Amy said through gritted teeth.

"You would have a lot more sex than you're currently getting," I said with a shrug.

"Both positives," she said with a considering nod.

"Hang on," I said, sitting up a bit. "You used to hate hanging out with the boys. Especially Peter, you said he creeps you out, Remus is a killjoy, and you didn't even want to talk about James and Sirius."

"Well, Peter's still creepy," she conceded with a sly grin, "but if we get one of you set up with Remus I think he'll loosen up a bit, and you can leave the other two to me."

I frowned, trying to puzzle out what hidden benefit she thought she was getting. Vanessa didn't just date any old pureblooded wizard. He had to have money to his name, and once Sirius bought his house from the inheritance his uncle had left him that summer, he didn't have a sickle that he wasn't given by the Potters as far as anyone knew.

There was one part of the plan I couldn't argue with, though, and that was dating Remus.

"Vanessa, I'm not sure this is a good idea," I sighed. "I mean, Amy's right, it will end. Sirius never sticks with a girl. Even though you've got a spotless track record with things ending when you want them to, I'm not sure that's always going to stay in your favor. If there's a boy who was born to spoil plans, it's Sirius Black."

Amy nodded absently, and I wondered what she was thinking about, what sort of plans she thought she was going to enact where Sirius was concerned. Certainly not asking him out, because Amy didn't believe in making the first move toward a relationship, but maybe she'd tried to copy some 'Vanessa Rules of Dating' and snare the guy without looking like she was trying. I ignored the 'Vanessa Rules of Dating' because she went for guys I never would have wanted, but Amy's obsession with Sirius was right in the realm of what Vanessa typically went for.

"Let's be honest, ladies," Vanessa said, stretching like a cat. "Sirius may not have the gold, but he's still a golden catch, attractive and well-connected as he is. You have to think about the fact that he's still a Marauder, still one of the most talented students Hogwarts has seen in years, still best friends with one of the richest wizards of this century. We were practically made for each other."

She said that about every boy she decided she was going for, and I could see the writing on the wall. I looked over at Amy, who was obviously realizing as well. Vanessa was thinking she was going to date Sirius Black. I had a sudden rush of sympathy for Amy, who at least always knew that every detail of Sirius's love life was before her like an open book. The not knowing with Remus was frustrating, but it was better than having Lily and Remus both talking about what I thought must be happening right in front of me all of the time. This would completely hurt her, and there was no way Vanessa could know.

"Vanessa," I said softly, "I don't think you should date him."

"Why not?" she said, frowning. "It's a perfect match. I'm not sure why we didn't do this sooner!"

"Because it's not fair to Amy!" I snapped. "You should think about your friendship before Sirius Black's temporary attention. It's not like either of you are exactly pining for each other, you know."

"The best marriages aren't started with silly pining and gut emotions," Vanessa said, sniffing.

"Darling," Amy said with a weak smile, "Sirius's parents aren't exactly what I would look to as an ideal marriage."

"It's not just them," Vanessa sighed. "Anyway, if Amy's got some legitimate concern, I'd be more than happy to hear it."

I turned to Amy, urging her with my eyes to tell Vanessa, to finally let her know that she was in love with Sirius, but she just looked back at me before turning to Vanessa with a smile and saying, "No, you're right. I'm being silly. If you want him, go for it."

Before Vanessa had a chance to thank her and I had a chance to protest, Lily and Marlene came up, done with revising for the night.

"Amy, get your sweater off my bed," Lily snapped.

"It's not on your bed," I pointed out. "It's on Vanessa's."

Lily just glared at me. This was more than her usual disliking of Amy, something had put her in a very bad mood, and I had a feeling that something probably had a name very similar to James Potter.

About once a week, Lily would find some reason to pick a fight with Amy, and Amy always took the bait. Knowing the terrible mood Amy was already in I knew it couldn't be pretty. Vanessa, as usual, simply ducked behind the essay she was writing and pretended she didn't notice what was brewing around her.

"Lily, if it's visually bothering you, I'll just move it," Amy snapped, getting up to collect the sweater Vanessa had borrowed earlier. "But you don't have to be such a bitch about it."

"Be careful, McAuley, or I'll deduct points for language," Lily hissed, although we knew she wouldn't. Lily was far too obsessed with Gryffindor winning the House Cup to deduct from us without having any other choice.

"Forget it, Lily," Amy said with a fake smile, dropping the sweater back where it had been. "If you're going to make big threats you won't come through on, you can pick up the damn sweater yourself. Just remember, I can always say you were touching my things without my permission, and it's not on your bed so you haven't got a right to move it."

Lily turned nearly purple, fuming with frustration at being talked into a corner on the issue at hand, petty though it was.

I knew that Amy liked to poke back at Lily a bit, taking out the steam she couldn't bring herself to let out on Sirius, but Lily did the same thing where the rest of the world was concerned, particularly James. Since they were both in particularly bad moods, we were looking at explosions by the time the thing was over. Marlene and I had no love for each other, but when we caught each other's eye we made a non-spoken agreement to diffuse the situation as quickly and painlessly as possible, before we all got detention or worse.

"Lily, it's fine," she said. "Why don't we just get ready for bed? I mean, ten seconds ago you were saying how tired you were. We don't want to risk oversleeping tomorrow or something."

"I'm suddenly not tired at all," Lily snapped. "McAuley's decided to pick a fight again."

"Oh, I'm picking the fight now, am I?" Amy hissed. "You'll regret that you little bitch."

I hadn't leapt to my feet quickly enough and Lily and Amy were rolling on the floor, pinching, poking, scratching, biting, and pulling each other's hair. I rushed forward to try to pull them apart but got kicked back by Evans, just as Marlene had been tossed aside by Amy. Of course, the supposed injury of their friends made them fight even harder, working to rip each other to pieces. Marlene and I began to fumble for our wands, but not a spell was coming to mind as Lily ripped out a chunk of Amy's hair.

"Damn it," I sighed, looking hopelessly over at Marlene, who looked just as shocked and horrified as I felt. Vanessa just looked over the top of her parchment.

"Cheering Charms, Calming Charms, Stunning. Whatever gets the job done, ladies."

We Stunned them, but I snapped at Vanessa, "Well, I don't see you jumping up and helping."

"We wouldn't want me hurting my beautiful face, now, would we, or my dating prospects would disappear," Vanessa sighed, scribbling the end of her essay and going back over it for mistakes. I just groaned and we woke Lily and Amy back up on opposite ends of the room.

"No more fighting tonight," Marlene sighed. "Please, it's too exhausting for everyone involved. Why don't we all just go to sleep?"

I could tell that Amy wanted to argue by the way she opened her mouth, but I smacked her sharply on the head.

It was a tense night, getting ready for bed in that seemingly-shrinking dormitory, but somehow we all muddled through it and I was curled up in my bed (Vanessa and Amy had gone back to their own instead of sitting on the end of mine) in what was actually not as long as I thought, staring at the curtains drawn around me, hoping against hope that Lily and Amy would both just let it drop for the night.

Amy... Poor Amy. Every time Sirius broke up with someone, I knew she had some small hope that he would decide he liked her. Every time, he would insist that she help him snag some other girl he was barely interested in, and yet he wasn't exactly facilitating her getting over the crush by effectively barring her from dating, scaring away any guy who ever showed a moment's interest.

Was it better not knowing? I wondered that as I stared at the curtains, thinking about Lily Evans and her closeness to Remus Lupin. Lily and Vanessa weren't exactly cut from the same mold, but the same couldn't be said for Sirius and Remus, and the one thing that could be said about both girls was that they were, admittedly, much more obviously attractive than either Amy or I ever hoped to be.

As I lay back on my pillows, closing my eyes I wished that cruel, self-defacing thought hadn't come so easily to my mind but the fact of the matter was, the thought was absolutely the truth. Pretty Amy wasn't even half as gorgeous as Vanessa or Lily on one of their bad days, and I wasn't half Amy on even my best of days. How could I even dream of Remus Lupin falling for the likes of me?


	3. Peter

**A/N: Peter's POV (that's right, Peter Pettigrew. Wormtail. I'm using his point of view. I figured it would be a creative challenge), this chapter is dedicated to story follower **_**ValueMyHeart**_**! Thanks for the follow, hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

"I thought Vanessa was a great idea," Sirius said indignantly to James as he paced. "I mean, what kind of nerve has Amy got, telling me it was a bad idea?"

"I can see her point of view," Remus said with a shrug. "I mean, that _is_ one of her best friends, and you _don't_ have the best of track records with women, Sirius."

Sirius hissed indignantly.

"I beg your pardon, Moony, but women love me!"

"That's part of the problem," Remus muttered, but luckily Sirius didn't hear him. He was too preoccupied with starting his pacing back up.

We watched him pace until he got bored with it and then Sirius flopped onto his bed, pouting.

For some reason, when Sirius Black pouted, it was a positive thing for his looks. Girls who didn't even like him suddenly wanted to fix whatever had upset him. Every female in Hogwarts was at his command when he stuck out his lower lip. I'd tried it a few times over the years, experimentally, but everyone just thought I'd wet my pants.

Everything worked for Sirius.

"I just have to find some way," he sighed, rubbing his temples, "to convince Amy it's a good idea."

"Why do you need her approval to date Vanessa?" James asked. "I mean, she already agreed to help you out. Why do you need more than that?"

"It's Amy, Prongs," Sirius said as though he was explaining something to a five-year-old. Or to me. "I need Amy to be on my side because she's like... She's like..."

"A sister?" I squeaked hopefully.

"No," Sirius groaned. "No, she's like my best friend, only not like you, Prongs. I don't know, it's different. She's really important to me, okay?"

James was the only one in the room who didn't think there was anything particularly special about Amy, but it was probably because Amy didn't get along with Lily Evans, so he didn't really see the point of becoming as close to her as Sirius was.

"Vanessa's very pretty, though," Sirius said firmly. "She's pretty smart. I don't understand what Amy's deal is."

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Vanessa is exactly the type of girl your family would want you to marry," Remus said casually, and everyone started to laugh but Sirius.

It was true. Vanessa would make a perfectly wonderful pureblooded bride. She was good-looking, well-bred, reasonably wealthy compared with the general wizarding public, and her parents were already working on a marriage contract for her in just about all of the big families. Considering that a thought occurred to me.

"What if she doesn't want to date you because you've been disinherited?" I said softly. "I mean, she's never dated someone without a large fortune to their name before. Maybe she'd rather have your brother."

Sirius snorted.

"Pete, no girl would rather have my brother no matter how much money he's got. Every girl wants a real man, and that he'll never be."

I shrugged, but I thought that Sirius might overestimate the power of his manliness. From what I had observed, girls like Vanessa actually cared more about money than looks or whatever it was Sirius claimed was his "manliness."

Sirius was allowed to go on like an idiot about his absolute need to be with Vanessa, even though we were all certain that within a couple of weeks at most they would be over and he'd be on to the next. Sirius was in denial, but we knew him well enough to be realistic.

"What do you think for the first date?" Sirius said, laying back on his pillows. "Not that stupid teashop."

"Vanessa wouldn't like the teashop," Remus sighed. "It depends on how badly you want to dazzle her. I'd say just go with the usual trip to Honeydukes, The Three Broomsticks-"

"Zonko's," James said happily.

"No," Remus snapped. "Vanessa would not be interested in Zonko's. Don't do it, Sirius."

"I know that," Sirius snorted. "I've done this a few times. I'm not stupid enough to take James's advice on women."

We laughed, although James went into a huff about how he was perfectly capable of being romantic, thank you very much. James liked to claim that he was the king of romance, a title he and Sirius quarreled over regularly, but the fact that he'd still not managed to get Lily Evans to look his way didn't boost his credentials.

It didn't take long for them to plan Sirius's "first date" with Vanessa, since he'd been on so many before. About twenty minutes in they'd figured out where he was taking her, what he would wear, and how much of a distance the rest of us should be sworn to keep. Sometimes Sirius was frustrating, but usually we just waited until he wasn't around to laugh about how ridiculous he was about girls. James in particular liked to tease him when he wasn't around. Remus tried to stay out of it, of course, but he didn't try to put a stop to anything.

Sometimes I wondered why Sirius and James bothered with Remus and me. After all, Remus was bookish, and I guess he was sort of cool in his own way, but he didn't participate actively in half their activities. And I, well, I knew I was nothing special, barely passing my classes and working twice as hard as any of them to keep up in day-to-day life. It was really a stroke of luck, in my opinion, that I'd been Sorted into Gryffindor and thus was befriended by James and Sirius. Everyone, even my mother, had been sure I would end up in Hufflepuff. I still don't know why I hadn't been, considering myself to be not really smart enough for Ravenclaw, or clever enough for Slytherin, or brave enough for Gryffindor. Maybe the Hat just knew where I would have friends.

"On a more familiar note," James said cheerily, "I wanted to talk with you about Evans, Moony."

I hid behind my pillow. It wasn't that I wasn't interested in the conversation. Remus always gave very good advice about how to get a girl's attention and I'd even gotten a couple of one-time dates on his advice, but watching James bullheadedly reject all the advice for the millionth time got a bit dull after a while, and even Sirius turned to balling up little bits of parchment and flicking them at the ceiling.

"For a start," Remus sighed, "she has a first name, a rather pretty first name, and she happens to like being referred to by it very much."

"Yeah," James sighed. "She does have a beautiful name."

I hid my snort in a squeak, but Remus shook his head.

"Did you not hear anything else I said?" Remus sighed. "Quit calling her 'Evans!' I mean, you have an excuse to talk to her, so talk to her. Like a normal human being, not like an obsessive stalker!"

"But what does that _mean_?" James asked, flopping on his bed dramatically. "I mean, what have I ever done that isn't normal?"

"Proposing at the age of twelve," Sirius said casually from behind the curtain of his hair he was examining, bored.

"Writing her a song telling her how you were destined to be together and performing it at breakfast," Remus reminded.

"Telling her she was secretly in love with you and just hadn't come to terms with it yet," Sirius suggested.

"That one's true!" James insisted.

"Yeah, but you don't say it out loud, Prongs," Sirius chuckled. "Especially with the stubborn birds. Prove them wrong, then make them question their own stubbornness and they'll melt into your arms and prove you right without them even realizing."

They went on examining what felt like every mistake James had ever made in regards to Lily Evans, picking them apart, giving advice, and basically making James relearn how to talk to her. We went through this what felt like every few months, but this time felt different. James was actually taking physical notes, asking questions, and making a sincere effort to change. I usually didn't have any hope when James approached Lily, talked about approaching Lily, or really even mentioned Lily in any way at all, but I actually felt like this time there was some hope, some chance that things could be heading in the right direction.

"So you're saying I can't hex Snivelly?" James asked Remus, outraged.

"Not...not exactly," Remus said slowly. "And pay attention, James, because I don't want you twisting my words later. What I'm saying is don't do it so that Lily finds out, so not publically, and not for Merlin's sake in front of her! Be a bit more subtle about the whole thing."

It was no secret to anyone who knew that Remus was a werewolf why he didn't exactly mind Sirius and James cursing Severus Snape: two years prior Severus Snape, through Sirius's impulsive and probably ill-decided pranking, very nearly exposed that Remus was a werewolf, and if Dumbledore hadn't actually made Severus Snape take an oath, the knowledge of Remus's condition would probably be all over the school.

Lily knew about his being a werewolf. She figured it out the next year, when we did an essay on them during Defense Against the Dark Arts, and she told him that it didn't matter to her. Amy knew, too. She'd actually almost been injured one full moon when we were in our third year and he got out of the Shrieking Shack. She and Sirius had been going for a walk and Sirius transformed into a dog, which he was still quite new at, and he fended off Remus, who felt horrible about it the next day, but Amy assured him that she didn't mind at all, that it didn't change anything.

Remus wanted things to change though, I knew. He wanted her to look at him like I wanted Amy to look at me, the way girls looked at Sirius, the way James looked at Lily, the way Sirius looked at alcohol. But Amy didn't seem to notice.

I'd been harboring a crush on Amy since the first day of Hogwarts. She wasn't the prettiest girl, but she was certainly very, very pretty. That was good, though, because that made her seem attainable for someone like me. She was gracious, and sweet, and she always treated me like I was more than just "one of the other Marauders." Granted, her attention was still almost exclusively for James, Sirius, and even Remus, but she paid attention to me, which was much more than could be said for most of the other girls Sirius and James associated with.

I knew Remus had felt strongly for Amy for nearly as long as I had, and the only reason it didn't terrify me was that Remus had virtually no intention of pursuing her for fear of hurting her with his condition, especially after the accidental attack that led to her knowing about his condition. Remus had never even dared ask her to Hogsmeade as friends because he didn't want to send mixed signals and he knew that if he started to open up he'd only have to push her away later.

My biggest saving grace, though, was the fact that she'd never dated Sirius or James. That may have been little, since James never dated anyway, but the fact that she didn't have interest in him and the fact that she hadn't dated Sirius suggested that she wasn't interested in either of them, so maybe... Just maybe she might be interested in me, just a little bit, or she could be, given the right circumstances.

While Sirius and James continued discussing Lily, I saw Remus pull out a picture of a bunch of us at Hogsmeade from the last trip the year before. I'd seen him look at it a lot, although I was sure he knew it by heart, as I did.

The four of us were there, of course, and then Amy, Vanessa, and Sarah. Amy was standing between Sirius and Remus, but if I squinted just right and covered my left eye I could make it look like she was standing by me instead of Sirius, and I liked the way that looked. Lucky Remus didn't have to pretend. He had actually gotten to stand by her in her pretty cotton sundress, laughing and smiling and making the sun jealous. I hardly remember Vanessa and Sarah even being there, but they must have been because they were in the picture.

Remus gently ran his thumb across the part of the picture Amy was in and I wanted to rip it from his fingers, but even if it hadn't been a silly thing to do, I wouldn't have had the heart to do it anyway. It wasn't like he could or would ever have her, so looking at him like competition was really pointless. Still, I couldn't help the jealousy and rage rushing through me as I thought about what he might be thinking about doing to her, what he might be imagining as he looked at her.

I knew it was cruel to wish that he hated himself for the things he thought of, but I did wish it because it made my chances with Amy that much greater if he felt guilt at wanting her. I felt no such guilt. I wanted her, completely and unabashedly.

**A/N: Sorry his chapter is so short. Writing as Peter is tough and painful and I just couldn't do it anymore in this chapter. More from him later, no worries. I assume I'll get better at it as time goes on.**

** -C**


	4. Confessions

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reader, reviewer, and best friend **_**Missing Triforce**_**, who is going to be doing stupidity ratings of the characters for every chapter in the review section, if you want to check those out. :D Should be fun!**

** -C**

As much as Vanessa was for the idea, I knew that Sirius liked his girls to be a little bit coy, so I told her so and resolved to tell him she was on the fence when he next asked about her. I was far too good of a friend to sabotage her, although it had certainly crossed my mind, so I would, of course, say that she was leaning toward a relationship. What I didn't know how to explain was the black eye I woke up with courtesy of Lily Evans. Sirius would ask, I knew, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of going to the hospital wing. I could handle it on my own. Except that I couldn't. But I would figure out how to and I would be fine.

Right when we promised, I met with Sirius during our free period to discuss Vanessa. He was in his room, pacing as he waited for me to show up. When I tapped him on the shoulder he grinned, sitting down on the nearest bed and gesturing for me to sit beside him.

"You talked to Vanessa?"

"Of course," I said, forcing a smile.

"What did she say?"

"She's on the fence," I lied easily, already warning Vanessa that I was going to do that. It was part of the chase, and she'd been disgustingly okay with it. In fact she was more eager about the lie than I was. "But I would say she's leaning toward the idea if that helps."

"What's holding her back?" Sirius cried, gripping my hands. For a split second my breath caught and I almost could make myself believe he was getting excited about me instead of Vanessa, but his imploring look snapped me back to reality.

"Um, I'm not entirely sure, Vanessa's pretty cryptic, but I think she's worried about your commitment levels. You don't tend to stay with any one girl very long."

"So how do I convince her I'm interested in something serious?" he said, and I cringed, wondering if he really meant that, if Vanessa was truly more important to him somehow than the others had been. If so, why? Why not me? Why couldn't he look at me like that?

"I don't know, honestly," I muttered. "I don't date, remember? Talk to Remus. I'm sure he'll be able to figure something out."

"Speaking of Remus," Sirius whispered, touching his fingertips to my bruised eye, "what in the name of Merlin happened to your eye?"

I blushed, vaguely wondering what Remus had to do with anything, but I shrugged and said, "Nothing, I...I must have punched myself in the face while I was sleeping. It's not a big deal."

"You're not getting away with that, young lady," Sirius said firmly. "Why haven't you seen Madam Pomfrey yet?"

"I can heal it myself," I said proudly. "It's not a problem."

Sirius snorted.

"Amy, love, you're terrible with healing charms. What really happened and why aren't you really going to do something about it?"

I turned away from him, debating with myself over whether or not to tell him. I'd kept the feud more or less a secret for so long that he'd be bothered, I hoped, by the fact that I'd not told him. But on the other hand, how could I tell him? It would cause stress with James, and I could fight my own battles.

But I couldn't, obviously, because I was sitting there with a black eye.

"It was Evans," I whispered, looking down at my hands instead of facing him.

"What?" he demanded. "What are you talking about? _Evans_ blacked your eye? Why?"

"Evans and I, we don't get along," I admitted, letting him lift my chin so that I was looking at him, even though I was incredibly embarrassed. "We... Well, she doesn't like that I'm friends with you and James and I don't like the way she treats you and it's been escalating for years now. Last night she sort of attacked me... Marlene and Sarah broke it up, but she must have gotten a good punch in at some point, I don't really remember, but I woke up with this."

Sirius shook his head angrily.

"You have to get this looked at. I'll not have you walking around with a black eye letting that bitch think she's won until it fades. Remus is going to take you to the hospital wing and you're not going to argue. Is that understood?"

"Why aren't you taking me?" I half countered, half begged. I wouldn't have minded going so much if Sirius was the one taking me there, telling Madam Pomfrey what an outrage it was that I had been attacked by another student. But that was wishful thinking again, and such thinking got nowhere.

"Because," he growled. "I've got some things to tend to. I'll tell you when you're back. I don't want to see your pretty face again until it's completely bruise free, do you understand me?"

I blinked at him. He'd called my face pretty. He'd never done that before. Perhaps he was all worked up about the Lily Evans thing, or maybe it was his way of trying to talk me into going to the hospital wing. If that was the case, it was working!

"Where's Remus, then?" I said, a bit breathlessly.

Sirius pulled out a bit of parchment, tapped it, muttering something I couldn't make out, and he examined it for a moment.

"He's just got to the common room, class must be over. I'll go fetch him. Don't you try making a run for it, missy."

"I wouldn't dare," I called after him as Sirius rushed downstairs to get Remus, who followed him back into the room, confusion on his face that instantly melted to concern at the sight of my eye.

"Amy," Remus whispered, kneeling in front of me, gingerly touching my bruise just as Sirius had done minutes before. "Come on, hospital wing, right now."

I said goodbye and allowed Remus to lead me out of the common room, into the corridor, and away to the hospital wing.

"Sirius didn't give me details," he said softly. "What happened?"

"Lily Evans hit me," I said honestly. I'd told one Marauder, it was bound to get to the others before dinner. Why not tell him myself?

"Why would she do that?" he asked, stunned.

So I explained the feud again, explained that we'd gotten into a fight, explained everything I'd explained to Sirius. I realized it felt remarkably good to get such things off my chest. Remus shook his head wonderingly.

"Sometimes Lily baffles me," he admitted. "I can't imagine anyone ever having a problem with you."

"Why?" I snorted. "Because I'm such a pushover?"

"No," he said quickly, shaking his head. "No, because you're so sweet and helpful and...and..."

"And that's all code for pushover, I know," I sighed, coming to a stop in front of the door to the infirmary. Remus stared to say something, but I cut him off. "Well, I may as well get this over with. Come on."

Remus followed me into the infirmary, where Madam Pomfrey was setting the broken arm of some second year Hufflepuff boy, probably got into a fight. I felt deep sympathy for him, but he was out in a matter of seconds with minimal scolding.

"Now, sorry for the wait, dears," Madam Pomfrey said kindly. "What seems to be the - oh, dear, what happened to your eye?"

I blinked.

"It's black," I said dully, and she frowned a bit.

"Yes, I can see that," she said slowly. "How did it get this way?"

"It got hit," I said simply.

"By who or what?" she said impatiently.

"Ah, that was my fault, Madam Pomfrey," Remus lied. "I was stretching and I smacked her in the eye on accident and, well, you know I don't really know my own strength."

"Oh, yes, well, let's get it fixed up then," Madam Pomfrey said, finding bruise paste in her office and carefully dabbing it on my eye. Then she cast a charm and I looked in a mirror across the way. The bruise was completely gone.

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey," Remus and I said at the same time, and she just smiled, saying it was nothing and telling Remus to be more carefully when he was swinging his arms.

"Yes, ma'am," he said eagerly, leading me back out of the infirmary and to the common room.

"You lied," I said after we'd been walking for a while. "Why did you do that?"

"Well, you weren't going to tell her the truth," Remus said, sighing, "and since she would think you were up to something dishonorable if she didn't have a plausible story I provided one for the sake of your honor, all right?"

I was confused as to why he would do such a thing, but he was right. When a girl didn't say why she was hurt, the first thing anyone thought was that she was being beaten by some boy she was being promiscuous with. It was sweet of him to stand up for my reputation, and I told him so.

"It's not a problem," he sighed. "So you talked to Vanessa?"

"Yeah, they'll probably be together by the end of the week," I said, trying not to sound too bitter. "The real question is how long they'll last, knowing the two of them."

"Well, let's not take bets on it," Remus joked. "I always lose those and I can't afford to lose any more money to you."

It was true, Remus was strange about betting. Either he was really bad at guessing things or he found ways to let me win on purpose, which would be silly of him. In spite of having a large family, I had plenty of spending money, but Remus, in spite of being an only child, was incredibly poor. Giving his money away to me for no reason really wasn't something he ought to be up to, but I didn't really understand the world inside Remus's head.

Actually, the Marauders were, more or less, a mystery, even to me.

I decided while we were walking to try to be a wingman for Sarah in her love for Remus.

"So, did you see the dress Sarah wore yesterday?"

Remus blinked.

"Ah, no, I don't think so. Which one was it?"

"The blue one, with the feathers on the sleeves. Her mother hates that dress."

"No, I don't think I've seen it."

"It's the one she wore to Hogsmeade with us," I said, frowning. Was he really so oblivious to Sarah, or to clothing? After all, he had the picture from the trip on his bedside.

"Oh," he said. "Sorry, I don't know much about fashion."

"Oh," I muttered, trying to figure out a new direction. "Well, I think it's a very nice dress. I'd like to know what you think of it sometime. I'm thinking of buying one like it, you see. I think it shows off Sarah's legs nicely. She has very nice legs. Of course, it wouldn't look as good on me, but that's a given."

"That's not true," he said quickly, then he turned pink and said, "I mean, you've got very nice legs and... I mean, I'm sure it would look lovely on you."

I frowned. He was missing the point, although I was flattered that he thought I had nice legs because I didn't think so at all. They were too muscular, too defined, and way too bulky, especially with comparison to Sarah's beautiful legs. But at any rate, we were at the portrait hole and climbing into the common room and the conversation had to stop at that point, not because Sarah was around or anything like that, but because James rushed up to us, frantic, fuming, and furious about something, grabbing Remus and leading both of us to their dormitory.

"What's got you all in a tizzy?" I asked when he'd closed the door behind us and started pacing furiously.

"Sirius is in detention!" James roared. "Would you like to know why, Amy? Would you care to know what this whole debacle is about?"

"Um, yes, that would be nice," I said, confused.

"Sirius pulled a prank on Lily Evans, charmed her arms to her sides!" James cried. "I mean, why would he even do that? And she knew it was him because she heard him say the charm so she went straight to McGonagall and he's in detention for the rest of the day and when McGonagall asked why he did it, do you know what he said?"

"No, James, I wasn't there," I said, growing exasperated. "Why don't you tell me what he said?"

"He said that she deserved it!" James roared. "Why in the name of Merlin would he think that she deserved to have her arms charmed to the side of her body, Amy? Why would he think that?"

"Why are you asking Amy?" Remus snapped finally. "Why don't you ask Sirius?"

"Oh, I did," James hissed. "He told me that it was because of Amy. That's why I'm asking Amy!"

I shifted uncomfortably. This was part of why I'd never told Sirius or anyone about the feud with Lily. I didn't want to come between the Marauders, especially James and Sirius. I knew how much they meant to each other.

"Lily hit me," I said softly, knowing that James wasn't going to leave me alone until he got answers. "Last night, we got into a fight, and she gave me a black eye. Sirius saw it this morning and he sort of flipped out I guess. Remus just took me to the hospital wing to get it fixed up, actually."

"Lily hit you?" James asked softly, as though trying to wrap his brain around the concept.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"And she gave you a black eye?" he clarified.

"Yup."

To my surprise, James's face broke into a grin and he said, "Lily can give a black eye. My Lily-flower can give a black eye. Isn't that hot?"

I spluttered a bit and Remus sighed, "No, James, it's not hot. It's terrible."

"What do you mean?" James asked, still grinning like an idiot.

"I mean the reason Lily hit Amy is because she's friends with us," Remus snapped. "She doesn't like Amy because Amy's friends with you and Sirius."

"You mean she's jealous?" James said hopefully.

"No, I mean she hates everything to do with you," Remus growled, "and Amy's been taking the fallout in silence for years and it had to come down to being physically assaulted before she even said a word to us about it. You should be thanking her for putting up with so much crap on your behalf all these years instead of being upset with Sirius and proud of Lily!"

James blinked.

"Right," he said slowly. "Sorry about your eye, McAuley."

"Don't mention it, Potter," I sighed.

"So how're things going with Vanessa?" James asked, flopping onto his bed happily. I suspected he wasn't very sorry at all, but he was trying, and that was more than usual, so I wasn't too upset with him.

"Great!" I said as cheerily as I could muster. "I think they'll be together before the week's out."

"Too slow for Sirius, you know," James laughed. "If I didn't know any better I'd say he was in love with the bird."

I inwardly felt sick at the thought, but then Remus said, "Yeah, like Sirius's capable of falling in love."

And then, if possible, I felt even sicker.

"Right, well," I muttered, "I'll do the best I can, but it's not like I can snap my fingers and make everything work out."

"I'm sure you're doing your best," Remus said earnestly. He bit the inside of his cheek for a moment and then turned to the picture beside his bed of us at Hogsmeade, pulling it over to where we were sitting, looking at it and saying, "This the dress you were talking about?"

He held the picture out, but I knew it was the dress. Looking at the picture was just my way of being as not-creepy as possible.

"Yeah, that's the one," I said happily, inwardly jealous of how amazing photo-Sarah's legs looked, especially compared with how stubby mine looked in the school uniform I was wearing.

Remus looked at the dress again, then looked at me as though imagining me in it, and I was surprised by the small smile and the tinge of pink at his neck that appeared as he looked at me.

Finally, Remus cleared his throat and said, "Yeah, I think that'd be great on you."

I looked at the picture again, frowning slightly. Vanessa was wearing an adorable miniskirt, and even photo-Sirius was having a hard time not looking at her legs. No wonder Sirius wanted to date her. She didn't have my drab wardrobe. She didn't have my stubby legs. She was perfect, absolutely perfect, and even a pretty dress like Sarah's couldn't possibly make me into what he wanted.

I wasn't perfect.

"Yeah, I'll think about it," I said quickly, realizing Remus was still looking at me, as though waiting for something.

Just then, Peter came in and squeaked, "Did you hear Sirius hexed Lily?"

I groaned burying my face in my hands.

"Yeah," Remus sighed. "Yeah, we've heard."

"I'm going to go," I sighed. "I'll see you guys around. Let Sirius know I appreciate it, whenever McGonagall lets him out."

"You don't have to leave on my account, Amy," Peter squeaked anxiously. "I'm sorry if I upset you or something. I didn't know-"

"It's fine, Peter," I assured him, heading for the door. "I need to be on my way anyway. I've got homework to finish. Sarah and I have been putting it off and it's time I get to it and get it done."

I walked away, firmly turning down Remus's offer to loan me his assignment for reference and went back to my own dormitory, nervous about what Lily Evans would do when she saw my unmarked face.


	5. Attempting Progress

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new follower **_**BritishBeauty x**_**. I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

** -C**

I was in the greatest place in the world. I was sitting in the Hogwarts library beside Remus Lupin, looking over notes with him, studying for our Transfiguration exam.

All right, so it wasn't the most romantic of spots, but we were sitting rather closer together than usual and our legs kept bumping under the table and I absolutely preferred to think of it as a sign.

All right, so maybe I had moved closer, but he hadn't moved away, and maybe I was purposefully bumping his leg, but he was the one who kept apologizing, and whenever I tried to apologize he told me to think nothing of it. That had to be some sort of sign.

At any rate, I was having a very tough time concentrating on Transfiguration, and Remus was obviously able to tell this because he was asking me questions about Vanessa and Amy instead of really working through the notes. Typically I wouldn't have minded, except Vanessa was probably going to be dating Sirius soon, and Amy was practically a Marauder in her own right, so it almost felt as though I was just being considered company for the sake of my connections to his exclusive little clique.

Remus Lupin didn't seem the type for that, of course, but there were always surprises. He didn't, for example, seem much the type for getting involved in exclusive cliques, either, but there he was, Marauder through and through. He even supported Sirius Black after his detention. Granted, Sirius Black earned my support after charming Evans's arms to her sides, too. It was no more than she deserved for the black eye she'd given Amy, the poor thing. I saw her trying to hide it with make-up that morning, but it was a nasty bruise. She'd gotten it taken care of later in the day, though, because it was gone by dinner.

"I heard you split up the fight the other night," Remus said casually. "Was it pretty bad?"

I realized he was talking about Evans and Amy, and I shrugged. He must have heard about her black eye, or something.

"It gets worse every time," I explained, "but nobody's died yet. Vanessa just sits there and Marlene and I always have to be the ones to put a stop to the scuffles. I mean, we don't get along with Marlene, either, because she pretty much just follows Evans blindly, but I have a bit of respect for her trying to keep things as peaceful as she can."

Remus nodded.

"I was shocked when I saw the bruise, but I was even more shocked when Amy said that Lily did it," he said softly, leaning back over the Transfiguration texts. I didn't want to talk about any of this. I wanted him to push me against a bookshelf and snog me senseless. I wanted to feel the muscles of his fit, tight body and run my fingers along the scars of his face, which I fantasized were from protecting some helpless creature. He was an incredibly kind person, and I always thought he would be the type to protect his loved ones, which of course included me in my fantasy, me and whatever children we ended up having.

"Yeah," I managed to say. "It was quite a bruise."

"Why didn't you tell her to go to the hospital wing?" he asked me, and I felt very much put on the spot. It was a good point, why hadn't I?

"I don't know," I admitted. "I guess I didn't think about it. She was trying to cover it up when I left, so getting rid of it didn't really occur to me."

Remus nodded thoughtfully, turning back to the Transfiguration. I frowned, watching him. What was going through his mind? Was it about me? Amy said she'd brought up my blue dress and my legs, but she couldn't tell what his thoughts were when she mentioned it. Did he look at the picture and look at my legs, that picture we took at Hogsmeade? I hoped he did. My legs were my best feature, everyone said so, and especially Vanessa, and she knew those sorts of things.

"Do you think-" I began, hoping to ask him to Hogsmeade, which was completely not the sort of thing I did, but I realized that a gentleman like Remus might be waiting for an obvious sign of interest to ask, but he cut me off, obviously lost in his own thoughts.

"Does Amy look thinner to you?" he asked.

I blinked. Amy. We were still talking about Amy.

Sure, Amy had lost weight. She did that every time she was away from school because she ate less at home than she did with the wonderful Hogwarts fare. Surely it wasn't that big of a deal. It wasn't worth talking about her instead of me.

"Maybe a little," I said. "Not a big deal."

"You don't think so?" he asked.

This was not what I wanted. I didn't put myself out there to get time with Remus Lupin just so that I could spend the entire time talking about Amy and her weight. Apparently studying with him wasn't the way to catch his attention after all. Or maybe he really was seeing Lily and he was in the process of coming to terms with Lily's actions toward Amy.

That would have been difficult, I was sure.

"You know," I sighed, "I don't think we're getting anywhere and I'm a bit tired. Maybe we can do this another time. I think I need a change of pace. I'll see you around."

"What?" he said, then he realized what I'd said and he nodded. "Oh, okay. Sure. Sounds good. Hope you feel better."

"Yeah, sure," I muttered, gathering up my books and heading out of the library trying to hold in the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

Remus Lupin appeared to have no interest in me whatsoever. I wanted to crawl in a corner and die.

As if my life couldn't get any more unsatisfactory, Vanessa began officially dating Sirius Black the following day. Every moment Amy and I were with her, it was all we talked about. Any time I was around anyone related to the Marauders it was all they talked about, and any time I went anywhere in Hogwarts all that seemed to be on anyone's minds was Vanessa and Sirius, the new power couple. The girls all wanted to kill her and the boys all wanted to be Sirius. It got old fast, and Amy looked devastated.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, sitting down with her at dinner before Vanessa showed up on Sirius's arm.

"No," she said simply.

I nodded, taking a roll and buttering it. I hadn't expected her to lie about it, and there were plenty of reasons for her to tell the truth. After all, she knew I knew she wasn't okay, so why lie?

"How was studying with Remus?" she muttered, picking at her peas.

I groaned.

"Terrible," I admitted. "Absolutely horrible. All he could talk about was you and Lily. Are you sure they're not together?"

Amy shook her head.

"No, I'm positive. He looks at her the same way he looks at Vanessa or even Peter. She's just a friend. He's not even interested. The Marauders have these rules, anyway, not to pursue girls who the others want..."

She trailed off thoughtfully and turned almost sickeningly pale.

"What?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

"You don't think Sirius doesn't look at me because, I don't know, Peter has a crush on me or something?" she whispered in a horrified voice.

I frowned looking over at Sirius and Vanessa who were canoodling happily, then over at Peter who was making a little castle with his mashed potatoes. The boy was about two stages past finger-painting in life, honestly.

"No, I don't think that's it," I said firmly. "I'm not sure Peter even knows what breasts look like."

"Oh, no, he does," she said matter-of-fact. "He spends the most time of all of them looking at their shared stash of dirty magazines."

I really didn't want to know how she knew that, but she did know all sorts of things about those boys that the general public could only guess at. She'd probably looked through that magazine collection once or twice, too, just for reference. Amy was always looking for ways to capture Sirius's attention.

"Did you hear?" said a third year just down the table from us. "Vanessa Brown and Sirius Black are getting married over the holidays."

"Yeah, I heard," her blonde friend tittered back. "He got her pregnant and he's marrying her to protect her honor. Not much honor in marrying a disowned Black, though, is there?"

It was pretty easy to tell that they were young, naive, and thought the world revolved around how good of a marriage you managed to get for yourself.

"Shut up, you two," Amy's sister, Natalie, snapped, sitting down beside us and glaring at the two girls who were a year below her. "I need to talk to you two about something."

"If it has to do with Sirius and Vanessa, no comment," Amy said dully.

Natalie was convinced she was going to be a journalist and was trying to start her own little Hogwarts newsletter, which mostly consisted of gossip.

"No, actually," Natalie said, frowning. "Anything you'd tell me would be boring. The bollocks these younger kids are coming up with is gold. No, I was wondering if I could borrow your old notes for Transfiguration. McGonagall's essays are killing me."

I chuckled and Amy smiled sympathetically.

"I'll do better than that," she told her sister. "I'll get you Remus's notes. Those notes were the only study material of the three best Transfiguration students since McGonagall herself. Would that suit you?"

"I guess so," Natalie said with a cheeky grin. "His handwriting is better than yours, anyway. Has he asked you to marry him yet?"

I blinked. Was she talking about Sirius or Remus?

"What are you talking about?" Amy asked with a frown.

When Natalie realized we were confused, her smile dropped instantly.

"Ah, never mind, I'm being silly," she said hurriedly. "I'm going to go take a shower or something. Thanks for the help, Amy! See you around!"

I turned to Amy, frowning deeply.

"What was she talking about?" I asked. "What do you think she meant?"

"I haven't got a clue," Amy said, genuinely confused. "Any guesses?"

"It almost sounded like," I said slowly. "It almost sounded like she thought Remus liked you. But that can't be it."

Could it? I turned to look at the Marauders once more. Remus didn't spend as much time with Amy as Sirius did, but he certainly was savvier with females than Peter was. He was quieter, more capable of watching instead of acting on what he wanted. It was that infinite patience I so admired in him, aggravating as it could be. He would make a brilliant father, patient as he was. It also meant that even if he did like me, he wouldn't be too rushed about doing something about it. He could wait forever, even if I couldn't.

"Oh, donuts!" Amy said happily, grabbing half a dozen donuts and piling them on her plate. I rolled my eyes. Amy had such a strong sweet tooth it was ridiculous.

Then I froze, looking at the donuts. Remus had a sweet tooth, too. His love affair with chocolate was one of the worst kept Marauder secrets. There was a chocolate donut, cream filled from the look of it, sitting right in front of him. There were three of them on Amy's plate. They certainly had a lot in common, I realized. Maybe if Remus thought we had a bit more in common, he would notice me.

I reached out and grabbed a chocolate donut. I bit in.

It wasn't bad, I thought, but I'd be sticking to my fruit pies when Remus wasn't around.

"So, there's Evans," Amy said through a mouthful of donut. I had her repeat herself when I told her I had no idea what she was saying, so she swallowed and said it again.

"Oh, yeah," I said with a shrug, seeing that Marlene and Lily had entered the Great Hall. "What about her?"

"She put bulbadox powder in all of my socks," Amy said casually, picking out another donut.

"But you don't hardly wear socks," I pointed out.

"Exactly," Amy said with an impish grin. "Now just wait until I put it in her underwear and see if we've got a hit."

I groaned.

"Why can't you two just leave each other alone?" I whined. "You're spending too much time with the Marauders, Amy. You're starting to think in terms of pranks and senseless revenge."

"It's not senseless!" she argued. "You saw what she did to my eye. I never start it, Sarah. It's always her fault."

I wanted to point out that she'd started it in the past. Lily hadn't always been the instigator. But it clearly was too soon to be logical about the whole situation.

"Sure," I sighed. "Oh, here comes the queen of Hogwarts herself."

"Who, Evans?" Amy said incredulously, looking around.

The bark of laughter that accompanied Vanessa and Sirius's arrival made Amy calm down considerably.

"What, I thought that was Amy!" Sirius said with a smirk, sitting down beside her and pulling Vanessa onto his lap. "Thanks for setting us up, by the way. Things are great!"

Amy's big fake smile was so obvious it was painful and it sort of made me want to reach across the table and claw Vanessa's eyes out for doing such a terrible thing, but then, she didn't realize just how terrible. She couldn't really be blamed.

"My pleasure," Amy lied with only a slight quiver in her voice. Could he really not know? Could Sirius Black really be so oblivious that he couldn't see that one of his best friends was madly in love with him? Or did he know and just pretend not to for some reason? Maybe Peter liked her and he was following some sort of code, the same one that Amy insisted meant that Remus couldn't possibly be dating Lily Evans. Maybe he just didn't feel that way so he was pretending he didn't realize she did to keep from having things change between them.

But I was probably overthinking things, I knew. I tended to do that, especially over important things.

The rest of the meal was made awkward by the very nature of having to watch Sirius and Vanessa be lovey-dovey in front of us. The sickest part is that whatever Vanessa felt about Sirius (which could not be what she was acting, that I was sure of), Sirius seemed to really be head over heels smitten about the girl.

She was far too good at that, getting boys smitten over her.

It had occurred to me at one point to get Vanessa to teach me her tricks so that I could win over Remus, but it had failed more miserably than just being myself. Instead of being disinterested, he seemed to almost be scared of me.

That couldn't be the reason he was ignoring me, could it? He wasn't ignoring me, per se, but he seemed to be ignoring me as a female he could date. Granted, he didn't seem interested in dating anyone else, exactly, but...

Oh, there was no use arguing with myself over the technicalities of it all. I read too much into things.

"Evans hasn't been giving you any more trouble, has she, Amy?" Sirius asked, wrapping his arms around Vanessa, who giggled. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes.

"Ah, no, not yet," Amy lied.

"And the bulbadox powder in your socks was nothing?" I snorted, not caring about the glare she gave me. It was about time Lily Evans got what was coming to her, no matter who it came from.

"She did what?" Sirius snapped, frowning deeply.

"Relax," Amy snapped. "I told you, Sarah, it's nothing. I don't even wear socks, and I told you I was taking care of it!"

"Oh, she's going to regret that," Sirius growled.

"Yes, she is," Amy said indignantly, "but it's not going to be because of anything you do, Sirius. Can't you see that if you don't let me fight my own battles, it's going to get worse?" He looked at her, taken aback, but she just kept going. "She's being this way because I'm friends with you! If I can't handle her on my own, then she's never going to leave me alone. Please, Sirius?"

He frowned at her.

"Amy how long has she been doing this sort of thing?" Sirius demanded, actually flat-out ignoring that Vanessa and I were even in the room. That was a remarkable feat, I decided, considering the fact that Vanessa was not only on his lap but playing with his hair.

Amy shrugged.

"McAuley," he intoned warningly.

"Fine, it's been for a few years, all right?" she snapped. "I really don't see how it's any of your business, anyway. It's not got anything to do with you."

"On the contrary," Sirius said darkly. "It's got everything to do with me. Evans thinks she can pick on my friends and then act all high-and-mighty when we curse Snivellus. I'm not standing for it."

"Sirius, what are you going to do?" she hissed at him. "I'm not letting you fight my battles..."

"Easy," Sirius said with a smirk. "What is it that Evans values most?"

Amy and I exchanged a confused glance.

"Rules," he sighed. "Rules and authority. So the best way to make sure she never bothers you again, as much as I hate to admit it... Rat her out. Make sure the people in charge know she's broken rules. I'm off to tell McGonagall now."

And before any of us could even think properly about what he was doing, he was gone and Amy, Vanessa and I just sat there, watching him go.


	6. Almost Like Sex

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reviewer **_**ValueMyHeart**_**. Thanks for the reviews, dear!**

** -C**

"So," Remus sighed casually, "looks like you and Vanessa are working out, Sirius."

Sirius grinned stupidly. I had to admit, I'd not seen him like this about a girl for a long time. It didn't necessarily mean that the relationship would end any later than previous ones, but it might mean that things would be either more obnoxious for the rest of us or a bit more enjoyable, depending on how Vanessa treated the whole thing.

I had decided it would be a positive thing. I would have more excuses to be around Amy, which could only ever be a good thing.

I knew Remus was watching her, too, but she didn't seem to notice that. I mean, she didn't seem to notice me, either, but it seemed like Vanessa, Sarah, her friendship with Sirius, and her feud with Lily.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed. "I've been able to focus more on the relationship now that I'm not worrying so much about Amy. I'm glad my plan worked."

Remus and I shared an uneasy look.

Sirius had talked Sarah into going in with him to McGonagall and testify that Lily had been attacking Amy. Sarah had the evidence necessary to prove the claims in Lily's trunk and Amy's sock drawer. Lily had been more than a little surprised and horrified that Professor McGonagall knew she was effectively picking on another student, and even more mortified that it had been Sirius Black to turn her in.

She was humbled, to say the least, and James was convinced it would help his case of trying to date the girl, which led to Sirius being absolutely furious that James still wanted her after how she'd treated Amy.

James had shrugged and argued that it wasn't any different than how they treated Snivellus and Sirius really flipped out then. It was completely different, Sirius had insisted. Snivellus was a Death-Eater-in-training. Amy was their friend, a girl who hadn't even done anything wrong.

The fight hadn't lasted too long as James didn't have a leg to stand on so to speak and Remus managed to make the peace fairly quickly between the pair of them, but I couldn't help but feel that the tension between the Marauders could only get worse.

"Vanessa's wonderful," Sirius sighed, tossing a crumpled piece of parchment in the air and catching it. "She's got these little noises she makes when we're snogging... Merlin, they're adorable."

Now, that was a word that I wouldn't have ever expected to hear out of Sirius's mouth.

Typically, we didn't mind hearing about Sirius's conquests. Sometimes I even made small, discrete notes of the details that he gave, just in case I ever did manage to get Amy's attention. I knew it was a long shot, but if I got her I figured my chances of keeping her were bound to be better if I followed all of the tidbits I'd been picking up from Sirius over the years.

But hearing Sirius talk about Vanessa was different, somehow. It was like he was talking about Amy or Sarah, and we had spent so much time around them, or hearing about them from Amy, that it was like he was dating one of our sisters. Considering the fact that he'd picked her for her convenience, hearing him talk about how she was something akin to the love of his life (he never said those sorts of things, though) was nothing short of disturbing.

"That's great," James said dryly.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed. "She's fantastic, Prongs. She's always scribbling in her diary... She won't let me read it, though."

"Of course not," Remus said, looking a bit amused. "It's her diary."

"Amy's let me read her diary," Sirius said, offended.

"She's got two," I squeaked. "She's got one she lets you read, and then she's got another one. I heard her and Sarah talking about it last term."

Sirius frowned, obviously feeling a bit insulted.

"I've got to get my hands on that diary," he muttered.

"Vanessa's?" James asked, confused.

"No!" Sirius said urgently. "No, Amy's! What secrets could she have from me? We tell each other everything!"

"Obviously not," Remus muttered, amused.

I'd tried to get a look at the diary, myself, but I wasn't sure which one was which. So far I'd contented myself with the thought that whatever was in it couldn't be anything I didn't already know, as I knew everything about her, but obviously Sirius had thought the same thing and he was surprised to find that she had a diary he hadn't read.

I was going to have to find a way to get my hands on it.

"This is unacceptable," Sirius sighed. "Great, now I'm going to be freaking out over this and it's going to take up the time I ought to be spending snogging Vanessa!"

Of course, he would still find time to snog Vanessa plenty, and we rolled our eyes at his exclamation, but it was an interesting thing about Sirius. If something was wrong with Amy or something about Amy was bothering him, he had a hard time focusing on other things. When she'd gotten sick in our third year, he skived off all his classes for a week because he had to keep sneaking up to the infirmary to make sure she wasn't dying or something, even though he'd been regularly assured that she was fine.

"Wish I knew what was going on in that girl's head," Sirius sighed.

The fact that she hadn't told any of us about her altercations with Lily Evans had been bothersome to all of us, even James. He'd eventually been horrified that Lily Evans had done such a thing, especially to Amy, who as James and Sirius had discussed, had never even hurt a spider, scooping them up and tossing them onto the wall outside the building instead of letting us squash them. The idea of her getting into fights with Lily Evans was just absolutely bizarre. But Amy was always full of surprises.

I spent much of a day following Amy around the day after. It was fairly easy to do anyway, which was one of the perks of being the one Marauder nobody pays any attention to, but sometimes, like following her into the loo, I had to shift into rat form and be discrete. I knew she wouldn't strike at me, but the likelihood of her screaming was pretty high. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her, so I scampered into corners and watched her as she refreshed her make-up, fixed her hair, even adjusted her bra once, excitingly enough. Her strap was twisted and she actually took it all the way off, straightening it out and putting it back on. I'd never seen real breasts before. I mean, I'd seen pictures in the magazines we kept in Sirius's sock drawer, but that was as close as I'd gotten.

And Amy's breasts, I'd decided, were perfect. They were big and round, although not too big. They were about a handful each, I decided from my perch, which as Sirius had always said, was perfect. The nipples were large and round and as she went about her adjustments her breasts jiggled a bit. It was something like I'd imagined heaven. Remus would be so jealous if I'd told him, but I decided it was better to keep that beautiful moment to myself.

Unlike Sirius, some of us liked to keep our better experiences to ourselves, and as it was the closest thing I'd gotten to sex, I'd decided that moment would set the tone for all of my future experiences. Whenever I got whatever those future experiences would be.

I realized later that same day that I might be able to get into the girls dormitory as a rat. After all, male cats were able to use the staircase. That had to count for something.

So I scurried up the staircase when I was sure no one was around, on my free period, because many girls would curse a rat if they saw one in their rooms.

It worked. I was up the stairs, in the girl's dormitory, and looking around for Amy's bed as I shifted back into human form. It didn't take too much to find her bed, just following my nose, which seemed to have been enhanced when I became an Animagus. I could smell Amy from across a crowded room and once I'd locked onto her scent it wasn't long before I was carefully going through her things, memorizing the exact location of everything so that I could put things back before I left.

I had to find that diary, I told myself anxiously. I had to know what she wasn't telling Sirius, I had to know her better than anyone else on earth. There might even be things in there that she didn't say to Sarah. It was a bit of a long shot, but if there was any way to know the things she kept to herself, it would be the diary.

It didn't take too long to find the diary that she'd shown to Sirius. As soon as I saw it I recalled him reading it last term. There wouldn't be anything new or interesting in there, I knew. Most of what was in that book I'd learned from listening in on conversations, paying attention when Sirius gossiped, or watching her in her everyday life, which was pretty much my only hobby that I didn't share with the other Marauders.

There was a photo album of Amy, Sarah, and Vanessa. I smiled, flipping through the pictures of the girls from the first year on, dressing up in each other's things, wandering around the grounds, at Hogsmeade, and just being silly together. When I found the picture of all of us at Hogsmeade from spring term, I smiled at Amy laughing, standing between Remus and Sirius, laughing merrily, her pretty smile lighting up her whole face as she tossed her silky hair back out of her eyes.

She did that almost in the same way Sirius did. They'd been spending too much time together, I decided, setting aside the album and searching through more books. I'd nearly gotten to the bottom of the stack by her bedside when I heard someone coming so I transformed and scurried into a corner near the head of her bed so that I could see, but just as easily scurry under the bed if whoever it was looked my way.

It was Amy. She looked at her bedside table, which I hadn't had a chance to put back as it was, and frowned slightly, but she shrugged. She probably thought Vanessa or Sarah had been looking for something.

Classes must have been done for the day, I realized, as she began peeling off her robe and unbuttoning her shirt. I could have squeaked with joy when I realized that she was changing out of her uniform, but as I didn't want to be discovered I merely watched as she peeled off her shirt, pulled off her skirt, and bent over her trunk to fish out what she was changing into.

It was such a strange sensation, being aroused in rat form, but once I decided it wasn't altogether unenjoyable, I gave in to the sensation, relishing how I felt about eyeing her delicious curves, although her bra and panties did obscure some of my view of her body.

She pulled on a knee-length dress and combed her fingers through her hair quickly before grabbing the book from the bottom of the stack and hurrying away back out of the dormitory and down the stairs. I just watched where she had left for a moment before looking up at the clock on her bedside table and realizing it was time to get out of there before all the girls came back at once or the boys noticed I was gone. Scurrying away down the stairs and back up to my own dormitory, I changed into human form feeling like the happiest person in the world.

That night at dinner, James told us he was going to attempt it again: asking out Lily Evans.

We knew it would be another failed attempt, of course, but what was the point in trying to tell James that? After all, he never listened when we tried, and it usually made his attempts even more wildly unsuccessful because he was trying to prove to us that we were wrong just as much as trying to win her over, probably even more.

"She's going to fall for me this time, lads, I can feel it in my bones," James said proudly, downing his pumpkin juice in one as if it was a tankard of ale or a shot of firewhiskey. I knew for a fact that pumpkin juice, no matter how quickly it was consumed, did absolutely nothing for the nerves, but James liked doing things like that, probably because of the way the younger girls who sat around us and stared at him and Sirius giggled about it.

Vanessa, Amy, and Sarah sat down around us, and I worked very hard not to blush at the memory of exactly what Amy looked like under that dress.

Amy groaned.

"Please don't tell me he's going to ruin dinner by asking out Evans again?"

"I can feel it in my bones, McAuley," James said firmly. "This time's going to be different."

Sarah opened her mouth to say something, probably to make fun of him, but Amy elbowed her sharply in the ribs and Sarah snapped her mouth shut, glaring at her best friend.

James stood, messing up his hair a bit, which was, of course, his first mistake. Lily Evans hated when he did that. The Marauders, Amy, and Sarah watched eagerly, although I noticed that Vanessa seemed to be very studiously picking at her peas.

That was odd. Did she not want to watch James crash and burn? She almost seemed to have some sort of personal investment in the situation, which didn't make any sense at all. She was with Sirius, she had no relation to James beyond that. His supposed future happiness with Lily Evans didn't have anything to do with her, really. Well, except that if she and Sirius stayed together she might end up as godmother to their children...

Now that was an awkward thought, what with Amy and Lily's history. Perhaps with time they would be able to work out their differences, stop fighting. That is, if James ever got more out of Lily than to go shove his broomstick up his arse. Which wasn't likely.

He slid into the seat next to her, and she shocked all of us by not immediately telling him to bugger off.

"Did you see that?" Amy hissed.

"Yeah," Sirius whispered. "That... She... She can't actually have changed her mind about him. She's just out of sorts, I'm sure of it..."

"You don't think she's off enough to actually accept him, do you?" Sarah asked softly, her eyes wide as she watched James say something to Lily Evans, who had only just looked up at him several seconds into his talking.

She waited for him to finish. She even paused after he'd finished what was sure to be a smarmy, absurd plea for a date. It took almost a full minute of Lily Evans starting at James and blinking before she said something very calmly to him, turning back to her food.

James was grinning and sitting there for quite a while and we exchanged looks, wondering if she hadn't really accepted him this time. After a moment, though, his grin began to fall, probably after her words sunk in and he realized she'd turned him down again. James sighed, turning away and returning to our part of the table, sitting down beside Sirius with a grimace.

"No go," James sighed. "She seemed a bit...subdued, though. I think maybe your putting her in her place could be an asset, with time."

"Glad that putting Evans off of torturing Amy has been a positive in your love life, Prongs," Sirius teased dryly.

James might have caught the utter sarcasm in Sirius's voice if he hadn't been so completely twitter pated with Lily Evans, still stealing glances down the table to where she sat.

"I have to say," Amy said softly, "I hate to admit it, but you seem to have made progress. I used to think you'd never get her-"

James made a sound of outrage and spluttered, "Ye of little faith!"

"-but I think that now it's looking like a possibility," Amy finished quickly, sticking out her tongue at him playfully.

"Tongue in your mouth, McAuley, or I'll cut it off," James hissed at her, obviously still upset that she hadn't believed in his ability to woo Lily Evans.

"Shut up, James," Remus and Sirius snapped at the same time, and James and Amy both blinked, surprised. I think I blinked too, but not really from surprise. I just blink a lot.

And anyway, I was watching Sarah watch Vanessa because it kept me from mentally undressing Amy again.

Sarah was frowning at Vanessa, who was looking down at her plate like the food she was pushing around her plate was the most interesting thing at Hogwarts. I couldn't think of why she was behaving so oddly.

I tried to remember everything Sirius and Remus have ever said about the female mind. Even thinking over most of what I could recall, I couldn't seem to find a solid explanation for her behavior. Perhaps it was her time of the month. That was something I didn't know much about. Maybe she was sick. That seemed to lend more to sullen behavior than monthly feminine issues. That usually made them fierce and furious warriors against all things male.

No, Vanessa was definitely sullen, but I decided not to ask if she was sick as James was in the middle of a rant about Lily Evans's many virtues. I'd learned long ago not to interrupt those.


	7. Hello Other Shoe

**A/N: Sarahs's POV, also this chapter is dedicated to guest reviewer **_**Jasmine**_**. Sorry it's not Amy's POV, but there is more of her to come soon! Yes, it is a horribly complicated situation, isn't it? And it's about to get more so!**

** -C**

I was lying on my bed innocently, going over my Charms homework, when I heard a familiar voice say a familiar sentence that was essentially my cue to get lost.

So I rolled from my bed to the floor and under the bed, wishing I'd had the foresight to bring the Charms book with me so I could try to keep studying as I hid.

"I want to kill that arrogant toerag!"

Apparently Lily was still up in arms about James's latest attempt to capture her attention and I was just praying all she and Marlene were doing in the dorm room was picking up her book bag. It was bad enough to hear these when she knew I was in the room, but I especially hated hearing it when she didn't know I was there, because she would often bring Amy into it nastily, and whether or not Vanessa and I got dragged into the rant, it was hard to hear some of the things Lily said about Amy, especially because very little of it was true.

That's not to say that Lily made things up or was intentionally slandering Amy or anything like that. She just had a very strong perception of what she thought Amy was based on what the Marauders actually were.

"You're not really surprised about this," Marlene said, not bothering to ask. "Why are you being so upset now? You were fine in the Great Hall."

"I was _not_ fine with it!" Lily squealed. "How dare you say that?"

"Lily," Marlene sighed, flopping onto her bed, "I'm your friend. I'm in your corner. But if you keep treating me like I'm somehow trying to set you up with Potter because I'm pointing out the truth to you, I'm going to turn on you in this."

Lily sighed, and I could just picture her flipping her head as she turned around, flopping onto Marlene's bed as well.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Lily admitted. "James just makes me _so mad_-"

I blinked.

"Did you just call him _James_?" Marlene asked, stunned.

There was a horribly long silence as Lily probably realized what was happening. I was trying very, very hard not to laugh hysterically. If only James Potter could be in my place, the things he would be thinking. Unfortunately, he couldn't ever be in our rooms to see Lily in these painful, uncomfortable semi-private moments when she would slip up.

"I need to get my head straight again," Lily sighed. "It's this stuff with Black, you know. I can't believe he actually went to McGonagall."

"How d'you think he knew about the socks?" Marlene asked. "I mean, Amy couldn't have known about them yet, could she?"

"McAuley obviously knew," Lily snorted. "I think she must have been thrilled that she had something on me."

"Lily, if she wanted to turn you in to McGonagall, she's had fodder for years," Marlene said reasonably, and I raised my eyebrows. "This smacks of someone interfering on her behalf."

"Black? Doesn't seem like his style."

"No, not if he's known the whole time," Marlene admitted slowly. "But I'm not sure that he has."

"She tells him everything. Everyone knows that."

I rolled my eyes from under my bed. It was funny how people always thought they knew so much about Amy just based on the fact that she was friends with the Marauders, that she spent time in their dormitory. Even Sirius thought he knew everything about her, that they shared everything, but I knew Amy kept two diaries just so she could keep her thoughts about Sirius and the Marauders and Lily private. Even I hadn't seen it.

"Yeah, but do you honestly believe that he would wait to attack you until the black eye if he knew? He would have been all over you."

"If McAuley stopped him-"

"Nobody stops Black when he wants something, Lily. Nobody."

Especially not Amy, I thought, digging my nails into the wood floor beneath to me to keep from laughing out at the thought of Amy even trying to say no to Sirius.

"You mean she didn't tell them."

"Yeah, it would seem that way, wouldn't it?"

"But why not?"

"Don't know," Marlene admitted. "But maybe things over in Marauder-land aren't exactly what you've assumed all these years. Maybe they're half decent human beings who behave just like the rest of us."

Now those were words I'd never expected to hear from Marlene McKinnon, but the world seemed to be changing. Maybe it would change enough for me to get a look from Remus. I smiled at the thought.

"I really wish you wouldn't say that," Lily said acerbically. "Ever again, actually. If I hear it again I'll probably scream."

I prayed silently that Marlene would have the good sense not to say it again. Lily screaming was enough to awaken the dead and make them wish for dying again.

She was my boggart, actually.

"Can we just agree that Potter's a toerag and leave it at that?" Lily finally said.

"No arguments there," Marlene agreed, getting to her feet. "C'mon, then. Let's hit the books. We'll not be able to keep up with that revising schedule if we don't get cracking."

I held my breath watching them gather their things, shift some of their books around to find what they needed, and head back out of the dormitory.

As soon as the door closed I rolled myself out from the bed, brushed myself off, and checked my clock.

I had to get my own things together because Amy and I were supposed to be studying Herbology together, which I was dragging her through kicking and screaming. She would be very upset with me if I didn't manage to make it on time for our session.

Panicking slightly, head still reeling with the overwhelming news of the conversation I'd overheard and what Amy would make of it when I shared it, I began stuffing things in my bag, thinking over what I needed, realizing I was still missing notes on the Venemous Tentacula planting procedure from when I was sick. I'd have to borrow Vanessa's, as Amy's would be terrible.

I wasn't sure where I'd find Vanessa at this time of day, however, not now that she was spending what seemed like every spare moment snogging the pretty face off Sirius Black. I moved around the room gathering up the last few things, slipping my shoes on quickly, and heading down the stairs, looking around to see if Amy had headed back for something before heading to our study spot in the Charms courtyard.

No sign of Amy, so I found Sirius and Vanessa sitting in one of the tables by the window, giggling as she ran her shoe-covered foot up his calf. I wanted to gag, but I managed to swallow my distaste to approach, frowning at them.

"Have you seen Amy?" I asked.

"No," Sirius said, frowning. "Is she missing?"

"No, I just wanted to know if she'd come through here before going to our study session," I said, forcing a smile. "Vanessa, can I borrow your Herbology notes? I've still not copied down the day I missed and we need to go over it."

"Yeah, sure," Vanessa sighed, pulling her bag closer to her, fishing through for her notes from Herbology. "I think it's this one," she muttered, flipping through the beginning of one set. "Yeah, here you go, this is Herbology."

"Thanks," I replied, smiling at Sirius, who waved as I left the common room, heading down the hall, following the familiar, almost habitual path to the Charms courtyard.

"Sarah!" Amy called, waving. "Let's get started so we can get this over with."

I sat down beside her on the low wall, pulling out my book, my notes, and Vanessa's notes.

"You'll never guess what happened when I was studying Charms," I said excitedly. I proceeded to tell her all about the conversation between Marlene and Lily which I had overheard from under my bed, complete with my speculations on their expressions, gesticulations, and the like. Amy was her usual appropriate audience, reacting exactly as I expected of her. When I'd finished, her jaw dropped.

"You don't think she might actually be interested in James, do you?" Amy whispered.

"I really can't say," I admitted ruefully. "It's possible, though. More possible than I would have been prepared to speculate before this."

Amy flipped through her Herbology textbook thoughtfully.

"Should we tell James?"

"Tell him what?" I asked. "We really don't know anything new. You already said that things were looking up, what with Lily's behavior previously. We can't tell him any more than that, really. Besides, I thought you wanted nothing to do with James's love life."

"I was thinking," she said slowly, "maybe that's why Sirius doesn't look at me... I mean, he and James are like brothers, and if I'm not being supportive of James-"

"Amy," I laughed, "that's ridiculous. Sirius isn't even supportive of James."

We both laughed, flipping through our notes, looking for weak points Amy would need work on. I knew Amy must be getting desperate to say something so ridiculous. Maybe it was the mess with Vanessa and Sirius acting like they were attached at the lips, but Amy seemed even more anxious about what might be keeping Sirius from seeing the fact that she was madly in love with him. It was a bit worrying, but I was thinking more along the lines of him being stupid instead of something she'd done. If anything, it seemed to me she was being a bit too obvious.

"You know," I said thoughtfully, "I don't think she has a thing with Remus after all."

"Evans?" Amy asked. "What made you finally believe me?"

"I feel from what she says that the idea of dating any Marauder is like dating James."

"Well, you've heard the rumors," Amy said with a shrug. "Dating one Marauder is dating all four Marauders."

I snorted.

"The only people who've dated Marauders are dating Sirius, and I hardly think that's a fair assessment of dating the rest of them. James, perhaps, but Remus and Peter are very different."

"Yes," Amy said softly, "but I'm not sure they're entirely as different as you think."

Well, whatever she said I knew Remus was different, the most different and special guy in the world, but I didn't want to seem cheesy, and we really did need to focus on our revising, so I just shrugged, flipping through my notes, quizzing her as I found interesting or important material.

Working with Amy on Herbology was always a bit like I imagined it would for a Muggle dentist to pull teeth. She had moderate understanding of the subject or she would never have progressed to N.E.W.T. level, but she hated it so much that retention was absolutely abysmal. Amy was one of those people who, if she liked a subject, she had incredible retention for it. If she didn't like something, however, like Herbology, retaining anything at all would be more a miracle than an act of will. I could coach her through remembering things for a single exam, but the thought of the impending N.E.W.T. exams made me want to cry.

"I don't get it," Amy finally admitted as we went over the book's discussion of Venemous Tentacula potting.

I had to admit, the particular procedure was counter-intuitive and complex and the book had an antiquated and confusing way of explaining it. Even I got muddled.

"Maybe Vanessa's notes will have a clearer way of explaining," I sighed, pulling out the notes and flipping through. Sometimes, when the book did a particularly poor job, Professor Sprout would give an alternative explanation for our notes as she demonstrated.

I didn't make it to the pages on Venemous Tentacula potting, however.

The parchment fell open out of my hands when I spotted those words on the margins.

"Merlin," I whispered, feeling my stomach drop down to my shoes.

"What is it?" Amy asked, concerned, but I just pointed at the parchment and she picked it up.

"Oh, no," she hissed. "When did she write this?"

"Yesterday," I whispered, glancing at the date on top of the page.

All over her Herbology notes the day before, it seemed, Vanessa had written out, in her most flowery penmanship, Mrs. Vanessa Potter.

"She doesn't want Sirius at all," Amy said, outraged. "She's been after James this whole time!"

"She must think that by being around Sirius she'll figure James out," I whispered, running my finger along the lines of her letters. "She's trying to plan some way to get him to want her instead of Evans."

"She's using Sirius!" Amy cried. "She's toying with him!"

"Forget Sirius, she's using you!" I pointed out. "She abused your friendship with the Marauders and their confidence in them to set up a false relationship with Sirius. Amy, this is not good. She could destroy your relationship with the Marauders."

Of course, I was upset on Amy's behalf. Everyone knew how much she valued her friendship with the boys, and toying with that was a cruel thing to do. But if Amy's relationship with the Marauders failed then so did my chances with Remus, so my outrage with Vanessa wasn't entirely unselfish.

"You're right," she said sadly, picking up the notes and scrutinizing them, flipping through the pages. "She's been doing this for weeks. How did we not know she wanted James?"

"How can she not know who we want?" I asked automatically, although once the words came out of my mouth I realized they made a lot of sense.

Amy chewed her lip for a moment and then said, "You're right. I guess we don't know each other as well as we thought we did."

It was a strange feeling, knowing that we really weren't as close with Vanessa as we'd always thought. We had always known she was superficial and shallow, but we had always shared with her in the knowledge of just how superficial and shallow. I don't think it had ever occurred to us that Vanessa would use us in an effort to fulfill her ambitions. It seemed rather unfittingly Slytherin of her.

Then again, Sirius had occasionally used his friends selfishly, and Amy had even used me a few times when we were young, and although it never was half as malicious as Vanessa's attempts, perhaps it was just something about pureblood culture.

"Well, you know what the question is now," I whispered. "What do we do about it?"

"We could confront her," Amy offered weakly.

That was an option we both knew was never really on the table. She would just laugh at us.

"We could show it to the boys," I suggested.

"Vanessa's going to get suspicious if we take her notes to show to the Marauders," Amy countered. "We'd never get away with it."

I picked up the notes, turning them over, considering duplicating them somehow, or having Amy do it.

A slip of paper then fell onto my lap.

It had Vanessa's hand practicing a signature of her name as Vanessa Potter in several ways, as well as a sketch of what could only be a wedding dress. I raised my eyebrow at Amy, whose eyes were wide.

That slip of parchment was a godsend.

"How long do you think until she realizes it's missing?" Amy asked, turning it over and frowning at the continued sketches of china patterns and monogrammed sheets.

"I don't know, a week? An hour? There's no telling how often she looks at it."

We looked down at the sketches together and I couldn't help but think that the wedding dress was a beautiful design and she would looks splendid in it.

But not on James's arm, that was certain.

"Should we go right now?" Amy whispered.

"No, I think she might still be with Sirius," I said, checking my watch. "They were all over each other. We need to talk to him when they're not together."

"I don't know if we should let this wait, though," she muttered, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "I almost fear for James."

If I was being honest, I was a bit frightened, too.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

Amy frowned for a moment, getting to her feet and pacing a few steps in each direction as she thought, still tapping her chin.

"I think I might have an idea," she said slowly. "But you would have to be willing to distract Vanessa, and that means that if she figures out what we're doing you'd probably take most of her wrath."

I winced, thinking that my own Defense skills were utterly pathetic, especially compared with Amy's and Sirius's, but Vanessa wasn't too likely to magically attack me. She hated raising her wand.

"I suppose I could do that," I said slowly. "So long as you explain to Madam Pomfrey the fact that my injuries were the result of your sloppy planning."

"Fair enough," Amy conceded. "All right, I just need to get Sirius alone for twenty minutes. You said they were in the common room?"

"Yeah, but that was a while ago," I said again, checking my watch. "She was already doing the leg rub."

"Right," she winced. "I'll extract her from the room. You...drop her notes in that puddle over there."

"What?" I asked dully.

"That'll take you at least twenty minutes to fix between you," she continued, not noting my objection to the plan. "Yes, go do that, and I'll go straight there. Keep her here as long as you can, but twenty minutes at least. If it's going too quickly, sabotage it. That shouldn't be too hard."

"Amy, we're not twelve anymore," I said weakly. "I can't just set them on fire while we dry them out and say, 'Whoops'."

Her eyes lit up.

"Yes, that's good, set them on fire if you have to; just keep her here as long as you can!"

And she rushed off before I could point out that I'd said I _couldn't_ do just that.


	8. Uncovered

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader, **_**Veill**_**. I hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

Getting Vanessa to leave was easy. Settling my thoughts when Sirius was standing there without a shirt was very, very difficult.

But I might only have twenty minutes to break the news and sort him out, so I needed to get myself sorted out.

"What's up, Amy?" he asked, realizing that I was looking at his shirt on the floor instead of at him, and he put it back on with a small chuckle. "How was studying? Well, you know, before the wind ruined Vanessa's notes?"

I winced.

I hated being the bearer of bad news.

Swallowing, I thrust the piece of parchment at him, closing my eyes to not have to see his face.

"What's this?" he asked, confused.

But I felt him take it from my hand and I turned away, not saying a word, opening my eyes and waiting until he said something to do anything but fight back my own tears and what I knew I was doing to him.

"Amy, what is this?"

I said nothing.

"Amy, did you find this in Vanessa's notes?"

I nodded, and when I heard nothing I turned back around just in time to see Sirius sink to his bed, the paper falling out of his hand.

"She's using me," he said hollowly, staring straight ahead. I sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "She's using me to climb the economic ladder, that little tramp. I thought...I thought she actually loved me."

I tensed slightly at the thought that perhaps Sirius had actually had feelings for Vanessa. He breathed in deeply, letting it out in a shaky breath.

"Wow," he finally said. "Wow, I don't even know what to do at the moment. That's why you destroyed her notes, then? That's what you did. I didn't think there was supposed to be much wind today."

"Yeah," I sighed. "We didn't know how to get rid of her."

Sirius looked up at me with sad eyes.

"I've never had something like this happen," he whispered.

"I did tell you not to date her."

"But you didn't say something like this-"

"I had no idea she could be this...cruel," I sighed, putting my hand on his. "If I had, Sirius, I would have said so."

He rested his head on my shoulder and my breath caught, realizing that he was using me as support, as comfort.

It felt like a huge step forward, even in such a dark and uncomfortable time.

"I sort of wish I'd listened to you now," he muttered.

"Want to call a parliament to find another girl?" I teased. "Or are you planning the break-up first?"

He laughed weakly and said, "One step at a time, dear. The boys and I will plan the break-up tonight. I don't want you getting any more mixed up in this than you already are, Amy. I promised it wouldn't be a problem for you, and I'm going to do everything I can to keep it.

"Oh, Amy," Sirius sighed, lying back on his bed. I turned to look down at him, smiling sadly. "One year left of school and here we are, wasting our time on things like this. We ought to be practicing dueling so that none of us die. But here I am, getting used and abused and distracted by a stupid ladder-climbing girl who probably doesn't care about the war as long as she's got time for a manicure." He shook his head a little. "I don't know. Maybe I'm getting old before my time."

"We've had to," I said softly, touching his arm, feeling his muscles as he clenched his hands. "You know as much as I hate to say it, this war is going to affect everyone. The idea of fighting and war terrifies me, and I don't think I'll fight, but we've had to grow up, every one of us. People die. Mary was a bit wake-up call-"

I didn't realize my voice had broken a bit until Sirius sat up a bit and laced his fingers in mine.

"Are you okay, Amy?" he whispered, watching me with concern.

Shaking my head I let him lean me against his strong chest as I said, "I'm scared. I don't want to lose you guys."

"You will never, ever lose me, Amy," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "I promise that."

"Please don't make promises you can't keep, Sirius," I sighed, curling the fingers of my free hand into his shirt, not thinking that I might stretch the fabric. "Because I'll believe you and I don't want to be crying at a funeral anytime soon with you in the casket, remembering those promises."

Sirius wrapped his arms around me as I tried to bite back tears.

I hadn't meant to say so much. I didn't want to turn it into a conversation about me and the war and Sirius instead of about the matter at hand, but I was so afraid, so terrified of growing up, knowing what it meant, because it meant so much more than getting a job and a flat and becoming truly independent.

"Better now?" Sirius asked, wiping the one stray tear that had made its way down my cheek with his thumb.

"Yeah," I sniffed, straightening out my hair as I sat up a bit, separating from him with some regret at doing so. Once I'd sorted myself and composed myself still clinging to him like a desperate person would be far too obvious, and if he was studiously ignoring my interest the last thing I wanted to do was be so obvious that he would have to break my heart completely.

"Good," he sighed, brushing a bit of hair out of my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. He smiled a bit. "Can't have you crying when Remus gets here. He'd go crazy."

I frowned slightly.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Why should Remus care?"

Sirius's eyes went wide when he realized he'd said something he hadn't meant to.

"Sirius," I said in a warning tone, but he didn't need too much prodding.

"You tell me everything pertaining to my love life," he sighed. "I suppose I need to give a little too."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded.

He smiled slightly and said, "Amy, darling, Remus likes you. He's liked you for ages. It's why he keeps that picture by his bed, stares at the two of you standing together when he thinks we're not looking and grins like the happiest bloke in England."

I felt dumbfounded, flattered, and sick all at once, which ended up just making me feel extra sick.

"Amy?"

"Processing," I replied, putting a hand up, trying to think about how I should react, how I felt about this shocking news.

The first thing I had to come to terms with was the fact that Remus was a friend to me, nothing more. Whatever he felt for me, knowing really didn't make me look at him any differently. That was both a relief and a source of stress in and of itself, but it was a start.

Remus, though, had no idea that Sarah liked him, and probably because he was fixated on me. She would be devastated to learn about this, and especially so if I didn't do something to set the record straight.

And what was more, Remus was going to be very hurt to find out that I wasn't interested in him if I didn't manage the matter very, very delicately.

"Wow," I sighed, rubbing my hands into my temples, and lying back on the bed. Sirius frowned down at me.

"What's up?" he said gently.

"It's just that, I never knew," I sighed. "I feel blindsided."

"Really?" he said with a bit of a smirk. "You never even guessed that Remus watched you from across the room and pictured you against him?"

"Can you not?" I groaned. "Honestly, this is hard for me because Remus is such a good friend, but I really don't like him like that at all. It's not because I'm looking elsewhere or because Sarah likes him, but I really just think of him as-"

"Wait, Sarah?" Sirius said, grinning. "Sarah, your Sarah?"

"Of course," I said, smiling slightly. "She's been mad about him for ages. I've been trying to get him into her, but no dice. Now I know why."

He snorted.

"Well, then, I guess I'll have to plant the idea in his mind," he said thoughtfully. "To be honest, I think anything you could have said would have been counterproductive because it was coming from you. But you know, telling him someone's into him might open his eyes _and_ soften the blow of your lack of interest." He paused, eyes growing rapidly as he turned back to me, horror on his face. "Wait, did you just say that you were looking elsewhere? You like someone! Amy, tell me who it is before I go mad. Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

I raised my eyebrows at him, trying not to blush.

"What are you, five?" I asked, trying to be humorous. "Look, Sirius, I haven't told you yet and I really don't want to. It's not like it's your business, anyway."

"Amy, _please_," he moaned. "I tell you _everything_ about my love life-"

"I don't ask," I pointed out.

"No, I guess not," he said, slightly defeated. "Won't you tell me ever?"

"Maybe someday," I said as cryptically as possible smiling at him, torn between wanting to tell him and wanting to run and hide. "But I'd rather you figure it out yourself."

"Why?" he asked, grinning. "Like watching me flounder and beg?"

"A little," I laughed. "But it's more that I'm embarrassed to talk about it with you, and maybe if you think about it you'll respect and understand my decision more."

"It's not someone I don't like, is it?" he asked sternly.

"I promise, Sirius, this is someone you like very well."

"Oh, that's good, then. Not just anyone is good enough for my Amy."

I rolled my eyes, flicking his arm. He raised his eyebrows at me, tickling me for a few minutes before he got bored and rolled onto his stomach, propped up on his elbows as he looked down at me.

"I suppose it really doesn't matter who I like, does it?" I challenged, voicing my thoughts. "Because he'll never know, he'll never look at me otherwise, and if he did he'd decide I wasn't good enough. And he's damn right about it, that's for sure. And you never let boys near me, anyway."

That last bit was more to throw him off the scent than anything, but it felt good to jab at him a bit. He did look a bit hurt, but not letting him get away with whatever he wanted made me feel good inside sometimes.

"Amy, first of all, if you want him to know you tell him. Sometimes just saying that you like someone makes them look at you differently."

"Except knowing about Remus didn't change my mind."

"Fair enough, but it does work sometimes. It's worth a try. And if he doesn't look at you, he's an idiot. He's not too good for you, because there's nobody too good for you. Understood?"

I shrugged. He thought that these pep talks meant something, but in spite of it I knew that Sirius was way out of my league, and every glamorous girl he dated proved it even more.

Vanessa was sort of the nail in that particular coffin.

"And if he were to actually think that, he'd be an idiot," Sirius insisted. "And what's more, you're acting like I micromanage your life, and that's just not true."

"Really?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement at his flat out denial. "Because you've been micromanaging my love life since I grew breasts."

Sirius shivered.

"That was a terrifying day. The scumbags drooling over you..."

All right, I'd grown breasts a bit early, which made me prime target for about five minutes, until people realized they'd get castrated by Sirius for trying.

"All those creeps only wanted one thing, you know," Sirius said primly, as if he wasn't out there trying to get that one thing from every eligible girl in Hogwarts but me.

"So did I," I muttered, not realizing what it sounded like I was saying until he looked at me, stunned.

"Amy!"

"Not like that," I sighed. "I mean, I wouldn't have wanted any of them anyway because I wanted one guy who didn't seem to look at me like that at all."

"Decent bloke," Sirius said with an approving note. "Or maybe blind, but that's not all bad."

I swatted him.

"It never mattered how decent the bloke, though, did it?" I asked. "Even the guys you liked you chased off whenever they started to realize I was female and not utterly hideous."

"You're not even close to hideous," he snapped. "Stop being so down on yourself, Amy. I'm not going to stand for it. You're beautiful."

It felt really good to hear him say those words to me, even if not in the context I'd always dreamed.

"I wouldn't know, no one's ever said," I said dryly, which was only partly true.

Sirius would tell me whenever we got into an argument about my self-esteem, which wasn't necessarily bad, just realistic. But other than that, no one would dare for fear of being attacked by the Marauders.

"Remus says it all the time," Sirius countered cheekily.

"You know what I mean," I groaned. "No one's ever said it to my face. Nobody ever makes what might be interpreted as an advance because they're afraid you're going to put them in the hospital wing, so I'm perpetually alone!"

"You're not alone, you have us and Sarah and-"

"I've never had a boyfriend, Sirius," I said, not backing down this time. "I've not even had a snog in a broom closet-"

"I should hope not!" he snapped.

Rolling my eyes, I decided not to point out his utter hypocrisy, knowing he wouldn't understand and I needed to pick my battles.

"The point is, Sirius, I've never even been kissed. I'm seventeen, about to graduate Hogwarts, start my life, and I've never been kissed and I feel pathetic!"

I hadn't realized I was crying until Sirius wiped tears off my cheeks with his thumb again.

"You're not pathetic," Sirius whispered. "Amy, why can't you see that you're better off waiting for someone worth kissing than let people kiss you you're going to regret?"

"Who are you to tell me that?" I cried. "Who are you to tell me that I can't kiss? Who are you to tell me that I'm going to regret something, Sirius? It's my life!"

"Amy, please, I only want what's best for you!" he sighed, running his fingers through his perfect hair in a manner very similar to James. "I don't know why you can't see what I'm doing!"

"And what are you doing, Sirius?" I demanded. "What are you doing other than crippling my chance at a social life outside of you and your friends?"

He stared at me like he'd been slapped in the face for a moment before he shook his head slightly and said, "Look, Amy, you don't want to date those boys. You're better than them. They'd be way out of their league even getting close enough to see the cute little freckles on your lips, must less kissing them."

I blinked.

I'd even forgotten about those freckles. Looking in the mirror had gotten a bit depressing when I'd resigned myself to the thought that I'd be kissing Sirius or never kissing anyone in my life, so I avoided it unless I need to for getting ready. But when you don't really wear make-up, there's not much point looking in the mirror. And who would I dress up for?

Nobody, that's who. Sirius didn't care and nobody else was allowed to.

"You don't know that," I said softly. "Maybe I'll be a cat lady because of you, have you thought of that?"

"You don't like cats," Sirius pointed out dryly.

"It was me trying to make a point, Sirius. I'm going to be a spinster lady."

"That's not true. You're going to find somebody, Amy, just somebody...special. Somebody good enough. None of these guys, none of them are right."

"Why not?"

"Because...because you're special, Amy."

"Special. What does that mean? Is that some sort of code for something being wrong with me?"

He groaned frustrated, getting up and pacing like he did when he was upset.

"No, I'm not really sure how to express... You know, it's like, you've been my best friend for so long, but not like James. You're...different."

"Female."

"That's not what I mean," he groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "I've tried explaining this to the guys, too, and I just don't know how to put it into words. It's like, you're always there when I need you and you make me feel calm and happy just by being there, and James is fun but he doesn't make me a better person like you do, and when I look at you sometimes you can even make the worst day in the world okay and..."

He trailed off and shrugged at me but my heart was pounding because he looked confused, like he was working something out, like he was realizing something, or beginning to, and if there was any time he might come out and say he loved me this could be that moment.

Sirius opened his mouth as if to tell me something, perhaps the words he'd been looking for, perhaps the words I was looking for, but I would never know what he meant to say because Remus, James, and Peter came in that moment and the words died on Sirius's lips.

"Sarah said you'd want to see us," Remus said happily. "Hey, Amy."

I politely excused myself from the room.

I could only get in the way.


	9. Fissure

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**Missing Triforce**_**, lovely reader, reviewer, and friend! Sorry, no mashed potatoes in this one. :D**

** -C**

I wasn't sure I liked the way Sirius was looking at Amy as she excused herself from the room. But I didn't have a lot of time to think about that because Sirius picked up a little piece of paper from the floor and handed it to James.

"What's this?" James asked, turning over the parchment with a frown of confusion.

From the smell of the parchment, it had been in Vanessa's bag for some time. Her whole bag smelled like her lotion, which was a mix of freesia and sandalwood, and even her books smelled like it if they spent enough time in that bag.

"Vanessa," I squeaked. "It smells like her book-bag."

"How do you know what her book-bag smells like?" Sirius asked me, frowning slightly.

"How do you not?" Remus chuckled. "It doesn't even take animal senses. She keeps so much scent in that thing that everything she owns reeks of freesias."

"Vanessa Potter?" James read off the paper, eyes popping out of his head. "No! That's disgusting! No offense, mate."

"None taken," Sirius sighed, flopping onto his bed.

"Are those...wedding dresses?" Remus asked hesitantly, looking at the scribbles by the practiced signatures.

"Yup," Sirius said, popping the "p."

James frowned, scratching his head.

"I don't get it," he finally said. "What is it?"

"It's a piece of paper Sarah and Amy found in Vanessa's notes, James," Sirius groaned. "Vanessa doesn't want to be with me. She wants to marry you so she can achieve pureblood perfection. She wants your money and she's using me."

"But I'm going to marry Lily," James said, still confused. "I don't see the point."

"Obviously she thought she could change your mind," Remus chuckled. "I'm not sure why, since everybody pretty much knows that's a useless venture, but obviously she felt up to the task."

I sat down on my bed, watching them try to puzzle out what to do about Vanessa. Revenge, of course, would be the first course of action, and knowing Sirius revenge would take the form a very public, humiliating break-up. While they worked on that I started thinking of the wider implications.

Sirius would start thinking of his next catch soon enough and the list had gotten considerably shorter with his many relationships. The only ones I could think of anymore were Sarah and Amy. He couldn't have Amy, not if I was ever going to have a chance at her, and I wasn't sure he'd be interested in Sarah...

"I'm thinking we make her cry," I heard James say firmly.

"Sounds good," Sirius sighed.

I tuned them out again, thinking of Vanessa's obsession with James. She'd never been dumped before, and I had a feeling she wouldn't take kindly to the dumping, nor did I think she would give up pursuing James, especially if they didn't mention that they knew when they dumped her.

Well, when Sirius dumped her, since it was really his responsibility in spite of the fact that we would likely all play a role.

"Pete, do you think you could figure out some stuff about Vanessa?" Sirius asked. "Gross habits, something really unattractive? I want to make this really embarrassing, in front of everyone."

"Sure," I squeaked, ignoring the unsure look Remus had.

"Why don't we just ask Amy?" James asked. "She's sure to have a boat-load of things-"

"No," Sirius said sharply. "No, that's the other thing, Pete, things Amy probably won't know. Things she only does when she's alone. I don't want Amy getting any more backlash in this than we can help. She's done more than her part in bringing this to me. Don't forget, she was friends with Vanessa first."

"Was she?" James asked, smiling as he tried to think back to first year. "It all feels like it happened on the first day."

"It did," Remus said with a smirk. "She met Vanessa on the train. She met us at dinner. We all know how sacred those train relationships are."

We all grinned at each other, recalling the vast number of sweets we'd eaten on our very first train ride to Hogwarts, courtesy of James and Sirius. A lot of my best memories were courtesy of James and Sirius.

"That's hardly early enough to count as before us," James pressed on, slightly insulted.

"James-"

"I'm going to take a nap," I squeaked, wanting to get out of the whole mess of a discussion which I knew was about to happen. They waved me off and I pulled my bed hangings around me, lying on my side and blocking them out.

Sirius had definitely been looking at Amy in a different way, a way I hadn't seen him do before. I really hadn't seen him look at anyone like that, and that was what scared me the most.

But then I closed my eyes and I could still see Amy's naked breasts bouncing in front of me. How badly I wanted to touch and taste those breasts. I wondered what sorts of sounds she might make if I squeezed them, how heavy they would feel in my hands.

I could feel myself getting aroused at the thought and I bit back a moan as I thought of her hands on my cock. Shivering, I pictured her hands, perfect and soft and small. She was perfectly sized for me, and I knew it. For a tall girl like Vanessa or Sarah, Sirius wasn't so disproportionately tall, but Amy was petite.

Maybe I would say that to Sirius, trying to convince him that Sarah would be his best bet for his next girlfriend.

"Well, I've got a Heads meeting with Professor Dumbledore and Lily," James finally said. "I think we've worked out all the basics and we can focus on the details later, all right?"

"Sounds good," Sirius sighed. "See you."

When the door closed behind James I almost opened the curtains again, but then Sirius said, "I've got something private to talk with you about. You think Pete's actually asleep, or should we do Muffliato?"

"Pete?" Remus asked firmly, and I decided to stay silent, pretend I was asleep, and listen carefully to whatever they wanted to keep James and me out of. I closed my eyes as Remus peeked in through the curtains and declared me asleep to Sirius before heading back by Sirius to ensure that I stayed asleep.

"Amy and I talked about some other stuff too," Sirius sighed, and I could just picture him running his hand through his hair like he did sometimes, the same way James did but with very different effect.

"What stuff?"

"Well, we were talking about her love life, and we were talking about you, actually-"

"Did she say she liked me?" Remus said eagerly. I winced.

"N-no, actually, she thinks of you as a friend," Sirius replied apologetically, which I silently cheered about. "But she did mention that there's someone she knows who has a massive crush on you."

"Really?" Remus whispered, a bit hurt, obviously, but he was curious. That was a good strategy, bringing up the crush right after the big letdown. I would have to write that down for future reference. "Who?"

"Didn't say, mate, but she did assure me that she thought it would be a very good match, so that's something."

"Yeah, I guess, so, but I-"

"Deserve love as much as the next red-blooded male, Moony, which is what you are and you know it."

"Whatever you say, Pads," Remus said, although it was clear he didn't believe a word he said.

"But it wasn't just that, you know. She told me that she had a crush on someone and wouldn't tell me who and it's driving me mad."

"Really? Did she give you any clues?"

My ears perked up. This could mean the continuation of hope or the beginning of the end for me.

"She told me it was someone I like, but if they like her back I'm not sure that'll last long."

"Sirius, you can't just beat up every guy who ever takes an interest in her. How do you expect her to form attachments, fall in love, and get married? Would you have beaten me up for asking her out?"

"No, Moony, but-"

"Then what makes anyone else any different?"

"I don't know, I guess I knew you'd never get up the courage to ask, so that didn't really matter."

There was a silence and I knew that Remus was collecting his pride enough to help Sirius deal with whatever emotions knowing about Amy's crush had caused for Sirius.

I was hoping the main emotion was shock.

"So what bothers you about someone liking Amy is the thought that they might actually do something about it. And... what, that she might accept? Sirius, what would you feel if you saw Amy kissing someone? Picture in your mind the thought of Amy kissing, say, James."

"I can't picture that, Remus. That's just weird."

"All right, well, what about one of the Prewetts, then? You like them."

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Well?"

"I'd want to rip off his face and hands and any part of him that touched her."

I could hear Remus sigh as I imagined Sirius attempting to rip off my face. It wasn't a very comfortable thought.

"Sirius, how can you expect her to live a normal life if you won't let her? You can't run around dating every eligible girl in Hogwarts and then attempt to castrate any guy who even finds her attractive."

"But she doesn't understand, Moony. Those guys, they're not good enough for her. They don't deserve her."

Remus sighed.

"Who does deserve her, then, Sirius? Does anyone, or is every man on the face of the planet just not good enough? Because while I concede that she is a wonderful girl, Sirius, she's just a girl."

"She's not just a girl, Moony! That's what I'm trying to say. She's... she's special and she's perfect and she doesn't even see-"

"Sirius-"

"No, I will find the words! I just don't know-"

"Sirius, is anyone good enough for her?"

Sirius sighed.

I perked up my ears once more, not wanting to miss a word.

"I don't know."

"Don't go off on a technicality, Sirius. I grant that you've not met everyone in the world. Well, do you think you're good enough for her?"

"Moony, that doesn't even matter," Sirius sighed. "She wouldn't want me anyway."

"Why not?"

"Because if she sees you as a friend then she sees me as one."

Remus chuckled.

"Sirius, despite popular belief, the Marauders are not all one person."

They laughed and I gripped my comforter.

"Well, what about Pete, then? Is Pete good enough for her?"

"Of course not," Sirius snorted, and I felt my eyes sting with tears.

So that was how it was. Years of friendship, years of devotion, and when it came down to it I was still just Pete, still not worthy to be in the Marauders, a member by a fluke, certainly not worthy to date Amy McAuley, the most perfect girl in Hogwarts.

"Why not?"

"Because, Moony, he's Pete. Could you image those two shagging?"

"I'd rather not."

"I think everyone would rather not."

"Can you imagine you shagging her?"

"I-I don't know. I've never tried."

"But can you?"

"I'm not sure I want to."

I sat up a little, leaning closer to the bed hangings.

"Why not?"

"Do you imagine yourself goring bunnies on a full moon?" There was a horrified silence. "It's like... even though I know it would bring me pleasure, even though I think she's beautiful and wonderful, spoiling that sort of innocence... It just seems terrible."

"Sirius, she's just a girl."

"So you keep saying."

"You know it's true. She's just a girl, and while she might be a great one, she wants to shag someday with someone. If you don't want it to be you, maybe you should loosen the chokehold and let it be someone you like instead of driving her away."

Sirius seemed to have no response to that and I rolled onto my stomach, thinking over everything that had just happened.

First of all, Amy had a crush on someone, and if I couldn't figure out who that someone was then I was a failure of an admirer. Remus was out of the picture, but somewhere out there was competition, and if I was to win Amy then I had to get rid of them.

I wasn't sure how I would do that, but maybe knowing who I was dealing with would give me some ideas. After all, I hadn't spent over six years taking part in hundreds of Marauder plots to allow myself to be easily defeated.

Secondly, though, was the idea that Sirius didn't see me as fit to be with Amy. The idea of my being with her was repulsive to him, and apparently to Remus as well. I knew I wasn't anywhere near the physical attractiveness of Sirius or James, or even Remus, whose time as a werewolf had given him not just scars but a rather muscular physique.

But I wasn't _that_ bad. I could lose a few pounds, shave more regularly, and bathe more vigorously. I wasn't _repulsive_, though.

How would I approach Amy when the time came, though, without Sirius doing something to keep me from her? I knew now that he would not take well to my advances on her, even if she did. And Marauder or not, nobody crossed Sirius where Amy was concerned.

Well, I'd just have to be discrete about it, obviously. And I was perhaps the most discrete of the Marauders, since Sirius hadn't yet guessed that I even liked Amy, much less that I'd seen her naked.

I grinned a bit at the thought.

What would Sirius say if he knew that I had seen Amy changing, and thought about it often? However unworthy he thought me, I'd still gotten closer to possessing her than any other guy in the world, and the very thought gave me confidence.

But there was still a lot to worry about.

For all of Sirius's talk of her innocence, there was no doubt that Sirius looked at Amy in a very different way now than he'd done before, and it wasn't too far of a jump from that to desiring her, loving her, approaching her. However she looked at Sirius now wasn't really the point. Sirius wasn't Remus. If he wanted a girl, no matter who she was, he got her, and I'd already witnessed dozens of times that Amy couldn't say no to him. If Sirius decided he wanted Amy... it was only a matter of time.

I wasn't sure how close he was to that, but I knew that he seemed to be well on the path to putting two and two together, realizing that the feeling he had about Amy that he didn't know how to explain to us no matter how hard he tried, was love.

My hands gripped my duvet and wrung it, anxious.

He was in love with her, I realized.

That was what he was looking at her with, realization. He was starting to see her as a woman, starting to look at her like she was the attractive, sexy, intelligent woman she was. He was starting to think that there was something in the way he looked at her that was different from other girls, and not just because she was his best friend.

I suspected that he realized he was attracted to her, but had he figured out the rest yet?

I didn't think so, but Sirius was clever. I didn't think it would take him very long to put it all together, especially with Remus obviously trying to point it out to him. How long before Remus gave up and flat out told Sirius that he thought Sirius was in love with Amy?

No, I couldn't have that. I would have to find some way to plan my advances and counter whatever might happen with Sirius.

"I'm going to shower," I heard Remus say, and he left, the bathroom door closing behind him and the shower starting a few minutes later.

I peeked out of the curtains, careful not to be too obvious, and luckily Sirius didn't see me.

He was too busy looking at the picture by Remus's bed, the picture of us at Hogsmeade with Amy, Sarah, and Vanessa. He was frowning down at it thoughtfully, running his thumb over Amy, watching her as she laughed.

"Beautiful," he sighed, smiling slightly in a way I'd never seen him smile before. "Absolutely beautiful."

I wanted to bite his thumb off, so that he could no longer touch her image like that, but I just watched angrily.

"Oh, Amy," he sighed, putting the picture down again. "I just don't know."

He then flopped down on his bed, covering his eyes and rubbing his temple, and I hoped he was trying to wipe his mind of whatever thoughts had come up of him and Amy. I wanted to be the only one in that room picturing her in bed.

But as soon as I thought of him cleaning his mind I thought of what they would look like together, and judging from the few times I'd stayed in rat form to watch him shag, I could picture it all very clearly.

I could see Sirius hovering over Amy, their lips interlocked, his hands bracing him, hers clutching his back. I could see him thrusting repeatedly, could hear the pants and moans and cries...

Closing the curtains again I could feel more tears stinging at the corners of my eyes.

Whatever happened, whether or not I could get Amy to fall for me, one thing was absolutely certain.

I would never, ever forgive Sirius for what he'd said about me not deserving Amy. Friends didn't say things like that, didn't think things like that, and I didn't know yet what I would do about it, but I would find a way to make him pay.


	10. Bonding and Breaking

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader, **_**BannaRamma132**_**. I hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

I was studying the Herbology, which Sarah and I hadn't had a proper opportunity to finish because of our discovery when Remus sat down across from me, frowning slightly.

Sirius must have told him that I wasn't interested, I thought, but he seemed to be taking it remarkably well.

"Hey," he said softly. "Sirius and I had a talk yesterday."

"Did you?" I asked, flipping through the book I'd turned to in lieu of the textbook.

"Yeah, he said some really interesting things."

"He does that sometimes."

"Amy, I know you don't like me."

I sighed and looked up at him sadly, giving him an apologetic smile.

"It's not personal, Remus, I just see you as a friend. I hope you understand-"

"I do," he assured me eagerly. "I promise, I do. It'll take some time for me to change the way I think about you, but I do understand."

"Well," I admitted with a shaky chuckle, "that's a bit of a relief. I was worried things were going to be awkward with us, and I really value your friendship."

"Actually," Remus said, blushing slightly and clearing his throat. "Um, Sirius mentioned that you know someone who has a crush on me, but he didn't say who."

"Did he?" I asked, grinning slightly.

Good job, Sirius.

That was probably most of why Remus was getting over me so easily, knowing that someone did find him attractive. But I couldn't betray Sarah's trust and tell him who it was. Sirius knew that, which was probably why he didn't say, either.

"You...you couldn't tell me, could you?"

"Remus," I sighed, smiling at him sympathetically, "you know I can't do that. I would be betraying a trust. But I can tell you that she's mad about you, she's a great girl, and if you look around with the right frame of mind I think you'll find her without my help."

He frowned slightly, looking down at my Herbology notes thoughtfully. I thought he had accepted my excuses, but then he said, "But what if I don't find her? What if I don't see?"

I sighed.

"Remus, if you really can't figure it out then I'll see what I can do, but I want you to at least try. Besides, you'll feel closer to her for figuring it out yourself. That's the way it is with affections, I've found."

I looked up when he didn't say anything and found him watching me peculiarly.

"What?" I asked, frowning.

"Sirius said you had a crush on someone," he said, narrowing his eyes slightly.

Uh-oh. With the powers of the Marauders trying to figure it out together, how long could I keep my crush a secret?

"So you all know?" I asked sheepishly.

Remus shook his head.

"No, just the two of us. Pete was sleeping and James had a meeting. It was a private talk."

Well, that was mildly a relief, although they were still the only two I thought could figure it out.

"Oh."

"Are you going to tell me who it is?" he said with a grin.

"What, so you could go and tell Sirius?" I teased. "No thank you."

"Yeah, he's a bit harsh when it comes to your love life," he laughed. "I'm amazed he didn't try to blind me just for looking at you sometimes."

I laughed nervously, trying to figure out what Remus's technique for getting me to tell would be. His loyalty to Sirius dictated that he had to try, and while I knew Sirius's every quirk Remus was obviously still somewhat a mystery to me. He might be able to get things out of me that Sirius even couldn't.

"Yeah, I guess," I said with a shrug. "Bit annoying, right?"

"He cares about you," Remus said earnestly. "You know that."

"Yeah, something about how none of them deserve me, whatever that means," I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "He has a higher opinion of me than I do, which is strange. He certainly doesn't have any good opinion of my ability to make decisions."

"He means well."

"So do dogs when they pee on your shoe."

Remus gave such a loud, abrupt laugh that I thought we were going to get in trouble with the librarian.

"It wasn't that funny," I said, incredulous.

"No, but it was," he insisted. "You know, because-"

"Because Sirius is a dog, right," I sighed. "Has he ever peed on someone's shoe?"

Remus tilted his head thoughtfully.

"You know, not that I know of, but I might mention it to him. He might want to use that soon for-"

"For what?" I demanded.

"Ah, well, you know."

"Right."

Vanessa. He might pee on Vanessa's shoe.

I had to smile, just a little bit, thinking of how she would shriek if he did.

Well, she deserved it, anyway.

"So, back to Sirius and your love life," Remus said brightly, and I groaned.

For a split second as he'd said the words, I had let myself believe that he was talking about me having a love life with Sirius, but I knew the very idea of it was ludicrous. Even if Sirius knew, he would never want me. For all his talk about me being beautiful he'd never once considered me among the eligible girls of Hogwarts, so I obviously wasn't on his radar.

So I couldn't be _that_ pretty.

No, I could fool myself most of the time, but I wasn't really in the mood.

"Amy?"

"Remus, I really don't want to talk about it. I'm not going to tell you who it is and I'm not telling Sirius."

"Yeah, he said you wanted him to try to figure it out but..."

He trailed off suspiciously and I looked up at him again and saw his eyes widen.

"Wait a moment," he muttered, and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

What on earth could I have done to send him into such a mental tizzy?

"It's Sirius."

I could feel my heart in my throat, pounding away at my trachea. There was no way he could know that. No way at all.

"What makes you say-?"

"You said earlier that figuring it out for yourself makes you feel closer to the person," he muttered. "When you were talking about my stuff. You want Sirius to figure it out himself because it's him, and you want him to fall for you while he's trying to figure it out."

I was officially an idiot.

"Remus, please don't tell-"

"Wow," he laughed, leaning back in his chair, smirking. "I was just talking out a hunch, but now you've confessed."

Oh, I was going to find some hole to crawl in somewhere and never come out. I could feel tears stinging my eyes as panic began to set in.

Sirius would know, Sirius would know that'd I'd been in love with him for years and how graciously would he be able to tell me that I was a pathetic dreamer?

"Hey," Remus said, frowning, touching my hand. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"You can't tell him, Remus," I said frantically, gripping Remus's hand in mine. "Please, don't tell him anything."

"All right, I won't," he agreed, bewildered. "But I don't understand why you're so upset."

"Because," I said, wiping my eyes. "I think he'll find out someday, but the idea that he'll finally know that I'm in love with him and hearing him say he doesn't love me back... Remus, I don't think I could hear that. It's bad enough knowing I'll probably hear it someday, but just thinking about hearing it now made me panic."

"I understand," Remus said, nodding, squeezing my hand gently. "I do. It's how I felt at the thought of telling you how I felt, except maybe a bit more intense for you, from the sound of things." I sighed heavily, letting go of Remus's hand and rubbing my forehead. "But Amy, I don't know that you can be so sure that he would turn you away."

"Why not?" I asked bitterly, hoping he would give me some hint that would tell me that Sirius might actually be in love with me too, crazy though it was.

"Well, I think Sirius is a bit confused right now," Remus said slowly. "But this stuff with Vanessa has made him think about his priorities about, and like I said, he holds you in high esteem. He's always thought of you as special, different. That could translate to love."

"Could," I sighed. "Might. Maybe. These are the things I say to myself all the time, Remus. I'm sure you told yourself similar things. And it's nice to have hope, but I have to be realistic now so I don't get too hurt later."

"I told myself that too," Remus said with a nod. "How could you want me, knowing what I was? The day you found out that I was a werewolf, Amy, I thought my life was over. How could even look at me, knowing?"

"Remus, you know that's not why, right?" I said, hurt that he could think something so low of me. Of course I'd been shocked and dismayed that he was a werewolf, but I was a bit more concerned with his health and safety than any social implications. I didn't look at him any differently, if anything with a bit more respect and understanding.

"I know," Remus said, although I wasn't fully convinced he wasn't lying. "But it was what I told myself to keep my hopes from getting out of control."

"And it worked," I offered weakly. "You've handled it pretty well."

He frowned.

"Amy, I don't want you giving up on something you want because it might not work," he said firmly. "There's no reason he wouldn't want you."

"Remus, how many times have I sat there while he went over the eligible girls of Hogwarts?"

He smiled sadly and said, "A fair few."

"And how many times did I ever come up on that list?"

"Amy-"

"How many times?"

"All right, fair enough. But I don't think it's because of whatever you're thinking. Why do you think he doesn't put you on the list?"

"Apart from the obvious reason of my being in the room?" I declared cheekily, trying to keep a good attitude about the whole thing. "I imagine it's because I'm not his type."

Remus frowned, clearly confused, so I tried to clarify.

"You know, like the things we talk about. Gaps in teeth, frizzy hair..."

"Amy-"

"I know I'm not ugly, Remus," I said, ignoring that I was once again, about to cry, "but he sees me with Vanessa and Lily and Marlene and Sarah all the time. Even if Sarah and Marlene aren't knockouts, every single one of them has something really special about how they look. Sarah's got beautiful legs, for one. But I'm just...just..."

"Amy," he said gently, "I'm not going to sit here and debate with you about your looks. I know people can be funny about these sorts of things, but I promise you that I did not fall for you thinking you were just okay. You're a very beautiful girl, and I happen to prefer your legs to Sarah's. Hers are nice, but a lot of guys like strong legs."

I raised my eyebrows, not sure I believed him. But I would have to keep that in mind in trying to push him and Sarah together.

Something other than her legs.

"Anyway, what I was going to say was that he thinks you're too special," Remus said with a smile. "You're better than the so-called eligible girls of Hogwarts, and he might think you're a little too good for even him."

"That's ridiculous," I said, not sure I believed him once again.

"I didn't say it made sense," Remus laughed. "I'll admit it's a bit barmy, but logic wasn't Sirius's strong suit." He looked at his watch. "Oh, I'm going to be late if I don't leave now. If you want to see the show, Amy, be sure to be early for dinner."

I just watched him leave the library and checked my watch. There wasn't a lot of time left if I wanted to be early for dinner, and assuming that it was time for whatever they were doing to Vanessa. Gathering up my thing and returning my book to where I found it, I made my way out of the library and down to the Great Hall, wondering about what they might do in retaliation for what Vanessa had done to Sirius, and whether or not I could be found as an accomplice in it.

"Hey," Vanessa said, grinning. I tried to grin back as I sat down across from her, next to Sarah, but I was more than a little anxious. "Have you been crying?"

"Reading one of those books my sister sent me," I lied. "You know, the true tragic stories."

"Ew," Vanessa said, wrinkling her nose. "You know," she continued, excited and as if I hadn't told her about the books at all, "Sirius said he had a surprise for me at dinner. I wonder what it is."

"Knowing those boys it's probably something prank-like," Sarah said, smirking slightly.

I wished she wouldn't do that. I wished she wouldn't bring us into the whole mess by speculating.

"Sirius is nuts for me," Vanessa sighed. "You see, Amy, I told you everything would be fine."

Biting the inside of my mouth I nodded, forcing a smile.

"Looks like you were right," I lied. "I concede it. Have you started thinking of names for children, or-?"

"Cute," she said, giving me an annoyed look.

And then I heard barking under the table and my heart froze.

Remus must have told him after all.

Vanessa gasped and looked under the table, only to see the dog already rushing out of the great hall, and I knew Sirius had probably taken shelter in some broom cupboard to change. Sure enough, moments later, as Vanessa was shrieking, Sirius sauntered into the Great Hall with the other Marauders, coming over to where we were sitting.

"Did you see that dog?" Vanessa shrieked at Sirius.

"What dog?" he asked, and I would have to remember to commend his acting later.

"That monstrous black thing that just peed on my shoes!" she cried, and a few first years up the table giggled.

"Did you see anything black and monstrous, James?" Sirius asked, sitting down.

"Nope, nothing," James replied, grinning, although that could easily be interpreted at amusement with the whole situation. Admittedly, even I was finding it very difficult to not laugh.

"Then explain why there's urine all over my shoes," she demanded, and Peter began to giggle inanely, so loudly that even some of the first years laughed, although whether at Vanessa or Peter I couldn't tell.

Sirius then smirked and I knew she was playing right into their hand.

"Never thought you'd sink that low, Brown, blaming your hygiene issues on imaginary puppies," Sirius said loudly.

"What?" Vanessa cried. "What are you talking about?"

"Vanessa, if you shower every four days you're bound to have issues with scent," Sirius sighed. "But blaming it on a dog..."

"I do it to keep my hair from frizzing!" she cried, and half the Great Hall was laughing by this point. I pursed my lips together, wondering how he knew about her irregular shower habits.

"Freshening Charms and perfume only mask odor, Brown," Sirius continued, clearly relishing the public humiliation. "Lack of showering means rank odor."

There were tears in her eyes as people began to jeer at her, teasing her, laughing at her. No doubt her world was spinning.

"Why are you saying this?" she said, choking, eyes filling with tears, and I knew automatically that the boys had gone too far. But how could I say a word, especially in front of the whole school, against Sirius? Especially to defend a girl who'd done what Vanessa had.

So I just pushed my peas around on my plate, trying to disappear.

"Because, I'm sick of you, Vanessa," he said, smirking proudly. "I'm sick of trying to pretend I like you."

"Are you breaking up with me?" she gasped, and that made me just a little bit furious with her, the empathy completely gone.

She wasn't upset to be done with Sirius. She was upset that she'd not finished enacting whatever designs she had on James.

"It's over, Vanessa," Sirius said, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Have a nice shower. I mean life."

He then winked at me, and motioned for me to follow him out of the Great Hall, probably to eat in the kitchens and talk about his victory.

I sat there for a moment, trying to decide what to do.

If I stayed, I would look to be siding with Vanessa, and maybe salvage my friendship through the breakup.

If I went with Sirius, maybe this would be the time he looked at me as a truly eligible choice, and maybe he would look at me and see someone he wanted to be with.

I glanced at Vanessa, shot her my most apologetic look, and followed the Marauders out of the Great Hall to the kitchens, listening to them replaying the best moments of their whole event.

"What did you think, Amy?" he asked when I sat down beside him.

"I think Vanessa is going to be furious with me when I talk to her next," I said sadly. "That was a bit harsh."

"You haven't forgotten when she did, right?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows.

"No," I replied. "But she's going to blame me for taking sides with you."

"What do you mean?" James said. "When did you take sides?"

"By following you guys out of the Hall," I whispered. "Vanessa is going to be furious."

Sirius frowned.

"I meant to keep you out of it," he said, confused. "Why did you follow?"

"Because you asked me to," I groaned, already imagining the look on Vanessa's face when it would come down to it.


	11. Firm Break and Thin Bond

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader, **_**Slytherin's Strumpet**_**. I hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

Vanessa and I sat in the common room in silence, not even enjoying the fact that no one else was in the room.

When Amy came through the portrait hole Vanessa let loose, leaving absolutely no question on what we had been waiting for.

"How dare you!"

I raised my eyebrows at Amy, awaiting instruction. Were we sticking by Vanessa as long as we could, or were we siding with the Marauders?

Vanessa made my life a bit better by being her friend. She would loan me clothes, buy me expensive presents, and give me wonderful make-up and hair tips.

But there was no replacing Amy where friendship was concerned. If there was going to be a break - and there was no longer a doubt in my mind that a break would come sooner or later - I would be following Amy out. Besides, she was still my ticket to Remus.

"How dare I what?" Amy said softly, looking at me quickly before bravely turning back to a fuming Vanessa.

"How dare you side with those...those...cretins!"

Amy put her things down at her feet, raising an eyebrow.

"If you're talking about my friends, the boys whose antics you always admired and especially the boy whose face you seemed to rather enjoy sucking, I'm not sure I know what you mean."

Vanessa's face was a rather unattractive shade of purple, and she got right in Amy's face, which was saying something, considering she was about six inches taller than Amy.

"They humiliated me! They humiliated me in front of everyone! And you went with them!"

"Did you expect me to stay with you?" Amy responded with surprising coolness. "You smelled of dog pee."

I giggled, and that was a big mistake, because then Vanessa turned her attention to the two of us instead of just Amy.

"Oh, very funny," she snarled. "And how did Sirius find out about my showering abnormalities, huh? Which of you decided to gossip to the Marauders about me?"

"Neither of us," Amy said softly. "I wouldn't put it past Lily, though. She's close to Remus, and let's not forget, _she_ doesn't like you. She's not your _friend_."

"It seems I don't have any friends," Vanessa cried. "Not here, not in this House. You two let me fend for myself out there!"

"Oh, did we?" I muttered coldly, catching on that we were making the break now, not trying to wait for later. "Because that sounds oddly familiar to me. How about all the times Lily attacked Amy, or every time Amy attacked Lily, and Amy needed your help and you just watched, too worried to get your hands dirty or, Merlin for bid, break a nail! I'm happy to support Amy because I know that if it came down to it she would do the same for me, but why should either of us support you, Vanessa? You've never been there for us!"

Vanessa frowned, confused.

"That - that was different!"

We shook our heads at each other incredulously.

"The fact of the matter," Amy said with a heavy sigh, "is that you don't support us, Vanessa. Sarah has always been there for me, and the Marauders have made plain very regularly that they would do anything for me, Sirius especially. If you ask me to choose between you, I would choose them every time. But I don't want to choose. I really wish you wouldn't make me."

I gripped my Charms textbook, which was sitting on the table in front of me, and I saw Vanessa's face contort into the most unattractive configuration imaginable.

"Do you honestly think that you can have them and me after what they just did?" she shrieked.

No, I really didn't think it was possible, but Amy seemed determined to at least make Vanessa think we were giving it a chance.

"It's not about what I think," Amy whispered. "It's about what you think."

"Well, I think you two are _mad_!" Vanessa screamed. "I think that it's a miracle I've put up with you all these years, and if you're going to let anyone treat me like that then I know how things _really_ are with us! We're done!"

Vanessa stormed up to their dormitory and left Amy and me staring after her, frowning. With a sigh, Amy sat down across from me at the table, rubbing her temples as she sank into the chair.

"How are you feeling?" I asked gently.

"I'm feeling tired," she admitted. "I mean, I sort of knew that mess with Vanessa was going to turn out something like this, but being mentally prepared for it happening is nothing like being mentally prepared for the emotional toll dealing with it takes."

"I know," I sighed, pushing my Charms book open lazily. "I feel a bit like I need a really good nap. Unfortunately, I'm a bit afraid to go upstairs at the moment."

"Me too," Amy groaned, still rubbing her temples. "Nobody ever says that losing friends is going to be more exhausting than losing a week of sleep, but it seems very accurate."

I nodded absently, flipping through the pages, trying to find the notes on the workings of a Fidelus Charm. I hadn't even started my essay, and it was due in two days.

"You know, I wish just once that being friends with those boys would not cost me something."

I knew what she was talking about, about the issues with Lily and the lack of dating, and now of course losing Vanessa. But I also knew that for all the negatives there was really no part of Amy that would have sacrificed Sirius for any of it, or even all of it together. I knew I had a crush on Remus, but it was nothing to the absolute devotion Amy had for Sirius, and had had for years.

"I'm sure things will all work themselves out in the end," I said weakly, but Amy's attention had been diverted by the opening of the portrait hole and the entrance of Sirius and Remus.

"Hello, ladies," Sirius said smoothly, sitting down across from me, next to Amy. Remus sat down beside me, pulling out his Transfiguration textbook and glancing over my shoulder to see what I was reading. "What's going on up here?"

"Shut up," Amy snapped, not looking up at Sirius, whose face instantly flashed with hurt.

"Right," he said slowly, biting the inside of his cheek. "Right, well, Kelly, would you care to explain to me why Amy's behaving like I've killed her owl or something?"

"Maybe because we are no longer friends with Vanessa due to our lack of supporting her during your very public and intense dumping of her," I said as calmly as possible. "Congratulations, by the way. You've outdone yourself this time."

"Thanks," he said with a proud grin before he'd processed all of what I said, and all three of us were surprised when Amy actually smacked Sirius hard across the upper arm. "Woah, what was that for?"

"I told you," she said tearfully. "I told you not to get involved with her, not to get me involved in the break-up, but you never listen, do you!"

"Amy, I-"

"No, Sirius, for once you're going to listen to me!" she sobbed, and Remus and I exchanged nervous looks, raising our books up over our faces and pretending to read our textbooks as the fight dragged on, on the other side of the books. Remus gave me an apologetic look and my heart fluttered.

Maybe losing Vanessa was the best thing that could have happened after all.

"What?"

"I'm glad you're rid of her. Truly. But I've sacrificed so much to be your friend and you take it for granted and I'm sick of it!"

Remus winced behind his book and I stifled a giggle, trying not to be anything but a sympathetic and silent entity in Amy's current emotional battle with herself.

And that's really who Amy was at war with. Not Vanessa, not Sirius, no matter how easy it was to pick fights with the both of them. She was trying to sort out her clashing priorities and loyalties and it was a painful task. But it was frustrating for me to watch because I already knew which choices she was going to make and the pain she was currently experiencing seemed so needless when the end result seemed so obvious.

"I don't take you for granted, Amy."

"Sirius, Lily Evans has made me her personal punching bag! And with James's antics, she's got a lot of anger and aggression to work out."

"She's not going to pick on you with McGonagall keeping an eye on things, Amy. She rather likes being Head Girl."

"But that's beside the point! It took you seven years to notice-"

"You hid it well."

"Sirius, you believed that the split lip in fourth year was chapped lips."

There was a bit of a stunned silence and I recalled the incident in question.

Amy and Lily had gotten into a tussle in the middle of our dormitory, as usually happened when the insults started to fly. Somehow in the midst of everything, Amy hit a post on Marlene's bed face-first, and if she'd been just a fraction to the left she would have broken her nose instead of merely splitting her lip.

That injury alone had been enough to stop the fight in those early years, Lily terrified of getting in trouble for obviously assaulting another student. Not so terrified that she'd helped me clean up the blood and clean the wound, but it was better than she'd been lately.

"Amy, I wish you would have told me," Sirius sighed. "I was young and stupid, and I didn't actually believe you, I just thought you were embarrassed to tell me you'd slipped in the shower or something."

"And now Vanessa is furious at us and we're a bit nervous to go upstairs until we're sure she's gone to sleep," Amy said softly, obviously content that he understood her predicament. "It was already war in that dormitory, Sirius, but now it's even worse. And I have no one to help me but Sarah, because even though you care and support me, you're not there and you can't be."

"You could stay in my dorm-"

"No, I couldn't," Amy insisted. "I couldn't leave Sarah alone, and I couldn't do it very often. Lily would turn me in in a heartbeat."

Remus and I exchanged a brief look.

Oh, if not for Lily and her sure rule-enforcing, turning us in, I would have gladly joined her in the boys' dormitory.

"I guess I don't really understand what you want from me, Amy. If you don't let me fix things-"

"That's the point, Sirius," Amy sighed. "When I ask you for help, I'm really glad to have it and it's wonderful. When I don't ask for your help, nine times out of ten I don't want it."

"And with Lily?" he demanded. "Wasn't it good that I finally stepped in?"

"Yes, and I'm not perfect," Amy admitted. "Sometimes I don't ask for help when I need it, and Sarah knows about that. But I would think that if you were concerned you should be able to talk to Sarah, talk to Remus, figure out whether or not you're merited."

"Fair enough," Sirius sighed. "I just worry about you, Amy. You can't ask me to stop that."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Amy said, and very boldly leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I'm going to the library to finish studying before curfew."

As soon as she left the common room Sirius glanced over at Remus and me, saw that our books were up, and said, "I think I'm going to take a shower. See ya."

When he'd retreated up the stairs Remus and I dropped our books and looked at each other, sighing.

"Wow," I said, grinning. "Where did you get that dog?"

"Marauder secret," he replied in a cheeky, self-pleased way that I'd come to associate with Sirius and James. "How's Charms?"

I groaned and he laughed. Heartened by the banter, I tried throwing it back at him.

"How's Transfiguration?"

"I'm not sure," he said with an amused frown, glancing down at the page. "Ah, we covered this chapter a few weeks ago. So I guess, quite well."

We laughed together, pushing our books aside and smiling at each other.

I was so close to his amber eyes that I could almost lean forward and kiss him. The thought was very enticing.

"So, I saw you got a letter from home this morning," Remus said, smiling slightly. "Everything okay? Good news, I hope."

"Oh, everything's fine," I assured him, touched that he would notice the letter, remember it, and even think to ask me that it was all okay at home. I knew that for so many people letters from home brought tales of death, destruction, and devastation. "My mum was just writing that Maria and Cole wanted letters and that they were already trying to decide which sweets to send in the care packages."

"Maria and Cole are how old?" he asked, curious.

"Oh, well, Maria's ten and Cole's nine. They're the youngest."

"Right," Remus said with a smile. "It must be nice, having siblings."

"Sometimes," I admitted, sheepishly. "There's a lot of pressure being the oldest, and a lot of work. Plus there's really no chance of privacy ever. But George is great for helping me with dueling practice, which is sort of important, and Nicole is wonderful at Healing charms."

"Is she?" he asked, grinning. "Isn't she friends with MacKenzie?"

"Amy's little sister? Yeah," I said with a smile. "They're inseparable. But even more important, I think George is smitten with MacKenzie. He's working up the nerve to ask her to Hogsmeade, but don't tell anyone I said so."

"Not a soul," he said very seriously, then grinning. "So how many others are there?"

"Well, Katelyn's a second year," I recited. "Ravenclaw, like Nicole. And Easton's in first year, in Hufflepuff. He was very upset, as there's not been a Hufflepuff in our family until him, but I think he's very happy there now, especially after the encouraging letter Mum wrote him. Maria's hoping for Gryffindor, I think. She adores George, wants to be just like him, and she's always rather idolized Natalie..."

"Amy's sister?"

"Yeah."

He shook his head, grinning.

"Family of nine," he sighed. "I'll never understand it. Even bigger than Amy's family!"

"Yes, and I don't know of a pureblood family as big as hers apart from the Weasleys," I said thoughtfully. "You've met the Weasleys?"

"I've heard of them," he said with a shrug. "Didn't the Prewetts' older sister marry one?"

"Right, Arthur," I recalled. "Merlin help him. From what Gideon said, she's a bit domineering."

"I don't think I could handle a girl like that," Remus said solemnly. "I don't like being pushed around."

"So you don't like Lily?" I asked without thinking, and I could feel myself blushing when I realized that the words had actually left my mouth.

Remus blinked at me for a moment, and then he laughed.

"Merlin, no!" he laughed. "I mean, I think of her as a friend, but even if James didn't think he was madly in love with her I don't think we could ever make something work between us. She's very pretty, yes, but not my type."

Relieved, I managed to just nod, smiling a little to myself as I glanced down at my book.

"Right," I finally said. "I thought you might be secretly dating her, or something. Crazy, right?"

"A bit misguided, yeah," Remus chuckled. "I assure you, the very idea of dating Lily is enough to make me anxious. She can be a very nice girl, but her particular flaws are not ones I feel I could overlook, like the way she treats Amy, for example."

I nodded, frowning.

Everything with Remus always came back to Amy, and now that we were talking about it we would surely not be able to break back to me or him.

"So, do you have big plans with your family for Christmas?" he asked, surprising me. "Or are you staying here?"

"We actually haven't worked it out," I said, confused, "but I think I might stay here. Amy's going home with her family, but I kind of want to spend my last year at Hogwarts actually here at Hogwarts. I can go home whenever I want, but I'll never get to come back to Hogwarts, you know?"

"I know what you mean," he replied with a nod and a wistful smile. "Have you decided what you want to do when you graduate?"

"Not really," I admitted sheepishly. "I mean, I've thought about something in Herbology and Professor McGonagall agrees I should keep my options open, since I'm not drawn to any of the obvious fields and it's tough to be a research Herbologist or a field Herbologist. I might end up working as an apothecary supplier or something like that. We'll see what I can get when I graduate." He nodded. "And you?" I asked. "What do you want to do?"

"To be honest, I'm not really sure either," he said with a laugh. "I'm very good a Defense, but I don't think they'll take me in the Auror department."

"Why not?" I asked, genuinely curious.

He hesitated, obviously wondering whether or not to tell me something. Finally, he smiled and said, "My health for one, and the fact that I'd be competing with James and Sirius and others for those very coveted spots." He shook his head. "Even I can't compete with that, no matter how good I am with Defensive spells. They could beat almost anyone in a duel."

"It certainly seems so," I admitted. "Although Amy's always been able to give them a run for their money."

"With James, yes, although I don't know with Sirius," Remus said thoughtfully. "I've always suspected he holds back a bit, not wanting to hurt her. But I could be wrong." He then closed his book. "Well, I hate to say it, but it's been a long day. I hope things get better for you and Amy, and I wish you a very good night."

"Night," I replied softly, watching Remus retreat up the stairs to his dormitory.

Oh, I was smitten all over again, and grinning like an idiot.


	12. Ashley Elizabeth

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**SongsofSiren**_**, a new reader. Hope you enjoy!**

** -C**

Things had barely cooled down later that week, the school still buzzing with the news of Vanessa's humiliation, which nearly everyone had witnessed and still the rumors were making things even worse than they really were. On top of that were the rumors about how Sarah and I had broken apart from Vanessa. I tried to ignore all of the chaos, but it got a bit difficult. Especially because I was fairly certain Vanessa had yet to think of how she would exact her revenge on us all. I didn't sleep easily, when I slept at all.

I felt disgusting, repulsive, haggard, and exhausted, so the last thing I expected was for Amos Diggory of all people to sit down across from me at the Gryffindor table at breakfast one morning.

Even with my complete obsession with Sirius, I knew enough to know that many girls found Amos to be at a level not far below Sirius in attractiveness. He certainly wasn't near Sirius in my opinion, but I could see him giving James a run for his money.

"Hi, Amy," Amos said, smiling at me.

"Morning, Amos," I replied, smiling as best I could with how exhausted I felt.

"You look really nice this morning, Amy," he said brightly, and I knew he was lying, but I thanked him anyway as I spread some raspberry preserves on my toast. It seemed impolite and ungracious to point out that I looked the worst I'd done all year. To my surprise, he continued along that line, rather boldly I thought, considering the Marauders had just entered the Great Hall. "Hogsmeade's coming up."

"So it is," I said politely, wondering what I should say to him and pretending that I didn't know Sirius was glaring daggers at the very foolish Hufflepuff.

"I was wondering if you might want to-"

"Stop that sentence right there, Diggory," Sirius said, coming level with us, not bothering to sit down but towering over us from his rather tall standing height.

The worst bit about it, I decided, was not that I had told him twice within the span of a week to stay out of my love life, but that he really already disliked Amos Diggory. I knew that was the main reason he'd probably forgotten all about my requests to leave the boys who showed interest alone. He couldn't resist putting Amos in his place.

"Black," Amos said slowly, but Sirius once again didn't give him the time to finish his thought.

"Do you remember Christopher Orioli?" Sirius said in his most deadly voice and I bit my lip nervously, looking down at my plate.

From the glance I got at Amos as I turned my gaze downward, the way he blanched at the mention of the name meant that he certainly did remember, and how could he forget?

Christopher Orioli was the only boy who had ever actually managed to ask me out. I was fourteen years old, he was fifteen, and he was so proud of himself, asking me to Hogsmeade. I had just opened my mouth to tell him I had other plans when Sirius cursed him.

Christopher was in the hospital wing for three weeks, and because he was Muggle-born, when a letter went home about Sirius's behavior it was the only time he'd ever gotten a positive letter from home. His mother was hopeful that her son had been putting the Muggle-born boy in his place for approaching a pureblood.

She was disappointed, of course, when the next boy Sirius attacked on my behalf was a Slytherin pureblood, but all Sirius had to do was mention Christopher Orioli most of the time and whoever he was threatening would literally run away.

"She's not your property, Black," Amos said, rather bravely, I thought. Sure, his hands were clammy and shaking, but he got the words out without stuttering.

"No, she's not," Sirius said, nodding to concede the point. "But she's a Gryffindor, and we protect our own, and I'd rather put you in a permanent hospital bed than see you touch her."

"Sirius, please," I said, fully aware that people were starting to watch, hoping that Sirius would curse Amos.

"No, Amy," Sirius snapped. "Diggory here needs to understand that he's not allowed to have a go-"

"If Amy doesn't want to go to Hogsmeade with me, she can say so herself," Amos said, face now red with anger as he turned to Sirius, and I could see it turning nasty quickly.

"And I was about to do that before Sirius arrived anyway," I said quickly, giving Amos the most apologetic smile I could. "I'm sorry Amos, but I'm just not interested."

Sirius smirked, as if somehow I was saying it because of him, or to give him a victory over Amos Diggory. I wanted to hit him again, but I couldn't make myself do it in front of the Great Hall. Sirius might like the attention, but I'd really had enough of it.

Amos nodded and thanked me, moving away from our table to go back to his friends more or less in disgrace, and Sirius sat down, grinning like he'd won some massive victory.

As much as I loved him, I couldn't stand to look at him in that moment. He started putting food on his plate and I just wanted to scream at him, so I stood up.

"Where are you going?" he asked. "You've not finished breakfast."

"I'm suddenly not hungry," I spat. "I'm going to the common room, and yes, I'm upset. And if you want to talk with me about it why don't you wait about twenty minutes before following me so I don't say something I'll regret."

"Amy," Sirius said with a sigh, but it was too late. I was already walking back up to the common room, and I saw Sarah scramble to her feet and follow me out.

"That was ugly," she said, hurrying to keep up with me in spite of the height difference.

When we reached the common room I was glad that it was nearly empty, just a few younger girls fixing their hair before heading down to breakfast and a couple of first years returning to their dormitories from early breakfast. I collapsed in one of the armchairs by the fireplace and Sarah took the other one, frowning at me.

"You're really upset with him," she said softly.

"Yes, I'm upset with him," I sighed. "Obviously I was never going to go on a date with Amos Diggory. I do have standards. But he can't just let me say no on my own!"

"He thinks he's doing the right thing," Sarah offered weakly, watching a couple of second years scurrying up to their dormitory as I began to cry.

"No, he really doesn't," I choked when we were alone again. "He wanted to have a win over Diggory at my expense because he couldn't let the opportunity pass to put Amos Diggory in his place."

"But it worked out in the end."

Sarah just wasn't getting it and all I wanted to do was throw something at Sirius's head still.

"I've only got twenty minutes until he's following me up here," I groaned, "and I need to not want to claw his eyes out."

"Amy, are you really that upset with him?" Sarah asked gently.

I honestly wasn't sure. It just seemed like it was one thing after another and it was getting harder and harder not to just give up, but I really had nothing left but Sarah and maybe Remus if I did that. I wasn't sure how much more I could take before I snapped.

"All right, let's sort this out," Sarah said, noting that I wasn't about to answer her question. "Sirius made a mess of things with our dormitory."

"Yes," I groaned, thinking of the increased tension in the room whenever I had to go to the dormitory.

"But how much of that was really his fault?"

"All of it."

"No, let's think about it," Sarah insisted. "He can't control Lily Evans and her behavior. He managed to fix something that wasn't really his fault, so in a way he improved that. Yes, he messed things up royally with Vanessa, but how long could we really have kept things going if she was going to eventually attempt to sink her claws into James."

Well, that certainly was true enough. So maybe Sirius had just expedited issues already inherent in the dormitory. I was willing to concede that. But that didn't mean that he wasn't single-handedly responsible for the vast majority of frustration in my life.

"Next, the issue of boys," Sarah said slowly. "All right, I can't really argue that it's not his fault that you've never been on a date."

"No, you can't," I agreed, grinning a bit. "But go on; let's see how you can mitigate this one."

"Well, doesn't it feel, sometimes, like he's jealous?" Sarah said with a grin.

I grinned, thinking back to the early days of his chasing away guys who were interested in me, thinking that he didn't want them near me because he wanted to be the only guy near me. Sometimes I still managed to convince myself that it was some subconscious form of jealousy that kept him pushing people away from me.

"But even if that's the case," I sighed, "is that really healthy of him to do? He can't just get angry every time someone looks at me and smiles, even if we are together, which we're not."

"Fair," Sarah said with a nod. "But if he doesn't know why he's doing it, he really can't deal with it healthily, can he? I mean, if he someday wakes up and realizes that he's being jealous because he has feelings for you then he can be reasonable and you can sit him down and explain it to him rationally, why it's not okay. But if he doesn't know why he does it..."

I frowned at the fireplace, thinking about the other day when he'd said that he really didn't know how to express why I was different and special, just that I was.

Could it be that he was actually in love with me after all and just hadn't realized it was what he was feeling? Even if that were the case, was it all right to get my hopes up?

"I don't know," I finally sighed, leaning back in the chair. "I guess, but I'm not sure I want to let myself be let down if it's wrong, and I really wouldn't be able to justify him then."

"Maybe you're right," Sarah agreed, nodding. "You don't have to make decisions about it now. But don't you feel better?"

I smiled.

She had succeeded in that, at least. I was calm, and when Sirius came in sometime in the next five minutes I wouldn't want to attack him.

"Thanks, Sarah," I sighed. "I won't attack Sirius. That was the end goal, after all."

She laughed and said, "Don't mention it, Amy. I just didn't like seeing you upset like that. You really can't let it get to you so much."

Just as I was about come up with a response, there was a tapping at the window and we turned around to see an owl through the common room window. Sarah got up to let in and we both recognized it as my mother's owl the moment it tumbled into the table next to the window.

"Hi, Medea," Sarah said gently, taking the letter and bringing it over to me, taking Medea in the other hand and petting her. "Your mother's hand writing is a bit shaky on the outside, Amy."

I took the letter, confused, opening it as Medea and Sarah spent some quality time playing.

My heart dropped to my toes as I read the opening lines.

_Dear Amy,_

_ I've written Dumbledore and he will tell your sisters, but I wanted to tell you personally. Ashley Elizabeth is dead._

_ I don't know much yet, so I'm afraid I don't have any answers for the questions you must be filled with, but I will let you know as I learn things._

_ My brave girl, I do know, though, that she died as a result of Death Eaters. Stay with your friends. Don't go anywhere alone. And keep an eye out for your sisters. I've tried to stay calm in all this madness, but now I can't sleep at night for worry._

_ I love you, Amy._

_ Love,_

_ Mum_

I couldn't breathe.

"Amy?"

I struggled to find my breath as I stood up, bracing myself against the armchair as the parchment fell from my hand. I was vaguely aware of Sarah picking it up to read what was wrong as my vision began to blur.

Tears.

I was crying.

"Oh, Merlin," Sarah whispered. "Amy, I'm so sorry."

Ashley Elizabeth... Death Eaters? Why would anyone want to hurt Ashley Elizabeth?

She was a pureblood.

The portrait opened and I heard Sirius's voice saying my name but the world was starting to spin.

"What's this?"

Sarah must have handed him the letter. I felt his arm around me as he read, his grip tightening as the world spun even faster.

"Amy, listen to me. Amy, stay awake. I'm taking you upstairs so you don't fall and hurt yourself."

Sarah must have taken back the letter as Sirius scooped me up in his arms, carrying my weight easily as I wrapped my arms instinctively around his neck and felt tears roll from my face onto his shirt.

He kicked open the door, carrying me across to his bed and gently putting me down on it, pulling the duvet down underneath me and then pulling it back over me as I began to shake with sobs wracking my body.

"Amy, I'm going to get a Calming Draught, okay? I don't know if Remus has any in the bathroom, but if not I think he can get Evans to make one. All right?"

Maybe I nodded. I really don't know, but Sirius kissed my forehead and went into the bathroom, then back out, then running downstairs. I stared at the bed hangings, just waiting, not wanting to think of anything because thinking seemed to hurt a spot in my gut that I'd never actually felt before.

"Amy?" Remus said gently several minutes (hours? days?) later. "Amy, I want you to open your mouth. I'm going to pour a bit in. And then I want you to swallow, all right?"

Maybe I nodded.

My mouth opened enough to drink from the vial he put at my lips and tipped. Sirius was sitting on my other side, holding my hand.

"It's going to be all right, Amy," Sirius whispered. "Everything's going to be fine."

But it would not be fine. Ashley Elizabeth was dead. I was suddenly the eldest child. And my mother, from the shakiness of her writing, was a wreck.

As the potion began to take effect I could feel a sense of serenity come over me and I thought vaguely about sitting up, letting them know that I was okay, but then I decided that I really didn't feel well enough.

"How do you feel?" Sirius asked softly, his face so close to mine.

"Sick," I muttered. "I feel sick to my stomach."

"What exactly happened?" Remus asked, confused.

"My sister was killed by Death Eaters," I replied, confused by the lack of emotion in my own voice. "She's dead. Pureblooded and everything, but dead."

"Amy," Sirius sighed, "I'm so sorry. But we're going to help you through this, okay? Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?"

"I really want to sleep," I muttered. "Could I sleep here?"

"It might get a bit loud," Remus said nervously. "When the others finish breakfast."

"We'll keep them out, then," Sirius said resolutely. "Take James to the Quidditch Pitch if he complains. You'll get the room to yourself for as long as you want, Amy. Sleep tight."

He kissed my forehead again, tucking me in a bit more snuggly, and closing the bed hangings around me.

When I woke up later (that night? week? month?) I found Sirius looking down at me with a frown.

"Do you feel any better, Amy?"

I shook my head numbly, vaguely aware that the other boys were in the room. I tried to sit up, but slid right back down against the pillow, whimpering.

"Hurts?"

I nodded.

"What hurts?"

"Everything," I croaked. "My head, my stomach, my arms..."

"Okay, I'll talk to Remus. You stay right there. Don't move, love."

A few minutes later Remus came over with a bit of potion for the pain and they agreed between the four of them that I stay in their dormitory until I felt better.

"The last thing she needs is to deal with other people right now," Sirius said gently. "I'll sleep on the floor-"

"No," I coughed, attempting to sit up again. "No, I don't want you to do that."

Sirius frowned.

"I don't know what-"

"Sleep in the bed with her, Sirius," Remus said gently. "I don't think she wants to be alone."

"Oh," Sirius said softly. "Oh, right."

The boys also agreed to change in the bathroom rather than the dormitory, and Sirius came back a few minutes later, crawling under the duvet with me nervously.

Feeling especially blunt I muttered, "Hold me."

Sirius only hesitated a moment before he rolled over and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to his chest and kissing my forehead once more. The scent of him was even more intoxicating with him so close, with his sheets covering us, with his pillow behind our heads. I buried my face into his chest and sleepily, knowing that my eyes would not stay open much longer I muttered, without really knowing why I was saying it, "I don't want you to die, Sirius."


	13. Deadly Sleep

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader **_**luffyluver2215**_**!**

** -C**

The day after Amy found out about her sister's death, I rather enjoyed her presence, near-catatonic or no. I could watch her sleep to my heart's content during my free period, and as tempting as it was to touch her, I didn't want to risk Sirius walking in, or any of the others for that matter.

Sirius would charm the house-elves in the kitchens to bring food to the dormitory and he would hand-feed her while he took his own lunch at the same time. That did cut down on my alone time with her, but I did enjoy watching him feed her, seeing her mouth close around the spoons and forks he proffered her.

She was still very out of it when it was time for bed, so we collectively agreed that she would be allowed to stay in our dormitory for as long as necessary, especially as Professor McGonagall told us she would have the week off for mourning.

The problem was it was three days since she got the letter and she still hadn't moved from the bed. The only times she moved at all were when Sirius was feeding her or coming into bed with her.

The Marauders had agreed with Sarah that it was time to start pressuring her to do a bit more than fall asleep and wake up.

Sarah came in during my free period and said, "Hey, Peter, could you give us a bit of privacy?"

"Sure," I squeaked, going into the bathroom and shifting into rat form, scurrying back into the bedroom and watching as Sarah sat on the edge of the bed, shifting a bit to be more comfortable before placing her hand on Amy's arm.

"Hey, Amy," she said softly. "The boys tell me you're not eating very well."

"Not hungry."

It was true, if Sirius didn't practically beg her to eat every bite she'd not eat anything at all, and as it was Sirius ended up finishing the rest of her food most of the time.

"And you haven't gotten out of bed in days."

"Tired."

"Amy, all you do is sleep."

"Still tired."

"Natalie's worried about you."

"M'fine."

"Yeah, I bet you're fine," Sarah teased weakly. "Sirius Black spoon-feeding your every meal? Most of the girls in Hogwarts think nothing happened at all and you're just milking it for all it's worth."

Amy grumbled something, but through the sheets and her lack of energy I couldn't make out what it was.

"Amy, you haven't showered or changed or anything. I brought you a change of clothes. Here, come on, now. If you're going to be sharing a bed with Sirius you should at least have clean clothes. I've also go some more of your things, all right? I've got them in a bag, and Sirius told me to put them in his trunk, so I'm going to do that, and you can change while I watch the door for the other boys."

"Don't wanna."

Sarah sighed.

"Amy, you are going to put on these clothes if I have to undress and redress you myself, are we understood?"

With bleary eyes and matted hair, Amy turned to look at Sarah, just staring up at her until she said, "I don't think I can do it."

Sarah bit her lip, took out her wand, put an alarm on the door, and then carefully lifted Amy to a sitting position. She began undoing the buttons and said, "You know if you were anyone else right now I'd tell you to toughen up and get over yourself. As it is, I've never seen you like this, so I'm giving you a free pass. Next time, you're not dragging me into it, understood?"

Amy just groaned as Sarah pulled the blouse off, followed by her bra. I couldn't watch her breasts move for too long, because Sarah was moving quickly, already arranging and clasping a fresh bra and pulling a loose shirt on over it with a bit of difficulty.

Then Sarah pulled the sheets down, quickly undoing Amy's skirt and pulling it down her legs.

This was a wonderful sight, Amy's bare legs, and when her panties came off a moment later I thought I'd die of joy.

However Sarah was far too quick at her work, pulling a fresh pair of knickers and a pair of pajama pants on, completely covering Amy's legs by pulling the covers up again.

"Have you even been going to the bathroom?"

"Sometimes Remus carries me into the bathroom on his free period and leaves me there for fifteen minutes," Amy explained morosely. "Gives me enough time to manage, usually."

Sarah shook her head, pulling some things out of her own book bag and shouting, "You can come in, Peter!"

I scurried back into the bathroom and changed back to my human form.

Hesitantly, I returned to the room, knowing that was how they would expect me to enter, and I sat down on the edge of my bed, watching as Sarah sprayed something in Amy's hair and then combed it out, removing all the knots and tangles so that it was smooth again, probably only to remain so until the following day.

"Do you feel better, Amy?" I asked, wanting to ingratiate myself as much as possible.

"Little," Amy muttered, already turning back over into the covers to take a nap.

Sarah gave me a little what-can-you-do shrug and kissed Amy's freshly-combed hair before picking up her things and leaving the room. I assumed she'd removed the alarm from the door because nothing happened when she opened and closed it.

I said a few things to Amy, but then I had to go to class, and she didn't answer. Either she was napping or she'd returned to her state of utter despondency.

When I came back after dinner, Sirius had coaxed her to eat half a bowl of soup, but was otherwise unsuccessful with her.

"Amy," he said softly, not hearing me enter. "We could give you a shower. Wouldn't that be lovely?"

I could feel my cock harden at the thought of showering Amy, but I knew I wouldn't be invited.

"Sarah said she'd come put a bathing suit on you if you wanted, help you change. As long as you're a semi-active participant."

"I don't feel good," Amy muttered stuffily.

I frowned.

Was it my imagination, or did she sound worse than she had that morning?

"Amy, I know it hurts," Sirius said gently. "But Remus said that your physical pain is in your head now, and he doesn't want to medicate you for things in your head."

Amy turned over, maybe pouting, although whether because she didn't feel good or because Sirius was denying her something, I really couldn't say. Sirius sighed.

"I wish you would get out of bed," he said softly. "You're starting to scare me, Amy. I don't like seeing you like this."

That was where he and I differed. I could see her like that for as long as possible if I could watch her change every day, if I could watch her sleep. It was so much easier to watch her when she slept in the same room as me.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, running his fingers through Amy's hair as she stayed turned away from him. "I know that this is probably partially my fault. I made your life difficult. You were already under so much strain, and you were probably still mad at me for the whole even with Diggory and then you had to receive this news... I really screwed things up, didn't I?"

Sirius sighed, putting the soup down on his bedside table and shifting to be closer to Amy.

"If I could take it all back, I would. I just can't stop myself sometimes. You know that."

He frowned, leaning over her a little and for one horrible moment I thought he was about to kiss her.

Thankfully, though, he sighed, "Amy, please don't cry."

One thing all of us, even James, could agree on, was that Amy crying was one of the most horrible things we knew.

For one thing, Amy was nearly always smiling, even when it was completely contrary to how she felt. Her lips just naturally enjoyed smiling. For another, she looked so pitiful when she cried that she reminded one of a kicked puppy.

I was still a bit torn on the whole matter, since her eyes were twice as pretty as their usual brilliance when she cried, but it was better to agree with the whole, since the sound of her crying was grating to my ears.

"Hurts."

"Where does it hurt, Amy?" Sirius asked gently as the door opened and Remus and James came in for the night.

We'd all been taking early nights since Amy had been staying with us to avoid the questions gossipers would ask. We'd closed ranks around her, protecting her, and Sarah had joined in.

"Here," she muttered, pointing to her head.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently, as he'd done so many times in those few days she'd been with us. "What sort of pain, Amy? Like a piercing headache or pressure, or...?"

"Pressure," she muttered, looking up at him hazily and putting her hand on his. I could feel my chest tighten he took her hand in both of his, squeezing gently.

"Remus, did you hear her?" Sirius asked, turning to look at the room at large. "Oh, Pete," he said with surprise. "I didn't see you come in."

Obviously.

"I heard," Remus said softly. "I suppose she could be feeling pressure. After all, she's bound to be a bit dehydrated in her condition, and we've had a change in weather. But I can't give her a full dose, Sirius. Not without knowing for sure, and I've got no way to test for that. If she would go see Madam Pomfrey..."

"Amy, will you please come with me to the hospital wing?" Sirius begged, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing her fingers in supplication. "Remus will come, too. We just want to make it better, Amy. I promise."

"No," Amy moaned.

"If you would just get out of bed, maybe you would feel better-"

"No," she whimpered, beginning to cry again.

"Remus," Sirius said sharply, and Remus hurried into the bathroom to get not only potion for her pain, but also a bit of calming draught, as Amy was clearly on the path to working herself into another panic.

We'd had about four of those.

Once Amy had taken the potion, she settled down, curled into a ball, and fell asleep. Sirius stood up, running his fingers through his hair anxiously, shaking his head.

"I don't know what to do," he sighed. "No matter what I try it's like she only gets worse."

"People take their time when they grieve, Sirius," Remus said gently. "Everyone handles it differently."

"Mooney, Kelly told us that she had to dress her today," James said, wrinkling his nose. "Said it was like dressing a sack of potatoes. McAuley didn't lift a finger."

"I'm really worried," Sirius repeated. "Pete, have you noticed anything positive, or...?"

"No," I admitted. "Sarah was in here during my break, asked me to leave the room while she changed her, but I listened at the doorway. I think you're right, Sirius. I think she's getting worse." I hesitated. "I think something might actually be wrong with her, too."

Sirius frowned, turning to me.

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

"Well, she's been sounding fairly weak," I explained, "deadened. We all know that. But just now, when you were talking to her, there was something really strained and wrong with her voice. I don't know if it's just lack of use, or... Well, she sounded...stuffy."

Remus and Sirius exchanged thoughtful looks.

"It could be nothing," Remus said slowly. "Or-"

"She could be really sick," Sirius sighed.

None of us were able to sleep after that talk.

Well, except for James, who could sleep through just about anything.

We decided to actually get some homework done, checking on Amy in turns. I didn't exactly know what that meant, so when I took that third shift, getting up to check on her at around ten at night, I just sort of made sure she was still sleeping and didn't make any strange sounds when she was breathing.

Two hours later, though, Remus turned to us in alarm.

"What is it?" Sirius hissed, scrambling to his feet.

"She's burning up," Remus said. "She's covered in sweat. I think she's got a massive temperature. We need to get her to the hospital wing."

"Right," Sirius said, distress evident in his voice and face. "Remus, get the map. I'll get Amy. Peter, you can come too, if you want."

Remus checked the map, folding it so that the path to the hospital wing was the most prominent part.

"All clear, no obvious things to watch for," Remus muttered. "Let's go."

Sirius scooped Amy up in his arms.

"Pete, move her head so it's on my shoulder," he demanded, worried that her lolling head would get injured, no doubt, as he walked. I hurried to comply, and decided it would be best to go with them, just in case. Neither of them seemed entirely calm enough to pay attention with their animal instincts, and it wouldn't be the first time that got the better of them.

We hurried down the stairs, to the common room, out of the portrait hole where the Fat Lady was just waking up, and we hurried along the corridor before she was fully awake, not wanting to answer questions.

"All clear, still," Remus said. "Hurry up."

It took about ten minutes to reach the hospital wing with regular readjustments of Amy's head to keep her from getting hurt.

"Pete, get Madam Pomfrey," Sirius commanded. "Remus, help me get her on a bed."

I scurried off to wake Madam Pomfrey, knocking frantically on the door to her adjoining quarters.

"Mr. Pettigrew?" she asked firmly when she answered the door. "What is the matter?"

"Please, Madam Pomfrey," I squeaked. "Amy McAuley is very sick. We brought her down."

Madam Pomfrey hurried after me into the infirmary, moving swiftly to the bed Sirius and Remus had put Amy on, not pulling up the covers in case Madam Pomfrey wanted them otherwise.

"Oh, dear, she's burning up," Madam Pomfrey said wearily. "Did you try waking her?"

"We carried her all the way here and she didn't wake," Sirius said anxiously. "Her head was all limp, like she'd been knocked out cold. She's been doing nothing but sleeping and eating since she found out about her sister's death, Madam Pomfrey. She shouldn't be this deeply asleep, should she?"

"It would be highly irregular," Madam Pomfrey agreed, pressing her wand to Amy's temple. "Oh, dear, her temperature is dangerously high. Mr. Lupin, I must ask you to hold this here. I will be right back."

Remus took her wand and did as instructed, not moving at all until Madam Pomfrey returned with a basket full of potions.

"Let me see that," Madam Pomfrey said, taking the wand back as we watched anxiously. "Oh, dear, yes, she's very ill. It's not contagious, thankfully, but if we can't get this fever to break there could be severe consequences. Mr. Lupin, I'm going to write a note. I want you to deliver it to Professor McGonagall, and then return to bed. I will only keep your classmates a few more minutes, so they will be joining you."

"But-"

"Mr. Black, I understand you are distressed, but there is nothing you can do for her but let her rest."

We watched as Madam Pomfrey scribbled a note and sent it with Remus, then began a host of spells, telling Sirius to feed Amy potions at various points, careful that she didn't choke on them. When she'd finished about ten minutes later she ordered us off to bed, and as Professor McGonagall had just arrived we really didn't have any power to stay.

"I hate this," Sirius growled, repeating it every five seconds all the way back. "I really hate this."

When we finally arrived back at our dormitory we found that Remus had awakened James, who looked none too pleased about the whole thing.

"Did you read the note?" Sirius demanded.

"Yes," Remus said, and I could see tears in his eyes. "You might want to sit down, Sirius."

"I'm not sitting; just tell me what's wrong with her!" Sirius snapped.

Remus shook his head and said, "Basically, she had a latent virus in her system that feeds off of the chemicals that depression releases into the brain. Which means, of course that-"

"It was eating her brain?" Sirius asked, horrified.

"Yes," Remus said, wiping his eyes hastily.

I shuddered. Thankfully Madam Pomfrey seemed to think she would be all right, or I probably would have curled into a ball myself.

"It's very rare," Remus continued, sniffling. "But if the fever breaks, she should be fine. Judging on what she told Professor McGonagall, we caught it in time for the damage to have been minimal if they can break the fever."

"And if they can't?" Sirius demanded.

"Either she won't wake up," Remus said slowly, "or she'll wake up as a completely different person."

Sirius's eyes filled with tears, and he snatched the map from Remus.

"What are you doing?" James asked.

"The minute they leave her bedside it means they've done all they can do and they're going to bed," Sirius said, wiping his eyes. "I'm going to go down there, transformed, and spend the rest of the night with her. I need to be there when she wakes up. I need... She shouldn't be alone, James. I can't let her go through this alone."

In silence, the three of us watched Sirius watch the map, and almost an hour later he dropped it, transformed, and bounded out of the door James opened for him, not returning for the rest of our sleepless night.


	14. Recovery and Reconciliation

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to my lovely reviewer, **_**BritishBeauty x**_**! Maybe one more today, but then probably not another until next week because of school work. :D I'm glad to brighten your day, though!**

** -C**

My eyes fluttered open to find themselves not in Sirius's bed, but in a very white, sterile sort of environment that I knew equally well.

I sat up abruptly, not even surprised that I could do so, staring around the room, seeing Sirius at the foot of my bed, feeling more than a bit panicked.

"Why in the name of Merlin's bloody trousers am I in the hospital wing?" I shrieked, and Sirius started awake, watching me warily, perhaps nervous that I would attack him in my anger.

"Amy?" he whispered. "Amy, how are you feeling?"

"A bit upset, actually," I snapped. "Why am I in the hospital wing?"

"Relax," Sirius said anxiously. "You had a massive temperature so we carried you here. You had a rare virus, it was... It was eating your brain. They, they got the fever to break, I guess. Do you feel all right?"

My heart was pounding as I looked around the hospital wing. I didn't feel any different, better in fact, than I'd felt in several days.

Eating my brain?

"Sirius," I began, choking slightly as I continued to panic.

"Mr. Black, what are you doing here?" Madam Pomfrey insisted as she came into the room, probably having just woken up. "I told you, Miss McAuley needs rest."

"Is she going to be all right, Madam?" he asked anxiously. "I mean-"

"The fever broke successfully, Mr. Black," Madam Pomfrey said wearily. "She's going to be absolutely fine if you allow her to rest. I'll release her this evening if she remains on track."

Sirius sighed with relief, running his fingers through his hair.

"Madam Pomfrey, I assume that means I'm still not going to class?" I asked softly.

"Of course you're not going to class, not until Monday," Madam Pomfrey replied.

"Then can Sirius stay until he has to go to classes?" I asked, gripping the sheet she'd pulled over me sometime the night before. "I'd really like to talk with him, and I can sleep when he's gone."

"Well," Madam Pomfrey said, hesitating. "Well, all right, but I want to do some preliminary checks to make sure that you're all right."

I nodded, letting her press her wand to my temple, frowning down at me. I tried not to shift too much as she did it, but the way she looked at me was making me nervous. Sirius must have realized, so he reached out and took my hand, smiling at me encouragingly.

"Everything appears to be fine," Madam Pomfrey said, relieved. "Professor McGonagall will want to see you later to be sure that there wasn't too significant of damage, but Mr. Black may stay until class begins, if he wishes."

She then swept out of the room, probably to write a notice for Professor McGonagall, and I looked over at Sirius, unaware I was crying until he wiped some tears off my face with a thumb.

"You hear that, Amy?" he whispered, tears coming to his eyes as I stared at him. "You're going to be fine."

"Then why are you crying?" I asked, nervous.

Were they lying to me? Was I dying? What was wrong?

He shook his head, moving so that he was sitting beside me.

"I'm just relieved, that's all," he whispered, hugging me. "I thought I might lose you. I was so scared. I barely slept all night, just praying you would wake up and be all right and I wouldn't..."

Sirius let out a small sob into my hair, hugging me a bit tighter.

Feeling a bit more comfortable with the fact that I was going to be okay, I laid back against the pillows, bringing Sirius with me, enjoying his firm hold on me.

"Feel tired?" he asked.

"Honestly, no, not really," I admitted. "Not anymore. I just want to get out of here."

"Sarah will be pleased to hear that," he said with a grin. "She was getting past annoyed and into actual concern."

Remembering the day before when Sarah had to single-handedly change my clothes I blushed, looking down at the white sheet over my legs.

I couldn't believe I'd let her do that. I must have been in really bad condition.

"Have you been here all night?" I asked, and he nodded, smiling properly for the first time since I woke up.

"Miss McAuley," said Professor McGonagall at the doorway, and I looked up, sitting up a bit and frowning.

"Yes, Professor."

"Madam Pomfrey tells me you're mostly recovered," she said, sitting down in the chair beside the bed, looking at me for some sort of sign that meant I wasn't all right. "How do you feel?"

"Much better, Professor," I said, glancing at Sirius. "I don't think there's anything wrong with me."

"Nevertheless, there will be _some_ amount of damage," Professor McGonagall replied primly. "I must determine how much."

Professor McGonagall then asked several dozen questions, all basic things about Amy's emotions, background, memory, temperament. She asked Sirius a few questions, and then she said, "And tell me, Miss McAuley, what do you remember before waking up here? Describe as much of your day as possible."

"I woke up," I replied slowly. "I don't know what time it was, but Sarah woke me up-"

"Around nine, Professor," Sirius said. "It was Sarah Kelly's free period."

"And then Sarah helped me change my clothes," I continued, blushing. "And she left and I went back to sleep. Sirius woke me up for lunch, fed me half a sandwich. And I stared at the wall for a while. Then I fell asleep. Sirius woke me up at dinner, fed me some soup, and Remus gave me something for pressure in my head. And then I fell asleep, and I woke up here."

"Well, you seem not to be affected in the main," Professor McGonagall said. "Thank Merlin for that. We will monitor you, and if something seems off, Mr. Black, I want whoever notices to report it to me straight away."

"Of course, Professor," Sirius said. "We'll take good care of her."

"Then I will leave you to rest," Professor McGonagall said, leaving the hospital wing to go about her other duties.

"Can we talk, or are you too tired?" Sirius asked, smoothing my hair out of my face.

"I'm fine," I muttered. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Vanessa," he whispered. "Diggory. Your sister."

I sighed, sitting up and looking down at him as he played with my hair gently, sort of the way Remus did. It felt nice, and especially considering it was Sirius.

"Okay, let's talk," I replied, smiling weakly.

"First of all, I'm sorry," he said, pressing my fingers to his lips. "I made your life unnecessarily difficult, and for that I am incredibly sorry."

I bit my lip and waited.

"I know that things with Vanessa turned a bit awful, but I'm going to stand by you as long as you need me," Sirius said eagerly. "And...and I was wrong to make such a spectacle of things at breakfast the other day."

"Sirius, it's all right," I sighed, reaching out and touching his face, remembering sleeping with his body next to me, smelling so wonderful and feeling so warm and safe. "You've already more than atoned for all that."

"How?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Well, taking care of me, for one," I said, thinking, feeling his unshaven cheek against my fingertips and smiling. "And saving my life should count for something."

"Remus did that," he pouted, making my heart do strange things inside my chest. How could such a childish act possibly make him so attractive? "He's the one who caught your fever."

"But who asked him to check in the first place?" I pressed, working on a hunch. When Sirius's eyes sparkled I knew I was right. "Thank you, Sirius," I whispered, kissing his cheek and lingering, breathing in his scent, relishing this moment when I could be uninhibited with him.

"You're welcome," he whispered back, pressing his lips to my cheek as we lingered there. I pulled away after a few minutes and stared at him again.

"Ashley Elizabeth," I whispered. "You wanted to talk about her, too."

Sirius nodded, running his fingers through my hair.

"How do you feel about all that?" he asked. "It's a lot to take in at once, obviously."

I shrugged, shifting to lie down beside him properly, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sad," I said slowly. "Ashley Elizabeth was a wonderful role model. She made me less afraid to face the world, because she was out there doing it every day and she was fine. So now I'm terrified, and I know it's even worse because Natalie always wanted to be just like her."

"Oh, Natalie wanted to see you, but I wouldn't let her in the room," Sirius said sheepishly. "I, uh, didn't want her to see you like that."

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "I'll talk to her tomorrow, I think. When I'm a bit more adjusted."

"So I did okay?" he asked, nervous.

I nodded, burying my face in his chest to breathe him in more deeply.

When I was well again I wouldn't be able to do that. There would be too many questions I wouldn't want to answer, but I was still "sick" until I was discharged, and so cuddling with Sirius for as long as possible could be forgiven.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Amy," Sirius said gently. "I'm always going to be around to protect you. I promise. I'm never going to let anything hurt you."

Oh, how I wanted to believe in that. But I knew that Sirius constantly tried to make promises, but he didn't think about whether or not he could realistically keep them.

Before I had to respond to his well-meant promise, Remus, Peter, and Sarah came through the door to the hospital wing, with James trailing a bit after.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Sarah cried, rushing forward, jumping onto the bed, and hugging my legs because that's where she landed. "Oh, when Remus told me what happened at breakfast, I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm okay," I laughed, petting her hair and smiling up at the boys. "Thanks for putting up with me, everybody. I know it wasn't exactly me at my best-"

"We were happy to do it," Remus said quickly, sitting down at the foot of the bed. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Now, Professor McGonagall did say that if things start to get weird, like my behavior or something," I said nervously, "to tell her straight away. Because they're not sure that the damage is completely innocuous."

"So far so good, though," Sirius said with a grin, sitting up and putting an arm around my shoulders. "She's doing all right."

"Well, we've got to get to class," Sarah said sadly. "But we'll visit during free periods and lunch and stuff. And you can nap when we're gone, right? Or pretend to nap. I think you've slept enough this week to take you through the month."

We all laughed and I nodded, kissing her cheek and smiling.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," I assured her. "Take lots of notes for me in whatever I'm in today, of course, and I'll need to be tutored when I get out of here."

We laughed again. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't allow me to study in the hospital wing, no matter how behind I was in class.

They each gave me some sort of well-wishing before leaving me alone in the hospital wing to nap intermittently throughout the day and wonder what sort of brain damaged I had sustained from this mysterious virus.

When Madam Pomfrey finally agreed that Sarah and Sirius could take me back to Gryffindor Tower I changed behind the curtain into clothes Sarah had brought me and quickly put my hair up, wanting to look like I'd made some sort of effort to look like someone who'd not been an invalid for days.

We travelled through the halls and Sirius glared at everyone who looked as though they were about to ask me what had happened, which was actually much appreciated. The last thing I wanted in that moment was for someone to bother me.

Similarly, nobody spoke when I entered the Gryffindor common room, and Sirius kissed my forehead saying, "Sarah's coming with me to get your things. Think you can go upstairs alone?"

I nodded, feeling quite a bit stronger than they were giving me credit for.

Climbing the stairs, I realized they weren't referring to my physical strength, but my emotional strength.

Because either Vanessa or Lily or maybe even both were up there waiting for me.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door to find Lily Evans pacing the dormitory. She looked up at me when I came in and sighed.

"Professor McGonagall told me that you were very sick," she said sheepishly. "Dying. Good to see you've recovered."

"Thank you," I said slowly.

Something smelled of fish and I wasn't letting my guard down, no matter what sort of good will words she extended to me. Sirius was right, she liked being Head Girl, and that could lead her to say a lot of things she didn't mean.

"Remus said that it was a virus," she said with a shaky voice. "I didn't know they had that sort of thing in the wizarding world."

"Apparently we do," I said harshly, sitting on my pristinely made bed.

"I mean, this sounds worse than any virus I've heard of in the Muggle world," Evans continued to prattle on, "but you know."

"No, I really don't," I sighed. "I'm pureblooded, Evans. I know nothing about your world."

"No need to sound so proud of it," she said bitterly.

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not proud of being pureblooded," I said with a snort. "I'm not out trying to kill Muggle-borns, Evans. In fact, I rather like a few Muggle-borns in other years. I'm pureblooded because other people cared about it, not because of anything to do with me. What is there to be proud of in that?"

Lily raised her eyebrows and looked at me for a long while as made to gather some things for a shower, forgetting that Sarah had moved all those things to the boys' dorm and was retrieving them.

"I guess I just sort of assumed-"

"I'm not the one with a future Death Eater for a friend, Evans, former or otherwise," I hissed.

She froze, frowning.

"I thought we were clear on not discussing that, McAuley-"

"All I'm saying," I sighed, "is that your judgment isn't flawless, so I would appreciate you not subjecting me to it before second-guessing yourself a few times."

She looked like she would very much enjoy hitting me, but maybe the fact that Professor McGonagall had told her I'd almost died and it wouldn't do for me to tell on her for hitting someone who'd nearly died stayed her hand.

"Look, McAuley," she finally said, "I don't like you and you don't like me. But I know what happened to your sister and I know what happened to you and I am sorry."

"Sorry?" I asked, trying not to laugh. "You're sorry?"

"Yes," Lily whispered.

I stood up straight, turning to her, fully aware in that moment of the four inches she had on me height-wise.

"Look, Evans," I said as authoritatively as I could, "I recognize that you're feeling bad. Death Eaters killing anyone makes most sane people feel bad. And maybe you were a bit shaken up about what happened to me. Don't worry, it's not contagious. You're safe. But sorry? What are you possibly sorry about?"

"I'm sorry that I might have made things difficult for you prior to the incident, and I know that might have made things worse," Lily said shifting.

Ah, so there it was. She thought she might be inadvertently responsible for any damage I'd acquired by making me depressed. She was apologizing for my brain damage.

I wanted to laugh, because it was impossible to get Evans to apologize for things she was responsible for, but if anyone could be blamed for what she was apologizing for, it was Vanessa.

But would I be able to tell Lily that she hadn't done anything? Should I just accept the apology to make her feel better? I wasn't sure I could do either thing. And the idea of her floundering as I denied her was so appealing...

"I don't accept."

Her green eyes widened with shock.

"How could you be so callus?" she hissed.

"How could you?" I demanded. "I nearly died and the thing you're most worried about is my forgiving you for whatever your part in it might be!"

Sarah walked in with the bag of my things, looking at us with surprise and a bit of trepidation.

"Amy, I have your stuff," she offered weakly, holding out the bag.

"Thank you," I muttered, grabbing the bag and fishing out my things for a shower.

"Evans," Sarah said softly.

"She won't forgive me," Lily whispered.

"Forgive you?" Sarah said, confused. "I guess I don't understand."

Lily just shook her head and wandered out of the dormitory in stunned silence. Sarah turned to me.

"What was that all about?"

"Never you mind," I sighed, heading toward the bathroom.

As I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature I felt just a little bit guilty for letting her believe that any of it was her fault, but my anger with Evans in general was so strong that I was able to justify it. This was just me simply denying the apologies I knew she would never extend for all the things she'd actually done. It was fair. It was justice.

I pulled off my dress and stepped into the water, washing away days of grime and the feeling of sickness that lingered on my skin like a film.


	15. Peacemaker

**A/N: Sarah's POV**

I hadn't ever imagined that Amy's surviving a near-death experience could possibly make things worse in our dormitory, but somehow that's exactly what happened.

Nobody had properly explained to me what had happened between Lily and Amy while I retrieved Amy's things, but whatever it was had obviously shifted the power dynamics in their constant struggle significantly and neither of them seemed to know what to do about it. Nothing had yet exploded, but I was constantly aware that anything might set it off and also that I wouldn't know what to do if it did.

On the other hand, nothing had improved with Vanessa.

Silence was really the best option when Vanessa was in the room. She'd yet to escalate beyond vague snide remarks, but there was a clear and separate hatred also building between her and Lily, and the worst part about it was that Lily didn't seem to understand what was going on, or know how to deal with it.

There was a three-way war being waged and nobody had explained the rules to the parties in combat. And of course, Marlene and I were utterly helpless to do anything but watch, because trying to work out what to do about it would ultimately lead to betraying our preferred party, even if only in some small way.

The boys had asked me what was going on, but I wasn't sure how to even explain. Most days I wasn't sure I understood it all myself.

For example, there was an almost-altercation between Lily and Vanessa one night, although Lily didn't seem to know what it was that had upset Vanessa. In reality, she'd done nothing at all, merely walking into the room. When Amy pointing this out in an attempt to goad Vanessa into fighting _her_ instead of Lily, the whole thing dissipated into an air of confusion and Amy stomped out of the room, frustrated that she hadn't succeeded.

I was on the verge of just saying forget it all and sitting down with Marlene to talk it out, but I knew that Amy would be furious if I did, and the one thing we'd all noticed with her recovery was that she had become increasingly volatile. Not even just that she would explode at people, but she would react almost instantly to things she would have thought out before, running away when she was upset, or trying to start a fight.

"I just don't know what to do," I said to Remus one morning at breakfast. "Something's going to have to give eventually, but I'm a bit worried about what it's going to end up being."

"I see what you mean," he sighed, routinely glancing up to see if anyone else had come down for breakfast yet. "But surely this is better than the actual physical fighting that was happening before?"

"Not when it's this tense," I argued. "No, there's going to be fists or curses flying sooner or later, and I'd hate to think about how nasty it'll be when the time comes."

The fact was that Amy and Lily were both incredibly skilled duelists, although I would have given Amy the upper hand in any head-on battle. After all, she practiced with the Marauders, and Sirius was well-known as the most prolific duelist in generations. Even Professor Dumbledore had said so.

And Amy's skill wasn't too terribly far off Sirius's and James's. Indeed, her reflexes were hailed by all our Defense teachers as better than Remus and Lily.

Vanessa wasn't anywhere near their level in dueling, but she was sneaky, and there was no incentive for her to play fair. While Amy and Lily would follow the rules where dueling was concerned, Vanessa even cheated in class. She would break them in a dormitory fight, for certain, and the results could be disastrously dangerous.

And fistfights... Well, we all knew Lily had claws where those were concerned. But Amy... Well, in spite of Amy's newfound proclivity for rash words and sudden actions, my greatest fear was that if she were to hit her head or have it hit, there might be extreme consequences. Lily seemed of the same mind, which could have explained why she was so hesitant to get in a proper fight with Amy.

Vanessa, though, either didn't really know what had happened with Amy or she pretended as though she didn't. I wouldn't put it past her to pretend such a thing if it suited her, and as I had been told by Remus I didn't know if Professor McGonagall had informed Marlene and Vanessa on top of Lily.

I could have asked Marlene, but even talking to Marlene could set off the whole powder keg, which was why I had turned to Remus in the first place. If I talked to Sirius he might try to get involved, but I felt I could trust Remus to merely advise me.

"It's tricky," he said, putting a bit of lemon in his tea. "Honestly, as much as you hate the thought, Lily might be the key to diffusing all of this."

"Because she's Head Girl?" I asked, stirring a bit of sugar into my own tea.

"I was thinking more because she seems to really want it over," Remus said thoughtfully. "She's obviously distressed about what happened to Amy, and I think she wants that particular fight to be over, and she doesn't seem to know what to do about Vanessa, and I think she ought to know."

"Through Marlene?"

"No," he said. "No, the last thing you want to do is complicate this more."

I knew Remus was probably right, but I was terrified of sticking my nose into the whole disaster, for fear of having it blow up entirely in my face.

"Right," I sighed, blowing on my tea.

Asking Remus was the right thing to do, even if I didn't want to hear what he had to say.

As it happened, I didn't have to think too hard about how to approach Lily, because she sort of kidnapped me.

I found myself being dragged into an empty classroom and heard the lock clicking on the door behind me as I turned to find that it had been Lily Evans who had a look of determination on her face, a steely glint in her green eyes, and a wand in hand.

Even though I was fairly certain she meant me no harm, I had the distinct impression that one might fear for their life facing her in this way. I did take a step back.

"Hi," I muttered.

"I think we need to talk," she said firmly, motioning for me to sit, and since her wand was still out in a surprisingly menacing manner I sat, wondering if James would come on the spot if he were in my place. I had to fight a smile at that thought, but my fear was an ally in that struggle. Lily sat across from me, still looking very unfriendly. "I want answers."

"You haven't given me any questions," I said as reasonably as possible.

"Right," she said with a frown. "Well, first of all, what is going on with McAuley and Brown and how does it have to do with me?"

I took a deep breath, tracing my fingernails on the desk.

"Right, well, you know about Vanessa's break-up with Sirius."

"Obviously."

I sighed, trying to think of the words to explain just what the problem was.

"Basically," I admitted, "that was because of James."

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

Right.

"Well," I continued, "Amy and I found out that Vanessa was dating Sirius because she wanted to get closer to James. She's obsessed with becoming Mrs. Potter." Lily raised her eyebrows. "Needless to say, Sirius was upset when we brought it to his attention."

"I suppose that's why they were so harsh with that break-up," Lily said, pursing her lips. "And she didn't even hint to you that she was planning something like that?"

"No, it was a huge betrayal of trust, especially for Amy," I explained. "You see, she was already anxious because of the distinct possibility of an uncomfortable break-up. Vanessa made out that she didn't think they were going to break up, but the whole time she was planning to pull a stunt like this. So naturally, they had a fight."

"That would explain the tension," she said with a frown. "What happened?"

"Oh, we made a complete break," I replied, my eyebrows raised. "We're not friends with her anymore. I don't see how we could be, how we could trust her after that, and the Marauders, whatever you might think of them, have always treated us better than she has. They proved that when Amy was sick."

"Could you tell me more about that?" she asked hesitantly.

I wasn't sure what was going on in Lily's head, but the fact that she didn't contradict me on the Marauders meant she was at least listening reasonably.

"Sure," I sighed. "She was upset with Sirius because of the whole debacle with Amos Diggory." Lily snorted. "And we were talking it out; I was talking her down when she got a letter from home about her sister's death. She looked about ready to pass out when Sirius came in, so he took her up to his bed and she stayed there for days, wouldn't move. Literally, she couldn't even sit up a little bit on her own power. They were getting really nervous about her by that point and Remus realized in the middle of the night that she had a fever, which was when Madam Pomfrey realized what was happening, and you know the rest from there."

"Wow," Lily sighed. "This is quite a quagmire."

"You're telling me," I muttered, running my fingers through my hair. "Do you know if Vanessa knows what was wrong with Amy?"

"She does," Lily grumbled. "I told her and Marlene the basics so that they didn't ask her questions, especially after I was an idiot and upset her." Then she paused, stiffening, and sitting up a bit. "So really, it's Brown and Black who upset her before she took ill," Lily said with a frown. "Not me."

"No," I said slowly. "It really had nothing to do with you."

I was surprised to find that there was moisture gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"Then why did she let me believe that I'd made things worse?" she asked. "I apologized and everything, but she wouldn't forgive me, and now I find out I didn't even do anything wrong!"

"Well," I said, thinking fast. "Maybe it's because you've never apologized for any of the things you've actually done, and she wanted you to suffer like she was suffering. But it's just a guess."

She shook her head, wiping her eyes as if she could be discrete with me sitting right there. Then she sighed and said, "We've really made a mess of things, haven't we?"

"A little bit," I sighed. "And I'd really like to be able to focus on N.E.W.T.s instead of dorm drama, so if there's any way you could try to smooth things over discretely-"

"Understood," Lily sighed. "You and Marlene shouldn't have to deal with this, and you're right, especially not this year. I'll do what I can to bring an end to things, especially with Amy. This has gone on too long, and I am sorry about that."

I stared at her for a moment, realizing that she was actually apologizing. Amy and I had both said she would never apologize, so the realization was staggering.

"I think," I finally managed to say, "that you shouldn't be telling that to me."

She just nodded, unlocking the door and walking out, leaving me to wonder if I'd just imagined the whole encounter, or if it had actually happened.

I was really, really hoping that it was real because I couldn't imagine it going near that well nine times out of ten.

The most interesting thing, I quickly noticed, was that Lily was not only sweet as pie with Amy, and not in a false way, but she began behaving, well, jealously with Vanessa. It was really the only thing that fit the behavior, which was odd, to say the least.

While the heat had pretty much gone out between Amy and Lily, Amy and I agreed that Lily was behaving as though she wanted nothing better than to push Vanessa off a very high building. Amy didn't know what I'd done and I wasn't about to tell her, but I filed away this new behavior in case it might help me with Remus in the future.

Marlene actually came up to us in the library one day, sat down, and said, "Can I ask you two something?"

"Sure," Amy replied, flipping through an Herbology book frantically.

"It's about Lily and Vanessa Brown," Marlene said with a frown. "Have they been acting... Well, do you think they've been behaving a bit odd?"

"Yes," we chorused, and I looked up to give a sheepish sort of shrug.

"Are you worried?"

"Not really," Amy said honestly.

"I'm only worried they're going to eventually attack each other," I admitted. "But if you think you can keep Lily calm, I'm fairly certain Vanessa wouldn't strike first."

"No, that's really not her style, is it?" Marlene said bitterly. "I hate to say it, but if there was ever a snake in the lion's den, it's Vanessa Brown."

"True," Amy spat.

Marlene and I exchanged nervous looks.

Amy hadn't really been the most eloquent person in the world before, but she had gotten downright sharp since her incident.

As I was doing regularly, I reported my findings to the Marauders, who had noticed a lot of the same things.

"But this could just be her way of coping with the realities of what happened," Remus argued. "There's nothing to say that this is a permanent personality shift caused by brain damage."

"Are we experts on brain damage, Remus?" Sirius asked wearily.

"Well, no, but-"

"Then we will present this to Professor McGonagall and let her decide whether it's serious or not. Thank you, Sarah. I guess we just have to hope that it's nothing permanent."

"Is it actually bad, though?" James asked softly. "If she's standing up for herself-"

"She already did that," Sirius pointed out. "Remember? The black eye-"

We all looked around at each other, frowning.

"I'll talk to Professor McGonagall if you make me a list of talking points," James said slowly. "Lily already expressed a few concerns, so I feel like I can just bring them all to her at once and save Professor McGonagall a bit of time."

I was more than a little bit surprised by that, but we set about making a list, knowing that it was the thing that made the most sense.

But James was growing up; there was no doubt about that.

No, when I went to the dormitory that night the first thing I noticed was that Vanessa and Lily were attempting to discretely stare each other down, attempting to glare at each other in a way no one else would notice.

But we all noticed, of course.

I couldn't say for certain, but if I'd had to guess I would have said that they had actually had at least a minor confrontation, maybe not even over James, which was what the real fight was about. Maybe it was about Amy. Maybe it was about leaving her jumper on the bathroom floor.

It seemed as though even the smallest things could cause a near-fatal tension between the two of them, but nothing ever seemed to address the actual problem.

"So," Marlene said nervously, "how were the Marauders, Sarah?"

"Oh, the same," I replied, not sure she picked the best life-line topic. Vanessa's ears pricked up curiously and Lily looked very deliberately at her toes. Thankfully Amy was in the shower or I would have managed to annoy everyone at once. "James was gathering some information to take to Professor McGonagall."

"How was James?" Vanessa asked with a smirk that I wanted to smack off her face.

"He didn't ask after you, I can guarantee that," Lily snapped, and I held my breath, waiting for Vanessa to do something rash in response, but she just smirked, clearly glad at having baited Lily. With a deep breath, Lily then turned to me and said, "Did he mention my suggestions?"

"He didn't say what they were," I muttered as Amy came into the room. "Just that you had some and he'd add them to our list."

"What's that?" Amy asked, picking up her wand and carefully wand-drying her hair, which could be a disaster if not done properly.

"Oh, just talking about something Diggory brought up in the Prefect's meeting," Lily lied, and Vanessa snorted. "Apparently he's been gossiping about things that weren't agreed upon, and-"

"Evans," Amy said with a sigh, "I really don't care."

"Right," Lily said quickly, blushing. "I suppose you wouldn't."

Amy continued to carefully dry her hair and I shared a nervous look with Marlene, who obviously understood just how easily that could have erupted. I just hoped that James would get it all sorted out quickly. I hated feeling like I was living in a war zone.

As I changed into a nightgown and crawled into bed, however, braiding my hair absently as I stared at my bed hangings, I realized that I lived in a constant war zone, even if I didn't count my dormitory. Even if I managed to find a way to keep the peace for the rest of the year in my immediate living space, I would be facing war when I left Hogwarts, every time I left Hogwarts.

I blinked away tears, trying to feel anything but overwhelmed and afraid, but as I reached inside myself for something, anything else, I realized there didn't to be anything else to feel.


	16. White Flag

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader (forgive me if I mistype this) **_**Friggatrikaidekaphobia**_**. Please enjoy while I practice saying your username as a break from my thesis edits.**

** -C**

After Professor McGonagall deemed that any changes in me were due to stress rather than brain damage she instituted weekly check-ins with Madam Pomfrey until further notice and everyone around me took a palpable sigh of relief.

Now that Sarah and I were well and truly alone in our dormitory, and with the togetherness instituted during my period of illness, we'd become honorary, if not entirely official, members of the Marauders. Sirius had all but insisted that we be taken under wing, and it seemed as though even James had no real complaints with the matter.

I was flattered, until I realized what his motive was.

"Does Lily talk about me very often?"

Oh, I wanted to throw something at that boy.

However, he'd done a lot for me, letting me stay in their dormitory regardless of the rules while I was ill, reporting to McGonagall honestly and not making my life difficult, even keeping a shrewd eye out for Vanessa, which I didn't find out until I overheard him discussing Vanessa's behavior with Sirius, especially with his new semi-rational fear of Vanessa.

So I supposed the least I could do was at least attempt to help him with his pathetic excuse for a love life. It wasn't as if mine was doing any better.

"Not exactly," I admitted. "I mean, you're mentioned in the dorm, but by various people, and not really any more often than Peter is."

"Ouch," Sirius chuckled.

We were sitting in a circle on the floor of the boys' dormitory with a few bottles of firewhiskey and some chocolate, trying to come up with a strategy for James to woo Lily.

The only reason I hadn't walked out - minus the chocolate - was the fact that we were no longer calling her his Lily-flower.

"But I will say," Sarah said thoughtfully, "she's not reacting so negatively to your name, like she wants to vomit every time it's mentioned. Now it's more like you're almost human."

Well, that was absolutely true. But whether that meant anything entirely hopeful for James, I didn't want to be the one to speculate.

"D'you think that means I've made progress?" James asked eagerly.

"She looks at you as if you're _almost_ something you are," Sirius said, amused. "Improvement, yes, but nowhere near what you're looking for, Prongs."

"I guess not," James said sullenly. "Well, I guess there's always the goal of changing her mind by Christmas. We could do that, right?"

"James," I sighed, "it's taken you six years to get this far. What makes you think you'll get that giant leap done by Christmas?"

"Well, if we're being fair," Remus said slowly, "almost all the ground he's made he's made since the start of term. So if he keeps going at that pace, I'd say it's not impossible."

"She has to think he's human first," Sirius pointed out.

We all nodded, drinking our firewhiskey and thinking.

I wished they wouldn't use the nicknames around Sarah, looking at the thoughtful look she was giving James since Sirius had called him Prongs.

"The question is," James said after a few minutes of virtual silence, "what should I do differently to let her know I'm still interested, but that I've grown up?"

"I think you're trying to convey too complicated of a message," Sarah told him thoughtfully. I was surprised at how interested she seemed to be in getting James and Evans together. Maybe she thought it would show Vanessa if we hooked them up, or maybe she thought it would end our dormitory wars. Either way, I couldn't wrap my brain around it.

"How do you mean?" James asked.

Maybe Sarah was right, though. Maybe there was an improvement with James big enough to make the difference. He really did seem to care, not like when we were in third year and Remus gave him solid advice he didn't think he needed.

"I mean that the first step is to make her look at you like a human worth her attention, yes?" Sarah said, putting down her firewhiskey glass for Sirius to refill. "Focus on that, and then when she's looking at you in that way make sure she knows you're still interested. She's not going to care until she changes how she sees you, anyway, so it's a waste of energy to think about now."

"The taller female speaks wisely," James said softly, and Sirius snorted into his firewhiskey. I glanced over at Sarah and saw her blush, trying to watch Remus discretely over her own firewhiskey glass.

So that's why she was working so hard on James's behalf. She thought it would get Remus's attention.

Well, she might be right about that. My endeavors for Sirius's love life may have gotten Remus's attention. Why not try it with the other Marauder?

Still, I felt a bit guilty as we left their room that night that I'd not told Sarah about Remus having a crush on me for I didn't even know how long. Part of me wanted to tell her. After all, she told me every time Sirius even mentioned my name when I wasn't around. It didn't seem fair to keep something like that from her.

But it was different, and I knew she wouldn't take it well, and I couldn't bring myself to lose the last non-Marauder I had as a friend. I would never be able to go to my own bed again if I did that.

I went to bed that night feeling like the world would fall around me if I didn't tread more carefully with each step, and feeling very much alone.

The following morning, though, I wished I would feel alone again if only to avoid what the Marauders had put on me for a task.

"Absolutely not."

"Amy, please," Remus said softly, but I shook my head across the breakfast table.

"James has to beg," I demanded. "I'm not doing anything until James begs."

James raised his eyebrows.

Well, if he wanted me to make nice with Lily Evans, he was going to have to work for it.

He cleared his throat, leaning forward a bit, and asked in a low voice, "I don't have to get on my knees, do I?"

"Just a verbal beg will do," I replied lazily, smiling as he flushed slightly, clearing his throat again.

"Amy McAuley," he said in his most formal voice, "I will owe you such a debt of gratitude if you would make this step of good fortune on my behalf that the first daughter shall be named for you."

"That sounded more like a deal than begging," I said with a grin, "but either way, you've got yourself a deal, James. I shall do as you ask, although I don't promise to enjoy it."

So that day during free period, for it rained and Herbology was cancelled, I tracked down Lily Evans in the library, sitting down across from her with fear, trepidation, and the full expectation to eat an awful lot of crow in one sitting.

Ah, the things we do for love.

"Ev- Lily?"

She looked up, starting when she realized that it was me sitting across from her, and she pushed her book away from her a bit, sitting up straight.

"McAuley? I mean, Amy, sorry. Six years of habit, you know."

I'd never really noticed just how fascinating her eyes were, but I guess I'd never really looked at them before. I was willing to stake that she was prettier than Vanessa from that close.

I swallowed my pride and swore internally to do my very best for the Marauders.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I said slowly. "Look, I know things haven't gone very well with us in all the time we've known each other, but I'm willing to hold out the white flag if you are."

Evans raised her eyebrows and blinked in surprise.

"You know, I've always wanted to hear you say that," she said softly. "I always thought it would mean I'd won, but now that you've said it, I don't feel victorious. I just feel relieved." She closed her book with a sigh. "I've certainly made a lot of mistakes, but I feel like we're both at fault for how bad things have gotten." She paused, looking at me thoughtfully before saying, "I'm willing to put this all behind us if you forgive me for how I've treated you."

There she was on that forgiveness kick again. I wanted so badly to tell her that I wouldn't forgive her, this time for things she'd actually done. But I knew that would be so counter to what I had promised James I would do that I had to swallow my pride once more and I said, as graciously as I could muster, "I forgive you, Lily."

She sighed with relief, smiling at me sheepishly.

"For a moment I was worried you would say no," she sighed, pushing her book aside. "Listen, I need to talk to you about something now that we've got that out of the way."

I prayed that she would announce her undying love and affection for James so this whole thing could just be over with.

"Oh?" I said, pretending to be curious.

"Yes," she sighed, frowning. "Sarah and I have discussed Vanessa, and your falling out with her. I'm frankly disgusted with her behavior and I wouldn't put it past her to continue to harass you even in your condition. I was wondering what you would like me to do for support on this issue."

It was my turn to blink in surprise.

She was willing to join forces with regards to Vanessa? Maybe this whole befriending Lily Evans thing would be better than I'd thought.

"Um, I really don't know," I admitted. "I've not thought about it. She's been gunning a bit more for you, lately." Then I grinned, a wonderful idea coming to mind. "How about I help _you_?"

She raised her eyebrows even higher and I became a bit concerned she might hurt herself doing that.

"What do you mean?" she asked, sitting forward slightly.

"Well," I said casually, "nobody knows Vanessa like me, Sarah, and Sirius. Maybe we can...educate you in how to deal with her best."

She smiled slightly, her eyebrows returning basically to normal, much to my relief.

"Isn't that a bit of a -"

"There's no betrayal of trust," I muttered, frowning. I knew what she was getting at. "She already betrayed mine, so there is no trust between us anymore. If she expects me to keep her secrets after what she pulled, she delusional. No, Lily, I'd be happy to help you in this endeavor. In fact, very few things in this world would make me happier."

She smiled a bit brighter and I knew we were making progress.

"On one condition," she said leaning back in her chair.

"What's that?"

"We can't just hold up white flags if we're going to do this," she said, pursing her lips as she paused to think out her next words. "We need to present a united front so she has nowhere to poke us against each other for her advantage. Marlene, Sarah, you, and I need to be friends if this is going to work at all."

Oh, James would have to kiss my feet for this one.

Still, I realized as I shook her outstretched hand that this wasn't just for James anymore. There was a feeling like a huge weight off my chest, agreeing to be friends with Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon, to be united against Vanessa in common cause to keep peace in our dormitory. I would sleep at night with a lot more strength, and if Sarah ever were to find out about Remus and turn on me, I suddenly felt I wouldn't be so alone.

Maybe I'd done more of a service to myself than to James, after all. And I might even get a child named for me in the bargain.

Win.

That night, Sarah and I met for our Herbology practice, but very little got done in the way of Herbology.

"I'm sorry, you did _what_?"

"He begged," I said with a shrug, as if that explained it all.

"Yes, but making peace and becoming friends are entirely different matters," Sarah said with surprise. "That's why she's been so openly nice to me today."

"It would seem," I said with an amused smile, flipping through the Herbology text without actually looking at it. Thankfully, Sarah wasn't looking at it either because I'd passed the page I needed five chapters ago.

She shook her head, turning and resting her feet on the bench, stretching them out before her.

"So we're friends with Marlene and Lily now? This is feeling a bit less like life and a bit more like a political campaign."

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" I teased. "I'm running for Minister of Magic once Bagnold retires."

"Ha, ha," she replied dully. "Look, are you sure we can trust this as actual friendship?"

"Were we ever really sure we could trust Vanessa?" I argued, shrugging once more. "All I know is innocent until proven guilty, and I've got a promise of a child named after me if I really come through with this, so I'm giving it my all."

She grinned at that, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure you don't want Sirius's everlasting gratitude?"

I licked my lips, shrugging again, smiling to myself.

Of course a part of me wanted Sirius to finally want me, whatever it took. But if I was being honest with myself I actually was starting to root for James, just a little bit. After all, who didn't like a story where the guy gets the girl?

"The important thing now, I suppose," she said thoughtfully, "is to help James as much as possible. But we have to uphold both ends of the bargain to do it. We have to be friends with Lily and Marlene, helping on the front with Vanessa. That will help James too, I think. The more in her place Vanessa is, the less he'll have to worry about her causing trouble."

"True," I conceded.

"And," she continued, leaning forward a little, "we have to be sure to be putting James in the best light possible when discussing him around Lily, while still being honest. Lying will only make things go backwards. She's too sharp for that."

That was certainly true. But Lily Evans was so smart that she knew it, and there had to be some way to use that to our advantage.

"Does this feel a bit underhanded to you?" Sarah said, wincing again. "I mean, playing both sides like this?"

"Sarah, the real world is a delicate balance of interpersonal interactions," I said, repeating something my sister had once told me. "One wrong move can be fatal."

"I don't know about-"

"It was for Ashley Elizabeth," I said coldly, and her jaw snapped shut immediately.

We sat in silence for a moment as the air cleared between us. I knew she didn't want to press me at all on Ashley Elizabeth's death, especially as my mother had told me that she wouldn't be taking us out of school for the funeral. It was a touchier subject than even when it had first happened.

Finally, she whispered with trepidation, "I suppose we'll have to plan everything we do, then."

"Perhaps we will," I agreed. "But we need to be prepared to go off script, too. We might find out we have genuine friendship with the other girls, or that James doesn't need as much help."

"I would love that," Sarah gushed, leaning her head against the stone wall behind her. "I would really like if this didn't have to stay rehearsed. It's starting to get exhausting, watching every move, playing all these games. I mean, I think in the end it will all be worth it, but I'm just so tired."

I nodded, completely agreeing. We were Gryffindors, not Slytherins. We were not equipped for the things in front of us. Like she said, we were not politicians. But if we couldn't manage a small matter of dorm politics, how could we possibly survive the war?

But after an hour of mapping out our ways of helping James Potter in his love life instead of studying the Herbology that I was beginning to dread more every day, we headed back to Gryffindor Tower in order to make it back before curfew. We spent an hour by the fireplace with the Marauders, talking and laughing and eating chocolate, no doubt making the younger students jealous. Then we went up to our dormitory and decided it was time to begin our plan to deal with the issue of James's love life.

"How was Herbology?" Lily asked us cheerfully, and the look she gave Marlene very clearly said to me that they'd had a talk as well and everyone was on board if Sarah was.

"Great," I said, grinning. "Very productive."

Lily smiled and nodded, nodding to the bathroom to indicate that Vanessa was getting ready for bed. I nodded, beginning to take off my uniform to change for the night.

"We spent some time with the Marauders before we came up here," Sarah said after I nodded at her. "James found some chocolate we didn't eat the other night and the mood was right."

Vanessa came into the dormitory scowling with her hair a bit damp, drying it as she walked with her steady wand.

"How were the boys?" Marlene asked, maybe knowing Lily couldn't be seen asking about James, even if we were trying to put Vanessa in her place.

"Oh, fine," I said. Sarah nodded.

"You know, I think they're a bit tired," she said with a laugh. "I think they might even be studying for N.E.W.T.s! Never thought I'd see the day James and Sirius cracked books, but I suppose there's a first time for anything."

"Yeah," Lily said slowly, smiling in spite of herself. "I suppose there is."


	17. Drugs

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to new reader **_**britstar4**_**. Enjoy!**

** -C**

As a part of the effort to get James and Lily together, which it seemed everyone but Lily and Vanessa were now a part of, it was my duty to keep my eyes open to alert the appropriate people to any potential snags.

And as far as I was concerned, the walking, talking potential snag was Vanessa Brown.

So I spent a fair amount of time I would have rather spent watching Amy watching Vanessa instead, keeping an eye on her, following her from time to time, and thankfully paying extra-special attention to her newfound study habits.

Because what, I asked myself, would a student so disinterested in how she actually did in school be doing requesting a room in which to brew practice potions of Professor Slughorn?

Well, I answered myself, brewing a potion, that was certain, but probably not one she was worried about getting a poor grade on.

Vanessa was not the most skilled in anything she did except, perhaps, applying lip gloss. But she did have a certain knack for potions that would have been remarkable if not for Snape and Lily being so extraordinary, both capable, Slughorn had said hundreds of times, of being Potions Masters.

So really, the last thing we wanted her to be doing was brewing, and it was the one thing we wouldn't see coming if I hadn't been watching her every move.

Being a rat made sneaking in between the cracks she never would have spared a second glance the easiest thing in the world. It took me a while to find the right point of entry, but when I knew which crack to target I figured she'd probably been brewing about a week, if she'd gotten all the ingredients she'd needed straight off, and while there was no guarantee of that it would be safer to assume she was further along than she might actually be.

I could see her opening a small package that appeared to have been ordered from the Diagon Alley apothecary, smelling strongly of what I was pretty sure was ashwinder eggs.

I hadn't really had a lot of experience with them, but from what I'd heard in class that about what they smelled like.

But what were ashwinder eggs for?

Vanessa added a few ingredients, stirred exactly, and when steam came off it in spirals she smirked, bottling a bit, getting another bottle to bottle a bit more, and then got up to get some more bottles from the student stores.

When she left the room I transformed, closing the door and sticking it a bit so I would get some warning before she came back in. I leaned over the potion to get the best description for my research.

It was shiny, like the inside of the shell, and the spiral steam was still coming off it. I leaned over and sniffed carefully, knowing that sometimes potions could be dangerous for the sense of smell.

I closed my eyes and smiled as I smelled vanilla and sandalwood, cheese, chocolate, and the smell of damp cotton.

There was a jostling sound at the door and I quickly transformed, scurrying away through the crack and making sure the corridor was empty before transforming again, walking as casually as possible to the library, heading to the section for potions and looking for a copy of _Advanced Potion-Making_, which I knew was the text because of Remus. There was a copy, and I had to summon it, flipping through looking for potions with ashwinder eggs.

It took three tries before one of them mentioned spiral steam, but once I read the rest of the description, I knew it was the right potion, something called Amortentia.

I didn't know what that was, and there wasn't really a description, so I looked on the shelf for a reference book and pulled it off the shelf, flipping to the index and searching for Amortentia.

Page 126.

_Amortentia is the most powerful known love potion. When brewed properly it induces the strongest and most natural infatuations and obsessions of any love potion. It is distinctive by the mother-of-pearl sheen, the spiral steam, and the fact that anyone smelling it smells that which most attracts them._

That sounded about right.

I was proud of my good work for a moment, before I realized what she must be doing, brewing a batch of Amortentia.

She was trying to drug James.

I put the books away hastily, hoping Madam Pince wouldn't be able to figure out it was me in case I needed the library to study for N.E.W.T.s. Then I rushed back to my dormitory to pace like Sirius always did when he was deciding what to do. It seemed to help him, so maybe it would help me.

If I told James or Sirius right away, they would act too quickly and she would be able to pass it off as studying for school. After all, if Vanessa was anything she was clever.

If I told Remus, he might pressure me to tell one of the others.

Was it even allowed, brewing a love potion?

It probably was, I mused, as long as she wasn't intending it for the consumption of another student. That was probably illegal, minors and all that.

Except...except she might wait until after James was of age, and then would that law apply?

And then I froze in my pacing.

James had turned seventeen the previous school year.

He was already of age.

It was a difficult decision, but for the sake of being delicate and handling things as discretely as possible, I would keep it to myself and keep my eyes wide open. Now that I knew what to sniff for, that potion wasn't getting by me, and if I had to drop a few hints to get the other Marauders watching for it too, then I would do my very best.

Vanessa Brown was not going to drug James Potter, not on my watch.

I decided to bring up the possibility of drugging at lunch, knowing that it was important for James to check everything he was consuming, in case I wasn't there to smell it.

"I had a thought during my free period and started doing some research," I squeaked, and the Marauders, Amy, Sarah, Marlene, and Lily all dropped their forks and stared at me. "Well, it's not like there was anyone to answer my questions."

"I think that's wonderful, Peter," Lily said gently. "What were you researching?"

"Well, it came to my mind that Vanessa is a pretty good Potions student, and she's been doing a lot of brewing in her free time," I began slowly. "And it occurred to me that she might try to drug James."

"You really think she'd do that?" James asked frantically. "I mean-"

"Yes, I really think she would," Amy said nervously. "What did you find, Peter?"

"Well, there's this love potion that's in her Potions text," I said proudly, "and it's supposed to be the most powerful one in the world."

"Amortentia," Lily recited. "We've studied it. She was given twenty points for Gryffindor for knowing it backward and forward, brewing it perfectly, and even writing a flawless essay, if such a thing can be had."

"What does it look like?" Sirius asked. "I mean, if you put it in food or a drink or something?"

"Well, if it's in food than only the spiral steam would retain," Lily said thoughtfully. "In a drink you might get some mother-of-pearl sheen on the surface when it's undisturbed, which would be easier to see with darker things like tea."

"I'm brewing tea right now," James said with a nervous squeak.

"Is it safe to smell?" Amy asked.

"It will smell like that which attracts the person who smells it," I said proudly, and Sirius glanced at James's cup warily.

"Does that steam seem spiral to anyone else?" he asked.

Lily's eyes widened and she nodded.

He picked up the goblet and held it for Remus to look and Remus declared, "Yes, I would say mother-of-pearl sheen. I've never seen earl gray tea that looked like that."

Sirius tipped it back toward himself and nodded.

"Yeah, it's almost filmly," he muttered. "James, you're not drinking this."

"Gladly."

Sirius then frowned deeper, sniffing it lightly.

"Smells like...like vanilla and sandalwood," he whispered. "Chocolate, and...and...heather."

My stomach dropped at the same time as Amy's fork.

It was my greatest fear.

Amy darted out of the room faster than any of the other girls, who hurried off after her. Sirius had a look of comprehension on his face, and there was no more denying it.

Sirius Black was in love with Amy.

"Okay, first of all, is my food safe?" James asked. "Then we can start probing the female mind as Sirius obviously wants to do."

Remus sniffed the plate of food and declared it safe.

"That's her lotion," Sirius whispered, running his fingers through his hair. "Vanilla and sandalwood. And the chocolate. And...her family has that heather bush in the yard, and she and I spend hours next to that thing."

He looked up at us desperately.

"She ran away," he choked. "Oh, Merlin, she's found out I'm in love with her and she runs out of the bloody room! Remus, what do I do?"

"Maybe she's just shocked," Remus said gently. "That's not the sort of thing one expects to hear."

"She wants nothing to do with me," Sirius whimpered. "I've blown it before I even realized I wanted her! I'm such a bloody fool!"

"There's always hope, mate," James said cheerily, cutting his steak and stealing a sip of Sirius's pumpkin juice. "I never though Lily would even speak to me without throwing things at my head. Or, well, you all thought. I always knew it was meant to be."

"You've not gotten her yet, James," Sirius growled.

Personally, I was hoping that there was no hope. I was hoping that, like Sirius believed, Amy had rushed out of the room because she was embarrassed and mortified, and that she looked at Sirius like a friend, which was why she'd always been so helpful with his love life.

"Peter," Sirius then said frantically. "Peter, you've got to help me. You can find out."

"What?" I squeaked.

I didn't like the sound of this.

"No, Sirius," Remus said sternly. "Spying on someone who's trying to drug James into marrying her is one thing. Spying on your best friend is a completely different affair!"

"Moony, I'm desperate," Sirius whined. "I'm not asking him to totally invade her privacy, just to listen in on this one conversation."

"Fine," I said quickly, realizing I needed to know for myself anyway. "I'll go. I'll be discrete and I won't stay too long."

Before Remus had a chance to argue further, I hurried away to find where the girls had gone, following my nose to find that delicious concentration of vanilla and sandalwood. They'd not gone all the way up to Gryffindor Tower, which was good.

"I can't believe you reacted like that," Sarah laughed. "If Remus had said something about smelling my lotion I think I would have probably just fainted."

I transformed, sneaking under the large doorframe carefully, although the squeeze was tight.

I needed to cut the midnight cheese runs.

"I would have paid to see that," Amy said through tears, wiping her eyes frantically. "Do you think Remus was avoiding it on purpose?"

"Why?" Sarah laughed. Then her face went serious. "Wait, why? Do you know something?"

"No, no," Amy lied. "I just was thinking."

Of course, she was referring to the fact that Remus had been in love with her, and if three of the four boys at the table had smelled vanilla and sandalwood Amy probably would have passed out.

"Oh," Sarah sighed. "Do you think he smells me?"

"I honestly don't know, Sarah," Amy sighed. "If you like the boy so much, why don't you just tell him?"

"Why don't you?" Sarah threw back at her, but it was good-natured, not at all like a fight.

Hearing things I knew I ought to report back, I scurried back out quickly as possible and made my way to Charms with the other Marauders, careful to keep an eye out for any of the girls.

"Anything?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"No," I said softly. "Not for you, but I've heard something else about Remus. You were wondering who likes you, right?"

Remus's eyes widened, his knuckles whitening as his fists clenched, fighting with himself.

"Peter," Sirius warned, but Remus had already nodded, unable to control his curiosity.

"Tell me," Remus whispered. "I...I won't tell anyone where I found out, and I'll be discrete."

"So much for not snooping," Sirius said bitterly, perhaps still upset that there was no news about whether or not Amy actually liked him.

"It's Sarah," I whispered softly, looking around again to make sure no one heard. "Sarah apparently is crazy about you."

Remus mouthed her name a couple of times as we stood outside of Charms, waiting for the other students, and for Professor Flitwick to let us in.

"Sarah," he said with a small smile that had crept onto his face. "Really? How did I not see that?"

"Beats me, mate," Sirius said with a shrug. "I didn't really see it either."

Remus shook his head, still grinning, blushing a bit.

"She's rather pretty, isn't she?"

Sirius and I exchanged a look.

Sarah wasn't ugly, but she was a bit plain by the usual standards. She did have nice legs, and she had a very kind smile. But as far as I was concerned, and obviously Sirius as well, there was no comparison whatsoever between Sarah and Amy, and throwing Vanessa into the picture it was a miracle anyone ever noticed the girl.

"Sure," Sirius said with a shrug. "Not my type, but pretty enough."

Remus didn't seem to really be listening, though, still grinning to himself, maybe trying to decide if he was as interested in her as she was in him, or if he could be.

Watching the complete change in his demeanor from the time he found out it was her until that moment I realized Sirius was absolutely right about something he'd said a few times over the years: Knowing that a person likes you can make them seem very different, maybe even more attractive.

Suddenly, though, Remus's face grew dark, panicked.

And I braced myself, knowing almost exactly what he was about to say, raising a complaint that wasn't really there in the same way when he'd been obsessed with Amy.

"She doesn't know," he said hoarsely. "Sirius, she doesn't know. What if she finds out and she-"

"Give her the benefit of the doubt, Remus," Sirius said sternly, wanting to cut him off before he reached absolute hysteria. "She's a good girl, smart, kind. She's very open-minded. You know that."

"There are plenty of kind people who cannot overcome their fear and prejudice," Remus whimpered. "And Sarah could be one of those. We don't know!"

"We don't," I agreed nervously. "But isn't it better to find out before you get all nervous?"

"Ask Amy," Sirius said with a shrug. "She might know what you want to know."

"But she might overestimate Sarah's ability to be capable to handle this," Remus said. "Be honest, Sirius, it takes a very special kind of person-"

"And Sarah's pretty special in her way," Sirius sighed. "Look, Moony, I feel like you're not going to get anywhere trying to figure out if you aren't willing to talk to her friends or talk to her."

Students were beginning to amass then, though, and we could see the girls approaching, so all discussion of whether or not Sarah would be willing to date a werewolf ceased.

"Hey," Marlene said, coming up to us and smiling. "What a day, right?"

"Yup," Sirius muttered, glancing over at Amy, who was looking rather pale, standing in the back and refusing to look at us. He was trying to catch her eye, but if anyone was more stubborn than Sirius, it was Amy.

"Everyone in!" squeaked Professor Flitwick, and the class filed in, Sirius trying to get Amy's attention once more, but I sat down beside Sirius, knowing he would think I'd done it without thinking, but really I didn't want him pulling Amy into the chair.

Until I knew how Amy felt about Sirius liking her, I didn't want to give Sirius too many opportunities to talk her into dating him. The last thing I needed was to lose her to someone who only just decided he was in love with her. I saw her first. I _wanted_ her first.

To my delight, Amy nudged Sarah toward Remus, who was sitting behind us, and slipped into a seat by Marlene, who smirked slightly as Lily was then forced to sit next to either Vanessa or James.

The social engineering was good because it kept Remus from panicking too much in a noticeable way, it forced Lily to put up with James as sitting by Vanessa might be hazardous to her health and safety, and allowed me to keep Sirius away from Amy.

Sirius was very close to pouting, and I wondered for a moment whether or not he might actually cry in public.

Of course, he still had enough self-control in him to keep from crossing that line, and I merely sat next to a sulking Sirius for the entirety of Charms, pleased that for once he was completely unable to concentrate and I did better than him in class, which meant that I actually upstaged him in class for once.

Unfortunately, Amy didn't seem to have noticed, as she spent most of class staring at her desk, perhaps trying not to catch Sirius's eye, which he seemed to keep trying to catch her in.

But it would be mentioned to her later, I presumed, so I could count it as some sort of progress.


	18. Friends

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**Missing Triforce**_**, who is doing the impossible and editing my thesis. :D**

** -C**

Somehow, Remus had found out about Sarah being the one who liked him, and as a result, I was bearing the brunt of his panic and frustrations while I was dealing with my own issues. The fact that Remus was actually insensitive enough to do this was a sure sign of out upset he actually was, thinking Sarah would truly turn him down for knowing his secret.

"Remus, she's a good girl," I yawned, watching him pace the secret passage we'd curled up in the night before we were going on a Hogsmeade trip with the Marauders and Sarah. Remus had kidnapped me in hopes that I could make him feel better about seeing Sarah before we went out together as a group. "I'm sure it can't all be as cataclysmic as you seem to assume."

"But it is," he groaned, sinking to the ground. "Don't you see? It just can't be statistically possible for another person to be as accepting as you and Lily and the guys."

I winced.

"Just a tip," I muttered, "if you ever do man up and tell her all this, don't tell her Lily knew first. Don't _ever_ tell her that."

Remus frowned, looking at me with confusion.

"Why?"

"Well, even though she knows better now, Sarah had this long-standing fear that you were secretly dating Lily," I explained sheepishly. "Nothing I said could convince her otherwise. It...It might make her paranoid again if you mention that Lily already knows. You know how illogical people can be when they're in love."

He raised his eyebrows, smiling slightly at me.

"You mean like running out of the Great Hall when the person they want smells their lotion in Amortentia?"

"Can we not?" I sighed, groaning and putting my face in my hands.

Suddenly I was wishing we were focusing on Remus's problems and ignoring my own.

"Why did you run?"

"I honestly don't know," I said, leaning back against the wall. "And now he probably hates me. I mean, how can I even talk to him after that?"

"Amy, he's your best friend," Remus said gently. "Other than Sarah, obviously. And he cares about you a lot."

"But it's not the same," I said, convinced that "caring" meant that Sirius cared for me like someone cared for a pet, wanting to make sure I was safe and happy and healthy, but I knew he didn't think about me how I thought of him.

"I don't know if you can really say that," Remus reasoned. But then he sighed, "I guess we're both a bit ridiculous about this, aren't we?"

"Don't you go trying to make a deal with me, Remus," I warned. "I'm not asking out Sirius if you ask out Sarah. It's just not going to happen."

"What if I tell her everything?" he teased.

But he wouldn't do that, not right away. He was too terrified. I just shook my head, not wanting to deal with the conversation anymore, just wanting to sleep so I didn't look totally disgusting the following morning.

"Maybe we need to just try and see what happens," he sighed. "But will you at least talk to him? I'm not asking you to ask him out or make a move, but just... just see what happens? Please."

"I'll see," I muttered. "I'll talk to him, but I think I really want to stay in my bed and pretend to be sick." I paused. "I feel a bit sick, actually."

"Amy, nothing is eating your brain," Remus said, half-amused. "Nothing is going to keep you from going to Hogsmeade."

"Sleeping through it might," I replied with a yawn.

"Right, sorry," Remus sighed, pulling out the Marauder's Map and James's invisibility cloak. "_I solemnly swear I am up to no good._"

I looked over his shoulder.

"Looks quiet," I muttered, resting my chin on his shoulder sleepily.

"Please don't do that," he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't...don't tempt me. I...I know you don't want me, Amy, but it's not that easy getting over the fact that I've had a crush on you for years."

"Sorry," I said quickly, snapping back from his shoulder as he put the cloak over the two of us.

"Right, let's go quickly," he muttered.

We left the secret passage and made our way through what were normally familiar corridors, but everything looked eerie and different in the dark. And it didn't help that I was fairly certain that landmarks like the suits of armor got off their stands and wandered around.

"Does this look like the right hallway to you?" I asked nervously.

"Relax, it always looks like this at night," Remus assured me. "Prefects get used to it."

"I'm not a prefect," I reminded him. "I'm barely managing to pass Herbology."

"I thought you were failing Herbology," Remus remarked, probably thinking that he should be pleasantly surprised that I was passing, but I just groaned.

"Fine, no fooling you, then," I teased. "I am failing, but don't let Sirius know or he'll try to make you do my homework."

"I'd be happy to do it, and to tutor you," Remus began, but I cut him off.

"If Sarah's years of propping me up in that class can't save my grades, Remus, nothing you do is going to be able to help, but thank you."

We reached the Fat Lady, who was falling asleep.

"_Portcullis_," Remus hissed, and she opened subconsciously, still on the verge of dozing. We scurried in through the portrait hole and into the common room, waiting until it had closed again to take off the cloak.

"I'll see you in the morning, then," I muttered, watching him fold up the cloak.

"Yup," he said, tapping the map. "_Mischief managed_."

"You boys pick the strangest things," I muttered. "Marauders, mischief, up to no good. No wonder Lily thinks you only behave like human beings forty percent of the time."

"Oh, we're up to forty percent now?" Remus said happily as we crossed the common room. "We were at fifteen for a long time."

The following morning it took Sarah and me extra-long to get ready, knowing that not only were we going to Hogsmeade with the Marauders, but we were going without Vanessa.

And that meant we had a chance of being the prettiest girls in the room.

"How's my hair?" Sarah asked, turning so I could get a better look at her half-up hair.

"It's not curling?" I asked nervously.

"No, is it too plain?" she said, terrified.

"Hold still," I muttered, taking the clip out and braiding the strands into a knot instead so that there was at least a little bit of artfulness. "There. What do you think of my dress?"

I turned for her, excited about the brilliant green dress Lily had given me, something she'd grown out of when she'd grown a few inches a few years before and hadn't really had the heart to part with.

"Oh, the lace on the shoulders is gorgeous," Sarah gushed. "Sirius is going to love it."

"Doubtful," I sighed. "But I promised Remus last night that I would at least talk to him, even though I know it's going to be awful. He must hate me."

"I don't think that boy's capable of hating you," Sarah said, daubing a bit of lip gloss on her thin lips. "Too much?"

I looked up.

"Just right," I said. "Are we good?"

When they agreed that they were set, they went downstairs.

"Where's Pete?" I asked, looking around.

"He's got detention," James said with a shrug.

"I guess this is everyone, then," Remus said with a forced cheerfulness that made everyone slightly uncomfortable, but we went down to Hogsmeade with the bored air so common with seventh years who'd been dozens of times.

We spent the morning getting sweets, going through Zonko's, and trying on the silliest things we could find in Gladrags, and then we adjourned to the Three Broomsticks for lunch, the five of us sitting around a table, our food brought to the table rather quickly for such a busy day.

We'd been there for about half an hour when Sarah started to get really nervous and got up to powder her nose, leaving me alone with the boys.

"Oh, Remus," James said abruptly not long after Sarah had gotten up, "we forgot to get that thing."

Remus raised his eyebrows for a moment before saying, "Oh, right, the thing. We'll be back; we've just got to...go...get a thing."

The two boys dashed out of the pub before either Sirius or I was able to point out that we all knew that 'thing' was a bad excuse to leave us alone together to sort out or not-talking.

"Wow," Sirius sighed. "They've sunk to new lows."

"New, pathetic lows," I agreed with a nod, twisting my now-useless straw in my hands to have something to do other than look at Sirius.

"So," Sirius sighed. "What do you think about Sarah and Remus? Think they'll figure out how to talk to each other?"

"Yes, but hopefully sooner rather than later," I said, using my nail to split the straw and dismember it. "Remus is going to be unbearably self-conscious if this goes on too much longer."

"Yeah," Sirius groaned, stretching. "You're getting friendly with Lily now. How are James's chances looking?"

"Judging by a conversation I had with Remus, they've nearly doubled," I said lazily, still concentrating on my straw.

I could talk to him, but I didn't have to look at him. They weren't going to make me make a total fool of myself.

"Well, he'll be pleased," Sirius said, leaning over my shoulder. "What _have_ you done to your straw?"

"Improved it."

I could almost picture the curve of his raised eyebrow when he said, "It seems to me that it wouldn't function very well as a straw at this point. Do you have another purpose in mind?"

"I might turn it into a shiv," I mused. "Take out Vanessa in her sleep. It's not a very well-formed plan at this point."

"Don't get yourself into trouble, Amy," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear, and for a moment I almost could close my eyes and enjoy it. "If anything, I'll be the one to make her suffer if she hurts you anymore." He put his arm around my shoulder and I could feel my heart pounding. "After all," he said, and I could hear the grin in his voice, "what are best friends for?"

My heart nearly stopped when I realized what was happening.

Maybe some other girl wore my lotion. Maybe he didn't smell me at all. Because sitting there, putting his arm around me, he made it perfectly clear that he still saw me the same as always: his buddy.

I tried not to cry as I pulled away from his hold, moving over a chair, still not looking up at him.

Sirius said nothing and we sat there in awkward silence. Sarah came back moments later, and began chattering nervously because Remus was no longer there.

By the time Remus and James came back from their fake expedition for a "thing," the whole day felt like one utter disaster and Remus seemed to know that I was close to tears and that Sirius and Sarah were bundles of nerves because he said, "How about we all just eat and go back?"

Nobody seemed to want to argue with that, even James who seemed merely confused, so the day out ended on a sour, awkward note and we walked back to the castle after a brief lunch in silence. Sarah tried to get my attention to talk with me after the date, but I retreated to my bed and stayed in it all day, hangings drawn around me, reading my Herbology text and wishing that I could just go back to the way things where, back when I still had some hope.

I spent several hours crying, refused to come down to dinner, and continued to cry throughout the night, although I was careful to do it silently when the girls came back so that nobody would be suspicious.

Crying myself to sleep was fine, as I could cry silently. When you grow up in a house full of people it's not so hard to learn things like that. But what I apparently couldn't do was keep myself quiet in my sleep.

It was maybe midnight when Lily shook me awake, and I could feel tears on my cheeks as I sat up.

"Amy?" she whispered, sitting down beside me on the bed. "Amy, you were talking in your sleep. Are you all right?"

"M'fine," I lied, but she was a bit too smart to believe my sleepy lies.

"Is this about your sister?" she asked. "Or Sirius?"

I looked up at her and realized the answer in that moment.

"It's both," I sighed. "It's...it's like all this stuff with Sirius is horrible, but because of my sister's death and not going to the funeral and... I...I just can't believe that everything is falling apart at once. Why couldn't he just let me believe I had a chance?"

"One thing at a time," Lily said softly, moving fully onto my bed and closing the hangings, muttering, "_Muffliato_."

I just blinked at her, trying not to cry again.

"Firstly, let's talk about your sister," Lily whispered. "We'll do a little game. You tell me something that's been on your mind, and I'll tell you something that's been on mine. So since I think you need to talk about it, tell me about your sister."

With a sniff, I wiped my eyes and said, "Ashley Elizabeth was my best friend before I came to Hogwarts. When she went off to school without me, I didn't think I'd ever have fun again." I sighed. "And then I came to Hogwarts, of course, but she was still one of my best friends, but she became my mentor. I didn't really want to be just like her, but I looked up to her. If she could do anything, I could do anything. But...but she didn't survive the war, so how can I?" Lily put her hand on my arm as I began to cry again, but I wasn't finished. "And then my mother didn't let me come to the funeral, as if it was going to make it harder for me. Shouldn't she know how much worse not saying goodbye is?"

"I'm sure it's horrible," Lily said honestly. I watched her as she blinked back her own tears. "When I got my Hogwarts letter...Petunia, my sister, she wanted to come to Hogwarts too. And she wrote to Dumbledore even, and he wrote her a very polite letter explaining why she couldn't. But she...she started calling me a freak, and she hates me now, just because I get to be here and she can't. We were so close, Amy. We were the best of friends. But now she hates me."

It was strange to think that Lily might have something wrong in her life, how perfect she always tried to come across. It hadn't occurred to me that she might be struggling with something constant and painful, like a fight with a sister.

"And the thing you have that I don't," Lily said softly, wiping her pretty green eyes, "is other sisters. I have nothing else but Tuney, and now I really don't even have her and there's nothing I can do. She hates me because of what I am, not because of something I've done."

We exhausted their frustrations with our family drama, and then Lily waited expectantly.

"Sirius...well, I've been in love with him for ages," I admitted with a sigh. "I don't even remember how it started anymore, but I've spent years hoping that one of these days he would realize that he really loved me, and that we were more than just best friends, and everything would be wonderful, like those Muggle films except without the cheesy dialogue and emotionally-charged background music."

"Fair enough," Lily conceded.

"Except today, I realized that he'll never see me as anything but a buddy," I sobbed. "He treats me just like he treats the other boys and I don't have any more hope that he's going to fall in love with me. So basically, my life as I know it is over, and I'm not ready for that."

Lily said nothing for a long moment, taking steady breaths as I cried, leaning against one of the posters of my bed, thinking. Finally, with no sort of provocation, she just blurted out, "I think I might like James Potter."

An awkward silence fell under those bed curtains and we just sat there, processing each other's words and revelations.

"So why don't you ask him out?" I said softly. "Or say yes when you get asked out by him?"

"Because, it's humiliating," she sniffed. "I mean, I've spent years of my life telling him I'd rather do just about anything else except date him, and now I'm falling for him?"

"Happens to the best of us."

She shook her head, running her fingers through her long hair nervously. It struck me how remarkably like James that was, but I said nothing.

"I don't think Sirius has put you in his mental friend zone," Lily said softly.

"Maybe not consciously-"

"No, I don't think he has at all," Lily argued. "Sarah, yes. He looks at Sarah as a friend. Maybe not as close of a friend as the boys, but she's still just a friend, and that's all he'll ever see her as. But you, Amy, you're special to him. It doesn't take a genius to see it. It's why girls have been jealous of you for years. Nobody thinks you're dating, but everyone knows he looks at you differently, and that sort of potential is terrifying to girls who keep hoping they'll catch his eye."

I didn't know if I believed her, but I was able to sleep a bit more easily after we'd said our goodnights and she went back to her own bed.

Hope had been rekindled, and even though there wasn't much, all it took was a spark.


	19. Mixed Signals

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to awesome reader and reviewer **_**tinkerbelldetention101**_**, whose super-kind review brightened my whole morning! I hope this canon-character POV chapter pleases you. :D**

** -C**

After a Quidditch match, it was customary for James to ask out Lily, or at least ask for a kiss, even if we lost. Everyone expected him to do so when they clobbered the competition, and we all returned to the party in the common room assuming that Lily would tell him he was an arrogant toerag and we would have to comfort him.

But when we arrived back to the party James spared Lily no more than a glance, and said not a word to her, enjoying the party like the rest of us and not as some conquering hero like usual.

Naturally, this caused somewhat of chaos.

Nobody seemed to want to talk about the game, but instead they were wondering if maybe James Potter had fallen for someone else.

"Didn't swallow anything that smelled like Lily, did you, Prongs?" Sirius teased dully.

"No, Pads, I'm perfectly sober," James said with a grin, "I just feel like Lily needs a bit of space from me until Amy's had a chance to convince her I'm fully human and worth the effort."

"Well, maybe don't back off too much," Remus said nervously. "Vanessa's looking rather smug over there."

We all looked over to the corner where Vanessa was sitting alone, watching James with a smile that was admittedly sexy, a drink in her hand.

Personally, I couldn't see why James didn't at least have a go at her, especially considering the fact that Lily obviously had little to no interest in him. After all, he was a man. He had needs. And Vanessa Brown was one of the most attractive girls in school who not only wanted him, but was set on marrying him. He would be calling all the shots.

If a girl tried to drug me I'd be flattered.

But a girl like Vanessa would never want anything to do with me, and I'd rather have Amy.

I frowned, considering the effects of love potions and glancing over at Amy. I wondered how it would be, to have her worshiping me, obsessed with me...

I started to smile a little to myself, but then I remembered how difficult it would be to brew and that Potions was far from my best subject and the smile fell away again.

"I'll be careful," James was saying to Remus, who still looked more than a little bit worried.

"Hey, boys," Sarah said breathlessly, dragging Amy by her arm. "Great job out there, James."

"Thanks, Sarah," James said softly. "You okay, Amy? You seem a bit...moody."

"You've not talked to Lily, I see," Amy said acidly, ignoring the fact that James was using her first name. But I didn't ignore it. I filed it away to think over what the purpose of it might be. "Decided you don't want her after all? Or do you think it's just fun sending mixed signals?"

James frowned.

"Mixed signals?" he asked. "What does that mean?"

"It's when a person gives off the appearance of both liking and not liking a person," Sarah said knowingly. "Like, flirting, and then ignoring. But back and forth and unpredictable."

James's face went a bit pale and he whispered, "Do you think she thinks that's what I'm doing? What do you think she'll do?"

"Relax, James," Sarah said softly. "I'm sure Lily appreciates the space. As long as you still talk to her and treat her like a normal human being I think she'll understand."

"Don't go talk to her now, though," Amy said slowly, "or she'll think I put you up to it and that might make things worse."

I frowned, wondering if perhaps there wasn't something to file away in that as well, so I did so, glancing around for Lily, who was sitting in a corner with Marlene, anxiously drinking firewhiskey.

I'd never known Lily Evans to drink, and several other students seemed more than a little shocked by the behavior of their Head Girl, not that anyone was about to complain, but it just seemed a bit too out-of-character not to be connected to the fact that James hadn't said a word to her since he got back from the game.

Hmm. Maybe Amy was onto something.

"We've got to go," Amy said softly. "Promised to spend the night with Lily and Marlene, and with the way Vanessa's looking at you James, you might want to watch your drink carefully. Don't set it down and don't drink anything you didn't pour yourself."

James was looking a bit sick when Amy and Sarah left, but he also looked a bit resolute, finishing his drink and turning to Sirius.

"Pads, you need to get the girls away from Lily so I can talk to her alone."

"James, we're at a party," Sirius groaned. "You're not going to get to talk to her alone."

James shook his head frantically.

"I have to try, Sirius!" he cried. "I have to do _something_!"

"James, just relax," Remus sighed. "It's going to be all right. Don't forget, we don't want Amy to be looked at as an enemy agent, for both of your sakes."

"And I'm not distracting those girls anyway," Sirius said sullenly. "She didn't even look at me, Prongs. She was over here for three whole minutes and she didn't look at me once."

I half imagined that Lily was saying something very similar about James to the girls on the other side of the common room.

"What makes you think that she would suddenly want nothing to do with you, Sirius?" Remus demanded.

"You saw her, Remus," Sirius sighed.

"Maybe you're sending mixed signals," James said brightly, in that voice that he thought of as his helpful voice, but most everyone else thought of as the voice that meant he'd only half-understood whatever had been discussed in the last hour.

"Doubtful," Sirius muttered, pouring himself another drink and pouting.

Merlin, I wished he would stop doing that. It was just embarrassing how good it made him look.

"Sirius, what did you do when you two were alone?" James finally asked as Sirius downed his drink and started to pour another one. "I mean, anything unusual?"

"I don't want to talk about it, James," Sirius hissed, downing another drink.

With that, he stormed off and was not seen for the rest of the party. We found him later than night passed out in his bed.

The strange thing was, he'd begun to act exceptionally strange. Instead of trying to make things better with Amy, trying to catch her attention, he was going out of his way to physically avoid being around her, which only seemed to make Amy more sullen.

"Sirius, talk to me," James tried one afternoon, cornering Sirius while he thought I was sleeping. "Whatever you think is wrong with Amy, we can fix it."

"I don't want to talk about it."

The answer was always the same, no matter how they tried to get him to open up. The next day, Remus attempted to get it out of him by making him jealous, but Sirius just burst out with fury, actually hit Remus, who stood there calmly as Sirius calmed down and said, "I don't want to talk about it."

We all knew that Sirius was distressed about something, so Remus tried to get the story from Sarah, but she swore up and down Amy hadn't talked with her about it.

"What are we going to do?" James asked, the three of us sitting around in the dormitory while Sirius was in the library - the library! - to avoid Amy, who was in the common room studying with the girls.

"I'm not sure if there's anything we can do until someone tells us what's going on," Remus sighed, pulling on his hair anxiously.

"Have you asked Amy?" I asked softly. Remus nodded.

"She won't say anything, but she seems really upset, whatever happened," Remus said. He frowned thoughtfully. "D'you think they had a fight?"

"They never fight," James whispered, stunned. "Not really. They have little issues sometimes, but not real fights. That would be like...like...Lily and McGonagall having a fight."

"Lily did get censured this year," I squeaked.

James paled slightly at the reminder of that incident, and Remus groaned, rolling onto his stomach and banging his fists anticlimactically on his bed.

"What we need," he said, "is to find some way to trick one of them into telling us what happened. Or both of them, since I'm sure they've got different views of the matter."

"What d'you mean?" James asked, going through Sirius's trunk in an attempt for some sort of clue as to what was making Sirius so upset, even though all three of us knew he was being ridiculous. After all, Sirius didn't bother writing things down because he told us everything.

"When people experience something, they see it in different ways," Remus explained in the voice he used when he was teaching us things. He used that voice for me many a time. "So the way Amy interprets it is important to get her take on things, but Sirius interprets things differently, especially because they see the world differently, and they can't understand things the same if they don't just figure out how to talk about things."

He picked up his pillow and threw it at the wall, which I thought was a bit ridiculous, since it just fell right back where it had been. Frustrated, he turned over onto his back, huffed, and rested his head on his pillow.

"Well, Sirius might have-"

"He didn't write anything down, Prongs!" Remus cried. "Stop going through his things! You know he's already upset, so why would you make it worse by spying on him?"

"Spying," I said softly, an idea forming in my mind.

"What?" James said absently, putting things back carefully where he found them.

"He's still going to know," Remus grumbled.

"No, what was that, Pete?"

"Oh," I said, blushing slightly as I sat up. "I was just thinking that we could at least get Amy's view of things if I listened in on her for a while. And...and Sirius might be more willing to talk if we tell him how Amy took things, right?"

Remus sat up, frowning in his thoughtful way, and James nearly dropped Sirius's favorite gift, which was a snowglobe Amy got him when her family went on holiday to Sweden.

"Sometimes, Pete," James said happily, "you say something wise and insightful and I just feel so proud of you."

I was mildly flattered that James was proud, but Remus was still frowning and I could tell he was struggling with both the ethical issues of me spying on Amy (as if I wasn't doing it anyway) and the need to figure out how to help our friends.

"If you do this," Remus said softly, "the second we know the truth you stop and report. You don't invade her privacy too heavily. And we never, ever tell Sirius how we found out. We'll make whatever excuse we need to, but we never tell him that you spied on her to bring them together again."

I wanted to point out that Sirius was the one who'd previously asked me to spy on Amy, but I lied and said, "Of course, Remus. You didn't even have to ask."

"All right," Remus then sighed. "I guess we could try it."

James quickly finished putting away Sirius's things, which was good, because Sirius was back not ten minutes later, sullen and silent as he had been since Hogsmeade.

"Shower," Sirius grumbled, pulling his clothes off on the way to the bathroom, not bothering to grab his pajamas, probably expecting to change when he got back out. He had the body and courage to do that without the others looking away awkwardly.

I, on the other hand, waited until he'd closed the door, turned on the water, and started the shower singing.

"Oh, no, it's ballads," James groaned. "He's really depressed."

That was my cue, so I transformed on the spot, scurrying to the girls' dormitory on the safest path I knew and realizing, to my delight and dismay, that the girls were also getting ready for bed.

"I'm done with the shower," Amy called, coming out in naught but a towel, my little rat heart beating rapidly. "It's all yours, Marlene."

I watched eagerly as Amy dropped the towel and bent over, gathering up clothes from her trunk. Even when she'd dressed she was showing more skin than usual and I began to fantasize about what it would be like to run my hands along her smooth, muscular legs.

She pulled the curtains around her all too quickly, however, and I waited in a safe corner, watching the girls go about their business, getting ready for bed. It took some time, especially because Vanessa seemed to take a year just to take off all her make-up (which was weird, because she looked exactly the same without it). Eventually, though, they were all in bed, and I waited until I could hear the rapid movement of all of their eyes before I shifted forms.

Rat hearing could be a wonderful thing sometimes.

I knew I didn't have too much time, considering the danger of all five girls being present in the room, sleeping, and not knowing how heavy of sleepers they were, but I couldn't help but part the curtains around Amy gently, looking down at her as she slept.

She looked so peaceful, so angelic, lying there in that bed. It was different from when she had been sick, in Sirius's bed, with her hair in tangles, wearing her uniform, the heavy duvet pulled over her all the time. Amy didn't sleep with her covers typically, apparently, but on top of them, perhaps because their dormitory was so warm.

Her legs looked different in the moonlight, and yet still so beautiful. My hand crept forward, but I resisted the urge to touch them, knowing she would wake if I did.

But her hair, billowing out around her...

I touched the ends gently, never having had the chance to touch her hair before. Even James had had the pleasure of running his fingers through her hair, years ago. It was just as silky as I imagined, smooth and sweet around my fingers. I lifted the ends to smell it and was overwhelmed by the delicious scent of her vanilla shampoo.

Smiling to myself I barely noticed that my hands and nose had moved up her hair slightly until she moaned a little and shifted in her sleep. I dropped the hair, but I half hoped she would moan once more. My heart was racing again, and I knew it was too dangerous to keep on this way, so I took one last look at her legs before retreating, carefully replacing her bed hangings before turning to her things.

I already knew which journal to ignore, so I paid no mind to it, sitting out on her bedside table. It was the other one I was looking for.

It took me a little while to find, and once I did I adjourned to the girls' bathroom, which still smelled delightful from their showers and would give me a lot more time to transform if one of them woke up while I was still reading.

Carefully, not wanting to make any damages to the pages, I opened the journal and began to read. What I found was not only dismaying, it was heartbreaking.

From what I discovered early on, Amy was not only in love with Sirius, but she'd been in love with him for years.

There were pages on pages of all the things she loved about him, all of her dreams and fantasies, all he times she thought she might have a chance with him...

And she didn't mention me once.

I was very careful to be quiet as I cried, terrified as I was of waking the girls. I carefully skimmed the painful pages as I wiped my eyes, trying to find the source of the conflict that was making them both behave so very unlike themselves.

Finally, the Hogsmeade date.

She wrote the whole thing out in sickening detail, and it occurred to me that this was the first time that I had seen my name written in this little diary, and it was to mention that I was unable to go with them to Hogsmeade. That was all.

Wiping away another tear I sighed, composing myself to continue reading, sifting through the inane descriptions which would no doubt be copied in even greater detail in her more public diary.

And there it was, the two of them alone in the Three Broomsticks, sitting together as she mutilated her straw.

There was the answer. She thought that Sirius saw her as one of the guys, one of his buddies. She had no idea that he had recently had the realization she'd been longing for, for years. The wording was dejected and I wondered what she would think if she knew that Sirius had started saying her name in his sleep.

I snapped the book shut, wiping a few more tears, trying to decide how I was going to handle this information. If I told Sirius, it would be the end for me. I needed to buy time until one of them changed their mind.

Quickly and quietly I snuck back into the dormitory, put the journal back exactly where I found it, and then I took one last look at her as she slept before transforming, scurrying back to my own dormitory, and changing back.

"Where've you been?" Sirius asked sullenly from his bed.

"Oh, uh, looking for my notes after a cheese run," I lied.

"Find them?" Remus asked, giving me a look full of significance.

"Not yet," I said, shrugging casually as I got my things to change for bed. "But I'll keep looking."

And hoping that one of them changed their mind completely.


	20. Breaking Point

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is also dedicated to **_**tinkerbelldetention101**_**, whose reviews are seriously brightening my days. :D**

** -C**

No matter what any of us said or did, Amy and Sirius avoided each other, not looking at or talking to each other for more than a week.

"This has got to stop," Lily declared, sitting down across from me at breakfast one morning while Amy was still in the shower. "They're behaving like petulant children."

"We both know it," I sighed. "I just can't think of anything else to try. And she won't even tell me what's wrong, and according to Remus, Sirius is equally tight-lipped."

I felt so guilty for getting up to fix my makeup at the Three Broomsticks that day. If I had just stayed there and not felt so silly around Remus, maybe they would have actually talked out their problems instead of whatever it was that ended up happening.

"I know she is crazy about him," Lily sighed. "She told me so. It's tearing her apart. I mean, I think she's got this crazy idea that he looks at her like one of the guys, but-"

"Really?" I squeaked, sitting a bit straighter. "You don't think that's because of Hogsmeade, do you?"

Lily hesitated and I wondered if she'd actually promised Amy some sort of confidence.

Lily finally sighed and said, "I'm not sure we should tell the boys. You see, they can't find out if I stay silent, and Amy heard some of my secrets as well. I'd...rather she didn't spill my secrets."

"As easily as you spilled hers, you mean?" I asked, but Lily didn't seem offended. It was true, she'd just let the words flow out of her mouth. She could hardly be upset that I was willing to point it out.

But we were both on edge, nearly as much as the Marauders, perhaps more. I was constantly worried that Amy's recent behavior toward Sirius might be more permanent, might be some sort of result of her brain damage.

"You don't think that...she's being not herself, do you?" I said nervously.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Well, like, before she was sick..."

"Oh," Lily said softly, looking down at her kippers thoughtfully. "You know, I don't think so, but it's something to consider. We do have to be vigilant."

I bit the inside of my cheek as I tried to think of how to move forward. I didn't want to think it was brain damage, because what if they couldn't fix her? Could she and Sirius sort things out if her brain couldn't be fixed?

"I'll talk to Professor McGonagall discretely," Lily said in her all-business voice. "She'll have some sort of insight. But if she says it's nothing, we're back to square one." She picked at her kippers. "If it's not from her illness, how are we going to approach this? You know, without the help of the boys."

"Right," I sighed. "Well, we're going to have to get information from them still, and Remus expects me to help them figure things out."

"We can feed them bits and pieces," Lily said with a shrug, pouring herself some pumpkin juice. "It gives you a chance to talk with Remus more, keeps me out of the picture, and keeps the boys relatively happy without angering Amy. We need to also see what they've found out because I can't believe they know nothing."

"Sirius tells them everything, Lily," I sighed. "I can't believe that he will tell them if he's held out this long. Honestly, I'm surprised that Amy told you, stubborn as she is."

"I caught her at a vulnerable moment," Lily said with a shrug. "I think she needed to talk about it, before she sealed herself off completely." She took a drink of pumpkin juice. "Do you agree that we keep the boys out of this?"

"Unfortunately, yes," I sighed. I hated keeping things from Remus, but I knew it was always possible that the boys were keeping things from us, as well. The Marauders certainly had their secrets, as Amy had told me many a time. Amy might have been privy to them, but I didn't expect that I ever would be, especially if Remus never asked me out. "We need to be careful, for Amy's sake."

"It's just really frustrating," Lily sighed. "We know they're being ridiculous. They probably even know they're being ridiculous, but they're both too stubborn to admit that they could have misinterpreted each other and that they maybe don't know each other as well as they think they do."

I opened my mouth to agree with her when Amy walked into the Great Hall. I simply nodded in agreement and watched Amy come over to sit beside me, Marlene in tow and looking rather haggard from her own N.E.W.T. related stress.

"Morning," Amy grumbled, filling up her plate. "Couldn't get the shower going. Big old mess."

"It was," Marlene groaned. "I've got a headache."

"Go see Madam Pomfrey," Lily said gently to Marlene. "You've got plenty of time to do that and have breakfast, and if you're not back in time, I'll smuggle you some toast."

Marlene sighed her thanks, got up, and left us sitting at the breakfast table, watching her go.

"I hadn't realized the showers were presenting a problem," I said softly.

"They weren't," Amy admitted, stabbing her bacon angrily. "It was me. I was presenting a problem. I was being an idiot."

"Oh," I said softly. "Well, you figured it out in the end. That's what matters."

Amy's bad mood was a struggle for us and Marlene all day, and I should have known that it didn't bode well that we were ready to explode at each other by the time we got back from classes that day. But I hadn't fully anticipated just what that might mean for the whole mess we were already in.

"I almost fell asleep in Muggle Studies," Lily was saying, horrified as we entered the common room. "I can't believe I did that! I mean, how tired can I really by, right?"

But before she had a chance to expound upon the many things that had been wrong that day, James Potter cried out, "Vanessa, just leave me _alone_!"

Every head in the common room was watching as James was trying to shrug off Vanessa, who obviously didn't want to do as he'd asked.

Lily tensed between Amy and me, and I wouldn't have been surprised if her nails had turned to claws in that moment.

"What's the problem here?" Lily said in her business voice, the voice so many of us associated with detentions.

"Nothing," Vanessa said with a snarl. "Mind your own business, Evans."

"Oh, I think that as Head Girl everything that goes on in this school, much less this common room, is my business," Lily said boldly, moving closer to the girl. Vanessa didn't shrink away as many would have done, standing her ground.

Which wasn't good. If Vanessa visibly stood her ground, she was definitely ready to do something stupid.

"Lily," James began, but Lily cut him off.

"Now I'm going to ask you to leave James alone," Lily said coolly, "or I'm going to refer you to Professor McGonagall for harassing a student. Your choice."

Vanessa's eyes flashed, and I actually took a step back.

I'd only seen that look once, but I was missing half my hair for a week when I did, and I wasn't keen on being caught in the crossfire of whatever was about to happen.

"Why don't you make me," Vanessa hissed. "Whore."

Amy and I exchanged horrified looks, which in hindsight I wish we hadn't because we missed the part where Lily lunged at Vanessa with a heathen-like shriek.

All accounts of the moment say it was glorious to behold, and I have no doubt that it was truly spectacular, based on the moments that followed it.

There was screaming, kicking, biting, scratching, and copious hair-pulling as the two girls rolled around on the common room floor. Several younger students had started a chant and James moved forward to tear the two apart.

"James, don't!" Amy cried, but it was too late. He'd gotten an elbow to the face and his glasses were broken. We weren't sure after the fact, but we thought it was probably Lily whose elbow hit him.

Amy and Remus pulled him out of the war zone, fixing his glasses and tending to his nose, which had started to bleed.

"How do we stop this?" Sirius cried, looking horrified as he watched the two girls literally ripping each other to pieces.

"I don't know," Marlene said softly. "But I'm not sure I want to. Vanessa totally had it coming."

We stood there awkwardly until the portrait hole opened and Professor McGonagall herself walked in looking furious.

"Enough!" she cried, pointing her wand at the two girls and forcibly separating them. "What is the meaning of this?"

"She attacked me!" Vanessa shrieked, pointing at Lily with a shaking finger, her blonde hair frizzing. "Completely unprovoked, just like what she did to Amy!"

"Actually, that's not entirely true, Professor," Sirius said, stepping forward. "Vanessa attacked Lily. Everyone here saw it."

"It's true," Amy said quickly.

Professor McGonagall looked around the room to see if anyone would contradict this story, but if the Marauders swore by something, if it didn't have strictly to do with something they'd done, nobody liked to get on their bad side by saying otherwise.

"It's true, Professor," James said, getting to his feet, wincing.

"What on earth happened to you, Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagall gasped, seeing that his nose was still bleeding.

"Erm, crossfire, Professor," James said, holding Sirius's handkerchief under his nose. "I got an elbow to the face trying to bring peace back. But Lily's a victim, Professor. I'd be willing to swear it on my badge. Both of my badges."

There was a small shocked ripple that went through the common room. Lying to protect Lily was one thing, but staking not only his Head Boy badge, but also his Quidditch Captaincy on that lie was a very bold move.

The one thing his doing this did, however, was cement that Vanessa would not contradict them on this particular matter again.

"Very well," Professor McGonagall said tightly, frowning at the three of them as if trying to decide how she was going to manage punishment for this situation. "The three of you to Madam Pomfrey and then straight to my office, Miss Brown, to deal with your punishment."

Vanessa said nothing, obviously seething inside under her thinly held veneer of indifference. She nodded slowly and we watched the three of them being led to the hospital wing.

"Should we go with them?" Remus asked, cleaning James's blood from his hands.

"No," Amy said, shaking her head. "That's the last thing we want to get further involved in."

For a split second, I had hope from the way Sirius's and Amy's eyes met that they were going to realize they were in love and stupid and that Lily's outburst would bring them together.

But then they both turned away from each other and stormed up the opposite staircases to avoid having to talk about their stupidity, once again.

"Should we go after them?" Marlene asked wearily.

"No," Remus said softly. "They're just going to stonewall us again. Maybe they just need time."

But how long until time became too long?

"I hope that you're right," Marlene sighed. "Because I'm getting exhausted, and I think Lily's losing her marbles."

"We all are, a little bit," Remus said with a nod. "But that was a bit..."

"Awesome," I said with a grin. "I hated watching her do that to Amy, but seeing it with Vanessa was like watching a film. I hope they do it again."

"I don't," Marlene whined. "My headache's back and I'm scared to go to the hospital wing."

"I've got something for that, Marlene," Remus said with a laugh. "C'mon, it's up in our room."

When Marlene was medicated she went to bed, but Remus didn't seem ready to sleep, so I stayed in the common room a bit longer.

And I was rewarded for doing so.

"So, can we talk?" he asked nervously, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"Sure," I breathed, praying that this time, he didn't want to talk about Amy. Just once, I wanted to talk about anything but Amy.

We walked over to the table by the window, and we sat down, my stomach doing turns.

"How have you been today?" he asked, smiling shyly at me.

"It's been another long day," I sighed. "Amy and Sirius have really passed ridiculous at this point, haven't they?"

"Yes," he said with a laugh. "Yes, I suppose they have at that. Well, I am a firm believer that those two love each other, and since nothing but their own stubbornness stands in their way, they'll eventually see the light."

"I hope so," I whispered, looking out the window and praying for a subject change. Maybe he was right, but no one was more stubborn than Sirius and Amy. And I wanted to think about anything else.

"So, have you and the girls made plans for the next Hogsmeade weekend yet?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"No," I said slowly, kicking the leg of the table absently, looking down at the table's surface to have a better look at him out of the corner of my eye. The reflection on the window wasn't good enough at this time of night. It wasn't dark enough yet. "I expect we'll have to wait and see where Amy and Sirius appear to be before we make any group plans. Of course, that's if Marlene doesn't have a date and Lily doesn't opt to revise, and-"

"Would you maybe want to go to Hogsmeade with me?" he said, his voice still a bit timid, but much stronger.

I fought the urge to let my jaw drop.

My stomach was doing all sorts of things I wasn't aware stomachs were able or allowed to do and I nodded, feeling heat fill my cheeks.

"I'd like that very much," I said, and I could have hit myself for how weak and breathless I sounded, but Remus didn't seem to mind. He just grinned at me, his fingertips brushing mine from across the table.

But he did not take my hand, and when we said goodnight he did not kiss me, not even my cheek.

The look in his eyes, on the other hand, as we lingered, staring at each other, before going upstairs was one I'd always hoped to see, but never dared dream would be possible.

As soon as I ran up the stairs and entered the dormitory I squealed happily.

Lily must have got by me while Remus and I were talking, because she was already back, changing into her nightgown.

"What's got you so excited?" Amy said sullenly.

"Remus asked me Hogsmeade!" I cried, laughing, hopping onto my bed and jumping on it.

I half expected Lily to chastise me, but perhaps it was her own stressful night that made her simply laugh instead.

"Seriously?" Amy cried, sitting up, more responsive than she'd been since the last Hogsmeade trip. "I never thought he'd actually get the guts. I'll have to have a talk with him of course."

"What about?" I asked, nervous, falling to the bed and suddenly feeling incredibly upset.

"Making sure he doesn't behave like himself and change his mind in a fit of self-loathing," she snorted. "Remus has a bad habit of hurting others by thinking too little of himself."

The reality of what she was saying was only a slight damper on my happiness, so thrilled I was to finally have a chance to have a date with the man of my dreams. Maybe Remus and I could work together to convince them to get over themselves. Maybe we could have a double wedding and name our children after each other, and...and...

"Well," Marlene said with a smile, "I'm very happy for you."

"Thank you," I sighed, leaning back against the pillows. "I need to start thinking of what I'm going to wear."

"Sarah, it's ages away!" Lily laughed. "Shouldn't you wait to find out what the weather is?"

"Or," I countered, raising a finger in my defense, "I could choose several outfits depending upon the weather and let the weather make the final choice."

"If you choose it now you could hate it by Hogsmeade," Amy suggested reasonably.

Curse her for being right.

We didn't have too long to debate the pros and cons of early outfit choices, however, because Vanessa came back not a moment later looking sullen, vicious, and ready to draw a bit more blood.

To Lily's credit, she did not flinch.

The two girls just watched each other for a long moment, each as determined as the other, before Vanessa stormed into the bathroom and began brushing her teeth, running the water, probably to cover the sound as she muttered profanities about Lily.

Even when we all knew how they hated each other, Vanessa still thought appearances mattered more than airing her grievances. And perhaps she'd gotten so sternly chastised by McGonagall that the thought of Lily giving her even more detention was unappealing.

Amy and I both knew we'd heard far from the last of Vanessa, but I was too giddy to care in that moment.

Heart still racing, I rolled over on my bed, pulled my curtains around me, and just hugged myself, grinning, thinking of names for children and clever things to say and cute things to wear and...everything that was important to think of before a first date. Eventually, the sounds outside the curtains, faint though they were in my preoccupied head, dulled down as the girls went to sleep, and it wasn't long after that when my own eyelids began to flicker shut and lead me into a beautiful world of dreams about Remus.


	21. Promises

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is ALSO dedicated to the lovely **_**tinkerbelldetention101**_**, whose eagerness for a new chapter kicked me in the butt and got this one edited.**

** -C**

Ever since Lily physically assaulted Vanessa in the common room, things had been a bit tense in general in Gryffindor Tower, but one love triangle in particular was so tense that I half expected another fight any moment.

Lily and Vanessa were watching each other like James, and each of them watching James, and James watching them both warily. And a bit wearily.

I think we were all a bit sick of watching, waiting, hoping something would either explode or everyone would get over themselves. And I wasn't an idiot. I knew that people included Sirius and me in that. But none of them understood, none of them knew how hopeless it was.

Sure, Lily had inspired a little bit of hope back in me, but it wasn't enough for me to make the first move. Did it matter that Sirius hated to admit that he was wrong?

What if he wasn't wrong? What if we understood each other perfectly and everybody else was just waiting for something that could never be? Or worse yet, what if our friendship had been destroyed forever by this perfect understanding, this finally knowing that I loved him with all my heart and he could never love me?

"This is sickening," Marlene finally hissed at me when we were studying in a corner of the common room. She nodded over at the almost visible line of tension between Lily and James, who were sitting in clusters with their friends about five feet apart. She rolled her eyes. "I just can't get why he doesn't man up and ask her out again. He's been doing it for years, and she's obviously interested. Or is he just that stupid?"

"Oh, Marlene," I sighed, "James is many things, stupid actually being one of them, but I think in this case he's very much afraid of rejection." Marlene snorted, but I shook my head. "No, really. He really wants to do it right this time, and unless he knows for sure she's going to say yes, he's not going to push it."

Marlene looked over them and said, "So why doesn't he ask her now?"

"If you were James," I said slowly, "do you think you could believe completely that Lily would say yes if you asked her out? Without a doubt."

"I guess you're right," she sighed with a shrug, turning back to her essay. "But it's getting so ridiculous."

The other thing about it that was getting ridiculous was how obviously Vanessa would try to get James to ask her out when Lily wasn't around. I half thought that she might try to rape him, but so far he seemed to be okay, and even better, undrugged.

I didn't want to deal with a drugged James Potter, not on top of everything else in my life.

Seventh year was supposed to be stressful, but nobody ever said it would fell like the sky was falling down around me and trying to choke me to death.

It was the worst when we were all together, eating dinner, and the tension between Lily and James alone could choke the whole room, but then Sirius would continue to stubbornly not look at me, which I only knew because of periphery vision because I continued to stubbornly not look at him as well. And still, I could feel him from the other side of the table, feel his subtle almost-gaze and I so badly wanted to know what he was thinking, if he knew and understand the raging inside of me at all the time I wasted thinking I had a prayer.

Not that I wasn't wasting my time now. But I could only mope so long.

Later on, I was stuck in the library, desperately trying not to fail my Herbology essay. And I overheard her.

"I've got this really sexy set of knickers I think I'm going to wear under my clothes at the next Hogsmeade day," Vanessa sighed in that way she did when she was teasing someone. I held my breath and leaned forward, hoping she wasn't doing what I thought she was doing.

"Do whatever you want," I heard James growl, clearly angry. "Wear whatever you want. I'm sure whatever sorry fool you end up shagging won't care either."

My eyes widened as I perked up my ears a bit more.

"James," she purred, "I can guarantee that you'd be pleased to see them. I can make sure you feel good."

"But you can't make me fall in love with you," James said softly. "Go away, Vanessa, before I have Madam Pince remove you for disturbing the studies of others."

"Think about it," Vanessa cooed, but I watched as she retreated out of the library, her face a cold mask of fury.

I sank into a chair, grateful she didn't see me, because I didn't need to deal with her on top of everything else, and since she'd set her sights so open and obviously on James she'd gotten a lot more nasty than she'd ever been before. Lily could take her on for all I care. She seemed to have a better right hook than me, anyway.

I was more than a little bit proud of James, though, through my own pain and annoyance. He was playing a very careful balancing act, and as awful as it was for those around him, it was more awful for him and he played it very well.

Suddenly, I knew I wasn't going to focus on Herbology at all so I put my books away, gathered up my parchment, and headed back to the common room, praying that Sirius wasn't going to be there so I could spend some time by the fireplace without feeling like the room might explode at any moment.

He wasn't there, but Lily and Vanessa both were, so I retreated to my dormitory just to be able to breathe.

Who would have guessed that a trachea could be so easily affected by interpersonal relations?

When Sarah came up later that night, still all aflutter about the fact that she was going on a date with Remus, I realized that I could not let it go on much longer without my intervention, knowing the way Remus was, so I told her I needed to get a headache potion and went to see Remus, who was playing chess with himself in the dormitory while Peter attempted to do his Muggle Studies assignment.

"We need to talk," I said. "Privately."

Remus flushed slightly, obviously aware of what I wanted to discuss, and before I could suggest that we take the conversation elsewhere, Peter scurried off.

"He does that," Remus said with a shrug. "Have a seat, Amy. What's on your mind? Is it Sirius?"

"Of course not," I snorted. "My love life is a lost cause, Remus, dear. I'm here on behalf of Sarah, who is currently going through her entire wardrobe making weather-based contingency plans for the next Hogsmeade trip."

Remus's eyebrow quirked in the way it did when he was pleased and trying to hide it.

"She is?" he said softly, a small grin turning up at the sides of his mouth. Suddenly, though, every indication that he was pleased disappeared and his amber eyes flashed with terror. He turned away from me, burying his face in his hands.

"Merlin, Amy, I'm such an idiot!" he cried. "I've let myself fall for her, let myself get caught up in the fact that a pretty girl wanted to date me that I've forgotten that she doesn't know! She doesn't know anything! What if I tell her and she runs?"

"I doubt she'll flat out run away from you, Remus, whatever happens," I said, slightly amused at the thought of this scenario, but Remus was less than amused.

"But Amy, I can't tell her! I can't tell her any of it, and how can she like me if she doesn't know it?"

"Remus you are not cancelling this date," I snapped, and I'd never spoken so sharply to him so he just blinked at me for a moment before nodding slowly.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he whispered. "I've been so excited since she said yes... I've actually started counting down days."

"Good," I sighed, glad that he'd not totally given up on the idea of having something with Sarah. Someone had to be happy, even if it wasn't me. "So what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked nervously getting up and starting to pace in a way that reminded me painfully of Sirius.

I wished things would stop reminding me of Sirius, but I could even smell him, smell his body wash in the room. It was difficult, but I fought the urge to shut the bathroom door that someone had left open.

"Like, on the date, silly," I teased, watching his feet as he paced, trying to imagine that he was Sirius instead, that things were normal again and we were planning one of Sirius's many dates with girls who weren't me. "What have you got planned?"

"Oh," Remus sighed, laughing nervously. "Right. Well, Sirius has given me some notes. And while I know myself that Sarah doesn't like Zonko's, the idea of taking her to that tea shop scares me."

"Do it anyway," I assured him. "She loves it there, and she'll be impressed that you're making the effort." I hesitated. "But Remus, you're going to have to tell her. You can't just go on a date with the girl and then get cold feet and never ask her out again. She'll think you hated her."

"That's not even possible," Remus sighed, hitting his hand against the post of his bed as he paced. "What are you suggesting, Amy? You want me to do something, I can tell, but I don't know what it is."

I sighed, knowing he wasn't going to like it, but that it was the only way for him to understand sooner rather than later what we'd all been telling him since he decided he liked Sarah.

"If the date is going well," I said slowly, "you need to create a foundation for future dates."

"How?"

"If you think the date is going well," I pressed, "and you have even an inkling that you might want to ask her out again, you flat-out tell her everything. And I mean everything, Remus. Because you can't build a relationship on secrets, and she deserves to know before she starts picking out baby names."

Remus paled and I knew he was thinking about how difficult it would be to tell her, especially since Sarah would probably want kids and no one knew if lycanthropy could be passed on in childbirth.

There hadn't been a lot of study on the matter, obviously.

"Amy," Remus began, his voice something of a whine, "you're asking a lot-"

"I know," I said firmly. "And I'm not asking, Remus, I'm demanding. You can't expect for Sarah to just intuit that you've got something to say. You need to say it."

With a heavy sigh he began gripping the post to his bed tightly, looking down at the floor. Finally, he said, "Okay. Okay, I'll tell her."

"Promise me."

"I promise, if the date is going well-"

"Everything."

"Everything. I promise, Amy." He looked up at me with his amber eyes glowing with some sort of fervor. "But you have to promise me something too. You need to promise you'll go to Hogsmeade with the other Marauders. I know you don't want to talk to Sirius, and even though I think you're being stupid I won't force you to talk to him. But at least be around him. Give yourself a chance to doubt these assumptions you've both made that are making you act like idiots."

It was only fair to agree, so I did so, promising Remus that I would do as he asked, knowing that he would keep his promise to me, painful as it was for him.

Whether Remus's brief time in Divination had suddenly paid off or whether Remus put Sirius up to it, Sirius asked me at dinner that night if I would go with the boys to Hogsmeade.

I tried not to grit my teeth in consternation at Remus and his smug expression as I said I'd go. After all, Peter and James would be there, and I didn't think James would try his pathetic excuse to leave us alone two times, especially not in a row.

"That's good," Lily said happily, "because I've promised Professor McGonagall to help her with some administrative business, and Marlene's got a date."

Well, there went my big plan to get the girls to come with us, which would likely keep James from pulling any stunts. Lily's eye on him made him a much more mature, livable person these days.

"Who with, Marlene?" Remus asked kindly, grinning at my slight pout.

"Oh, there's this guy in Ravenclaw," she said casually. "He's sort of nobody, but he's cute enough, and he asked me very nicely. I didn't see any reason not to give it a shot, especially since none of us had really made plans."

I didn't really care much about her date with the Ravenclaw, but I was already dreaming up questions to avoid having to talk about my own trip to Hogsmeade with the boys.

Strangely, unlike what I had expected from Sirius, who had grown so strange and sullen around me since the last Hogsmeade, he'd brightened considerably when I said I would go, and he seemed to still be almost smiling to himself, glancing up at me every few seconds when he thought I wasn't looking.

Now I was really confused. Had Lily been right all along? Was there still some semblance of hope?

Before I could either talk about Marlene's date or digest how I felt about the fact that Sirius kept looking at me, I was interrupted in my thoughts by the loud and increasingly obnoxious voice of James Potter.

"I was thinking we do the usual," he said happily, "and then maybe explore a bit. You know, take that trail that goes out to the shack and follow it toward the mountains a bit. Not too far, just...just do something new. It's our last year, you know? We've only got so much time to explore Hogsmeade."

"Yes, until we all can Apparate and then we can visit Hogsmeade anytime we want," I said dryly.

"Speak for yourself," Peter squeaked forlornly.

I did feel a bit bad, bringing up Apparition around Peter, who had been by far the worst in our year when we took the classes. The only thing that could be said about his slow progress was that he hadn't been splinched yet, but it had to be difficult when all of his friends had successfully Apparated within the first three lessons, setting records for being the most talented class in generations when it came to magical travel.

"Besides," James sighed, "it wouldn't be the same. We won't be exploring together, braving the wilderness in our last days of student-hood."

"You're ridiculous," I sighed, glancing at Sirius out of the corner of my eye, seeing that he was deliberately watching me. I told myself that it was because I'd just been talking, but my stomach tightened with excitement.

I would need to do a lot of thinking, of course, but there was a lot more hope now than there'd been when he'd put his arm around me.

I'd either be thanking Remus or wishing he'd leave his nose out of my business.

We finished breakfast and went to class, and I was shocked when Sirius sat behind me in Transfiguration, leaning forward most of class so that I could feel his breath on my neck. I mentally cursed myself for putting my hair up that morning, taking a deep breath every time he was particularly close to me.

He also moved his quill close to my back so that every time he reached for it either his finger or the quill tickled my skin, and his mumbled apologies in my ear were threatening to make me shiver in the middle of class.

Either he was just trying to get my attention or he was taking great pains to see what would get me worked up. If he could see inside my head, either way he'd be happy.

And if I thought it couldn't get any worse, we were paired up for Herbology.

Every time he brushed my hand I bit my lip to keep from making some sort of noise that would embarrass me. I could almost feel the heat of his body so close, and I was vaguely aware of him watching me, although probably to make sure a plant didn't eat me.

"Are you excited for Hogsmeade?" he asked, his lips so close to my lips I almost closed my eyes just to feel the moment a bit better.

"I guess," I whispered, my voice hoarse with all of the effort of controlling myself all day long. He was really putting me through the ringer.

"Me too," he said, moving behind me a bit, bracing his hands on either side of me against the table I was working at, his head still over my shoulder, his lips grazing my ear. My heart was racing and I was sure he could hear it, sure that he could smell that I was sweating, sure that he could feel my whole body shaking. If he hadn't known I was in love with him, he would know now. "That's why," he whispered, "I think you should back away from that stinger, Amy, before you're spending it in the hospital wing instead of having a lovely time with us."

The heat flushing my cheeks increased tenfold and I could have kicked myself as I did as he asked, watching as he neutralized the stinger, wondering if he knew what he was doing to me or if he was just being his usual self with gusto now that he was happy again.


	22. Tails

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**Missing Triforce**_**. I'm excited to read her stupidity ratings when she finally gets here. This should be a good one.**

** -C**

I could have laughed at the universe for its attempts to bring Amy and Sirius together in spite of their stupidity.

We got all dressed up for Hogsmeade together, ignoring Vanessa as she made acidic remarks at us and Marlene as we did ourselves up. There really wasn't any need to listen to her sour grapes.

But once I talked Amy into a swipe of lip gloss (just in case), we went downstairs and found only Remus and Sirius standing there. The look on Amy's face was absolutely priceless, and Sirius actually looked quite sheepish.

"Where are James and Peter?" Amy asked frantically.

"Ah, James apparently has been called in to help with some Head Boy stuff," Sirius said awkwardly. "Apparently McGonagall and Lily decided they needed him and just hadn't told him yet. And Peter happens to be upstairs vomiting his guts up, so to his great disappointment he's not coming either. So...so I guess it's just you and me today, then, isn't it?"

Amy was so pale I thought she would turn around and run back upstairs, but Marlene quickly said how grand of a time they should have together, and that she hoped to run into them later and see them having fun, which was her subtle way of reminding Amy that she would have to live with us if she dared run away.

And so we all went down to a quick breakfast together, eager to start the day. I was half expecting things to explode, namely Amy's head, but it was rather civil, despite the obvious nerves between those two.

I did take a bit of pity on her, and was about ready to offer that we double until lunch, but I wasn't sure how she'd take the indication that it was something like a double date, so I kept my mouth shut, and we headed out to the village as a group of four.

"So, I figured we could make a quick stop at Honeydukes first," Remus said nervously to me, "and then we could do the rest of our day."

"Okay," I replied breathlessly, knowing that Sirius and Amy would be starting at Zonko's.

If we ended up spending any part of this date as a double date, it would be pure coincidence, which was sort of nice for me, but probably had Amy squirming in her skin, wanting to run away.

"And we'll go to Zonko's," Sirius said in a voice that sounded like hollow bravado, which was especially strange for Sirius Black, as he was basically bravado incarnate. The longer we walked together, the worse I felt for Amy, but my own excitement at the prospect of a whole day alone with Remus was very, very great.

When we reached the village, we walked part of the way together, as Zonko's and Honeydukes were in the same part of town.

"Well, have a nice date," Sirius said to us brightly. "Behave!"

"Have a great time," Amy whispered, hugging me and then saying so only I could hear her, "and stay open-minded."

I wasn't sure what that meant, but I nodded, smiling, and watched Sirius and Amy walk tensely over to Zonko's. But all of my own nerves faded away when Remus took my hand and led me into the sweet shop.

"What looks good?" he asked, smiling at me as I looked around at the various familiar and new displays.

_You_.

"Oh, gosh," I laughed, "everything."

Of course, my own sweet tooth was nothing compared with his, but even I could appreciate the delectability of that store.

"Do you think they're going to have a good day?" Remus asked as we perused the various lollipops.

I could have sighed with disappointment.

It didn't bode well for our date, I thought, if we were already talking about Sirius and Amy. For all I knew we'd end up following the pair around, looking into their progress, seeing if they were working out their problems like we all so desperately wanted them to.

"I hope so," I said with a vague shrug. "What do you think of these, butterbeer lollipops?"

"Oh, that's fantastic," he said excitedly. "We should get a few of those. Hey, have you seen these?"

We spent about half an hour going through all the sweets and buying more than I would have figured he could afford, knowing how stingy he usually was with his gold. Although, judging how shabby his clothes were, it probably was a necessary stinginess.

After that he led me to what I thought was going to be the Three Broomsticks, but he surprised and delighted me by leading me gentlemanly to Madam Pudifoot's. I got a glimpse of Sirius and Amy laughing, heading into the Three Broomsticks before I followed Remus into the teashop, a big grin on my face.

"I think they're doing well," I sighed, sitting down at a table with him, looking over the small menu and brushing a bit of confetti out of my way. "They seemed to be happy, at any rate."

"Good," he said with a sigh of relief. "Now I can stop worrying so much and just focus on our date."

The smile he gave me was radiant, and when he took my hand I could feel the blush rising up on my cheeks. I bit my lip in a way I hoped was subtle as I glanced back down at my menu.

The date was wonderful after that, loosening both of us up to think about our conversation and interaction instead of thinking about our friends and what they might be getting up to. We actually saw Marlene and her Ravenclaw date come in to get some tea to go, and they said hello to us. I didn't really know the Ravenclaw, but Remus had Arithmancy with him, so they actually did know each other fairly well.

N.E.W.T. Arithmancy was a very small, intimate class, Remus explained. Everyone needed to do their part, or they'd all probably fail.

"So," Remus teased when they'd finished, "how about you and I take a walk?"

"Where to?" I asked, standing and taking his hand as he put down the money to take care of the bill.

"I was thinking the Shrieking Shack," he said casually, but it seemed to me that he'd picked it for some reason, because he seemed very nervous under his thin mask of casual.

"Sure," I said happily. "I haven't been since about fourth year, actually. It'll be a nice change."

It was true, the place spooked me out a bit. But if Remus wanted to go there, I could compromise. He'd obviously not chosen Madam Pudifoot's because it was something _he_ wanted.

The air was cool and pleasant and my fingers only sweated slightly in the grip of Remus's equally sweaty hand.

"What are your plans for next year?" he asked, walking a bit closer to me as we approached the shack.

"I'm really not sure yet," I admitted. "I've thought about doing further study in Herbology, maybe some research. But I'm not sure how practical that is. Professor McGonagall has been really supportive, but she's also been honest, and she's not sure my Potions skills will be good enough to get some kind of apprenticeship."

Remus nodded.

"I suppose that's important, I hadn't thought of that," he said slowly, pausing at a spot on the grass and pointing his wand at it to ensure that it was dry before we sat down. "I'm not particularly passionate about Herbology, so I'd never really considered what might be involved in that sort of research."

"Oh, yes," I said happily, always eager to talk about plants. "Well, because if you work with the plants you need to come up with purposes and uses of all sorts for all parts of the plants, in order to make your research worthwhile to other fields."

It was refreshing to talk to someone who really understood, even though Remus didn't share my interests. I knew he'd looked into academic work in Defense, so he was aware of the procedure.

"Have you decided to become a professor?" I asked, smiling.

Maybe he wouldn't want the cursed job at Hogwarts, but there were plenty of Wizarding schools who would love a teacher in Defense Against the Dark Arts who was as skilled as Remus. He had a natural affinity, especially with things pertaining to creatures.

"Ah, no," he muttered, smiling tightly and paling a little.

Wrong thing to ask, I guess.

"Oh," I said, turning to look at the sky over the trees across from us. "What are you-?"

"I'm not sure," he said quickly. "A lot will depend on what remains open to me when...when I'm ready to apply."

I really wasn't sure what he meant, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it.

Or rather, he wanted to tell me and didn't want to, all at once. And it seemed a bit too complicated for a first date, whatever it was. If we were going to get married, which I was pretty set on at that point, we were going to have to take things slow.

"Oh," I said. "That makes sense."

Except it didn't really. The likelihood of Remus getting anything less than a spectacular mark in anything seemed remote.

We sat there in pleasant silence for a moment, and I was surprised when he leaned closer and put his arm around me, around my waist. I could feel my throat close slightly through my excitement, and deciding to show that I appreciated this move, I put my head on his shoulder, which he adjusted to by moving a bit closer.

"I'm really glad you agreed to this date," he whispered, his voice so close to me that I felt my body warm all the way down to my toes in spite of the chill in the air.

"I'm really glad you asked," I sighed, turning my head slightly more toward him.

I wanted him to kiss me. Merlin, I wanted it so badly.

It was good that he at least wanted to be close to me, and I was so very aware of his fingers gently grazing my side through my top. But I wanted to be closer.

I felt a bit wanton, putting my hand on his thigh, although it did end up a bit higher on his leg than I'd intended. He stiffened for a moment, but then he simply held me tighter, moved closer.

If things weren't so tense still I would have sighed of relief. It was a good sort of tension, but it still made me dizzy. If I turned a bit more, could I get my lips close enough to his for him to get the message? I tilted my head a bit more, but I dare not be too open. The hand on his thigh was a bit more than I probably should have done, and I didn't want to add to it by being a bit... sleazy.

"This has been a great day," I finally said, my fingers moving across his thigh almost of their own accord. He turned to me slightly and I could feel my heart racing. My eyes fluttered closed and I leaned a bit closer.

He was going to kiss me, he was going to. I could feel my face flush with excitement.

Remus's hand moved to my cheek, his slightly rough fingers gently grazing my skin where the blush was. His breath was in my face, but not quite on my mouth, as if he was looking at me. Perhaps he was trying to decide something, or maybe this would be his first kiss, or maybe he thought I looked especially pretty in that moment.

My mind was whirring with thousands of possibilities of reasons why he might not be kissing me, but what I hadn't expected was the one reason he actually had paused in that moment, and his hand slipped away from my face and he said, "I need to tell you something, Sarah."

Opening my eyes again, I saw the fear in his eyes and I could feel my own stomach turning with discomfort. What could be so bad that he was looking at me like that?

"What is it?" I asked.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"When I was a little boy," he said slowly, "I was bit by...by a werewolf."

My stomach flat out dropped. He couldn't be saying this. He couldn't...I couldn't...

"I was very lucky that Professor Dumbledore was so understanding," he pressed on. "He worked hard to find a way for me to safely attend Hogwarts." He sighed. "The shack isn't haunted. It was built to house me safely when I'm transformed, and the Whomping Willow was planted to guard the entrance-"

"Oh my God," I gasped. "When James stopped Snape-"

Remus nodded sadly.

"Sirius went a bit crazy when Snape threatened Amy and he thought it would be a good joke. I don't think he really thought it through, but he doesn't always think very clearly when Amy's involved."

I nodded absently, staring down at the grass so that I wouldn't have to look at him.

The scars, the regular 'illness,' the shabby clothes and tired expression. Even down to not knowing what he'd be able to do when he graduated. There were so many restrictions on werewolf employment.

Suddenly the world I thought I knew, the plans I'd made, they collapsed around me all at once.

How could I explain to my parents that I was in love with a werewolf? How could I have children knowing they might be contaminated? What sort of life could we have, him marked the way he was? And it wouldn't be safe, living in the same house with him.

"Amy, she knew?" I whispered.

Remus nodded, and began to tell a story of how Amy found out, how they'd told her the details, how well she took it all, but I wasn't really listening.

Amy knew before me. Amy knew this, and she didn't tell me. She told me to keep an open mind, but how could she dare tell me that and know I was in love with the boy and not say a word about the fact that he was a Dark Creature, that he turned into a furry, man-eating beast once a month!

"She knew all this time and said nothing," I said softly, and Remus's face grew worried again.

"I asked her to tell no one, in confidence," Remus said quickly, but I didn't care what sort of vows he'd had her make.

I had thought Amy had been my friend. We'd shared everything with each other, we went through hell and back in the last months alone, and she'd let me be surprised by this sort of revelation when she could have told me ages ago and spared me this sort of pain and shock?

Friends didn't do that.

"I'll bet Lily knew as well," I said bitterly, and the flash of fear in his eyes told me all I needed to know.

Lily Evans had known that Remus was a werewolf before I did. The most important thing about him, and everyone knew but me.

"Why did you ask me on this date?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"B-because I really like you," he said nervously. "Because I really like you and I wanted to get to know you better, to see if anything could be there-"

"How could you think that throwing something like this at me on a first date would be a good way to foster a relationship?" I said with a bitter laugh. "Remus, you're telling me you like me, you're sending me all the signals of being serious about building something, and then you tell me you're a-a-"

"Monster," he said softly, turning away from me.

_Talk about mixed signals_, I thought, but I was so furious I couldn't even see straight. There were just so many things wrong with what had just happened.

Still, though, I knew how hurt he was at my reaction, and Amy and Lily and the Marauders didn't seem to think he was going to rip us all to pieces any second. Perhaps I was being a bit rash about this. And after all, he was still attractive. I wasn't likely to have much competition if I did decide I could live with that lifestyle...

"I'm sorry," I whispered, touching his arm gently. He stiffened, turning back to me with guarded eyes. He was waiting to see if I would accept or reject him in that moment, but I didn't know what to do. There was too much pressure, too much information, and not enough time to consider everything. "This is a lot to take in, Remus, and I need some time to figure out how I feel about it."

His whole body relaxed and he sighed, nodding.

"Of course," he said, his eyes warming once more, although he didn't try to cuddle with me again. We just sat there for a long moment, staring at the sky to not look at the Shrieking Shack, trying not to think about the elephant in the room.

I knew in that moment that however this turned out I would never want to see the shack ever again.

"It's getting colder," I finally said. "Maybe we should go back to the castle. I've still got that essay for Flitwick."

"Me too," he sighed, scrambling to his feet and holding out his hand to help me to mine. I took his hand, but with none of the pleasure the same act had given me earlier in the date. The walk back was friendly, but the air was not the only thing chilling us as we walked.

No kiss, not that I would have wanted one at that point, and the day was over both too soon and not soon enough.

And I had never before felt so alone and confused.


	23. Heads

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to reviewer **_**tinkerbelldetention101**_** who is super on-the-ball with reviews! :D The quickness of updates is a reward for being so on-the-ball. :D**

** -C**

I had thought that the day would be a bust the moment we left Sarah and Remus to their own devices, but somehow even with all of our recent stubbornness we fell into the routine of Hogsmeade just as easily as always. Zonko's had a way of doing that, bringing out the best in people.

"The only problem," Sirius had said forlornly as we left to take a look around Honeydukes, "is that we don't have enough new or exciting products these days. When I was young it felt like they had new stuff every time I turned around, but now they've either gotten lazy or time passes differently."

"Time hasn't passed differently," I said, eyes grazing the various delicious but utterly familiar chocolate bars on display. Perhaps he had something about lack of variety. "It's just your perception that's changed."

"Maybe so," he said with a smile. "How many bars of Honeydukes best, Amy?"

"The usual," I said dismissively, browsing the lollipops as he tossed half a dozen bars in the basket he was carrying. "Merlin!" I squeaked, and he rushed over to see what had gotten me so excited.

"What is it?" he demanded, trying to find the source of my outburst.

"They have a butterbeer lollipop!" I replied, waving a handful of them in his face. Sirius laughed, taking the lollipops from me and putting them in the basket before grapping another handful and adding them to the basket. I raised my eyebrows at the amount he'd gathered, but he shrugged.

"We can afford it," he said casually, "and we already know they're going to be good. We don't get to do this too many more times, you know. James was right about that."

He was right, I realized, combing the sweetshop with him. We could come back to Hogsmeade, but it wouldn't be this carefree. It would be for shopping, work meetings, maybe even moving there. Or at least, I might if I would be so lucky as to get a house in such a nice area starting out. We wouldn't be making trips to buy as many sweets as we could carry with us and ogle at joke products.

I was only a bit upset when Sirius insisted on paying. Sure, we could both afford it, and I'd certainly taken the tab plenty of times, but it still bothered me every time he did that. It bothered me even more knowing that it almost looked like a date if I closed my eyes and pretended we had been talking for the last few weeks.

"Three Broomsticks for lunch?" he asked happily, and I nodded. There wasn't really anywhere else decent to go, and it had become something of a tradition for us, anyway.

We laughed and joked all the way to the friendly pub and I caught a brief glimpse of Remus and Sarah going into Madam Pudifoot's.

"Do you think they're having fun?" Sirius asked.

He must have seen them too.

"They seemed to be," I said with a shrug, allowing him to lead me to a smaller table than usual, it being just the two of us. "I mean, how can you go wrong with Remus, starting off in a sweetshop?"

Sirius laughed.

"The usual?" he asked, smiling that glorious smile at me. I nodded. "I'll go order. Don't you go running away."

As if I could have run away at that point. I was so enamored with even the thought that he'd just smiled at me like that... There was no turning back anymore. I'd agreed to this foolish day out. I was going to finish it.

He came back with our drinks and sat down across from me, somehow looking even more gorgeous than when we'd started out that morning. Perhaps it was the warmth of his first bit of butterbeer brightening his cheeks, or the way the cool breeze had ruffled his perfectly shaggy hair.

There was just one major problem.

One might think that not talking for weeks would give two people a ton of things to talk about, but it seemed neither of us could think of a thing to say. I certainly couldn't think when he was smiling at me like that. After all, I was already constantly thinking how the last time we spoke was in that same pub, albeit at a different table, and we had been alone then. Sure, things hadn't ended very well, but for a while they had been wonderful. Maybe, just maybe, things could be wonderful again if I managed myself and my words very carefully.

"How about that essay for Flitwick?" he finally said after our food was brought to our table. I smiled over my butterbeer.

"Haven't started it," I admitted.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Really?" he asked. "I've already finished."

It was hard to believe that Sirius was so on top of things when he usually just had Remus do his homework for him, or me if it was a class I was good at. But Sirius had definitely been taking his work more seriously. I supposed it was the realization that he might actually need those grades to get a job someday, or maybe he thought that applying himself might actually serve him well in the war. The latter seemed more likely, what with the vast fortune he'd inherited from his uncle. He would never actually have to work.

We ate our food in our usual state of comfortable companionship and things felt almost like they used to be for a while. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but when we finished, Sirius said, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

What could I say but yes? There was nothing waiting back at Hogwarts for me that was remotely as good as the prospect of more time alone with Sirius, and there wasn't anything better to do at Hogsmeade.

"Not by the shack, though," I said quickly as we got up to go. "I have a suspicion that's where Remus is taking Sarah today."

"Ah," Sirius said heavily, and I knew he understood.

We walked away from the shack, toward the mountains behind the village. Sirius found a set of comfortable-looking rocks for us to sit on and we settled in, pulling out some sweets and talking about anything and everything. I'd really begun to savor this alone time, this candor, and then Sirius had to go and shake things up and ruin everything like he was so very good at doing.

"I've missed you," he sighed. "It's been lonely, not talking with you."

I shifted on my rock, nodding.

I'd certainly missed him, too, but I wasn't about to say it. There was something in the way he'd expressed his emotions that made me just a bit uncomfortable.

"I mean, I have the boys, but it's not the same," he sighed. "I can't relate to them in the way I do with you."

He scooted closer on our rocks and I held my breath, knowing that his sensitive ears could probably hear my racing heart at the distance apart we already were. What if he got closer?

And then he did, a small smile curving at the corner of his lips. It looked so different from his smirk, so beautiful. I wanted to touch his lips, but it seemed so presumptuous, especially after avoiding him for so long.

I could feel the hope churning in my chest, could feel my heart beating in my throat, could feel the shake in my fingers and the shortness of my breath.

"You look really great today, Amy," he whispered. "Is that a new dress?"

I frowned slightly.

I'd had the dress in question for more than a year. I'd even worn it at his last birthday.

"No," I said softly, brushing a bit of hair behind my ear nervously. "No, I've had it for a while."

"Oh," he said. Was that him...blushing? I must be imagining things. "Well, it looks really great. You're probably a bit cold, though."

I shrugged.

In truth, I was freezing. I didn't handle cold well, and I wasn't dressed for how chilly the air was that day. It had looked so much nicer outside than it actually felt.

"Here," he muttered, taking off his jacket and draping it around my thinly covered shoulders.

I smiled a bit to myself, pulling it more snuggly around myself, touching the fabric of the jacket happily.

"Thanks," I whispered, looking up into his beautiful gray eyes and thinking maybe, just maybe, there was more to our relationship than I'd recently been thinking. Maybe he looked at me like a possible girlfriend after all. Maybe hope was not all lost.

His hand touched mine for only a brief moment, but then it moved to my cheek, gently touching my skin with fingertips that left fire in their wake. How could one person be responsible for so much feeling outside of himself?

Sirius moved off his rock and onto mine, sitting so close to me that I could almost remember vague moments from when I was ill, his arms wrapped around me at night, sometimes stroking my hair.

"Better?" he asked, cocking his head slightly.

I'd seen him do this dozens of times, with girls he wanted who weren't fond of him. It was almost a perfect routine, and I'd never seen it fail. Next he would lean in, then he would brush my hair back, he would lean in a bit more, say something clever or thoughtful, and while I was thinking of a response he would kiss me.

The real test would be if he actually did that, and then I would have think about what it might mean.

Sure enough, Sirius leaned a bit closer, subtle enough to pass it off as nothing if I backed away, but bold enough to be noticed. I didn't bother backing away, both morbidly curious about what he would do next and incredibly addicted to being close to him.

A moment later he touched my long black hair, brushing it behind my ear in a way that made my eyelids flutter. Remus did that sometimes, too, and yet it felt even better when Sirius did it.

He might have leaned in a bit closer. It was hard to tell. But the real trick was that he said, "I almost wished you were sick again, just to be closer to you."

And before I could decide how I felt about that declaration, predictably, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

It was a bit surreal, getting something I'd wanted for so long, and yet still feeling something in my gut saying that this wasn't how I wanted it. Should it even matter? Sirius was kissing me.

But it was in that moment, tasting his breath and feeling his hand move to my waist to pull me closer that I realized what was just so bad about him approaching me like this.

Sirius didn't date girls because he fell in love or even liked them necessarily. He dated because he was lonely. He didn't take it very seriously, and then it would all fall apart and then he'd be lonely again and we'd all scramble to find his next date so that he didn't have to be lonely.

All of a sudden, all the years I'd spent wishing to be next made me feel sick to my stomach, as did the thought that he was kissing me to stave off his loneliness.

I didn't want to be a placeholder. I wanted him to love me.

Quick as I could I pushed him away, ignoring his hurt and confused face before I let myself be stupid and become that placeholder and I made my excuses, heading back to the castle as fast as I could go.

If I thought things had been bad before, of course, things were going to be so, so much worse.

I was still lost in my thoughts about what to do about Sirius and whatever was going on there when I entered my dormitory to find Sarah on her bed, crying. I sighed, thinking the date had gone poorly because perhaps she discovered there was no chemistry or something.

Heartache was going around.

"Hey," I said gently, sitting down on her bed. "What's wrong?"

"Remus is a werewolf," she said bitterly, wiping her eyes.

I blinked at her.

"Is that all?" I finally said. "That's what this is all about? You had me thinking it was something really bad."

Her eyes widened.

"Of course it's bad!" she cried. "How can I date a werewolf, much less marry one? The stigma, the danger, and could we even have kids? Amy, it's terrible! And you knew! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was sworn to secrecy," I said coolly, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "Remus accidentally attacked me on a full moon and Sirius saved me. It wasn't that bad, but…he felt terrible. And I promised him that it didn't change how I looked at him because it didn't, and then I swore not to tell anyone else, and I haven't."

To my disgust, her face arranged into a look of horror at my story.

"He _attacked_ you?" she hissed. "How is he even allowed at this _school_?"

"Because Dumbledore has made arrangements for his safety," I replied coldly, looking at her sternly. "It was my own stupid fault, deciding that a walk on the full moon was a good idea, even when Sirius tried to talk me out of it."

"And Evans knows," Sarah wailed, rolling over onto her face and sniffling. If she were actually upset about something legitimate, she would have looked utterly pitiable. Instead, she just looked ridiculously pathetic.

"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "She's smart. She figured out that Remus killed off a few too many grandparents and had a disease twice that is one of those you can only get once. He's a bit bad at coming up with excuses."

She gave me an exasperated look, but whether it was the kiss from Sirius or the fact that Remus deserved love in spite of his condition, I couldn't seem to care about whatever she thought she was going through. It was nothing to what he went through once a month, and it wasn't even his fault.

"Amy-"

"I don't need to hear this right now," I groaned, pulling off the dress that I vaguely wanted to burn, even though it was one of my favorites. "I've got my own problems, and just this morning you were all giddy about the thought of making dozens of little babies with Remus and having a pet duck named Cyril." She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, fine, minus the duck. You know what I mean."

"But he's a werewolf!" she cried, sitting up a bit, giving me a look that sort of made me want to punch my best friend in the face.

Where was Vanessa when she was needed?

"He's still Remus," I said coldly, pulling on a new dress. "He's the same Remus you've always known. He was bitten years before we even met him. It changes nothing."

"I told him I needed to think about it," she said softly. "But I'm not sure what there even is to think about. I feel so betrayed."

I groaned, throwing my pillow at her, and she gave me a look like I, too, had betrayed her.

"Sarah!" I cried. "Get over yourself!"

She sat up, frowning.

"Maybe Vanessa was right about you!" she said. "No matter what they've done, no matter who they're hurting, you side with those...those boys!"

Oh, that was low.

"The only reason I'm not hitting you right now is because you're my best friend," I said, forcing myself to be as calm as possible.

"Am I?" Sarah snapped. "It sure doesn't feel like it! I'm in distress and all you can say is poor Remus! He's a monster, Amy! Why are you sitting there defending him?"

"Because he's not a monster!" I shrieked. "He's not a monster, and you're being ridiculous and prejudiced, just as bad as-"

The words died in my mouth, but I knew she knew exactly what I'd been about to say.

As prejudiced as Snape, as prejudiced as the people who killed Mary MacDonald.

Tears welled up in Sarah's eyes and I wondered for a moment if maybe she wasn't right, if maybe I wasn't being cruel.

But then I remembered the things she'd just said about Remus and decided it was all tit for tat.

For the first time, we'd had a real, genuine fight between the two of us. No matter what, it had always been the two of us, even if it was the two of us against everything and everyone else. So even as I was wondering what she would do, how she would react, Sarah picked herself off the bed, slung her bag over her shoulder, and took off out of the dormitory like a bat out of hell muttering something about the library, which was probably not even where she was going, in case I tried to follow.

As if I would follow.

Not sure what was upsetting me more, Sirius or Sarah, I picked up my shoe and threw it at her bed, but it hit the post and fell to the floor with a dissatisfying thump.

Probably Sirius, then.

I wasn't sure what was going on in his head about what had happened, but it probably wasn't the turmoil and agony that I was experiencing. I curled up on my bed and wondered how kissing Sirius Black, what should have been such a beautiful and life-affirming experience, had suddenly turned into the source of so much pain and affliction. I pulled the hangings around me so that Lily would not ask how I was when she got back from her meeting, but I fell asleep for real before anyone else returned, thankfully without any dreams to trouble me.


	24. Pulling Strings

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to the **_**Guest**_** who reviewed the last chapter…. Sorry, but no reconciliation in this chapter!**

** -C**

According to Sirius, there was no way to explain it other than Amy not being interested.

He was kissing her, he told Remus, who was really too distraught from his own failed date to be of much use to Sirius but was listening all the same, and she seemed to be into it like most girls, and he went on and on describing how wonderful it was, and then she just pulled away, make excuses, like Sirius had done something wrong.

"She'll never talk to me again," Sirius groaned.

In my opinion, Remus's date had gone much, much worse.

For whatever reason, he had decided to take Amy's advice and tell Sarah about his condition, and not only had she seemed to take it badly, but she had said she 'needed time' and then hadn't talked to him in the three days since.

Remus was devastated, and Sirius then grew increasingly devastated, and therein laid my salvation.

The key, of course, was keeping Remus and Sarah apart. Sirius and Amy were too stubborn, didn't seem to have nearly enough insecurities to keep them apart forever once they started to communicate properly. And if Remus were in his right mind, he would already be fixing their communication issues.

Thus, by keeping Remus and Sarah apart and miserable, I would be able to cut Sirius off from the one proper source to help him overcome his stubbornness and actually talk to Amy, which I knew would bring them together faster than I dared even imagine.

That was the basis of all my scheming from my sickbed in the dormitory, watching Sirius pace in his way across the room.

I was nearly better, thankfully. It had been nice to have time to plan things out, but I needed to act before it was all out of my control.

Finally, Remus spoke.

"I actually think I let myself fall in love with her, Sirius," Remus said, his voice a mere croak.

It was the first thing he'd said in days, since relating the events of the date.

He looked up at Sirius and even Sirius stopped his pacing, looking at Remus with a stunned expression.

"What?" he asked, clearly not figuring out that Remus had been following a different train of thought.

"I let myself fall for Sarah," Remus rasped. "And now she hates me because I had to tell her the truth that I'm a monster."

Sirius sat down across from Remus so that I couldn't see his face, but I had a feeling that it wouldn't be an expression anyone but a handful of people had ever seen on Remus's face.

"Remus, if she can't see that you're nothing more than a great guy with a furry little problem-"

"I wish you would stop calling it that," Remus said forlornly. "It's not something to be taken lightly, and you guys have gotten away with making me think it's less of a big deal than it is, but if you don't recall I could have killed Amy, or ruined her life forever, or-"

"Remus," Sirius said, his voice sounding strangled.

None of us liked to think about how Amy had learned of Remus's condition.

It had been my fault, in a way. Sirius had warned James that Amy was taking a walk on the grounds, and James had transformed, planning to distract her and draw them back up toward the castle, away from the Willow. I was supposed to stay in human form, make sure Remus stayed asleep, Stunning him if I had to, even though Stunning Spells weren't very effective on werewolves.

But I was afraid for that very reason and I'd stayed rat form, thinking Remus would have worn himself out far too much to smell Amy's blood from so far away.

Of course, I was wrong and I had to watch in horror and fear as Remus woke and went after her. I wasn't there to see the attack, but I had lied and told the others that Remus had overpowered me and I'd had to transform to avoid being bitten.

But no matter how I tried, I could not convince myself of the lie. The boys believed me, but I could not.

It was to my advantage, though, to continue the lie. Putting Amy in danger would have alienated me from Sirius forever, and letting Remus believe that it was anyone's fault but his own would have made him less likely to stay away from Amy all those years.

Things had changed, but they hadn't changed enough for me to tell the truth. It would probably go with me to my grave.

"Nothing happened," Sirius said, lying. His collarbone still had scars from where Remus had bit him in dog form that night, attempting to get to Amy. He used various spells to mask them when he was sleeping with one of his girlfriends or when Remus was around. He didn't like to put people off because they were actually really sickening to look at, not like the faded scars that covered Remus's face and more like the grotesque ones that crossed Remus's back.

But I had seen them, dozens of times, when Sirius would change, forgetting I was there. He did that a lot, forgetting I was there. And they reminded me both of my guilt and of Sirius's bravery and they made me hate myself and him, but not to the same extent or at the same time.

"Sirius, I just feel sick," Remus finally said. "I think I need to go for a walk."

I went to bed that night feeling especially good, and my dreams were all plans for how to proceed as soon as I could get my first crack at Sarah. I knew what I wanted, knew how I had to go about getting it. If either one of them had my situation on their laps they would have taken it without a second thought to my feelings. Why should I think about theirs?

As soon as I had made my first trip to the library once I was well again I couldn't believe my luck. There, studying alone in a remote corner of the library, was Sarah, looking depressed as she flipped absently through the pages of the book in front of her. Summoning my courage, I sat across from her and squeaked a hello.

"Oh, hi, Peter," she muttered, forlorn.

Officially speaking, she'd not made up her mind about Remus, and she certainly had the air of someone who was weighing a heavy and uncomfortable decision. I decided it was my job to make up her mind there and then, but subtly.

"Are you all right, Sarah?" I asked softly, giving her my most concerned look. It had been used many a time to get out of trouble and was nearly perfected. Professor McGonagall was the only holdout in believing it every time.

"What?" she muttered, frowning.

"You just seem off," I squeaked, giving her a sheepish smile. Girls usually told me what I wanted to know if I gave them that. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, I don't know," she muttered, continuing to flip through her book, looking back down at the pages. "I...I guess you know about the stuff with Remus."

"Which stuff?" I squeaked.

She looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"His...condition."

"Oh," I said, a bit awkwardly, nodding. "Yeah, I know. Did he... Did he tell you, or did you find out?"

"He told me," she said, frowning. She flipped through more pages, not looking at them, but staring at some spot over my left shoulder. I fought the temptation to see if anything was there, but only because I knew this was what she did when she was thinking about something very hard. "I don't know what to think, honestly."

"Well, it's good that he told you," I said with a shrug. "I'm surprised Amy even talks to him after he nearly killed her."

"What?" she snapped.

I blinked.

I knew, of course, that Amy would never have said something that put Remus in a bad light, even if it was an important (or sort of important) truth, so I was just going to have to be the one to break the very bad news.

"She didn't tell you about that?"

"Tell me everything," Sarah said darkly, leaning forward, snapping the book in front of her shut.

It wasn't too hard to pretend to be nervous and hesitant. After all, if anyone found out what I was up to I would lose everything at once. But if I was successful, my one and only shot at Amy would be salvaged, and that was spurring me onward, absolutely worth the risks.

"Well," I told her, fidgeting, "Amy decided she wanted a midnight walk, in spite of Sirius's warnings not to. And so he went with her. Remus broke out of his... of the Shack. And Sirius managed to fend Remus off, with a bit of help from James..." I trailed off, wondering if I should tell her about their Animagus forms but deciding against it. "Anyway, she got a good scare, but she came out with only a small scratch on her thigh. No bites."

That scratch was a big reason why she didn't wear shorts and skirts too short, but I hardly noticed it. It was pale, blended in well with her skin, and was thin and long rather than deep and short. In the right light it was a bit disconcerting, but mostly you just couldn't see it.

But she knew it was there, and she was convinced that if she wore her clothes too short it would be all anyone saw when they looked at her. It was part of her ridiculous jealousy over Sarah's legs, which were a bit stick-like for my tastes.

"I can't believe she never told me," Sarah said in a hollow voice. "I can't believe she's still friends with him! Does Dumbledore know?"

"That he's a...?"

I trailed off, wanting to be sure that no one else was listening in. I wanted to ruin Remus's love life, not his entire reality.

"No, that he got out," Sarah said, her eyes still wide with horror.

"Oh," I said, shifting slightly in my seat. "Probably. He knows everything. I think they refortified the Shack after that, so-"

"It's still so dangerous," she said. Was it my imagination, or had she gotten considerably more pale than she'd been when I'd sat down? The lighting in the library was a bit strange, but I was fairly certain I had scared her. "I can't believe she let me go on a date with him without warning me. I mean, what if he'd...he'd..."

I raised my eyebrows.

Okay, she was being ridiculous now.

"It wasn't nighttime," I pointed out. "And it was a new moon."

"But still!" she said. "I mean, you know what they say about werewolves..."

Oh, I knew what they said. There were all sorts of myths and legends about werewolves, their ferocious sexual appetites, their generally aggressive behavior, their taste for human flesh that lasts beyond the moon.

None of it was true, of course. Remus was the perfect example of that, and Sarah was not only an idiot for believing it, but especially stupid for believing it in light of knowing that Remus was a werewolf.

Then again, her being stupid and afraid was sort of what I needed, so I went with it without making myself feel too guilty.

"I guess," I said, shrugging. "But you were probably fine. Look, I've got to get back to the common room because I forgot my essay there..."

She waved me off dismissively, back to her own, much darker thoughts as I left the library, practically skipping all the way back to the dormitory thinking of how easy it had been to tweak her psyche.

Perhaps Amy was closer to being mine than I'd ever realized.

When I arrived back to my dormitory, however, Sirius and Remus were sitting on the floor playing chess with solemn expressions and a mound of empty chocolate wrappers beside them.

"Are you guys okay?" I asked, sitting opposite the chocolate wrappers, watching them stare at the board, neither making a move.

"No," Sirius snapped. "We're not okay." He paused, looking up at Remus. "D'you think maybe if I kidnap her and lock her in a room-"

"Any plan that starts with kidnapping is forbidden," Remus moaned, rubbing his eyes, "although I must say it's tempting."

I raised my eyebrows. They were getting desperate to the point of loopiness.

Perhaps that should have made me feel guilty, but I couldn't bring myself to it. Sure, Remus was going to be very unhappy, but he was already convinced that he didn't deserve happiness, and who was I to argue with his inner compass? Besides, from what I'd seen of Sarah in her own thoughts on the matter, she was already leaning in that direction anyway. She didn't seem to be open-minded like us, or Lily, or Amy.

And Sirius...

Well, Sirius thought the idea of me with Amy was disgusting. It made it really hard for me to care how he felt about anything.

"I don't know what else to do at this point," Sirius groaned. "Can we agree to kidnapping as a last resort?"

"_No_," Remus groaned.

"Pete," Sirius then began with sudden excitement, but Remus was having none of it.

"No spying!"

Sirius growled in frustration, lying back on the ground, knocking his king over with his foot.

"I give up," he sighed. "It's like you don't even care how much pain I'm in, like you don't even want me to be with her."

"I do want it," Remus said with a tired sigh, rubbing his already-red eyes. "I just don't want to hurt the girls any more than we already have."

Sirius clenched his fists, beating them against the floor with only a dull thud resulting in spite of the force.

"I don't want to hurt her," he whined. "I want her to realize how much I love her."

I hoped Remus would point out that maybe that would hurt her, but Remus said nothing, merely looking on Sirius with sympathy, feeling his own pain just as much.

It was strange, still, hearing Sirius talk about his newly realized love for Amy. Sometimes he would say things and they sounded like someone else's words, but they were his and they were about her and they made me insane with jealousy.

"You could always just tell her."

Sirius's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped.

"You don't actually mean to say that you want me to actually just go up to her and tell her that I'm madly in love with her?"

Remus shrugged.

"Why not?"

Well, even I knew the answer to that. Remus would never have done it, and for the same reason. You don't just go up to a girl like that, especially not Amy. What if she said no?

Sirius reached around the chocolate wrappers desperately, but there was no chocolate left to be eaten and the strangest thing happened.

Sirius Black, the strong, the self-assured, the perfect... Sirius Black began to cry.

It was a silent thing at first, and I thought for a moment that I was imagining the tear rolling down his perfectly sculpted cheek. It was certainly a sight I'd wanted to see for some time, especially in conjunction with Amy. Then he sniffled. Then he sobbed.

Remus looked up at me, stunned, before coming around the chess board to hug a sobbing, distressed Sirius Black.

"It'll be okay," Remus said, although he didn't sound too sure of himself.

I watched them for a while before I made the excuse of picking up the chocolate wrappers and throwing them out to avoid the increasingly awkward scenario of Sirius crying into Remus's shoulder like someone had just died. I tossed the wrappers in the bathroom rubbish bin and sat on the sink, listening to the sound of Remus soothing Sirius and the sound of Sirius's incoherent babbling through sobs.

He really did love her. I'd never seen him even close to this before.

Perhaps knowing how much pain Sirius was actually in should have changed the way I looked at the whole situation I'd just manipulated, but somehow it didn't. I'd gone through that pain of loving her and not having her for years. The number of times she forgot my name entirely first year...

No, Sirius had gotten everything he wanted for too long with me and Remus and everyone else standing in the shadows, especially where Amy was concerned. Perhaps seeing me with Amy would teach him what it was like to lose. After all, even James didn't win all the time. Why should Sirius?

I listened at the door for a long time while Remus continued to soothe and calm Sirius. Showing my face would be a giveaway that I didn't actually care. I was supposed to be squeamish, even when I wasn't. It was a sort of survival tactic. The less they expected of me, the less likely they were to ask me to do things I didn't want to do. It was a win-win, in many respects. Sure, nobody really expected anything out of me, but that was mostly good.

The only place it had ever created problems was with Amy.

How could a squeamish boy win over a girl like her? She'd definitely discounted me in the past for my supposed weaknesses, and it was likely still happening. If I was going to win over Amy, I couldn't just be sneaky. I would also have to be bold, when the right moment came.

But even if I wasn't necessarily squeamish, bold was not in my nature. I took a deep breath, noting that the sounds outside the door had stopped, and I went back into the dormitory, crawling into bed, wheels turning in my mind as I thought of all the ways I might impress her.


	25. Lionhearted

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to guest reviewer **_**Lulu**_**, who is apparently a faithful reader of mine! Thank you for your kind words, Lulu! I hope you like this chapter, and I actually think that'd make a great oneshot! I'll make a note of it and will work on it when I get a moment to do it justice.**

** -C**

Christmas at home was usually a happy time of year. All of us would be home from Hogwarts in the best of years and Ashley Elizabeth always got the day off work to spend with us.

Except Ashley Elizabeth was not coming this year, I was already depressed because of the mess with Sirius and my fight with Sarah, and my sisters seemed to be so happy that it made me sick to my stomach. How could they be happy? Didn't they know what was happening in the world? Didn't they understand that the world was ending?

Apparently not.

"Amy," my mother told me at dinner, "pass the salt, please."

It was difficult, hearing my mother's voice like that, all defeated and empty. Her eyes were the same, defeated and empty. I had long guessed that Ashley Elizabeth was her favorite child, but if I'd ever really doubted, this was all the proof I needed. Would she have looked so upset if it had been me, or Mackenzie, or Natalie, or one of the twins? I didn't think so, somehow.

And my sisters, they noticed nothing, or if they noticed they said nothing. I was almost certain Natalie noticed. She noticed everything.

I had tried to talk with Natalie when I'd first gotten back home, but she didn't want to talk about anything, not Ashley Elizabeth or our family or even about Sirius. Perhaps it was too much to assume that because she was my sister she would want to listen to me, but I had been so sure, and when she had her own things she wanted to do, her own friends she was writing to and activities that didn't include me, I felt lonelier than ever.

Then I had tried bonding with MacKenzie. We were only a year apart, and yet we hadn't spoken properly in years, not since she was Sorted into Ravenclaw.

It didn't seem right to burden Kayla and Julia with my problems. They were young. They had problems enough of their own. And more importantly, they had each other.

It suddenly occurred to me that with my separation from Vanessa, my fight with Sarah, my issues with Sirius...

I had no one.

Well, I had Lily, but Lily had Marlene. And perhaps I had Remus, but he had the Marauders. I needed someone, and no one really needed me. And that, truly, was the main cause of my Christmastime melancholy.

After a while, though, there was a knock at my door and Natalie was there, looking just as morose as I felt.

"Can we talk?" she asked, and I let her in, letting her sit at the foot of my bed as I sat on my pillow, watching her collect herself. Finally she said, "Mum's not going to talk about it, is she? I mean, I keep waiting for her to say...say _something_, but then she just doesn't talk about it."

I looked at her, expecting her to cry, but she did not. Finally, I said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's not even so much talking about it," she sighed, shaking her head and leaning her back against my bedroom wall, careful not to mess up the pictures I'd pinned on it. I would have to change those out. Some of them still had Vanessa in them. "It's that I can't stand the lack of acknowledgement. It happened, you know? I can't pretend it didn't happen. I'm not sure Mum can either, but she's trying and it's creepy."

I nodded, pulling my pillow from underneath me and hugging it to my chest.

"We'll figure it out eventually," I said, feeling that emptiness in my chest that I felt when I started to think about Ashley Elizabeth being gone forever. "I have lots of friends at school who've suffered losses. They get better. We'll get better too, even Mum."

Natalie nodded, rubbing her hands together absently, her foot jostling around off the edge of the bed.

"How are things with the Marauders?" she finally asked. "I know Sirius and Remus both look like they're ready to give up on life these days."

Had they? I knew Remus was a mess, but I'd been trying not to look at Sirius.

"I don't really know," I said with a shrug. "I mean, Remus is having issues with his love life, but I guess they're all more interconnected than I realized if Sirius is just as depressed."

"Maybe," Natalie said, frowning. "He's not had a girlfriend since he broke up with Vanessa, has he? I mean, let's just be real. He's obviously not himself right now. Or at least, not his usual self. Have you talked with him much lately?"

"No," I admitted, shifting, thinking of the feel of his lips on mine. "No, I haven't really."

She just looked at the opposite wall, at my band posters and my Gryffindor pennants and she shook her head.

"He's miserable, all right," Natalie sighed. "Something's very, very off with those boys." Then she smiled and said, "This war's really done a number on everyone."

I nodded. She was right about that.

It wasn't the talk I expected to have with Natalie, but it was the talk I needed to have with her. I just sat up that night, staring at the ceiling, thinking over what I needed to do, and the things I had to sort out.

Before I could do anything about the boys, I needed to make things right with Sarah. I might not approve of her dealings with Remus, but she was my best friend and it would be more productive to work through it with her than push her away entirely. If I didn't stretch out a hand to someone, all four of us were likely to waste away in our separate and interconnected miseries. Besides, I needed a shoulder to lean on as I figured out what to do with Sirius. I could use Lily, but somehow it seemed better to use Sarah if I could.

I still had the present I'd gotten Sarah, sitting under my bed where I'd kept the other presents I'd already sent. It was unwrapped, no card or letter made up to go with it. I'd been so furious with her when I was doing my wrapping that I'd set it off to the side and just forgotten about it.

The morning after I talked to Natalie, I crept down the hall to get things for wrapping, and then I went back to my room, pulled the little box from under my bed, and opened it.

Inside was a small bracelet I'd been putting together for six years, charms for each of the major milestones in our friendship. I'd almost thought of throwing it away when we got in our fight, but looking at it and turning it over in my hand I was glad I didn't. It was the sort of thing that would remind her of my goodwill and good intentions, even if she was furious at me.

I wrapped it up in a little bit of tissue paper, folding it carefully and taping the paper down with Spellotape to keep it from unraveling on the journey. Sarah had taught me that trick, years ago.

The other gift was a set of dress robes she'd been eyeing when we went into Gladrags, but she would never have gotten them for herself because they were way out of her price range. As it was I'd had to ask my sister to loan me some money so I didn't have to get an allowance increase for the Christmas season, knowing my mother would hate my spending so much on one person.

I wiped a tear from my face as I folded the robes carefully, the yellow beading making soft clinking sounds.

Ashley Elizabeth wouldn't be expecting to be paid back.

I bit my lip and carefully placed it in a box more suitable for gift giving. I placed the tissue-wrapped bracelet on top of it and covered the box. I then wrapped the whole parcel in paper and pulled out some parchment and ink, for a letter.

It was difficult to know where to begin, but I closed my eyes, thinking of all the things I needed to say and prioritizing them. There were thing that could be said in a letter and things that would have to wait until we were together in person again. I decided what needed to be said and dipped the quill into my ink, carefully scrawling out a letter that said everything I felt, apologized for what I hadn't told her, and said that no matter how she decided on her issues with Remus, I wanted to be her friend again because I'd never felt so alone as I didn't when we weren't speaking. There were other people I could speak to, but I didn't want to be without my best friend.

It was honest, and I knew it would also speak to her in a way she would understand and instantly respond to.

I attached the things together and sent them off, curling up in bed again and hoping against hope that she would react well to the extended offering of peace.

"Amy!" Natalie called to me. "We're going shopping for dress robes!"

I groaned.

I'd forgotten all about the Potter's Christmas party.

I was required to go to it any year I wasn't at Hogwarts, as was James. He'd been so excited, talking about it with Sirius, especially when he got his mother to agree that they didn't have to invite the Browns this year.

But I would have to see Sirius, and I wasn't sure I felt up to it yet.

"Coming," I groaned down the hall, pulling my hair up and putting on a cloak. We would be taking the Floo to Diagon Alley, of course, and straight to Madam Malkin's, no doubt. It was too dangerous to go wandering about, even in such crowded places. And our mother was a bit paranoid since Ashley Elizabeth's death.

When I was ready to go I went to the sitting room, where my sisters were all lined up in a row, waiting for me.

Typically they would have been so excited for something like shopping for new dress robes, especially when it meant going to a fancy party in them. But everyone was sullen as I entered the room, except for my falsely cheery mother.

When we all arrived at Madam Malkin's, she began taking our measurements merrily, chatting with our mother, who was all smiles and Christmas cheer. I felt like I was going to be sick and I exchanged a look with Natalie, who seemed equally disgusted.

"The green," I said lazily when my mother opened her mouth to ask me which robes I liked best.

"Excellent choice as always, dear," Madam Malkin simpered, drawing up the bill of all our dress robes. It was a forest green, so no one could accuse me of wearing Slytherin colors, and still it was festive without me having to wear red. Red, even Gryffindor scarlet, did not go well with my complexion.

Nor did gold, for that matter. MacKenzie loved to tease me about it. I would have looked so much better in Slytherin or Ravenclaw colors.

"Very well," my mother said, paying the bill as Natalie, MacKenzie, and I gathered up all the parcels. "Pleasure as always, Madam Malkin."

"Of course, Mrs. McAuley," Madam Malkin said jovially. "I hope you have a happy Christmas, in spite of the grief!"

My mother paused, not looking at Madam Malkin and Natalie and I exchanged nervous looks. For all we knew, no one had spoken to our mother about her loss since Ashley Elizabeth's death, including our father. He'd been working himself into oblivion with his own grief, but he said nothing to any of us about it, including Mother.

Without another word, we took the Floo back home.

I dressed for the party very carefully.

The dress robes were forest green, floor-length, beaded all over for color and movement without tacky Muggle sequins. There was a velvet black belt around the waist, highlighting the low cut v-neck, which then distracted from the cutouts on the shoulders. The actual fabric of the sleeves draped on the top of the shoulders as a strap, and then down to about halfway down the upper-arm, the fabric hanging between the two points of contact with the arms down to the torso. It was actually rather flattering. I put my hair up, letting the back cascade over my right shoulder in spiral curls Natalie had set it in.

"How do I look?" Natalie asked, twirling in my room, her own robes dancing across the floor.

She looked so grown up in her purple velvet dress robes. They were floor length in front, and had a bit of a train in back, but the part that made me frown was that the slit when halfway up her left thigh. That coupled with the jewel-encrusted sweetheart neckline that dipped a little lower than necessary and I began to worry about what might be on the minds of boys all night.

"You look beautiful," I said, "but you definitely don't look your age."

She seemed to think that this was some sort of compliment, and we went down to Floo to the Potters, where I knew we were sure to see Sirius Black, and all I wanted was to cover up my little sister and find a corner to hide in.

"Amy!" Mrs. Potter cried happily upon seeing me. "It's good to see you. When Sirius told me what happened I was terrified. But you're fully recovered?"

Of course, she was referring to my brain damage and I smiled at her, kissing her proffered cheek.

"Yes, so much so that I hardly think of it anymore," I told her, glancing around the hall. "Your elves have outdone themselves, Mrs. Potter."

She just smiled and tried to graciously brush off the compliment.

When I was free of the hostess, I cautiously stepped into the vast party, seeing purebloods everywhere I looked, and even quite a few prominent half-bloods. The Potters always had the largest party because they didn't believe in notions of blood-purity. If they befriended some sociable Muggle-born, that person would also no doubt receive an invitation.

"Amy?"

I heard Sirius's voice, and thankfully instead of freezing I picked up the pace, trying to lose myself in the crowd of party guests, trying to find somewhere to hide.

I'd ducked behind a lion statue that was an anniversary gift from Mrs. Potter to Mr. Potter sometime well before I was born. I could see Sirius searching for me, his eyes scanning the crowd, his dark hair still coolly disheveled, his gorgeous dress robes hanging off his body.

Because I knew myself, and I knew that if I let him talk me into kissing him, into being one of those girls, when he was dressed like that I would never, ever find my resolve again.

Sirius was frowning to himself, and he stopped a woman who was grabbing some elf-made wine from a table and asked her something. The woman gestured in my general direction and I groaned, hoping to be invisible. I was not, unfortunately, capable of being invisible, and so when Sirius began looking around the statue he saw me right away.

Pretending I hadn't see him and couldn't hear him calling after me I dashed for the stairs, rushing up to the bathroom, closing the door and locking it, wiping my brow.

"You know, you really ought to check someone's not in the bathroom before you come in, McAuley," James's amused voice said from behind me. I turned in horror to find him smirking at me. "I might have been using the toilet."

He wiped off his glasses lazily and I hissed, "Please, James, I'm not here. I was never in this room. You've got other bathrooms, right?"

"Three of them," James said, still smirking. "But you and Sirius really need to work things out, you know. You can't run from him forever. Why should I-"

"Because I'm trying to help you win Lily," I hissed again, and he froze as someone knocked at the door.

"Amy?" Sirius said through the door. "Are you in there?"

I backed away from the door quietly with pleading eyes directed toward James. He still smirked at me, but then Sirius jiggled the handle of the door.

"Amy?"

I could imagine Sirius pulling out his wand to unlock the door, sure I was in there.

"Relax, Padfoot," James said, gesturing for me to hide in the shower, which I did. "It's just me. Now back up so I can come out, yeah?"

I held my breath as James exited the room, closing the door behind him again. I crept out and locked the door, hoping Sirius didn't hear the click and I pressed my ear to the door.

"It's getting out of hand, Prongs. She was hiding behind a statue. I'm sure she was hiding."

"The lion statue? Maybe she was just admiring it. Guests like to do that."

"She's seen it a hundred times."

"So have the other guests who do it," James said, and I could imagine him shrugging.

"I think she's hidden in a room up here, and I was sure it would be the bathroom. It's her style."

"We've got a few others, Pads, but she's not in this one. Just calm down, okay? Maybe she just wants to talk to you on her own terms."

"I just don't know what I did wrong, Prongs," Sirius said, slamming his hand on the door rather hard. I backed away for a moment, then pressed my ear in again when I knew he'd ended his violent outburst. "I mean, that was the most incredible kiss of my life and then she just…just…"

"Go enjoy the party, Sirius. Amy will be there after the break is over. You can't wallow all the time."

I wrapped my arms around my knees, careful not to hug too tightly. The beading would cause discomfort.

Maybe Sirius was just posturing himself in love the way he always seemed to do some of when he liked a girl, but the despair in his voice…

I closed my eyes and sighed.

Why couldn't things just go back to being simple?


	26. Concessions

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**tinkerbelldetention101**_** and her lovely responsiveness and wise words. :D**

** -C**

January came faster than I had expected and I was back on the Hogwarts Express. I got a compartment to myself, needing to sort out what I was going to do about Remus and Amy when I returned. It was something I kept telling myself I had plenty of time to sort out before I got back, and then I never did.

When Amy's Christmas present to me arrived on Boxing Day I had to consider whether or not I was going to send hers right away or wait to decide what I was going to do. I decided to wait, and it was a terrible decision because even on the train I didn't know what to do.

I didn't have to come to any sort of conclusions right away, though, which was excellent because by the time I had returned to Hogwarts, I still had no conclusions. I sat more or less alone at dinner, watching the Marauders and my dormmates (minus Vanessa) from a few seats down the bench.

And the whole dilemma about my friendship and the possible relationship with Remus were put out of my mind entirely at dinner by something that Hogwarts would be gossiping about for days on end.

About halfway through the meal, James Potter tapped Amy on the shoulder and squeezed between her and Marlene. I leaned forward a bit, curious as to what was going on. Amy gave him a look of consternation, but I heard him say, "Don't forget our chat at Christmas."

In spite of myself, I was incredibly curious. What had happened at Christmas that would lead to Amy so easily capitulating to James?

If I was going to find out, it seemed I would have to learn directly from Amy, because neither of them said in that moment.

James, with surprisingly low voice and a considerable amount of tact leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lily, I know we just got back, but there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up next month on Valentine's Day. It's early, I know, but I thought you might like some time to consider, so I figured I'd ask early."

Lily just blinked at him.

For a moment, I found that I'd dropped my fork and was blinking at him too.

James asking Lily to Hogsmeade, or on any date for that matter, was really nothing in the way of news. It was the way in which he'd asked, with restraint, consideration, even caution.

It was like James Potter had been possessed by Remus Lupin.

I blushed, looking down at my plate, thinking of how thrilled I had been when Remus had asked me to Hogsmeade before I'd learned of what he was. Was Amy right? Was I being selfish and unreasonable? Even Peter had suggested that Remus was far from harmless. Didn't I have a right to be cautious about my health and safety?

I was drawn out of my musings with Lily Evans, in a similar tone to how James had asked her, responded to the date proposal.

"You're right, I need to think about it," Lily said politely, asking as if he'd merely asked her if he could pour her pumpkin juice or water. "I'll get back to you by the beginning of next month, all right?"

A month. Only Lily Evans could buy herself a whole month to decide whether or not she wanted to go on a date with a bloke. James, clearly realizing that this was by far the best he was going to get and taking his minor victory, nodded, thanked her, and moved back to his previous seat.

My head was absolutely spinning, because not only had all of that progressed, but contrary to what I had expected, there was no jubilation evident in the realm of the Marauders. No high-fives, cheers, laughs, or anything else of the sort occurred. Perhaps it was because she hadn't actually given him a definitive yes or no, but it seemed to me more a sign of both their collective gravity of late and their collective gains in maturity. Amy and I, it seemed, had been right in projecting that James's designs on Lily had become increasingly less hopeless.

And apparently, the whole world had turned upside down. Sirius looked like he hadn't eaten in several weeks, or slept or bathed. Remus appeared even more sickly than usual. James was even somber in his partial victory, perhaps out of maturity or even out of respect for the obvious grief of his friends.

The only one who appeared the least bit jolly was Peter, making his usual fort out of his mashed potatoes, humming to himself happily as if the world wasn't on its head and going mad.

I would never, ever understand that boy.

After I'd dealt with all this mentally, although still not sure I fully understood, I realized that I would have to interact with Amy after dinner. I was going back to the dormitory, and now that she was friends with Lily and Marlene, Amy had rarely avoided the dormitory, especially with her strange separation from the Marauders.

I picked at my peas and considered my options. The Remus situation was still undecided, and would certainly not be decided in one night. I had research to do, things in my future to consider. I couldn't really make such a decision uninformed. I'd wasted Christmas holiday, but I couldn't afford to waste any more time. Therefore the whole thing with Amy would have to be settled regardless of a settlement with Remus.

If she was willing to talk on those terms, I supposed that I would have to sit down and work things out with her. If not, I was going to have to hurry along with my research, because we both knew that the current state of things could not continue long. Amy and I needed to figure out our differences. I hated not being around her more than I'd hated the tension with Vanessa. I wanted my friend back.

Amy was waiting for me in the bathroom when we got back to the dormitory, and we spent an extra-long time brushing our teeth, waiting for everyone else to go to bed. We then stared at each other for a long minute.

"I read your letter," I said slowly. "And got the gift. You really didn't need to get me something so expensive."

"I really did," Amy said softly. "And anyway, Ashley Elizabeth helped me pay for it. Consider it a joint gift."

I nodded, wondering how she had felt about giving it to me after her sister had died. I was curious, but not curious enough to ask.

"How was your holiday, then?" I asked, not really sure how to get to the point.

"It was terrible," she admitted. "My mother was behaving bizarre and the Christmas party was just awful. James was nice about it, but I wish I hadn't had to go."

I just nodded.

I'd always envied Amy of her pure blood, not because she paraded it around like Vanessa, like some badge of worth, or because she wouldn't likely be a target during the war. There was just this whole society that existed for purebloods that was hardly ever accessible to anyone else, and it had always seemed so glamorous, so marvelous. The glittering dress robes in all sorts of colors, the sparkling jewelry that cost more than my life was worth, the incredible shoes that I'd seen some of the women wear in pictures she'd taken with Sirius at various events….

It was sort of like what I imagined it would be like to be royalty. Amy had always assured me that it wasn't as great as all that, but I'd never really believed her, in spite of my vague agreements.

"Sarah, we really need to talk," she finally said. "I don't like the way things are right now, and I really want us to figure out how to move forward from here. This not knowing is driving me mad."

"Me too," I said slowly. "Look, I know the fight was about Remus, but I really don't know what I'm going to do yet, and if we decide to be friends again, it needs to be independent of whatever I end up choosing to do on that front. I don't want to lose you because of whatever I chose with him."

She just looked at me for a long moment before nodding slowly.

"I can't really judge," she admitted, rubbing her temples. "I think I might have screwed things up really badly with Sirius. You don't think…you don't think he could actually be in love with me, do you?"

I blinked at her.

How had we gone all of a sudden from are-we-friends-now to the deepest problems of her love life?

Not that I was complaining that things were back to normal. I was just stunned at how quickly it all went.

"I dunno," I said slowly. "I think it's possible. Whatever keeps happening between you two has him in a real funk."

She nodded, sitting on the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them. I followed her posture, watching her, waiting. She was chewing on something and if I made her talk about it too soon it wouldn't come out.

"I ran," she finally said. "From Sirius, I ran at the Christmas party. I hid in the bathroom. James vouched that I wasn't there, and I stayed there all night. I know it was stupid, but I panicked. I mean, what if he talked me into snogging?"

As strange as the fear sounded, I knew what she meant. I'd seen Sirius Black in dress robes a time or two, and even though I wasn't typically attracted to him, it wasn't outside the realm of possibility that I would have thrown myself at him in those moments. He actually looked like something of a sex god. Amy and I had agreed long ago that if I snogged Sirius for any reason while he was dressed like that, it would be a free pass. She would have had to have forgiven anyone such a transgression.

And while she wanted to snog Sirius, she wanted to do it properly. On a date, after he'd said he wanted her, after he'd told her he loved her, that he wanted to really date her, that she was special. I could understand that completely, especially with Sirius being the way he was with girls. She wouldn't want to be just another of the many girls he went through to have someone in his bed.

"You need to face him, though," I said softly. "I don't mean just sit him down and tell him everything, but you need to treat him a bit more normally than you're doing."

She sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"I suppose you're right," she admitted. "It's just...I'm terrified of facing him again, knowing...knowing that he won't ever love me." Amy leaned her head against the bathroom wall. "D'you think he'll ever fall in love?"

Honestly, I was fairly convinced he was already in love with her, whether or not he knew, and I wasn't about to rule it out even if she was.

"Maybe," I said judiciously. "But we should really go to bed, Amy. Classes start tomorrow, remember?"

She nodded, pulling herself off the floor and following me out of the bathroom.

We settled in our beds, finding that the other girls were all asleep, or at least pretending. I pulled my bed hangings closed and stared at the ceiling for a while until I could hear Marlene McKinnon snoring, which she only did when she was very tired and deeply asleep. Then I closed my eyes and thought of Remus.

Amy knew what she had to do. She just was terrified. But I...I didn't know what to do, still. I knew what everyone told me was right, but how could it be right if I felt so afraid?

My fears came, in a sense, into fruition the following day when I realized that there was nowhere to hide when Remus cornered me in the library as I did some extra Herbology reading. I blushed, gripping the edges of the book self-consciously as he sat down. He was also blushing, and it surprised me to realize that the first thing I thought of was how attractive he was when he blushed.

The second thing I thought of was that he had a fresh scar above his left eyebrow.

I frowned a little to myself, my hopes that the situation would decide for me whether or not I could be with him dashed.

"How were your holidays, Sarah?" he asked, every bit of his tone and inflection suggesting how nervous he was. But I was nervous too. I didn't know nearly enough to make my decision. I wanted to kiss him, but I was afraid, and I knew that if I did let myself kiss him and realize later that my fears were too great to stay I would only hurt him more.

"They were okay," I said honestly. "Nothing grand, just the usual. How were yours?"

"Just the same as they always are," Remus said with a shrug, seeming a bit encouraged with my friendliness. It was strange to me, because all I had done was answer a question.

I wondered if he couldn't feel the sense of awkward that was descending on me fast. On the one hand I was intoxicated with his presence. On the other, I really was afraid of him, even though we were in the Hogwarts library and it wasn't a full moon and there was really nothing he could do to me, even if he wanted to.

And I really didn't think he did.

"I appreciated your Christmas present," I said, thinking of the chocolate and the beautiful dress he'd gotten me, which must have cost him far more than he should have been spending on anyone, much less on a girl who wasn't even sure whether or not she wanted to date him. Admittedly, if he was using it as a plea for more and better consideration it had worked, but the pity that welled up in thinking of how sweet he was confused the whole matter and it decided nothing.

"I'm sure it will be beautiful on you," he said in a lower voice. "I look forward to seeing you wear it in spring."

As far as anything could be beautiful on me, I was quite sure he was right. It would flatter my best feature, my legs, and wasn't so brightly colored that it would wash me out. Where other people flattered me, I knew Amy was right when she said I was monochromatic and bland to look at. I had potentiality, but I wasn't beautiful, especially compared with her, Vanessa, and Lily. Even in the dress, they would outshine me in sackcloth.

It was just one of those facts of life.

"Thank you," I said politely, still gripping my book. I had a pretty good idea of why he had approached me, and it had nothing to do with how the dress would look on me. As if realizing my anxiety he brought the conversation to its point quickly.

"I know it's not right away," Remus said slowly, "as James so eloquently pointed out this morning. But perhaps for similar reasons, I thought it might be prudent for us to discuss…well, the possibility of Hogsmeade next month."

Just hearing him hint at going with me again made my heart race.

But it also made my palms begin to sweat anxiously.

I closed my eyes, hoping that not feeling presented with the issue so immediately would help, but nothing became clearer to me.

"Remus," I sighed, opening my eyes again and looking at his hopeful face. "I really am considering. You have to admit, it's not a simple decision. There's a lot to think about. I'm not saying no because I really like you, but I need to think things over still."

His eyes didn't dim entirely, but the sharp extinction of much of their shine made a knot of guilt grow tight in my stomach.

"Of course," he said, his voice a bit lower, but not seductive like before. He felt defeated. I didn't know how to communicate to him that this wasn't a refusal. Everything I thought of was too close to a lie in my eyes. I didn't want him to think that he was winning out over my fears.

Because he wasn't. Everything was in an absolute deadlock.

"I should probably go get ready to patrol," he said weakly.

Prefect duties as an excuse not to face me. I sighed and nodded, mentally kicking myself as he left.

The problem was that I'd told him the absolute truth. The problem was that I didn't know what I wanted, I didn't have any kind of answer, and he needed and deserved an answer.

I buried my face in the book in front of me and sighed, frustrated. Why wasn't there some kind of questionnaire you could take in moments like this where nothing seemed clear or persuasive?

Well, there was the Witch Weekly crap, but I didn't want to mess with that. I wanted something that would actually give me proper answers. Those things only made me feel confused about my own self-confidence.

Realizing that I was getting nowhere with my studying I checked out the book and returned to Gryffindor Tower, my head still spinning with thoughts of what to do about Remus. Every attempt at clarity just confused me more, and every time I thought I could grasp the way to turn it would only lead me further into the darkness.

"Sarah?" Amy asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied. "I'm just tired. I shouldn't have done extra studying so soon after getting back. Good night, Amy."

"Good night," she said, watching me skeptically as I crawled changed my clothes and crawled into bed, praying for the peace of sleep.


	27. Valentine's Day

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**BritishBeauty x**_**, faithful reader and reviewer whose dedication to this story is so very appreciated.**

** -C**

To nearly everyone's great shock and confusion, Lily went up to James about a week and a half before Valentine's Day and informed him that she would, in fact, like to accompany him to Hogsmeade on that day in question.

I was happy for her, knowing that she did in fact like James, and that his utter adoration of her would lead to him treating her well and their hopefully having a remarkable date.

To his credit, as well, James didn't make a scene about the whole thing. I mean, it was a scene by its very nature, but he didn't make it worse.

"Wow," he finally sighed when she'd walked away. "I can't believe it. All my dreams have come true."

That led to some giggling from nearby first year girls, but James didn't seem to care.

Lily, on the other hand, squealed at me later when we sat down to talk about it in the Charms courtyard, the same place where Sarah and I had learned of Vanessa's treachery.

I laughed at her.

"Relax, Lily," I said, grinning. "He's not James Bond. He's only James Potter."

Lily laughed as well, absently braiding her long red hair.

"I'm not sure I would be this excited about a date with James Bond," she admitted. "I mean, he's completely different, you know? James Bond, he's suave and sleeps with everybody pretty, sort of like…." She trailed off and frowned slightly in apology, but I just waved her on and she smiled again. "And James, he's been focusing on just wooing me for years! I don't even think Bond would have done that for what's-her-face."

She was referring to Vesper, and I was fairly sure she was wrong on that point, but I didn't mention it. It would have been too hard to hide my pain at her apt characterization of Sirius if I had spoken too quickly.

"What should I wear?" she asked nervously. "I mean, it's too cold to wear a dress, really. I…I suppose I could wear a sweater?"

I laughed again, sure of myself once more.

"Lily, you could wear an enlarged sock and James wouldn't look at you any differently. I don't think he looks at your clothes, you know?"

Her eyes widened.

"What do you think he's looking at?"

I snorted at her strangely carnal assumptions. That seemed like more the conclusion that Vanessa would have jumped to, especially after her rant about James being not like Bond.

"I think he's looking at your face, dear," I told her honestly.

James Potter was many things, but smarmy really wasn't one of them. Sure, I was almost certain he thought of Lily as a sexual being, but I think he first and foremost thought of her in a completely different way. It was more complicated and harder to voice, but Lily seemed to understand what I was saying and she relaxed visibly, nodding.

"Now if only we could sort out Remus," she said solemnly.

Indeed, in direct inverse to James's excitement was Remus's increasing depression and despair in regards to Sarah.

As promised to Sarah, I did not press her or try to influence her on the matter. She already knew how I stood and why. If anything I could have said would have swayed her choice it would have done so already. She had all the information she needed at her disposal, and yet still she fluctuated, still she could not decide whether or not dating Remus Lupin was worth the risks of his condition.

And Remus was suffering terribly for her indecision.

"I just don't know what else to do," Remus had moaned at me for the millionth time. "I mean, can you at least tell me how she's leaning?"

I sighed, flipping absently through my Herbology textbook.

"I honestly don't think she _is_ leaning, Remus," I said as sympathetically as possible. "I think that's rather the point. She's completely confused."

He pouted and rubbed his eyes again.

"What if I beg?" he said. "Do you think it would help if I begged?"

Closing my book with a wince, I pushed it away from myself. There was no way I was going to let him beg, if only for the sake of having to be seen with him in public.

"Remus, what are you going to do if she says no?" I asked gently.

His eyes bugged out dramatically.

"Why?" he demanded. "Did she say…?"

"No," I insisted, getting a bit tired of this whole mess. "She didn't say anything of the sort. I'm just saying that since it's an equal possibility to her saying yes you need to consider it. Because you can't just shut down, Remus. The world isn't over if Sarah Kelly isn't in love with you."

Unlike Sirius not being in love with me. That felt like a punch to the gut every time I thought of it, and I was half-surprised the world hadn't ended yet.

"Sirius…"

I shook my head. I didn't want to hear whatever Remus was about to say. No matter what, those two would always be best friends, nearly as close as Sirius and James, and it would always color whatever Remus said about my issues with Sirius. I hadn't even told him what happened yet. I wasn't sure I ever would. The wounds still felt so fresh, just like the feel of his lips on mine.

"Things will all work out fine," I told him firmly. "Even if you're not with Sarah. I promise, Remus. Everything's going to work out as it should."

Because one of us has to be happy.

I went to bed three days before Valentine's Day thinking of how much I hated the color pink before crying myself to sleep.

No matter how much I talked to Sirius like nothing had happened, he didn't love me, and nothing would change how much that hurt, not even time. It was funny how heartache could make you feel so violently and physically ill.

The following morning, however, held an incredible surprise.

I was sitting at breakfast with her friends and the Marauders, who had become even more a unit of eight instead of two units of four ever since Lily had agreed to go to Hogsmeade with James. The one thing every Hogwarts student was talking about was Valentine's Day, which was only two days away, and two things of interest were being discussed. First of all, how would Lily and James's date go? And secondly, since James had a date for the first time in living memory, what would Sirius do for Valentine's Day?

I tried to pretend as though such questions did not interest me, especially what Sirius was going to do, but if he wasn't with James and the Marauders, especially if Sarah did finally agree to go with Remus, then what would Sirius be doing? Would he pass his time with me and Marlene and Peter?

In spite of his not loving me, I did want to be close to him, at the same time as wanting to be nowhere near him, nowhere near having to someday come to terms with his not feeling for me what I felt for him.

"Amy?" he said in a forced-casual voice.

I thought nothing of the tone. It was the tone he had been using with me since we'd gotten back from the holidays. I looked up, expecting that he was going to ask for the marmalade or something.

"Yes?" I said when he didn't continue his thought.

Sirius took a deep breath and said, "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday."

I thought my heart had frozen until it resumed beating, faster than its normal pace.

"Like, with you and Peter?" I asked, clarifying.

That had to be what he meant.

"N-no, actually," he said slowly. Was I imagining a flush in his cheeks? "I was hoping that…that just you and I could…. I mean, if you want. Like…like a date."

This was a dream. This had to be a dream. I vaguely entertained the idea of pinching myself and I looked over at Remus to make sure that he was hearing this too. Was I hallucinating?

Remus just gave me a small smile and an encouraging nod.

Then I realized that Sirius was still looking at me expectantly.

This was not a dream. Sirius Black was asking me out on a date and I was sitting there like a ninny gapping at everyone.

"Um…sure," I said, not realizing for a moment that the breathless voice that had spoken was actually mine. Sirius's eyes were swirling, molten gray as they held mine. A small smile turned at the corner of his lips and I could feel my pulse doing very, very strange things.

Maybe I would find out that he was just trying to not be alone, but it was better to talk to him, as Sarah kept saying, and see what happened, then sulk.

I expected, in that moment, for Remus to ask Sarah to Hogsmeade again, but I should have known he was too afraid of public rejection to do so.

When the morning of Valentine's Day arrived, it was unspoken but understood that Marlene would be spending the day with Sarah and that Remus would be sulking with Peter. I felt a bit sorry for Peter and Marlene, dealing with the mess while the rest of us were off on dates. But especially for Peter, because I knew just how much of a mess Remus was going to be.

I pulled on a loose, comfortable sweater over a pair of jeans I had worn when Sirius and I snuck out to a Sex Pistols concert the summer before. I laced up my trainers, smoothed my hair with just a dab of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion for frizz. Winter was certainly not my friend. I used some cream that Lily made, being similarly chaffed in the winter, on my face to keep down redness, and dabbed on a bit of lip gloss.

Even if Sirius didn't want me, which was likely, at least maybe dressing like this would recall our good times as friends and we could fall back into our routines. It was the best I could feasibly hope for.

When I went downstairs to meet Sirius he smiled at me, eyes lit up as they glanced at my jeans.

"Sex Pistols," he said approvingly, and I was beginning to wonder if maybe I shouldn't have worn something else. The word "sex" on his lips was just too much. He held out his hand, though, motioning for me to take it and he said, "That was a really great concert."

"Yeah," I said nervously, taking his hand and feeling my heart race at the touch. "It really was."

There was nothing different about the walk to Hogsmeade from many other walks to Hogsmeade, except that Sirius held my hand the whole way there, obviously making a great attempt to engage me in conversation, most of it nostalgic of some of our better times throughout our long friendship. If he thought that such words would make me forget any hesitations I had with falling for him, he was right on target. I was falling in love with him all over again just feeling his hand in mine.

We got a table to ourselves at the Three Broomsticks and then decided to go for a walk after lunch, this time toward the Shack, away from the mountains. After our debacle at the mountains, there was no point in repeating bad feelings and bad luck. His hand grasped mine tightly and I wondered if he was going to kiss me again, if maybe I hadn't been hasty in pushing him away before.

I decided, as we found a bench maybe a few yards away from the fence that blocked the Shack from curious students, that I hadn't been hasty then. I had done the right thing in that moment, but it didn't mean I would have to do the same if he kissed me again, especially if he did it differently.

"Amy," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, "there's…there's something I need to say, to just get it out in the air because there's no point in my continuing to…. I mean if you don't…."

I blinked at him, not sure what he was trying to say. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair again, obviously fighting the urge to get up and pace. I continued to hold his hand, hoping that whatever he needed to say wasn't going to make me cry.

"Amy," he said, clearing his throat and turning to me, "maybe you already know this, what with the whole thing with James's almost being drugged and my trying to…. I…. I'm in love with you." I blinked again, unsure that this wasn't all just some kind of dream. "It took me way too long to figure it out, but I'm mad about you. And I understand if you don't…. I mean, I know there's a chance you might not…."

He looked at me desperately, and I realized that this wasn't a dream. Sirius Black had just declared his love for me and I was just sitting there staring at him like an idiot.

And I was being an idiot. I had been being an idiot. We both had. I laughed and squeezed his hand gently.

"I have something to tell you as well," I said, smiling at him. His lips were parted beautifully in anticipation of what I was going to say, leaning toward me slightly. "I," I said softly, taking in every bit of the expression on his beautiful face, "have been in love with you for a very long time."

Sirius blinked.

"You're…you're kidding," he said slowly, a smile building across his face. "You mean this whole time…?"

"I've been in love with you, yeah," I laughed. He laughed in response and we just sat there for probably twenty minutes, laughing and marveling at our stupidity as we held each other's hands. Somehow in the process of laughing I found myself leaning against his chest.

"So you're not running away anymore?" Sirius asked nervously as I looked up at him, his hand brushing a bit of stray hair out of my face. I shook my head.

There would be no more running. What was the point? Now that we'd actually said the words that had seemed so terrifying before, there was nothing to run from.

Still grinning foolishly as I surely was, Sirius leaned down and pressed his beautiful mouth to mine, kissing me gently, causing the whole world to spin as I wrapped my arms around his neck for an anchor.

It was beautiful.

Kissing him before had been a wonderful, unprecedented experience, but kissing him after he'd declared he loved me….

It felt like I was flying, like nothing could ever destroy this wondrous moment. His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer as his lips parted to allow me to fill the space between them. His other hand rested on my thigh, bracing him as he leaned forward to keep the kiss, moaning into my mouth as my hands adjusted and tangled in his perfect, silky black hair.

My eyes were closed but I didn't need to see. I could reconstruct the whole thing in my mind from somewhere above us, looking down on our intertwining bodies as I moved closer to him, my heart racing as I really comprehended what was happening.

Sirius and I were in love. Actually in love. And suddenly all of the drama and pain and turmoil that had been happening over the past months seemed so trivial. My running and my illness and Sarah's issues with Remus, everything else melted away as we snogged on that bench. It didn't matter that it was cold. It didn't matter that a herd of third year girls saw us, gasped, and scurried away.

Nothing else mattered at all.

When we finally parted, smiling at each other, lips swollen with kisses, Sirius whispered, "Be my girl."

As if I could have said no.

"Of course," I laughed, pressing my lips quickly to his again before pulling away.

The smile on his face was incredible. I'd never seen it so bright, so full, so beautiful. He laced his fingers in mine, pressing his forehead to mine. I could taste his breath and I wanted another kiss. It took a few minutes of sitting there for him to oblige, a lingering but otherwise chaste kiss.

Every touch of our lips caused me to crave more.

But finally he stood up, helping me to my feet in true Gryffindor fashion.

"Do you think Lily and James have been having such a productive date?" he asked, half-teasing, half-serious. But he did not know what I knew. He didn't know that Lily was crazy about James, and I just smiled and shrugged, letting him lead me to Honeydukes for our customary chocolate.

Obviously on a high from earlier events from our date, Sirius seemed eager to buy me the whole bloody store. I didn't put up too much of a fight, but when he started putting things indiscriminately into the basket I stopped him, pulled out the blood lollipops, and forced him to the checkout line.

As we walked back to Hogwarts, though, all Sirius's questions were answered. We saw Lily and James at the wall to the grounds, right by the gate, James looking a bit bemused with his back to the wall as Lily pressed against him, hands in his mussed up hair, his hands at her waist as their lips devoured each other.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at me and without being able to help it we just laughed.

The sound caused the kissing couple to part, embarrassed, but when they caught sight of us holding hands there was laughter all around.

If we could only get Remus and Sarah to get together then we would all have stopped being stubborn fools at once.


	28. Settled

**A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to my **_**guest**_** reviewer who asked for me to keep Peter out of the relationship. Hope this chapter satisfies that desire while still showing Peter's perspective!**

** -C**

I thought that the world was ending, but somehow it kept on going in spite of my pain.

First of all, when we all came back from Hogsmeade on Valentine's Day not only were Lily and James together (which I honestly didn't care about anymore), but Sirius had somehow managed to overcome the issues between him and Amy.

They were together, too.

To Sirius's credit, in spite of how sickeningly sweet it was to watch either couple, Sirius had refrained from shameless displays of affection in public. I knew it had nothing to do with me. He probably still didn't know I wanted her. It was because of Remus, his situation with Sarah and his lingering crush on Amy.

I had thought of trying to capitalize on Remus's crush on Amy, which in spite of his best efforts to eradicate continued on, if nowhere near as strong as it had once been. But every time I tried to bring it up Remus would get depressed about Sarah and miss the point entirely.

No, if I was going to find some way to separate Sirius and Amy, Remus would be completely useless. I would have to get creative, to look down other avenues.

I was sitting at breakfast before the final Quidditch match of the year. It wasn't a Gryffindor match, but Gryffindor's victory of the cup was riding on Hufflepuff beating Ravenclaw. Everyone was sporting Hufflepuff colors, and Amy even had legitimate Hufflepuff gear borrowed from Sarah's little brother, Easton, who was a first year with a bit of a crush on his sister's best friend.

For good measure, of course, I had been keeping an eye on Easton as well, but the likelihood of losing out to a first year Hufflepuff was always a bit slim, especially now that she was dating Sirius.

Sirius had taken to feeding her off his fork, reminiscent to the days when she had been sick in his bed, only eating the things he put in front of her face. He seemed to take some sort of intense pleasure in feeding her, in seeing his lips wrapped around fork, and I averted my eyes, paying attention to my porridge instead of the way Amy's eyes sparkled as they wrapped around the sausage-laden fork.

Were they sleeping together already? It had been a few weeks, but had she already gotten to the point where her lips were wrapping around his cock in private? I stabbed my spoon at my porridge at the thought. I'd hardly even seen them kiss, quick pecks all, but I knew Sirius. I knew how quickly he often moved to take girls to bed, and if they had already begun to sleep together my task was not only difficult, it was nigh insurmountable.

Nobody had dumped Sirius after sleeping with him, not even Vanessa technically speaking.

Vanessa had actually proved less of an obstacle to things than I would have guessed where Lily and James were concerned. In spite of the obvious affection of the couple, Vanessa continued to watch from the periphery, perhaps waiting, like me, for the right time to take what she wanted. I had long since given up caring about her plans, much less trying to think about how to turn them to my advantage. She had, as far as anyone other than her was concerned, lost and lost miserably.

Granted, she hadn't really lost until there was a ring on Lily's finger, but I knew that it was only a matter of time unless she did something really big, like killing Lily, and I didn't think that even Vanessa Brown was capable of that.

Lily and James had gotten almost as sickening as Sirius and Amy, although they rarely kissed in public. Lily was obviously self-conscious about the whole thing, and James was taking their blossoming relationship at a pace that was comfortable for her. Still, he waited on the girl hand and foot, and as I saw Remus watching both Lily and James and Sirius and Amy with a grim sort of depression I couldn't help but wonder if the girls wouldn't be the destruction of the Marauders entirely.

After all, I certainly wasn't going to sit back and watch Sirius be with my Amy. I figured it was a matter of time before something shifted the balance between Sarah and Remus and Remus would either be elated and join their ranks of sickeningly happy people, or as I thought to be more likely he would be bitterly disappointed and would be able to stand being around either couple almost as much as it pained me to be around them.

All I could do was watch and wait, and as we all gathered in the Quidditch stands to watch the match I pushed all of the thoughts of romances from my mind. It was difficult with Sirius muttering things into Amy's ear the whole match, making her giggle frequently. James was giving Lily a running commentary on top of the actual Quidditch commentary, and she two was giggling. Thankfully Marlene and Sarah were not giggling or I probably would have just thrown myself off the stands. Rather, Marlene was cheering frantically for Hufflepuff and Sara was standing on the far end of our group from Remus, her face impassive as she watched the match proceed.

And proceed it did, and well in our favor. Hufflepuff managed to pull out a win, 490-200, and Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup. James Potter, captain of our victory, was praised by the whole House, and naturally a victory party was planned. I had no way of knowing the things riding on that party, but I went with my classmates to the party, decked out in my Hufflepuff colors. We took the time to change into Gryffindor attire and when I returned to the common room the party was in full swing with dancing, food, and even alcohol which Remus was serving. I crept over to where Remus was serving and sat down in front of his table, taking a butterbeer and watching the party.

"Some match," he said over the music, which was something from Sirius's collection, likely. He'd been listening to the Sex Pistols a lot lately, and it sounded like them. "Thought Ravenclaw had it when they hit Jeffery with the Bludger, but he's stronger than I thought."

"Hard head," I said, not really meaning to joke, but Remus laughed bitterly, glancing over at Sarah, who was standing with Marlene, watching people dance. Perhaps he was hoping she would come get a drink, or that I would relieve him so he could ask her to dance.

There was no way, though, that I was going to take over that easily. For one thing, I liked them to think I was a bit obtuse. If they were being even the least bit subtle I could always pretend I didn't understand and get out of all kinds of things I didn't want to do. What was more, though, was that I had a much better vantage point of the party as a whole when I wasn't at the drinks table. I wanted to watch from the front of the table, keeping an eye on Sirius and Amy, James and Lily, Remus and Sarah, without having to be involved in the party per se.

At least some amount of luck was on Remus's side that night, though, because Sarah did come over to get a drink, detaching herself from Marlene because some bold sixth year boy had asked Marlene to dance.

I thought it was obvious that Sarah was anxious about getting a drink from Remus, but the way his eyes lit up as she stood across from him said clearly that he was too blinded by love to realize what the look on her face meant.

"Sarah," Remus said a bit breathlessly, smiling at her like a fool.

I didn't bother watching the exchange. Listening would be enough. My eyes were too busy grazing the crowd to keep tabs on the other important players of the night.

Lily and James, they were easy enough, dancing together on the fringes, every song like a slow dance to them in spite of the wild songs Sirius had put into the playlist. Vanessa, predictably, was not far off, sitting in an armchair and watching them dance with danger in her eyes, sipping her drink casually and predatorily all at once.

Marlene continued to dance with the sixth year boy whose name I could not recall, although part of that probably had to do with the fact that in the half-lit room I had yet to get a proper look at the boy's face. Still, I had the feeling that his name was somehow on the tip of my tongue and I stared at them for a long moment before deeming any recognition a lost cause and letting my eyes wander to the very center of the action.

And where else could Sirius Black be but at the center of the action? He had not stepped away from Amy all night, obviously taking advantage of the party as an opportunity to shower her with unabashed public affection and attention. The smile on her face was incredible, and I was burning with jealousy that Sirius was putting it there, his hands on her waist, one of hers touching his neck and the other flicking her hair over her shoulder. He leaned in to whisper something in her ear and I watched, furious, as whatever it was he said caused her to laugh, throwing her head back as he grinned down at her.

I was drawn out of my jealousy as I heard Remus say to Sarah, "Peter can handle the drinks if you want to dance with me."

If I hadn't been so intent on keeping my cover of not listening I would have groaned. He was clearly clueless if he was volunteering me for something without asking me, without asking her if it was really what she wanted. And it was very clearly not what she wanted.

Sarah hesitated for a moment and my ears remained pricked until she finally said, "Remus, I don't want to dance."

I tensed, knowing instinctively that Remus also had tensed at her words. If Amy had said that to me, I would have probably gone directly to the dormitory and cried in despair. But Amy was dancing with her forehead pressed to Sirius's, giggling at him as he sang along with the song they were swaying to.

"Oh, sure," Remus said, pressing onward as though she hadn't just effectively given him the answer he'd been dreading for months. Was he being purposefully obtuse, or was he just so terribly afraid to accept what she was saying that he convinced himself she wasn't saying what she was? "D'you maybe want to do Hogsmeade later this month? I've heard the weather is supposed to be quite a bit warmer, and…."

She must have been shaking her head because he trailed off in such a voice full of pain that I was surprised he hadn't actually cried out in physical agony. I'd heard him do such on many a full moon.

"Remus," she said sadly, "I don't think I can do it. You're great, but…but that's asking a lot of me that I don't think I can give."

Remus said something about how he understood in a voice that clearly indicated that he was completely crushed and Sarah took her drink, returning to the other side of the party, watching the dancing. I turned discretely to watch Remus wiping away tears.

That was the end of that, I realized with a mix of emotions as the music changed to the song Magic Man, one of Amy's favorite songs. I turned my eyes back to the party to see that Amy was no longer quite as vibrant as she had been all night. She was starting to get tired, and Sirius was noticing it too.

He was murmuring something in her ear and she was shaking her head. I wondered what was happening, but even my rat ears couldn't pick up his words. She said something back to him and he replied and I watched like my very life depended on not peeling my eyes from them. Finally, Amy nodded and he led her over to the girls' staircase.

Amy was going to sleep, and she was not going off to have sex with Sirius. For one brief moment I could feel elation whooshing through my body.

The elation did not last long, though, as Sirius leaned down to kiss Amy goodnight. It began a chaste kiss like all the other ones I had seen them exchange publically, but Amy's arms wrapped around Sirius's neck as he tried to pull away, deepening the kiss with that one simple movement. I watched in both fascination and horror as Sirius backed her against the wall, his tongue visibly probing her mouth as he pressed their pelvises together. I could feel my heart racing as one of her hands traced down his chest and gripped his shirt to pull him closer while the other tangled up in his hair. I could see her graceful fingers interlocked with his silky hair in the half-lit room.

Sirius's mouth went to her jaw and he shifted them slightly, his leg between her legs as she pulled him closer, their dance almost continuing to the beat of the rock song, her eyes closed and her head leaning back against the wall with an expression of extreme pleasure as his lips traced down her neck.

There were people actually stopping what they were doing to watch the pair, although most people were still either dancing or talking.

I got to my feet and moved through the crowd of people, both wanting and not wanting to be closer. Were my feet taking me upstairs, or were they taking me over to where Sirius and Amy were snogging up against the wall? I stopped short of both and just watched, my eyes still glued to them. I'd given up caring what Lily and James were doing. It hardly mattered if Vanessa was still watching them. All that mattered was watching Sirius and Amy.

I was close enough to hear them, as they didn't seem to think about the fact that they were in a public place where anyone could hear their moans and sighs.

It was both deeply discouraging and disgusting and incredibly fascinating. I could almost imagine myself as Sirius, her hands in my hair, my mouth on her neck, her sighing my name instead of his. I already knew what nearly every part of her body looked like, so carrying the fantasy upstairs and into the night didn't take too much for my imagination. It was all incredibly arousing, but even amongst all of that I knew that it was Sirius holding her, kissing her, causing her such intense pleasure.

At this point, there were many more people whose attention was on Sirius and Amy, who were causing quite a scene as his hands cupped her ass. I was just wondering what the weight of her ass would feel like in my hands when some fifth year wolf-whistled above the crowd and cried, "Yeah, Black!"

If Sirius and Amy heard, they made no sign of it, Sirius pressing his thigh against her pelvis as she ground against it slightly. She had drank a firewhisky early in the night, but she shouldn't be drunk enough to be doing that in public. Perhaps it was the exhaustion on top of the alcohol.

The whole of the party had stopped what it was doing at this point, everyone's eyes on Sirius and Amy as Sirius's mouth returned to hers. He shifted her from where his hands cupped her ass so that she had to wrap her legs around his waist. Their faces were at equal height, and I could see her thighs so perfectly. What would it be like to have those legs wrapped around me?

I actually shuddered, but the show didn't last long after that. Lily and Marlene rushed over and broke the two up. Amy actually did look a bit abashed, although sleepily so. Sirius looked upset that he was no longer kissing her.

Lily and Marlene escorted a very tired-looking Amy up the girls' staircase as Sirius watched them go, eyes blazing. He was still ignoring the cheers and jeers and catcalls of the others at the party. When the girls had disappeared from view he turned to face the party with an impassive expression, lips tipping into only the slightest of smirks before he, also, disappeared up a staircase, this time the one that led to our dormitory.

The cheers followed him for a long moment, but they died out eventually and people went back to what they were doing.

I watched after Sirius for quite some time, heart still pounding, wondering what he would say and do when he encountered the devastated Remus in his own blissful state. My mind was still racing with fantasies of Amy and her body, still wondering what it would be to have her wrapped around me. My mouth was watering at the thought of my lips tasting her neck, my palms sweating as I recalled the sound of her moaning as Sirius had allowed her to grind against his leg.

Feeling someone watching me, I turned around and allowed my eyes to graze the crowd. Almost everyone was dancing or drinking or some combination thereof. The eyes weren't too difficult to find, though, as I spotted Vanessa Brown still sitting in her corner. She must have shifted her attention to me sometime when I had been glued to Amy and Sirius. She continued to sip her drink as she had when she'd been watching James and Lily, but there was a look of amusement and knowing in her eyes as she watched me watch her.

I shivered a little, wondering why I felt like something was about to begin.


	29. Grief and Bliss

**A/N: Amy's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**Missing Triforce**_**. I'm very excited to see her response to this.**

** -C**

When the fun was over and I learned that Sarah had broken Remus's heart while Sirius and I were snogging against a common room wall, I had a hard time looking my best friend in the eye.

She wanted to talk all about Sirius and the show she'd missed as if there was nothing more to talk about, as if she had never been interested in Remus in the first place. I couldn't understand.

If you were in love with someone, as Sarah had long claimed to be with Remus, how could she so easily get over the whole matter?

To say I was disappointed with her choice was an understatement, but I had already agreed that however the whole thing turned out I would remain her friend. Not speaking to her before had been too painful, and even though I now had Sirius I still didn't feel as though I could afford to lose Sarah's friendship.

I indulged her curiosity about the whole matter with Sirius, since she had, in fact, been too drunk to remember by that point. She scarcely remembered what she had said to Remus. Peter had to fill in the gaps of her memory for me.

"Ugh," Marlene groaned, rubbing her eyes anxiously. "Let's not forget the fact that you were grinding against his leg, Amy."

She glared at me and Sarah's eyes were wide with shock as I laughed sheepishly.

Now that I was fully awake and sober I was a bit embarrassed that any of it had happened at all, but I had a fairly good recollection of the whole thing, and the feelings I was experiencing in that moment were so intense that if he had started to steer me toward his bed I doubt I would have thought a thing of it.

Sirius and I had not, in fact, slept together yet, although a couple of our snogging sessions had gotten incredibly heated. He seemed to be waiting for something, some sort of right moment. Even though I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to lose my virginity quite yet, he hadn't even brought it up, and when the conversation began to lean in that direction, he would do or say something to bring things back to more familiar territory.

If he hadn't spent at least twenty minutes every day telling me how much he loved me I might have been concerned.

Telling anyone else that Sirius and I hadn't slept together yet would have been pointless. Everyone was convinced that Sirius was physically incapable of celibacy, and therefore I must have fallen into his bed after about a month of dating. I'd even had people ask me why I'd bothered going to my own dormitory after the show in the common room, when everyone knew I spent my nights in Sirius's.

It was a bit hard not to laugh at them, honestly. Some things hadn't changed at all. People still thought they knew everything about Sirius, despite knowing almost nothing.

Dealing with the girls in the aftermath was almost the easy part. Remus was the one who was really taking the whole thing very hard. It took me weeks to get him to stop trying to crawl back into bed as I had when I had been sick. He had the strength to be out in the world, but not the conviction. All of the Marauders were more than a little bit concerned with his behavior. Well, Peter, was maybe just a little bit concerned, but Sirius and James were tearing out their hair trying to think of what to do.

I was asked to come in and talk to Remus after Lily's attempts failed. No, I wasn't his best friend, but I was very close to him, and he'd told me all sorts of things he hadn't told anyone else.

Remus was sniffling in his bed when I came to check on him, curled up on his bed. I sat down beside him, brushing a bit of sandy hair off his forehead.

"Remus," I said gently, "will you talk with me? Please?"

He just shrugged, wiping his face without trying to be discrete about it. I sighed.

This was going to be harder than I had anticipated.

"Remus, cheer up, please," I begged him, taking his hand in mine and kissing it softly. Sirius had mentioned to me that Remus was still trying to get rid of his crush on me, and I figured that I might as well try to use that to get him to snap out of it. He did stir slightly at the gesture, but he then buried his face into his pillow and moaned pitifully. I tried not to show my aggravation, but I kissed his hand once more and then petted his hair gently with my other hand.

"She doesn't want me," he moaned. "I'm a monster, Amy."

"Remus, you're not a monster," I assured him, and I meant every word. So he turned into a furry beast once a month. So did Sirius. And James. And Peter. Granted, the others could do it whenever they felt like, and they didn't have the urge to attack people when transformed. But I had the urge to attack people once a month, and nobody was calling me a monster.

He rolled over to face me and sobbed into my lap, allowing me better access to smooth his hair and make comforting noises while he got tearstains all over my skirt.

The other boys came into the room and I caught Sirius's eye right away. He winced at the sight of Remus crying into my lap and he came over and sat beside me. I was shocked when he came closer to see that there were tears in his gray eyes. I blinked at him as James went straight into the bathroom and turned on the sink.

"What happened?" I asked.

They weren't all crying because Remus was turned down by Amy. Something bigger had happened.

"James's dad died," Sirius sniffed, resting his head on my shoulder. The only one who wasn't crying was Peter, who had closed his bed hangings around him, probably to cry from the flood of tears.

I was torn. On the one hand, Remus was despairing with his head in my lap. On the other hand, Sirius obviously needed me. I knew how important the Potters were to him, and James's father had been like a father to Sirius when he needed him. His pain was particularly realizable to me because I had only just lost my sister.

"Oh, Sirius," I sighed, petting his hair with my other hand. He didn't seem to mind that he was sharing me with Remus in that moment, which was a testament to how upset he was. But this couldn't sustain itself. "Peter," I called, and he peeked out of his curtains nervously. "Could you take Remus to the kitchens and make sure he eats something?"

He hesitated, perhaps thinking that he would rather hide from all of the tears, but taking Remus meant leaving me to deal with James and Sirius, so he finally nodded and got up, helping me get Remus to his feet, and then leading Remus off to the kitchens.

When the door closed behind them Sirius pulled me into his bed and curled up against me as we lay down on top of his duvet. His head was resting against my breasts, which would have otherwise been a bit sexual, but he was openly crying now. I held him tightly, not sure what to do. When Ashley Elizabeth died, I wasn't like this. I was unresponsive, barely able to stay conscious. No one in my family had reacted like this around me. But I couldn't let Sirius down. He needed me.

"Sirius," I whispered, but he didn't respond. The sink was still running, which probably meant that James was an absolute mess. I bit my lips before I gently took Sirius's head in my hands and lifted it so that he was looking at me. His beautiful, often-laughing eyes were rimmed in red and swimming with tears. It was more heartbreaking than thinking he didn't want me, seeing him like this. I would do anything to make him smile again. "Sirius," I sighed, moving so that we were more even on the bed, my forehead pressed to his.

"I know he was old," Sirius whimpered, calming down enough to speak, "but it always felt like he would live forever."

I nodded, brushing his cheek gently with my fingertips. It wasn't that I had known Mr. Potter well, but I had seen him many times throughout my life and he had always seemed like such a force, unstoppable, unquenchable, invincible.

But none of us were invincible.

"How did he die?" I asked as delicately as possible.

"Age," Sirius sighed, shaking his head. "Can you believe it? In the war, with the world crumbling around us, and the strongest man I've ever met dies of old age."

I nodded again. It was always strange when people like Mr. Potter died of nothing at all, really.

"But he didn't suffer?" I asked. "He passed peacefully?"

Sirius nodded, taking my hand from his cheek and pressing his lips to my wrist, tears still lingering on his mouth getting caught in the intimate act.

"He died in his sleep," Sirius said softly. "Heart failed. No pain. It was quick, they said. Mrs. Potter's heartbroken, of course, but I guess otherwise she's taking it well."

My hand began to shake.

I knew as well as anyone that when couples who had been together as long as the Potters, who loved each other as much as the Potters, lost a member whether from illness or age, the other was often not long to follow.

How would Sirius take losing both the man who had taken on the role of a father for him and the woman who had become a mother to him in a short period of time, with the war likely to take other people from him as well?

"Will you come with me?" he asked softly, and I blinked at him, not sure what he was asking.

"Come with you where?" I responded, looking into his fathomless gray eyes, wondering when their shine would come back.

"To the funeral," Sirius said, pressing his lips to my wrist once more. It was hard to think when he did that. Maybe he was doing it on purpose, or maybe there was something about the motion that was comforting to him. "It's on Saturday, in Godric's Hollow. Professor McGonagall is giving James permission to bring Lily if she wants to go, and she said I could bring you. If you want."

I was touched. Especially after not going to Ashley Elizabeth's funeral, it was something I found myself actually wanting to do. Maybe participating in Sirius's closure would lead to closure of my own. But more importantly, I was honored that Sirius wanted me to be a part of what was, for him, a family event. Holding him while he cried was one thing, but this was something far more intimate.

"Of course I'll go," I told him, and he was overcome with a fresh wave of tears. Before I could react, he pulled me into a kiss, his tears running onto my cheeks, his lips warm and salty and searching.

He was murmuring thanks against my lips, and it didn't take long for us to get a bit lost in the kisses, his lips parting mine, but we jumped apart when we heard the sink turn off and the bathroom door open.

James looked at us from behind his glasses, eyes swollen and red from crying.

Sirius had calmed considerably as well and I jumped up.

"Do you want me to get Lily?" I asked gently as possible. James nodded quietly, sitting down beside Sirius on the bed I had just vacated. And I retrieved Lily, knowing that Saturday would be overwhelmingly full of emotion.

I was right; the funeral was almost painfully full of emotion. I sat beside Sirius in black lace dress robes with a thin black veil attached to my hat. He wore his best black dress robes, as did James. I loaned Lily another set of black dress robes, ones that had once belonged to my sister and never fit me right. I would have given them to her, but…. Well, they had been Ashley Elizabeth's.

Sirius gripped my hand through the ceremony almost painfully tight, cutting off my circulation when we went up to walk by the casket, but I said nothing. He needed comfort more than I needed blood flowing in my hand.

Mr. Potter looked so pale and strange in the casket, like he might be sleeping if not for the fact that there was no blood flowing. I had a bizarre urge to touch him, to know what a corpse felt like, to think about whether Ashley Elizabeth had looked and felt like this, but Sirius was already leading me out to the cemetery where they were going to bury him when the line finished.

I stood beside Sirius as they laid Mr. Potter in the ground. Mrs. Potter was the very picture of grace and composure, standing as straight as she could in her age, gripping her son's hand firmly as she could. I could see from my angle that she was crying behind her veil, as Lily was behind hers (Lily was really the crying sort). James had no veil, but he must have gotten all of his tears out leading up to the funeral because his eyes were determined and dry.

"C'mon," Sirius said as people dispersed, the ceremony over. He led me up to Potter Manor, up the stairs to the room he stayed in when he was with the Potters. I crawled onto the bed with him, kicking off my dress shoes and curling up against him as he took the hat and veil off me, tossing them aside.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, stroking his hair gently.

"Empty," he admitted, picking up one of my perfectly manicured hands and kissing it. "But it's better with you here."

I nodded, watching him kiss each finger. He'd gotten incredibly affectionate since Mr. Potter's death, even kissing me in public frequently, not caring who saw. Maybe there was some psychological analysis for it, something wrapped up in his grieving, but I didn't mind it. If it helped him recover, I would kiss him in front of anyone and everyone, or no one at all.

Just as the thought skittered across my mind, he looked at me with hungry eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat.

Sirius had looked at me with affection, warmth…but never before had I seen so much desire in his gaze. I could feel my whole body go hot as his hand went to my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. Like acting on instinct, I kissed him back, feeling his lips parting mine much quicker than I'd expected. He rolled me on the bed so that he was hovering over me, his hands undoing the half-up hairdo I'd done for the funeral with frantic energy.

"Sirius," I groaned, pulling out of the kiss as he began to unclasp my robes.

"Please don't stop me," he moaned. "I need you, Amy. Please."

I didn't know what to say. Did I want him to have sex with me? Yes. Did I want him to have sex with me in Potter Manor right after Mr. Potter's funeral?

I was a bit iffier on that.

On the other hand, he seemed to really need….

Was this good or bad for his grieving process?

And then he pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to my neck and I sighed, not caring either way as he undid my robes and peeled them off me.

Sirius was determined, and he knew what he was doing, so I just let him lead me through the process of undressing, lying back as he pressed kisses all over my body.

"So beautiful," he sighed, pressing his mouth between my legs.

I gasped.

And then I was lost completely, vaguely aware that my hands were tangling in his hair as he drove me out of my mind, bringing me to the most delicious rush of sensation of my life before he came up to kiss me. It was strange, tasting myself on his kiss while still in a haze, but I barely had time to register this sensation as he was thrusting into me.

I cried in pain, trying to focus on Sirius's words telling me sweetly, apologetically to relax, that everything was going to be okay.

The pain turned to discomfort, and the discomfort began to fade but I wasn't sure where my pleasure was supposed to come from. Sirius seemed to be enjoying himself, though, as his words of reassurance turned to utter incoherence, and I could feel him swelling inside me until he finally exploded, crying out my name as he came.

Even though the act itself had done almost nothing for me, I knew from reading magazines with Sarah that this was to be expected the first few times, and there were no words to describe the euphoria I felt watching Sirius come undone, saying my name with such abandon as he came. I wanted to see it all again, but he was exhausted and I was too embarrassed to say so.

Then, to my surprise, as we cuddled for a few minutes, I felt a tear fall on my shoulder. I looked up at him, confused, and he kissed me, hard.

"Don't leave me," he whimpered. "Don't ever leave me, Amy."

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured him, petting his sweaty hair.

"I love you," he murmured, burying his face between my breasts, still crying. "I love you so much. Please don't leave me."

And I didn't know what to say, so I just petted his hair and let him cry.


	30. On the Fringes

**A/N: Sarah's POV, this chapter is dedicated to **_**Missing Triforce**_**. Good news! I'm over half done writing part two. :D This means that you will have part two more quickly than I expected once this story is all up. Nearly done. Just a few loose ends. :D**

** -C**

It's funny how tragedy quickens things.

Two weeks after the funeral for James's father, the lot of us was in the full frantic fever of N.E.W.T. preparations and sitting together in the library. Remus and I sat on opposite ends of the table, and Amy sat in Sirius's lap, his head on her shoulder. The only thing he studied was Herbology, because he knew she needed his help. Other than that, he stayed with the rest of us while studying only because he couldn't seem to be physically parted from Amy for anything.

Since they got back from the funeral, she'd even been sleeping in his dormitory, and I had a sneaking suspicion that they were having sex most nights.

Actually, it was more than just a suspicion. I'd actually walked into an empty classroom, hoping to find a quiet place to study that didn't have Remus in it, but what I found when I looked at the desk was Sirius and Amy completely naked and entangled in passionate sex.

I blinked at them, let my eyes fully take in the sight of what was happening in front of me, and then before they could realize I was there I quickly retreated, and locked the door from the outside for good measure.

First years didn't need to see that.

No, they were definitely having sex, and the only thing about that that bothered me was the fact that she hadn't told me. She'd said not a word that they'd even really snogged other than at the party, so the fact that my best friend wasn't telling me that she was shagging the love of her life stung a bit. I didn't know if it was a recent development, if she was planning on telling me once things cooled down, but it hurt all the same.

I watched as Sirius placed a kiss on Amy's neck, whispered something in her ear, and then she giggled, shaking her head and shifting her book, obviously trying to focus on what she was doing.

No one had ever seen Sirius like this before with a girl. He had never been the clingy one, but with Amy, especially after the funeral, it was like he couldn't function if she wasn't touching him. It was almost unnerving, and I could tell that Amy was worried about him, even though she didn't say anything.

It was after Amy's giggles died that the absolutely bizarre happened, and it was in that moment that I realized the world was happening without me.

James cleared his throat.

"Lily?" he said, the air of a man who had just worked himself up the courage to do something bold. "Could you come over here for a minute?" His head nodded toward the table across the walkway. "I'd like to talk to you privately for a moment."

Lily's eyes flickered to Sirius and Amy and she, like I, probably thought that James was about to talk with her about Sirius's worrisome behavior. She nodded and followed him, and like the teenagers we were, the rest of us turned and watched them shamelessly.

James was speaking too softly for me to hear what he was saying, but Remus's ears perked up after a moment and the boys exchanged shocked looks. Amy, Marlene, and I exchanged confused ones before we turned back to the pair at the other table. I understood that Remus's hearing was enhanced, but how could Peter and Sirius hear James from so far?

It didn't take long, though, before we didn't need to hear to know what was going on.

Lily gasped, eyes brimming with tears, and James got onto a knee.

All of us girls gasped together, and Amy was about to let out a shriek of delight before Sirius clasped his hand quickly over her mouth.

"We're in the library, love," he reminded her gently, removing his hand.

"He proposed in the library," Marlene sighed. "Lily's favorite place in the school. That's so incredibly romantic."

I had to admit, even though it wasn't my dream location to be proposed to, Lily had always been enamored with the collection of books and ornate furniture.

Sirius snorted, but Amy gave him a stern look and he didn't proceed to laugh, at the very least.

Lily obviously said yes, because in the next moment James was on his feet again, picking her up off her feet and spinning, ignoring the fact that they were in the library as she laughed happily, wrapping her arms around his neck.

My stomach turned painfully and I tried not to look at Remus, who I knew was looking at me.

But I had made the right choice. Remus and I would never have been able to have that kind of happiness. I wasn't even sure that Amy and Sirius were going to be able to pull that off.

"Do you think we'll all be in the wedding?" Marlene asked happily as Lily and James began kissing in public for the first time I'd heard of since they started dating.

"I hope so," Amy said, grinning as Sirius kissed her neck.

"Well, I know I will be," Sirius said proudly. "I'm the best man. James and I already agreed."

Amy raised her eyebrows.

My stomach turned. Apparently they were more serious than I'd realized, if she was already thinking about what implications Sirius and James agreeing about being each other's best man would have on her.

Later that evening, when only Amy and I were left studying, and Sirius sitting with Amy on his lap, I realized that my eyes were running over the same three lines on Snargaluffs about six times and that I wasn't retaining them still. I sighed, rubbed my eyes, closed my book, and said, "I think I'm calling it a night. Don't forget, curfew's only in half an hour, so…"

"We'll be in soon," Amy assured, not looking up from her book, tracing her finger rapidly across the page. "I just need to finish this chapter."

I told Sirius goodnight and went to the next shelf over to put back the book I'd been using, knowing it wouldn't be needed for the rest of my work so there was no point checking it out. I lingered, though, when I heard Amy and Sirius speaking in very serious voices. Maybe it was wrong of me to listen in, but she wasn't telling me things and I was reasonably curious.

"Are you jealous?"

"Of Lily?" Amy asked softly. "No, not really. I mean, if anyone ever proposed to me in a library, I think I might scream."

"Anyone?" Sirius said, a bit nervously.

She sighed.

"Sirius, you know I love you, but please tell me you're not about to propose."

"I'm not," he said quickly, and I breathed a soft sigh of relief. I didn't think I could handle everyone but me and Remus and Marlene getting married right away.

Well, Peter, too. But I couldn't picture Peter ever marrying.

Sirius continued to talk in a solemn way I'd never heard him speak before.

"But I do have something I want to ask you. I've only just found out, but…I've been looking into buying my own place for a while now. My Uncle Alphard left me a fair bit of gold, but the neighborhood I've been looking at was still a bit out of my reach. And I've found out that Mr. Potter left me the little bit that I needed. I've made arrangements and everything should be settled within the week." My heart was pounding, as I'm sure Amy's was as he expounded all this. "I was hoping," he said, a bit softer, "that maybe after graduation, you might want to…to move in with me. It…it won't be as glamorous as you're used to, but…."

"Merlin," Amy sighed, and I peeked through the books boldly to see her running her fingers through his hair. I turned away again, feeling dirty, even though I'd seen worse. "I don't know, Sirius. I mean, I'm thrilled, but my mother…."

"She won't mind," Sirius said. "If she does, I don't care. I'm going to fight in this war, Amy, any way I can, and I don't want to have to do that without falling asleep with you in my arms every night. You're right, we shouldn't marry right away, but I need you."

I could feel my pulse in my throat, wondering if she would do it, if she would really move in with a man she wasn't married to. I knew women were doing such things, but the thought of my best friend doing it was strange and almost scandalous.

"Oh, Sirius," she sighed. "If you'll have me, I suppose I really can't say no, then, can I?"

And then he made a strange sound that almost sounded like choking back tears.

"I love you," he murmured. "I love you so much."

I turned and looked again between the books, so shocked to hear such a sound from Sirius Black.

Sirius was muttering endearments into her neck and Amy was making soothing sounds, petting his hair.

Not knowing what else to do, I left right away, the strangled sound of Sirius's words still echoing in my head.

What was wrong with him? Was it grief? I knew that grief affected people in all sorts of ways, but this at least confirmed why he couldn't seem to allow himself to be physically parted from Amy for long.

And that begged the very important question of whether Amy was moving in with Sirius because she wanted to, or because he needed her to.

It didn't really matter in the end, though. Only I would know about that little conversation, because I was almost certain that Sirius didn't discuss with James just how dependent on Amy he was. Everyone could see it. They knew, to some extent. And even if he told James, James Potter was dealing with his grief in his own way, being an especially stoic and responsible Head Boy, proposing to Lily Evans….

Sometimes it really was hard to tell where one Marauder left off and the others began, especially where Sirius and James were concerned.

As soon as Amy came back to the dormitory, where Lily and Marlene were looking at the ring James had given her (which was apparently a family ring) and Vanessa was glaring at them in her most poisonous way, I nodded for Amy to follow me into the bathroom, which she did.

I turned on the sink and made a pretense of washing my hands and asked, "So, did you say yes?"

She blinked at me.

"What?"

"I was putting my book away when Sirius asked you to come live with him," I said honestly, but then I turned to lies. "I didn't want to listen in. Did you say yes?"

She smiled a little, and blushed and nodded, running her fingers absently through her hair, which was something she hadn't really started doing until she had started dating Sirius. It suited her, just the way it suited Sirius and James.

Maybe there was something about being pureblooded that made that gesture look almost natural and attractive. I'd tried it in a mirror a few times. I just looked stupid.

"Have you thought about the social implications?" I asked softly.

She nibbled lightly on her lip and shrugged.

The very fact that she wasn't saying anything out loud said that she had. Whether it was Lily and Marlene or Vanessa she didn't want overhearing the conversation, she didn't feel comfortable speaking. But from the happy look on her face, she really wanted to move in with him. Maybe it would work, maybe they would get married and have children and survive the war and everything would be fine.

But in that moment, thinking of Remus and thinking of all the happiness around me, I hoped somewhere in the pit of my heart that it wouldn't work out, just one part of it. If I couldn't be happy, why should she?

I did have one card to play, and decided to play it a week later when it had become known among our group that Amy was moving in with Sirius and everyone was supportive.

"Marlene," I said at lunch, "I was thinking, maybe we should get a flat together. I mean, Lily and James will be living together once they're married, and obviously I can't move in with Amy, so…" She looked up at me with surprise, as did several other people around us in the group, one of them being Remus. I pressed on. "I mean, my parents would have to help with the rent on my part to start out with, since research doesn't pay quickly, but I promise to do my part. I'm reliable, you can ask Amy."

"Um, I'm sure you are," Marlene said awkwardly. "It's just, I promised my mum I'd stay at home for a year until I got on my feet and she could have some time to get over my being grown up and stuff. Sorry, but I…I can't."

"Oh," I said, smiling as brightly as possible. "Of course."

I wrote to my mother that night and asked for her to pay my part of a flat. I didn't tell her that I was getting a flat by myself in London, just asking if she would pay my part until I had a job to cover it. I swore I'd pay her back when I had the money to do so.

And my mother, being the loving, caring, trusting person she was promised to do so.

And once I had that in writing, I knew she would pay, even when she found out the truth of the matter. Because it wasn't a lie, exactly, and her word meant a lot to her.

Sure enough, when Amy asked me at dinner a week letter what I was doing, I informed her that I was looking for a flat in London as I circled a listing in the _Prophet_ with a quill.

"Oh, you found a flatmate?" she said happily, letting Sirius cut her steak so he would have a reason to put his arms around her while he did it.

"Ah, no, I'm looking for just me."

Even Sirius dropped his silverware, and Amy and Remus looked up at me with the same shocked expressions.

"Kelly," James said slowly. He still had this thing about using my surname, even though he was finally calling Amy by her first name. "You were there when Professor McGonagall cautioned our year about making dangerous decisions like living alone. There's a war on out there, and…and…"

"I know," I said sharply. "But nobody wants to live with me, and I don't want to stay at home. I'll never get a moment's peace. I've made up my mind. You won't persuade me otherwise."

"But how are you paying for it?" Amy pressed, face still contorted in shock and concern. "I mean, have you got a job offer yet, or did you inherit something? I'm having a hard time believing your parents would agree to you living alone in London, Sarah."

"My mother's paying until I have a steady job and save enough to pay her back," I said, which was true. Amy's jaw dropped. Sirius raised his eyebrows, then, and perceptively hit on the truth of the matter.

"You haven't told her," he said softly, and Amy frowned, confused. "Your mother, she doesn't know you're getting a place by yourself, does she?"

I shrugged, in essence admitting the truth of the matter.

Who sent the letters I never bothered asking. It might have been Amy, since she knew my mother. It might have been Lily or James or Remus acting anonymously, or as prefects and Heads stating concern to my parents, or it might even have been Sirius acting because he knew how upset Amy was about my not listening to them and trying harder to find a flatmate.

Whatever the case, my mother sent me a very upset letter begging me to reconsider. She didn't make any ultimatums, and conceded that she would pay if she couldn't change my mind because she had already promised to do so.

N.E.W.T.s took the matter off the table, essentially. There were still attempts from all quarters to change my mind, including Remus attempting to make me "consider his pain and concern" in the decision. Didn't he understand that when I turned him down he had no stake from that point forward in my life?

Apparently not.

Still, with N.E.W.T.s taking over the consciousness of the seventh year collectively, there was a limit to how much attention they could put into pressuring me to change my mind, and two days before the exams started, I managed to secure a flat to live in effective the moment I got back to London.

"Sirius and I will be in London, too," Amy said when I told her about the place, showing her the packet of information on the set of flats. "He's shown me pictures. Promotional stuff, and pictures Mrs. Potter took when she was buying it for him. It looks really nice."

"Different part of London, though," I said reasonably.

Amy shrugged.

"I can Apparate," she pointed out. "And there's always the Tube. Right?"

I couldn't shake the feeling that with all of the discord between us we wouldn't be seeing much of each other once we got to London, but I nodded anyway.

"We've got to graduate first," Lily said anxiously from her bed, nearly yanking out her hair as she despaired over her Transfiguration notes. "I'm beginning to wonder…."

"Relax, Lily," Amy said, throwing her pillow at the redhead. "You already know it all! Don't stress yourself into blanking out!"

Perhaps this was the wrong thing to say, because then Lily became terrified that she would draw a complete blank when she sat down to take the tests, and Marlene and Amy spent two hours talking her down while I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

Amy had gained friends with Lily and Marlene, but it felt like no matter what I did, all I could do was drift farther and farther away.


	31. Transitioning

**A/N: Peter's POV; Also, the sequel, which I am currently writing, will be entitled **_**Deception and White Lies**_**. Enjoy, and keep your eyes out for more Amy/Sirius shenanigans! This chapter is also dedicated to new reader and reviewer, **_**ChasingHope19**_**. Always funny, isn't it, how many people latch on to a story as it's coming to a close! :D I'll post an A/N chapter here when the sequel has been put up, so you all know to go hunt it down! :D**

** -C**

As soon as N.E.W.T.s finished and the seventh year students were deemed sane and approachable once more, the Marauders, Lily, and Marlene were called into Dumbledore's office.

If it hadn't been for the presence of the girls, I would have bet my life that we were being called in to warn us against pranking graduation, but I really didn't know what to think when I saw Lily and Marlene sitting between James and Remus.

"I'm sure you're all very curious why you're sitting here," Professor Dumbledore said solemnly. "I have had a discussion with the teachers, considered your records both academic and…otherwise, and have made a very careful consideration to extend an invitation of sorts to each of you." My heart was pounding. What was going on?

James was sitting forward slightly, and Sirius's eyes became wide and excited for the first time not in conjunction with Amy since James's father's death.

"It is possible that you have heard of the Order of the Phoenix."

As far as top secret organizations go, the Order of the Phoenix was actually one of the more secret ones. Maybe that was because it had no actual affiliation with the government, or maybe it was simply because there was so much secrecy and uncertainty surrounding the war, but all anyone outside of it really knew was that it was an organization Dumbledore had put together outside the Ministry influence to counteract the Death Eaters and hopefully bring down You-Know-Who.

He wasn't really asking if we'd heard of it, obviously. He knew we'd heard of it, just like he knew that we'd heard about the supposed affair between Pince and Filch that I had actually seen with my own rat eyes and wished I could unsee.

"I was hoping that you each might consider joining the Order," he continued. "There would be plenty of use for each of your particular skills and specialties. We are always in need of capable, trustworthy members. You don't have to answer right away, but I would very much like an answer soon, in order to help you transition into the world outside of Hogwarts in a way that would be safe, beneficial, and effective should you chose to join the cause."

No one was really surprised when James and Sirius immediately responded that they wanted to join.

"Why didn't you ask Amy, sir?" Sirius asked.

Professor Dumbledore frowned slightly and said, "I have the very distinct impression, Mr. Black, that Miss McAuley would not be interested in joining the Order. You may ask her about it if you like, but I suspect that she will confirm my suspicions." Sirius nodded, and I wondered if he actually would ask, or if he would take Professor Dumbledore's word for it.

Remus hesitated only for a moment before he, and then Lily, both agreed to join.

Marlene and I looked at each other.

"I have a rather large family, professor," Marlene said slowly. "That's a lot of people they could use to get at me if they want to. Do you really think I'd be so useful that it would be worth putting so many lives at risk on top of everything else?"

I wasn't sure if she wanted to join and was just worried or if she was trying to look for a graceful way out.

I was looking for a way out, myself. After all, who would I be putting my skin on the line for? People I didn't know, people I didn't like, people I didn't trust….

And I would be working with Sirius and constantly aware of his possession of Amy, the one thing I wanted enough to actually put my life on the line for.

"It is certainly a risk, Miss McKinnon," Professor Dumbledore agreed. "And their lives will be at risk. But have you considered that their lives are already at risk? Anyone who is not a Death Eater already is a target to them, and the purebloods who fail to join them immediately so, perhaps even more eminently than the Muggleborns. I cannot promise you that they would be any safer, or that they would not be in any more danger if you joined the Order, but you would likely be better equipped to protect them. You would have foreknowledge that most people in the Wizarding world lack."

Marlene still hesitated, pursing her lips together thoughtfully. I didn't come from a large family. I didn't know what it would feel like to make that consideration, that decision, for so many people who didn't get a chance to have their say.

But I wasn't too surprised when she nodded and said, "I'll join."

It wasn't that all the eyes in the room then turned to me. In fact, the very fact that no one was specifically looking at me told me that they were all waiting for my response. So much for not needing to answer right away.

It was a big risk, that was obvious, but they said the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of was Professor Dumbledore, so it couldn't hurt to be under his thumb. And what was more, I would be in life-threatening situations with Sirius.

It only occurred to me in that moment what an opportunity that was. It obviously wasn't a fully-formed thought, and there were a lot of things to consider before I would make up my mind about things, but if Sirius were to…die in the line of battle, who was to say what actually happened? Battles were tragic, troublesome, chaotic, confusing places. And who would be better to comfort Amy in the aftermath than the one who had been there, the one who had seen him fall?

The opportunity began to fill me with excitement, even though it was a vague, unformed scenario.

"I'll join too," I said, and my fate, whatever it would lead to, was sealed.

I was still on a bit of a high when I went back to the common room later that day. Everyone else was going swimming in the lake, celebrating the end of N.E.W.T.s and the coming of adulthood in its full freedom. I wasn't really feeling like celebrating, like watching Sirius and Amy make out on the lawn, her soaking wet, almost-naked body basically wrapped around him in public. I'd seen that the day before. And the day before that.

It was starting to make me feel a bit sick, actually.

To my surprise, Vanessa was sitting on the steps leading up to my dormitory, a dangerously seductive smile on her face as I tried to figure out why she was blocking my way.

"Hello, Peter," she purred.

Okay, I might have known Vanessa was trouble, but I was also a warm-blooded male. It was undeniable that hearing her say my name like that while her lips were in that smile was incredible hot. I might have been in love with Amy, but I had eyes, ears, and a cock, and they fully approved of what had just occurred.

"Vanessa," I squeaked.

There was no point in letter her know I was suspicious. Oblivious people could get away with a lot, and with a girl as shrewd as Vanessa it wouldn't hurt for her to underestimate me. I might be able to turn it in my favor later.

"Sick of watching Black and McAuley practically shagging in public?" she teased.

My face was turning a bit red.

She knew. She knew I was in love with Amy. She knew how much I wanted to rip out Sirius's throat for touching her. What could she do with that knowledge?

What would she do?

"You don't have to tell me I'm right, Peter," she said, standing up, standing remarkably close to me, I realized. "I already know I am. I see the way you look at him when he kisses her. It's pretty obvious. Do you think he doesn't know?"

I blinked.

Was she implying that Sirius knew that I was in love with Amy and was flaunting his relationship with her in front of me regardless?

I hadn't really considered it before. Sirius had never been a particularly observant or empathetic person. I had always assumed he didn't realize.

Was it possible he knew, that they all knew?

He had known that Remus loved her, although I'd like to think that Remus was more obvious than I was. Was it possible that by acknowledging Remus's affections he was making a statement, that he approved of Remus's affections for her and not mine? He hadn't known he wanted her back then.

The more I thought about it, the more possible it seemed.

And if it were true, if he really knew, how was I supposed to take the statement he'd made to Remus about the thought of me shagging Amy repulsing him?

"What do you want, Vanessa?" I asked.

Surely she didn't expect me to break up Lily and James for her for some reason. They were engaged. It was over. Even Vanessa had to know that she lost.

"I want what you want," she said sweetly, putting her hand on my shoulder. My pulse quickened. Sirius was right, sometimes it didn't matter who the girl was if they touched you right.

Maybe that wasn't what he meant, but it was how I felt in that moment with one of the prettiest girls in Hogwarts giving me a sexy smile.

"And what do I want?" I asked, not sure if I was still trying to be obtuse or if her perfume was making it come naturally.

"Revenge," she said smoothly. "Revenge against Sirius Black."

Oh, she was certainly right about that, but the question was always what to do, and how to do it in a way that would win over Amy. Because even though I badly wanted to make Sirius suffer, I wanted Amy as the ultimate end result.

"I take it Sarah and Remus was at least partly your doing," she said softly. "You don't have to tell me. I'm almost certain I'm right." She moved her hand to my cheek and I realized how soft her fingers were. I wondered if the rest of her skin was as soft, if her hair was as luxurious as it looked, what Sirius would think if I kissed Vanessa the way he kissed Amy.

Was that what she meant about revenge?

I was too afraid to ask. I didn't want to creep her out or suggest something she didn't want and then have her call the whole thing off.

I wanted revenge.

"What do you propose?" I asked, trying to raise my eyebrow the way Sirius did when he asked a particularly important question. It was a pureblood thing I'd never figured out how to master. He did it naturally.

"I think we need to wait on plans," she said with a smirk. She thought she had me hooked. She was right, of course, but I didn't want to believe that I was so easily won over. "We need to see where the dust falls once we're out in the real world, see where everyone settles."

She wanted to wait and see if she didn't get a better offer, for example some way of getting James to marry her and break off the engagement with Lily.

But it wasn't going to happen. I knew this not even entirely because I knew James or I knew Lily, although that was part of it. I had seen them together long enough to know that they were devoted to each other and not likely to fall apart. But I also made a promise to myself in that moment when Vanessa walked out of the portrait hole that I was going to ensure that they got married.

She would have no way to back out of revenge plans when Lily and James got married.

Two nights before we left Hogwarts forever, graduation was held. Because the End of Year Feast was the night before, seventh years had the ceremony the night before so that they could not be completely exhausted when they had to get up and leave in the morning.

I sat at the table of Gryffindor Seventh years, for the long, rectangular house tables were replaced with circular tables with the appropriate number of seats for each house's number. Vanessa sat between Sarah and I, and Amy was on my other side, Sirius's chair as close to her as it could be without having to change the configuration of the chair legs.

They had already said opening words and the professors were about to give the prizes. I sat back in my chair, knowing I wasn't getting anything, knowing that my friends were going to get all of them or nearly all of them, and that it was likely that I could fade into non-existence.

The Runes professor stood, cleared his throat, and said, "The prize for excellence in Ancient Runes goes to Marlene McKinnon of Gryffindor and Jack Avery of Slytherin."

We clapped and Marlene blushed, not even bothering that a Slytherin was sharing the prize. Sirius obviously minded by his scowl, but he couldn't go back and excel at something in hindsight.

The Arithmancy professor stood and she said, "The prize for excellence in Arithmancy goes to Vanessa Brown and Remus Lupin of Gryffindor."

We all cheered for that, even though it was Vanessa. Gryffindor was proud of anything we did well, regardless of who it was.

Professor Sinistra cleared her throat and said, "The prize for excellence in Astronomy goes to Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black of Gryffindor."

Sirius seemed a bit loth to separate from himself from Amy long enough to collect his prize, but he did so, and returned to a quick kiss from her. I tried not to frown.

Professor Kettleburn leaned forward, since he wasn't well enough after the debacle of the third year exams to stand, and said, "The prize for excellence in Care of Magical Creatures goes to Lily Evans and Remus Lupin of Gryffindor."

Remus looked surprised to have gotten two prizes, but I knew there would be at least one more. He was easily top of the year in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It also made sense that he was so good at Care of Magical Creatures, although I wouldn't have been stupid enough to say that out loud.

"The prize for excellence in Charms," Professor Flitwick squeaked, "goes to Lily Evans and James Potter of Gryffindor."

There was an incredible thunder of applause from all but the Slytherins. At least no one seemed to mind that Gryffindor was basically taking all of the prizes. Maybe they had expected it, with how easily the Marauders, Lily, and Marlene took top of the year so regularly.

Well, not me. But the other Marauders.

"The prize for excellence in Defense Against the Dark Arts goes to Amy McAuley and Remus Lupin of Gryffindor."

To my surprise, Amy actually began to cry as she and Remus went up to accept their awards. Sirius wrapped his arms around her and whispered something in her ear as she nodded. I wanted to hear what it was, but could not over the applause. I knew she was excellent at Defense, but so was Lily. So was Marlene.

But then, I'd never seen anyone but Sirius beat Amy in a duel, and I wasn't sure she was really trying her hardest.

Maybe she should have been asked to join the Order after all.

"The prize for excellence in Divination goes to Vanessa Brown of Gryffindor and Jack Avery of Slytherin."

Everyone knew that the Divination prize was really a prize for sucking up in useless classes, which both Avery and Vanessa were incredibly skilled at. They'd gotten years of training in their pureblood life, and had little academic need or interest in putting useful courses in their schedules.

"The prize for excellence in Herbology," Professor Sprout said proudly, although I already knew who would get it and knew she was a bit upset that it would not go to Hufflepuff, "goes to Sarah Kelly and Sirius Black of Gryffindor."

Sirius seemed even more anxious about leaving Amy's side now that she was crying, but he got up and accepted his award.

Professor Binns floated forward.

"The prize for excellence in History of Magic," he droned, "goes to Lily Evans and James Potter of Gryffindor."

There was much surprise throughout the Great Hall, not at the selections (although I would have thought Sirius would have gotten it, simply because most of it was about his own family tree), but more at the fact that Binns managed to say both of their names correctly. Perhaps it was because they had already been said not long before.

"The prize for excellence in Muggle Studies goes to Sirius Black and Lily Evans of Gryffindor."

Well, that was it for me. If I was going to get anything, it would have been Muggle Studies, the only class where I truly fully knew what was going on at any given time. But even that went to Sirius.

He truly got everything that should have been mine.

"The prize for excellence in Potions," Professor Slughorn said indulgently, "goes to Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Severus Snape of Slytherin."

To their credit, James and Sirius did not hiss at Snape's honor, perhaps because they were too busy cheering for Lily.

And finally, the real question of the whole thing. Which Marauder would win the prize for Transfiguration?

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

"This was a difficult decision on both counts," she said solemnly, and I wondered if Lily or Marlene was going to pull it out for the girls. I was leaning toward Lily. "Nevertheless, a decision had to be made, and I am pleased to announce that the prize for excellence in Transfiguration goes to Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black of Gryffindor."

I was honestly a bit surprised, but I was glad they were Gryffindors, so I clapped eagerly. Lily had still beat out Marlene for the number of prizes, but Marlene came out with three prizes, two of them in classes she shared with Lily.

Professor Dumbledore then cleared his throat and began to speak.

"I do not have to tell you all that you have accomplished some truly spectacular things in your time at Hogwarts. This is perhaps the strongest class this school has seen in generations. And I truly mean a class. While there are obvious standouts, as in any year, the top positions are spread out among multiple people, and this is the first year in over thirty years where not a single student has had to repeat a level in any class."

I blinked, suddenly feeling like I'd accomplished something, even if it wasn't much. He continued.

"But even as we celebrate these accomplishments, I must be the one to tell you that outside these walls are the greatest challenges you've faced in your lives. Some of the choices are easy, some of them are nearly impossible, but we must continue to make choices and do spectacular things. In the world we live in," he added, his usually sparkling blue eyes dark and deep, "your lives may depend on it.

"As your teachers, we have spent seven years molding and guiding you, hopefully equipping you with the skills you will need to handle these new challenges. But we cannot continue to guide you through life. There are many things that could become of this class, but I certainly hope that we continue to see extraordinary things out of each and every one of you, because without that we may have a very different sort of world for your children. Your lives have only just begun. The most difficult things are still ahead of you, but you have within you every tool you need to overcome every obstacle and make the world around you a better place."

There was applause ringing through the Hall as the seventh years stood up, even the Slytherins. Whatever they felt about his opposition to You-Know-Who, there was no denying the power and presence of Albus Dumbledore. He was truly one of the greatest wizards who ever lived.

And I just hoped that would be enough to keep me alive.


	32. Announcement!

Hello, all!

This chapter is to let you know that _Deceptions and White Lies_ has a chapter posted! Check it out to continue the story!

-C


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